Sin Undone (35 page)

“Get off me!”

He scrambled off her, his mind spinning, his body cramping and whacking out with the need for her blood. He’d tasted it, but he needed more. At the same time, shame ripped him apart. It was not okay to bond with someone without their permission. He’d be as bad as all the scumbags who had owned Sin over the years.

She rolled away, grabbed at her clothes, and eyed him like he was a monster. “What did you do to me?”

Gods, he couldn’t even look at her. “Sin…”

“What did you do?” she screamed, shoving to her feet.

“I tried to bond you to me… I stopped before it went too far, I think—”

“You bastard,” she whispered. “You fucking bastard.” She jammed her legs into her pants. “You want to own me, just like everyone else. I’d be just another possession, wouldn’t I? And what will you do when you get tired of me?”

He didn’t think that was possible, but right now, she wouldn’t believe his denial, and he couldn’t blame her at all. “I’m sorry, Sin.” He stood, zipped up, hated himself for how his hand shook.

“Sorry?” She snorted. “You’re such a hypocrite, Con… You accused me of having a wall around my heart, but do you even realize that you do the same thing? You take risks with your body because you won’t with your heart. You can’t get attached to anything, so you’re always changing up cars, jobs, friends.” She snorted again. “Friends. What a joke, huh? That’s why they’re human, isn’t it? You don’t have to keep them for long if you’re always having to dump them before they get suspicious.”

Shock rippled through him. She was right. Holy shit, she was right on the money. He lurched backward, slapped by the stark truth she’d hit him with. He wasn’t easily bored… he was just too damned afraid to get attached to anything. Gods, what a selfish piece of shit he was. He’d forced Sin to confront her fears, her feelings, and all the while he’d had the same issues. The same wall.

For far worse reasons. He’d gotten himself addicted to a female’s blood, and then, after she’d been killed and he’d been banished from the clan, he’d spent his life blaming everyone but himself for all of it. He’d thought he was carefree, happy, experiencing life just to prove that he didn’t need anyone or anything.

You are a spoiled wretch who should have been brought to heel centuries ago. Bran had been right. Just like Sin.

But now, more than ever, he couldn’t weaken. Not when it came to her. He wanted her so badly it hurt, as if his heart had been wrapped in razor wire. She didn’t deserve a spoiled, selfish wretch like him, and he couldn’t bond with her even if she wanted him to. He couldn’t tie her down like that.

And he couldn’t be with her without being bonded to her.

“You’re right, Sin.” Gods, his chest ached. He rubbed it, and it felt caved in. Hollow. “So there’s nothing left to say. You should go.”

He was pretty sure she’d take him up on that, but sure as Sheoul smelled like brimstone, she was Sin, so she did the exact opposite. She finished dressing and planted her feet.

“I don’t think so. You accused me of running from things, and now you’re doing the same thing? You need to feel, Con,” she said, hurling his words back in his face. “You don’t get to throw me away because I refuse to be a possession. Owning a person is a way to have them without admitting you feel something. So no. You don’t get to do that. You can have me, but only because you want me and I want you. I get the addiction thing, but you know what? Somehow we’ll handle it. Maybe Eidolon can help. Or a sorcerer. I know a few good ones.”

Jesus. She was serious. Even after what he’d just done, she still wanted to be with him. It was tempting, so fucking tempting, and he’d always been a gambler. But he would not gamble with Sin’s life.

“The clan will kill you, Sin. They don’t allow addiction. And even if I manage to get cured, I can’t be near you or it’ll start up again.”

“I’m not afraid of your damned clan.”

No, she wouldn’t be, would she. His stomach turned over at the realization that there was only one thing he could do now. He had to throw rocks. And this time, he had to aim well. Better to see her hurt than dead. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Man up, asshole. Yeah, because it was so manly to kick a female while she was down.

“You don’t get it, little demon.” He deliberately made his voice toneless, but it took effort, and he prayed his voice wouldn’t break. “You were right. You’d be a possession to me. I do care for you. Now. But in a few months, maybe a couple of years, you won’t appeal to me anymore. I’ll want something shiny and new. Probably taller. Blonder.” Yeah, that rock had sharp edges.

