Simply Shameless (33 page)

"Did he? That was kind of him."

"I'm sorry Lord George hurt you, Maman. But Mr. Ross did say that you weren't in love with Lord George and that it was all in his mind. Is that true?"

"Yes, Mr. Ross was right, as usual."

Lisette shared another anxious glance with her brother. Helene wondered if she had sounded as bitter as she felt.

"Don't you like him?"

"Mr. Ross? I like him well enough. Why?"

"Because last night, after Marguerite took the laudanum, she said something funny."

"What did she say?"

"That when she blinked really fast, Christian and I looked just like Mr. Ross."

Helene stared at the twins' expectant faces and tried to keep her expression under control.

"Perhaps you should be having this conversation with Mr. Ross rather than with me."

Christian frowned. "What does that mean?"

"It means that Mr. Ross is the only one who can answer you. He is here today. Why not ask him?"

"Do you think he would mind?"

"Why should he?"

Christian grabbed Lisette's hand. "Let's go and ask him, then. Maman's right, what's the worst he can do to us?"

Helene watched them go, their hands still linked, and prayed she had done the right thing.

Hopefully Philip would too. She returned to the mail on her desk and opened another letter.

Dear Madame Delornay, our client, Lord Philip Knowles, had instructed us to inform you that the shares in your pleasure house, which were included in the estate of the late Lord Derek Knowles, revert to you as of this day.

We would appreciate it if you could come to our offices and sign the final documents to complete this transfer into your name.

Yours sincerely,

Fotheringay, Smallwood and Smith, solicitors.

Helene stared at the letter, noting that it was dated for the previous day and that Philip had arranged the transfer before the altercation with George. Tears pricked at her eyes.

He had every reason to be disgusted with her lack of trust. He'd done everything to show her she was safe and loved, and she'd still distrusted him and shut him out.

She placed the letter on the desk and flattened it with her fingers. What on earth was she going to do? For the first time in her life, if she really wanted something, she was going to have to take a risk. Philip's decision to tell the twins about him was his own to make.

Her decision as to how to show him that she had come to love and depend on him was entirely up to her.

She stared down at the letter. When had Philip become so important to her? Or had he always been there in the back of her mind, the perfect lover, the one who all the rest of her many lovers failed to live up to ? An ideal, certainly, but the reality— with his painfully gained experience, erotic sensuality, and true contrariness—was even better.

After a deep breath, Helene rang the servants' bell and Judd appeared.

"Good morning, madame. What can I do for you?"

"Can you find out if Mr. Philip intends to stay here this evening?"

Judd frowned. "I believe he does, madame. He mentioned something about seeing Mr.

Adam. Do you wish me to ask him or find out in a more subtle way?"

Helene smiled. "I'd prefer to know without him knowing, if you understand what I mean."

"Perfectly, madame. I'll see what I can do."

By the time the evening came around, Helene was beside herself with nerves and unable to face visiting the regular salons at all. To add to her anxieties, the twins had disappeared all afternoon, as had Philip. For all their sakes, she hoped that even if her relationship with Philip didn't work out, the twins would have some semblance of a connection with him. They deserved to be happy, even if she had forfeited that right for herself.

It was time to decide whether she had the strength to let Philip Ross walk away from her again. Non, it was worse than that. She had to find the strength to accept him and ask him to stay. At eighteen, her choices had seemed irrevocable, but now she knew differently.

She would not make the mistake of turning away from love again.

He'd grown into a man she could respect. A man who was not afraid to tell her that she was wrong, even when he knew she would be angry. She couldn't use her beauty to get what she wanted from him either. He expected far more from her than that.

Judd knocked on her door as the clock struck nine, and bowed. "Madame? Mr. Philip is in the main salon, and the twins are safely ensconced with Mrs. Smith-Porterhouse in the adjoining house. Miss Marguerite has eaten a light dinner and retired to bed. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Thank you, Judd."

The old man bowed deeply. "You are welcome, madame. You must know I would do anything for you."

