Simply Heaven (21 page)

Elijah was waiting at the porch steps with another manservant to lift Ned from his chair and take him up to his rooms.

"Join me for lunch after the old fool has gone," Ned said.

"I'd love to. I'll go to the kitchen and ask Mariah to help me fix a nice tray."

Mariah was glad to see her. So were the other kitchen workers. They had been leery of her when she had first started going out there, wondering why she did it. Lisbeth never went; she left everything to do with meals to Mariah. But Raven had told them she loved to cook and wanted them to teach her everything they knew and she, in turn, would show them how to make some Indian dishes, so now they welcomed her.

She took her time slicing cold chicken for sandwiches, wanting to give Dr. Sawyer time to finish his examination. Finally, she took the tray and was walking through the back door when she bumped into Lisbeth, who was in the process of fussing at one of the laundry workers for doing an unsatisfactory job on one of her gowns.

Raven did not see her in time but managed to keep from dropping the tray as Lisbeth cried, "Oh, for heaven's sake. You could have spilled that all over me. What are you doing skulking about, anyway? Why don't you let a servant carry that for you? When are you going to learn it's ridiculous for you to do their work for them? Now take that back to the kitchen and have someone else do it."

Innocently, Raven said, "But that doesn't make sense when I've already got it. I'll do it next time," she conceded, starting by her.

"Do it now, please. I'm only trying to help you learn how you're supposed to act, and ladies aren't supposed to carry heavy trays."

Raven laughed. "But it isn't heavy, Lisbeth. Honest. I can hold it with one hand, see?" She held it up, thinking Lisbeth would be impressed, but saw her expression and knew she had failed again. It seemed she just couldn't please her no matter what she did.

"Stop that. Really, Raven, why do you have to be so stubborn? I'm only trying to help you, but you won't let me. You seem to enjoy acting like a little—"

"What's going on here?" Julius asked, coming into the hall.

Lisbeth felt like screaming. She could hear the muffled sounds of the laundry room workers, trying to keep from laughing over her perplexity with Raven. "Can't you see? She just won't let me teach her proper decorum."

He took the tray from Raven and set it on a table nearby, then put a comforting arm around her as he glared at Lisbeth over her head. "She'll learn all she needs to know in good time," he said, adding the lie, "And just this morning you were saying how pleased you are that she's doing so well."

Lisbeth wanted to strangle him. What she had said was that she wished the earth would open up and swallow Raven whole.

"Now let's go to the parlor. I've just had a talk with Dr. Sawyer, and I want to share what he said with both of you."

Raven was seized with apprehension. "My father isn't worse, is he? He seems to be feeling better every day."

"Let's wait till we get to the parlor. I don't like to discuss family matters in front of the servants if it can be avoided."

Lisbeth snapped, "That's something else you need to remember, Raven. You chatter away with them as if they are your friends, for heaven's sake."

Julius shot her another disapproving glance, but she ignored him.

With the parlor door closed and everyone seated, Julius recounted how Dr. Sawyer had warned that even though Ned seemed to be doing so well, the fact was he would not get any better and could go downhill fast and without warning. "He says we shouldn't get our hopes up."

Raven felt a lump come into her throat. She had never dreamed she would learn to care for her father so deeply in such a short period of time.

"What about the party?" Lisbeth was anxious to have it, sure that Raven would embarrass herself so terribly she would want to leave for good.

"Let's postpone it," Raven said immediately. "It might be too much of a strain."

"He won't hear of it. It means a lot to him," Julius said.

"I'm looking forward to it too," Lisbeth chimed in.

Julius knew the reason for Lisbeth's enthusiasm, but he had begun to have ideas of his own as to what to do about Raven. "Maybe you shouldn't take him out so much, Raven. Dr. Sawyer seemed to think he needs more rest. I realize you want to be with him as much as possible, but quite frankly, before you came, he slept a good bit of the day."

"I know. But he also didn't feel as good as he does now," Raven pointed out, matching his pleasant smile and demeanor. "So maybe it's just as important that he enjoy himself as it is for him to sleep."

Without Raven's noticing, Julius was able to signal to Lisbeth that he wanted her to leave them alone. She was only too glad to oblige, because it was too much of a strain to have to try to be nice all the time.

When his sister had gone, Julius moved to sit next to Raven and casually draped his arm across the back of the sofa. "You know," he began, "you spend so much time with Ned I never have a chance to be with you. I'd like to get to know you too, Raven."

For just an instant, she was overjoyed, but the emotion was short-lived when she felt his arm on her shoulders.

"Let Ned nap in the afternoons." He leaned closer. "There are some things I'd like to show you."

When he caressed her with his fingers, she bounded to her feet. "Maybe another time. He's probably awake and waiting for his lunch."

Julius stared after her as she rushed out. He was disappointed but undaunted. His time would come.

Raven retrieved the tray and took it up to her father's room, but Elijah met her in the parlor and told her Dr. Sawyer had given him some laudanum, and he would probably sleep for the rest of the afternoon.

"But he didn't say anything to me about being in pain," she worried aloud.

"Yes'm, I know he didn't, 'cause I heard him tell the doctor he didn't want you to fret."

Concerned and worried over how her father was obviously only pretending to feel better, Raven left the house and wandered across the road to the pasture. A ride would be nice, but Diablo was nowhere in sight. He liked to roam whenever he had the chance.

"Crazy mustang," she muttered under her breath. Remembering how Steve had made him throw her that day by whistling, she was glad he had. Otherwise she would have gone on despising her father and never gotten to know him. And, her heart reminded her, she would not have seen Steve again either. Now she could at least worship him from afar, and that was better than nothing, wasn't it?

