Since He Really Feels (He Feels) (10 page)

Our working lunch meant Nick ordered in for all of us. We had our pick of soups, salads, and sandwiches, but with these supermodel types, I felt like I couldn’t stuff myself like I wanted to. I hoped the boss would get to take the leftovers home so we’d have a delicious dinner, but at lunch, I opted for a salad.

Nick ran the meeting, munching on a sandwich as we shared ideas for some upcoming campaigns and we each discussed our strengths. Of course Cash chose social media, which had been my niche at McMillan. I had absolutely zero desire to work closely with him after how uncomfortable he’d made me feel throughout the day.

“That’s also Julianne’s field,” Nick said, winking at me. I blushed, which only served to mortify me further.

“That’s where most of my experience lies,” I clarified. “But put me wherever you need me. If Cash wants social media, that’s fine with me.”

“No reason we can’t both do it,” Cash said. “I’d love to work with you on new ideas.”

I nodded my consent, hating the idea but not sure how else to respond.

“I don’t necessarily want any of you focusing on just one piece of the puzzle, but it helps to know where your strengths lie,” Nick said, and I felt a rush of relief.

The day ended with an invitation from Nick for happy hour. I didn’t want to go; I’d had enough of these people throughout my day, but I didn’t want to piss off my boss/fiancé. I was, once again, starting to see the value in McMillan’s strict “No Dating” policy. I loved working with Nick. He was an amazing boss, and he was creative and intelligent and
sexy. But since he was my boss, I wasn’t comfortable discussing my coworkers or my uneasiness. Normally I talked about those kinds of things with whoever I was dating, but it felt strange bringing it up when the man in my life was also my superior at work.

So I found myself at a bar after my first day on the job with most of the members of my new team, minus
Jace, Christine, and Kaylee. Cash informed me that every Tuesday was group happy hour. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that; I didn’t want to commit to hanging out with these people after work every week, but I wanted to try to form some sort of bond with them since I’d have to work with them on a daily basis. And if Nick would be there, I was in. I already had my concerns about Nick and Bree after our lunch meeting, and any time I could keep an eye on him in her presence was fine by me.

It was jealous and possessive, but I didn’t give one tiny little fuck. He was mine, and I was going to make sure that Bree knew that.

Bree, Autumn, Derrick, and Cash were already drinking red wine when Nick and I arrived – separately – so we could each drive our own cars home. It was at that moment that I’d wished I hadn’t taken a stand that morning. It would’ve been nice to have a designated driver after the day I’d had.

Of course, the seat next to Bree was open. She patted the seat while making eye contact with my fiancé, so he obediently sat. I was sandwiched across the table from him between
Autumn and Cash – not my first choice in seating arrangements, and I knew that whole theory of always sitting in the same seat when you entered a room. My fear was that every week, Nick would end up next to Bree and I would end up next to Cash. I wasn’t comfortable with either of those seating arrangements.

I knew I was being irrational; Nick was committed to me and our relationship. Deep down, I knew that he didn’t have eyes for anyone else, but Bree was gorgeous. Rubbing her beauty in his face wasn’t necessary. He didn’t need the temptation.

I preferred white wine to red, but peer pressure made me order red just to help me fit in and feel like one of the group. Nick ordered a beer, and I loved him a little more in that moment for just being himself even when I couldn’t.

“So, Julianne,” Cash said casually
. “When are you getting married?”

“
Possibly the end of July,” I replied automatically. I thought back to our somewhat contentious conversation that morning, when Nick had pushed for setting a date. I glanced across the table at Nick, who was laughing at something Bree was saying, and I suddenly wondered what had made me want to wait. I wanted to marry him now. Today. This very minute. I was so crazy in love with him, and after all of the trials and tribulations we had been through to get to this place, we deserved our very own happy ending. I wasn’t going to let anything stand in our way. Not Travis. Not myself. Not Nick. And certainly not some bitch from work who was currently making my man laugh.

“
Soon, then,” Cash was saying as I pondered my relationship and came to some pretty big realizations about how stupid I had been acting.

I loved him.

Plain and simple.

I wanted to be with him and only him forever, and while the road to get there had been paved with heartache and hurt, we had made it past all of that. It was time to move on, to get over the past, and to start planning our wedding and our future together.

I took a sip of my wine as Cash said, “So what are the chances of getting you into my bed before you’ve got a wedding band on that finger?”

Wine sprayed out of my mouth and all over the table as the wineglass fell out of my hand, bounced off of my dress, and shattered to the floor. My first thought was
Thank God I wore black
.

What an incredibly inappropriate question to ask a colleague engaged to the boss.

Cash grinned as I sat momentarily shocked. It felt like time stood still for a second as everyone reacted to my clumsiness, no one else having heard what Cash had just said to me and assuming that I was just a total klutz.

“Are you okay, Julianne?” I heard Nick ask from across the table. I lifted my head and met his eyes, and I
glanced over at Bree, only to find a smirk on her stupid beautiful face.

“I’m fine,” I muttered.

I stood up, totally flustered and feeling like even more of a fool in the presence of all of these supermodel coworkers of mine, and I gathered the shattered pieces of glass as a waitress came over to help me. She handed me a rag so I could soak up the liquid from my dress as she cleaned the floor. Another waitress brought me a new glass of wine, which clearly I needed now with my shaky hands and complete mortification. And once the mess had been cleaned and the excitement had died down and everyone returned to their happy hour conversations, Cash’s question reappeared in my mind as he gazed at me with a grin.

“So?” he asked.