"Thank you." Unaccustomed tears threatened and Helene tried to smile.

Judd's face softened. "Madame, you have saved so many of us from the gutter, from the most appalling of brothels, and from the guillotine. We owe you so much, and you take so little in return." He patted her shoulder. "We all like Mr. Philip very much; just you remember that."

She glanced at him in surprise and he winked. "He is the first man who has ever gotten away with telling you off and lived to tell the tale. It was obvious from the beginning you cared for him."

Helene could do nothing more than nod and start up the stairs after him. It was easy to forget that in a household as small as this, nothing was private or sacred. And perhaps that was as it should be. She'd created her own family around her over the years without even realizing it.

She bypassed the main salons and headed for the room of desires, then paused at the door to gather her courage. She had to do this. She had to let down her guard, offer herself to Philip, and beg him to stay.

After the subtle pastels of the hallway, the sudden thick darkness was disorientating.

"What is your desire?"

Helene closed her eyes. If she said this, everyone in the pleasure house would know exactly what she wanted. Although, judging from her conversation with Judd, perhaps they already knew.

She took a deep breath. "I want Philip Ross."

Philip paced the main salon, glancing at the doorway every time someone came in. He'd spent the afternoon with Helene's twins—his twins now, seeing as he'd admitted he was their father. Lisette had been shy but delighted, Christian a little more wary. But even he had come around when Philip described his new country seat and the quality of his horseflesh, and proffered an invitation for them both to visit him there.

Since his accession to the title, he was moving away from neighbors who knew him intimately to Sudbury Court, the principal home of the late Lord Knowles. If he brought the twins down with him from the first, no one there would know any different. He'd have to decide with the twins exactly what they wanted made public about their relationship before he made any more decisions. He frowned. It wouldn't be easy to make up for all the time he'd missed, but he intended to do his duty whether they appreciated it or not.

His duty to their mother was another matter. When George had explained his various schemes to control Helene, Philip was barely able to contain his rage at such a betrayal.

No wonder Helene felt that every man in her life took advantage of her and that she had to stand up for herself.

It had also been a revelation. Helene didn't need to be tamed or owned; she needed to be appreciated and loved for exactly what she was—an amazing woman. And he was definitely the man who could do it. He knew her. He'd always known her, and yet he'd almost blundered into the same trap all the other men in her life had by trying to overprotect and control her. In truth, she didn't need him or any man, but he hoped to God she wanted him to stay around anyway.

"Sir, are you waiting for Adam?"

Philip swung around and faced a tall man in his early thirties wearing a naval uniform.

His blond hair was tied back into a tight black bow, and his skin was slightly bronzed, making his blue eyes reflect all the colors of the sea.

"Are you Adam?"

"I am." The man bowed. "I'm also Captain David Gray, an officer in the Royal Navy."

Philip held out his hand. "I'm delighted to meet you."

David's smile was surprisingly sweet. "Really?"

Philip moved toward a corner of the large room where they would have more privacy before he replied. "You gave me great pleasure. Why would I not want to admit that?"

"I appreciate the compliment. Many men are reluctant to admit that pleasure can arise in the most peculiar of circumstances. Now, what can I do for you? Your note sounded urgent."

Philip admired David's ability to switch from lover to professional military man in one sentence.

"In truth, the initial problem has disappeared. I was threatened with blackmail because of my involvement with you."

"Blackmail?"

Philip watched anger flow across David's face and bloom in his cheeks. This man had no more been party to George's plans than he and Helene were.

"That threat is over, but I'm hoping you will help me with another problem I have to deal with tonight."

David bowed. "I would be delighted to be of service. What can I do for you?"

Philip smiled. "I want you to tie me up."

David's mouth opened and he blinked hard. Before he could say anything, Judd appeared at Philip's elbow, his face flushed.

"Mr. Philip? Madame won't be coming to the salons this evening."

"Why the devil not? I need her! Don't tell me she has gone out.