A flush spread from her forehead to the swells of her breasts, and she stepped back with uncharacteristic awkwardness. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I shouldn’t have let Luc talk me into that bet. I never should have fucked you even though that’s all any succubus is good for.” A soft gasp escaped her, and shame made the ground shift beneath him. Instinct made him want to fold her into his arms and fix her hurt, but instead, he steeled himself to finish it. “What? Why do you look so surprised? You are a sex demon. Did you think we could ride off into the sunset, set up a house and fuck up a bunch of kids? The only thing I’ve ever wanted from you is sex and blood. Fucking and feeding go together for me, and since I can’t feed from you anymore…” He gestured to the door. “Get out, and don’t ever come near me again.”

Before his eyes, Sin changed. Left the building. The female who had finally found a bit of softness, kindness, and acceptance disappeared behind a cold, remote mask. Only the very slight tremor in her fingers as she jammed them into her pocket gave away any sign of emotion. He thought she was going for a weapon—he certainly deserved it.

Instead, she drew out a neatly folded square of bills. She peeled off two fives and dropped them on the floor. “The ten bucks I owe you.”

She walked out of the flat and out of his life. When the door closed, so softly he barely heard it, he retched. Barely made it to the toilet.

He’d done it. He’d finally thrown the rock that hurt her. That drove her away for good.

Sin didn’t cry. She couldn’t afford to. Not yet. She had to talk to her brothers.

Her brothers.

It struck her that not only did she feel the need to go to them, but for the first time, she truly acknowledged what they were. Yes, she’d known they were siblings, but at some point, they’d actually become family to her. And crazily enough, her first instinct was to go to them.

And didn’t it just figure that the first one she ran into at UG would be Wraith.

“Smurfette!” He grinned as she stepped out of the Harrowgate. “Where’s Con? Some warg was just here and he said Con left the sanctuary with you.” When she didn’t reply because her throat had closed up, Wraith’s smile faltered, and his voice gentled. “Lore’s here. I think he’s in E’s office.”

She started down the hall, and Wraith fell into step beside her, his silence both surprising and oddly comforting. When she got to E’s office, though, Shade was there instead of Lore.

Shade pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning against. “Where’s Con?”

Why was everyone so freaking curious about him? She wanted to scream at them to shut up, but the moment she let loose, the waterworks would start and all those emotions Con had wanted her to feel would lay her flat. “Not important,” she said crisply. “What’s up with the vaccine?”

“Initial immunizations have begun,” Eidolon said from behind his desk. “A lot sooner than I expected. So far, the two males I vaccinated and then exposed to the virus are fine.”

“You actually got volunteers for that?”

“Heh. Volunteers. Funny.” Wraith’s grin was pure evil. “They were both on Carceris death row. By volunteering for the testing, they got their sentences reduced to life in prison.”

Personally, Sin would rather have death, but whatever. The fact that death row in a Carceris jail lasted only a week probably scared the poor bastards enough to make them volunteer. Well, that and the fact that the Carceris’s main means of execution was to toss the victim into a pit as bait for the hellhounds.

If you were lucky, they only tore you apart. If you weren’t lucky, and they were horny…

She shuddered. Little frightened her as much as the unholy canines. But she did find it amusing that the souls of evil humans who had tortured animals and were sent to Sheoul-gra got to spend a lot of time in the pits with the beasts. She’d always loved the whole an-eye-for-an-eye thing.

Shade shoved a stick of gum in his mouth. “Now, what happened with Con? Raynor said—”

The only thing I’ve ever wanted from you is sex and blood. Dammit. She didn’t want to talk about it. And yet, her mouth opened up and words came out. “He’s at his apartment.” The tears she’d been holding back finally erupted, but she dashed them away before Eidolon could hand her a tissue. “He tried this… bond thing—”

“What do you mean, he tried? Against your will?” Shade’s voice degenerated into a dark rumble. “And what the fuck happened to your finger?”

“I had to get the assassin ring off so I could go to…” Con. She’d done it, in part, so she could be with him. What a freaking idiot she was! Anger and misery tightened around her chest, making it hard to breathe.

A snarl from behind her startled her. “I’ll kill him,” Wraith said.

Shade tossed his gum wrapper into the trash. “I’ll help.”