I took a deep breath and spoke quietly. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response, Cash.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m engaged to the man of my dreams. I won’t do anything to jeopardize what I have with him.” I realized that I should’ve qualified that statement by saying that I wouldn’t do anything
else
to jeopardize what I had with Nick, but Cash didn’t need to know our recent history of fighting. My resolve was firm, even though Cash’s dark, mysterious eyes stared at me with an air of lust. He was smoking hot, and it was a compliment to me that he wanted me in his bed, even though the way he had gone about propositioning me was rude and offensive.

His grin widened. “Gotcha,” he said.

I looked at him in confusion.

“I was just pulling your chain.”

“What?” My ego deflated a bit.

“To be perfectly honest, I’d rather bed your fiancé than you.”

“What?” I repeated like an idiot. That comment didn’t just deflate my ego. It poked a massive hole in it and completely collapsed it.

“Julianne, I’m not into women.”

I stared at him in utter shock. “You’re gay?” I never would’ve guessed that turn of events. It was a sad day for womankind that this fine specimen was off the market.

He nodded.

“Then why did you just invite me to your bed?” I whispered harshly.

“I’m in a book club,” he said matter-of-factly, as if that should explain everything.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“We’ve been reading these erotic novels with intense men who say things like that to these women who just swoon over them. I wanted to see what would happen if I said something like that.”

I giggled, at once offended and finding the situation completely hilarious. “I have to say, it’s not the best method for getting a woman to sleep with you. Have you done this before?”

He laughed and nodded. “Bree accepted my invitation.”

“That doesn’t shock me,” I muttered.

“What?”

He hadn’t heard my comment, which was probably for the best.

“Nothing.
So how many women have you invited to your bed?”

He shrugged.
“A few. You are the first to shatter a wine glass.”

“My bad.”

He laughed loudly as I giggled, and I suddenly felt more comfortable with Cash since I knew a little more about him. It gave me a glimmer of hope that working at BKG wouldn’t be so bad; at least I had one ally now. I glanced up at Nick, who stopped mid-sentence as his eyes met mine.

I
smiled at him, and he resumed his conversation with Bree, his eyes not leaving mine for a moment. I wondered if Nick knew Cash was gay and if that was why he hadn’t cared earlier when Cash had been overly flirtatious. It all suddenly made sense.

As our happy hour group paid our bills and gathered up our things to head home, Nick informed me that he had to head back to the office to wrap up some things and to prepare for the next day. I wanted to kiss him goodbye, but it didn’t feel r
ight in front of our coworkers. I left feeling a void from our lack of contact.

I watched basketball with Josh until
Nick walked in the door a little after 8:00. “Sorry I’m so late,” he said as he pulled me into his arms.

He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, not wanting to get too intimate in front of his brother, but even that sweet, gentle connection fired up everything inside of me. Every time he touched me was like the first time; shocking and electric and sexy.

“I missed you,” he murmured close to my ear, and I absolutely melted. It was almost a little ridiculous what this man could do to me.

CHAPTER 8

NICK MATTHEWS

I loved everything about kissing Julianne, but I especially loved the way she always smelled like fresh peaches. It was her shampoo, and maybe I should turn in my man card for admitting this, but sometimes when I was in the shower, I would open the bottle and breathe in the scent of the woman I was going to marry.

I loved her so much that it was sometimes painful. I didn’t want her to hurt, and that’s why I issued what she referred to as “The Ultimatum.” I knew that having Travis in her life was toxic to our relationship. I wasn’t trying to be a dick about it, but I was so damn tired of the same fight. She was obsessed with getting Travis back into her life, and I understood the need for friendship. Hell, I had some great friends in my own life that I knew I couldn’t live without.

But I hadn’t fucked any of them.

And that was the deal breaker for me. At first I committed to being able to deal with it. I wanted Julianne in my life, so I would find a way to get past the fact that she’d slept with Travis when we had been apart, and I’d find a way to get past the fact that she’d kept that from me.

But it turns out that it was harder to deal with than I thought it would be. Or, rather, I could deal with it, but I couldn’t deal with her obsession over it.

When she’d left for San Diego against my wishes, something had changed between us. I wasn’t the type of guy who ordered my women around; it just wasn’t my style. I liked control in a relationship, but I was just as willing to surrender control to my partner when necessary. It was in that moment when Julianne left for San Diego that I wished I was less of a Prince Charming and more of an aggressive man who could command my woman to follow my orders with one precisely-executed look. Julianne was too strong to fall under my dominating looks, and her strength was one of the things I loved most about her.
But going to San Diego to chase after her past put her future in jeopardy. Not only did it set her behind a day at work, but it seriously pissed me off.

I was doing my best to put that behind me, starting with getting her to commit to a wedding date. I wanted to marry her the second I proposed to her; shit, I think I’d wanted to marry her the very moment I’d laid eyes on her, and once that ring was on her finger and we’d stated our vows in front of our friends and family, she’d be mine and only mine forever. But until that moment, until things were absolutely official in the eyes of God and the law, I’d have to compete with Travis for her heart.

It was the fight of my life, and it would be worth it in the end, but I wasn’t sure exactly how to do it. I had never had to fight so hard for a woman, but the love that I had for her was beyond compare.

So the night I got home late, Julianne’s first day at BKG, I wanted to discuss our wedding date. We’d briefly discussed it that morning, but she’d dodged the issue. T
his time we were picking a date.

“Can we talk?” I asked, noticing my brother in the room for the first time. Julianne just… distracted me. No matter what I was doing, when she was in the room, I saw nothing else. At times, this proved difficult at work.