Judd broke into a smile. "No, sir, even better. She just went into the room of desires, and she asked ... for you."

Philip grinned at Judd and David as if his favorite horse had just won the Derby. "Then we will need to change our plans a little, but I think we can still make them work. Judd, go ahead and reserve that room for us. David, after you've tied me up, you can go and get Helene."

"Step into the room on your left, and we will fulfill your desire."

Helene felt her way through the even darker doorway into what felt like a relatively small area. After what seemed like hours, she heard a door opening on the opposite side of the room and the sound of soft breathing.

"Madame?"

Her heart almost shuddered to a stop. That wasn't Philip's voice. Oh God, perhaps he didn't want her after all.

"Madame Delornay? Will you come with me please?"

She opened her eyes to find Captain David Gray right in front of her, a smile on his face.

Whatever was going on, she had to follow it through. David held out his hand, and she took it. He paused by the door.

"One moment, madame."

He let go of her hand and stepped behind her. The next thing she knew, he slipped a blindfold over her eyes.

He took her hands and led her slowly out into the hallway. She knew they were using the servants' stairs because of the hollow sound of their feet on the uncarpeted surfaces. She allowed him to help her navigate to another door, along a short cold passageway, and then waited as he stopped again.

"Please come inside, madame."

She stepped forward, waited as David removed the blindfold, and found herself staring at Philip. A large black candle illuminated the small room on the top floor of the pleasure house. Philip was naked, except for a fine coating of oil, and his wrists were manacled above his head to a wooden frame. His ankles were chained to each other but not fixed to the structure.

Helene stared at him, drinking in the sight of his shadowed muscles, the delicate curve of his hips, and the thrust of his erect cock through the dark hair at his groin.

"I promised you I would try everything the pleasure house had to offer." Philip inclined his head. "So here I am, bound for your pleasure."

Helene licked her lips. "You do not have to do this for me, Philip. I—"

"Yes, I do." He cut through her faltering attempt to speak. "I want you to understand that I am yours to do what you want with and that I trust you not to hurt me."

She almost stamped her foot. "That is what I should be saying to you! I'm the one who's shown a complete lack of trust, not you."

His smile was gentle. "Perhaps we have both been at fault. But here I am, willing to be used as you will."

Helene wrung her hands together. "I want to believe you ... but it is so hard for me to have faith in anyone except myself."

"Then try. Use me, see if you can make me beg, understand that I'll do anything you ask of me."

Helene took a deep breath. "I should be chained up there. I want to show you that you can trust me."

"Then trust yourself with my body. And, if you wish it, later we'll change places and I'll make you beg."

She held his gaze, saw the calm acceptance of his vulnerability in his hazel eyes, and slowly nodded. Did it really matter which one of them was prepared to take that vital step when the end result would bring them both so much happiness ?

Behind her, David Gray still leaned against the door, his interested gaze trained on them both. She half turned to look at him.

"I'd like to see David suck your cock."

Philip's expression subtly relaxed as if he sensed her complete capitulation. "That's why I asked him to help me tonight."

Helene smiled at David. "Will you do that for me?"

"Of course, madame. It will be a pleasure."

He walked across to Philip and fell to his knees. Philip inhaled sharply, displaying the tight flat muscles of his abdomen.

"How would you like me to suck him, madame? Hard or fast, soft or rough?"

Helene considered Philip's lean torso, the already wet crown of his cock thrust toward David as if eager to be swallowed whole.

"Hard, I think, and definitely rough."

Philip's throat muscles worked as David took him into his mouth. God, Helene was watching him, and it made him so hard he wanted to come straightaway—and with the suction David was using, he'd be coming fast anyway. He groaned and thrust his hips into the motion, shoving his cock as deep as he could. David's teeth grazed his shaft, sending him into an even more intense frenzy of lust. He opened his eyes and saw the top of David's head and then Helene staring right at him. He let her see his need, his imminent lack of control, and his joy in sharing it with her.