“We’ll make it a family fun night,” Eidolon drawled, his voice calm, cool, and serious as shit.

Gold flecks peppered the blue of Wraith’s eyes, and he flicked his tongue over the point of one fang. “I told you I won’t let anyone fuck with my family, Sin.”

At the time, he’d said those same words to her. Meaning that he didn’t want her fucking with his family. And now… she was the family. “Don’t. Please.” Somehow she kept her voice from cracking. “I just want to forget.”

They stared at each other in silence for a while, and then Eidolon cleared his throat. “I discovered how you came into existence.”

It was an abrupt shift of subject, but a welcome one. Eidolon was good at that. “Do I want to know?”

Shrugging, Eidolon leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers over his chest. In the short time she’d known him, she’d learned that when he settled in like that, he was gearing up for a medical lecture.

“You told me your mother used a demon herb to attempt an abortion,” he said. “The most common plant used for that purpose is skullwort, but it’s meant for demon physiology, not human. When ingested by most demon species, the mother’s body becomes hostile to the fetuses. But in a human it does the opposite. It strengthened the demon halves of you and Lore instead of destroying them. And because it’s a demon chemical compound, it reacted… badly… with your human half. I suspect your mother ingested the herb immediately after conception, and likely a couple of times after that. The herb is loaded with hormones, and it apparently retarded the normal progress of gene development that should have turned you into a male.”

Retarded. Nice. “So if Lore and I shared the same womb, why would it affect me and not him?”

“You’re fraternal, not identical. You have different genes that are susceptible—or not—to different things. Same thing happens in alcoholic human mothers. She might give birth to one twin with fetal alcohol syndrome, while the other has no symptoms at all.” Eidolon shifted, sitting forward in his chair again. “There’s something else. Unlike Lore, you’re not sterile.”

She blinked. “Then why haven’t I gotten knocked up, like, a million times by now?”

“Because you don’t ovulate, but you do have viable eggs. You can have a family, Sin. You’ll just have to go through an in vitro procedure.”

“That’s not going to happen.” Not only did she not want kids, but who would she have them with? No one but Con had ever wanted to be with her. She’d never wanted to be with anyone but him. And in the end, he’d rejected her. Left her, the way he’d said he wouldn’t do.

God, how could she hate someone and ache for them at the same time?

A hot, angry flush settled over her skin, and she knew she was going to burst into tears again.

“I have to go.” She leaped to her feet, making a slashing motion with her hand when her brothers tried to stop her. She needed to be alone. Like she’d always been.

Sin hightailed it through UG’s halls as fast as she could without looking like a complete idiot. It was only as she entered the emergency department, where the Harrowgate was, that she realized she had nowhere to go.

She’d lived for so long at the assassin den that she had no other residences. In her haste to get out of the den, she’d left her clothes, her few trinkets, and all her weapons—except what was on her body and a few spares she kept at Lore’s place—behind. Now she was homeless on top of everything else.

“Sin.”

She wheeled around. She wasn’t overly surprised to see Raynor, the dude she’d seen in Scotland, standing there, but still a ball of “oh, shit,” dropped into her gut. He’d been waiting for her. The hunter’s gleam in his eye was a dead giveaway.

“Are you here about the vaccine?” It was a lame question, but she was on the verge of tears over Con, was unnaturally nervous, and her guilt over the fact that she’d started a plague that had killed hundreds, maybe thousands, of his people still ate at her.

“Yes, thank you for asking.” He moved toward her, and she felt like a rabbit in a wolf’s sights. “You destroyed a lot of lives, including those of many of my friends and family.”

“I know,” she said. “I’m sorry—”

“That’s not good enough, you little bitch,” he snapped, the sudden change in him putting Sin on edge.

Somehow, she kept her expression and voice neutral. “Is that why you’re here? Because you want your pound of flesh from me?”

“That’s exactly why I’m here. I have a proposition for you.”

“Whatever it is,” Sin said wearily, “you can shove it up your ass.”

He laughed. The dude’s moods flip-flopped like a dying snake. “Trust me, you want to hear this. If you don’t, more people will die.” He headed toward the parking lot, obviously expecting to be followed. Sin nearly didn’t. But she had a feeling he wasn’t bluffing, and she couldn’t be responsible for more deaths.