She saw Steve then, riding toward the fields, and wondered if he was going to see about Selena and just how much time he actually spent with her. But it was none of her business, Raven reminded herself. She was foolish to keep brooding about a man who wasn't interested in her. If only she could find a way to stop.

Thinking she might find a horse in the stable she could ride since Diablo wasn't available, she went there and looked around, to see only Starfire and Belle. Scooping up a handful of oats from the bucket, she climbed up on the railing and leaned so Starfire could eat out of her hand. She did that every day, and he was starting to fill out a bit.

"I wish I could ride you," she said wistfully. Then, thinking how he let her her feed him and how he no longer shied away from her, maybe it was time to try.

First she made sure no one else was around; then she saddled Starfire, slipped on his bridle, and led him from his stall and out the back door of the stable into the training ring.

He stood perfectly still as she mounted him. She patted his neck. "Good boy. Now we'll take a turn or two around the ring so you can get to know me, and I can get to know you, and then we'll take off for the wide open spaces. How would you like that?"

She took a deep breath and held it.

He did not move.

She gave him a slight nudge with her heels, and that was all it took.

He gave one mighty kick, then reared up and came down on his forelegs to throw his hind end up at the same time. And despite all her experience riding and handling horses, Raven found herself sailing over his head.

She did, however, have her wits about her enough to remember what she had been taught by the Indians: She should try to go limber as she fell so that when she hit the ground the chances of anything breaking were lessened.

She landed on her bottom with a painful thud and sat there, wondering what she had done wrong, but only for an instant, because Starfire was acting strange, and she was getting scared. Slowly she got to her feet as he began to prance around her, and each time she took a step, he would move in that direction to block her. He began to toss his head and whinny, lifting his forelegs higher with each step. Panic ripped through her to know that if he decided to charge, she would be stomped to death beneath his powerful hooves.

"Don't, please," she said, holding up her hands in surrender. "It's all right. I understand. You don't want anybody riding you but my father. I'm not going to try again. Not today, anyway."

Starfire drew closer.

She decided she had to make a run for it. It was her only chance. If she could reach the fence, she could dive under it.

Steve came out of the stable just as she took off running. At once, he saw what was happening and threw himself against the fence, holding out his arms in readiness to grab her. "Jump, Raven. I've got you."

She leaped for him, and he swung her up and over just as Starfire came to a halt right behind her in a cloud of dust. He reared up, mighty forelegs striking at the air as he gave a loud whinny of fury. Then he began to gallop around the ring, shaking with the indignity of it all.

Steve exploded. "What are you trying to do, get yourself killed? I told you to stay away from that horse."

She had never seen him so mad, not even the fateful day he had found out she wasn't really a boy. His face was red, his mouth was twitching, and his hands, clenched into fists at his side, were shaking.

"It's nothing to get so upset about," she said, slapping at her skirt to try and brush away some of the dirt from her fall. Then, because he was still looking at her as if he could choke her, she flashed a smile to add, "Besides, I actually did stay on a few seconds."

"You little fool." He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a shake. "How many times do you have to be told? He's a one-man horse! He won't even let me ride him, and there's never been a horse I couldn't break. He wasn't thinking about a damn thing except how he was going to try to kill you."

She jerked away from him, her own ire beginning to rise. "You aren't supposed to break him. That's not the way."

He snorted. "Well, I sure as hell didn't see you doing it your way."

"Well, you sure as hell will one day," she fired right back.

"God, you are stubborn." He took off his hat and slammed it to the ground, then picked it up and dusted it off and put it back on, looked at her again, and shook his head in disgust. "Don't you realize if I hadn't forgotten something and come back you might not have made it over the fence before that horse stomped down on you?"

"I was going to dive under it. And I would have made it," she said confidently. "Thanks for what you did, but I'd have managed on my own."

"Maybe. But I don't have time to argue with you. I'm on my way to Mobile."

She followed him as he went back in the stable. "Why are you going there?" She hated the thought.

"I need a break, and Belle is due to foal in a couple of days, and I don't dare leave her after tonight."

"Well, don't let me keep you," she said. She shouldn't have been so snappy, but didn't care. She hurried away before she broke into tears to think of him on his way to some other woman's bed.

He stared after her till she was almost to the house, wondering why she was so cranky about his going to town. Maybe she was envious that he had freedom she no longer had. After all, she had been on her own for a long time.

He could also not help wondering what she would think if she knew the only reason he was going to Mobile was to get as far away from her as possible for a while. He would have a few beers. Maybe play some cards. Talk to some of his friends. But he wouldn't be paying a visit to Hedda or any other woman. Feeling as he did about Raven, no matter how hard he fought it, another woman just wouldn't do.

* * *

It was after midnight when Mariah woke Raven to tell her Jasper was at the back door, wanting to see her. "I hate to disturb you, but Master Julius won't help him, and he says to ask if you will."

"Help him do what?" Raven sat up and rubbed her eyes. She had not been asleep for very long and was groggy. Her father hadn't fallen asleep right after supper as he usually did, and she had sat reading to him till late.

"It's that mare of Miss Lisbeth's."

Now she was wide awake. "What about her?"

"Jasper said she's in trouble, and Mister Steve went to Mobile and won't be back till day, so he sent Elijah to Master Julius, but he told him he didn't know what to do and to leave him alone. Jasper don't dare let Master Ned know, or he'd try to help, and he just ain't able."

"No, he isn't." Raven was already up and throwing on her clothes, bristling to think of Steve in the arms of some woman while Belle was foaling early and having problems, just as she had feared. But there was no time to think about that now. "Tell Jasper I'll be there as soon as I can."