Silver Wolf Clan (4 page)

She’s talking to another man
, Wolf snarled.
Another is encroaching on our territory. End him, and do it swiftly.

A man in high socks and a sweat band picked one of the bags near the window and worked it, swinging it enough to let Grey see who Morgan spoke to. An older lady smiled politely back at her. He sighed with relief. “Get a grip. She isn’t yours,” he muttered, followed by a growl as Wolf thoroughly disagreed.

She pulled boxing gloves over her hands and stretched before the instructor started class. He watched her with the intensity of a hunter. She was graceful and strong for such a tiny woman. Though smaller than the others, she moved the bag as much as the taller students. The intensity with which she hit was impressive. It was as if she focused so hard on form, she would physically absorb technique and no one would ever hurt her again.

Class was wrapping up, how would he approach her? What would he say?
Hey, remember me? I smelled you and now I’m here. Don’t mind my gold eyes. They just mean I probably want to eat you.
He sighed. What a stalker he’d become. The fact that the foot traffic around him hadn’t called the cops on him yet was a small miracle.

He pulled on his sunglasses to hide supernatural eyes from passersby.
Let’s go get her
, Wolf said, and snarled with delight.

No. He had questions. What if she had a boyfriend? What if him being there scared her? How would he explain why she couldn’t see his eyes or why he kept growling, or why his moods shifted so wildly? Even if she didn’t care about any of that, he couldn’t have any kind of life with her, with her kid.

Did he even trust himself around the tiny toddler she’d been protecting? Animals in the wild had a tendency to kill other male’s offspring to take the female they wanted. Instinct told them their female should only be concerned with offspring baring his genetic material. Maybe it would be the same for Wolf. Would he want to hurt the child because she didn’t belong to him? Similar stories of men injuring and killing their live-in girlfriends’ children because they weren’t theirs splashed across the news from time to time. Not even humans were guaranteed escape from this base and vicious instinct. How could he dare to expect more from Wolf?

He was dangerous. He’d never been more certain of anything in his life, and Morgan and her child had been through enough. Now he was the same as the beast that terrorized their family. How could he parade his darker side in front of her? A monster just like him gave her sister a violent death. There was no way to hide what he was. He couldn’t provide for her. He could protect her, but that was only necessary if she was around him, where danger claimed most of his life. She’d be safer around normal humans. Not him.

Only the most selfish creature would approach her. Seeing her today would have to be enough. To keep her safe, to keep her baby safe, he would have to sacrifice talking to her again. He would have to be strong and leave her alone.

Wolf rattled on about the bad neighborhood and her need to be protected. Conniving, beastly animal. His will faltered as he listened to the logic of the suggestion. Okay, he would just make sure she got safely to her car when she took these classes. He’d have to figure out if she went there regularly and what her schedule was so he could make sure she was safe. All compelling excuses to see her again.

Morgan left the building with the older lady. Unintentional eavesdropping had been one of the more inconvenient of his new abilities. Others couldn’t know anyone was listening or that their drivel-filled conversations and mutterings bounced around in his head all day. And sometimes into the late night hours, thanks to a pesky neighbor with a boyfriend in a different time zone. Superior hearing had become obnoxious but here, surrounded by dilapidated brick buildings and the impatiently honked horns of the working class on lunch break, he’d found a use for it at last. Morgan spoke quietly with her friend but it was still plenty loud enough for him.

“Okay, I’ll see you next Tuesday,” Morgan said then jogged off to the parking lot out back. The other lady crossed the street and headed straight for him.

He dropped his gaze as if he hadn’t been spying on their class, but the woman gave him a dirty look nonetheless. He was being too obvious and would need to find a better place to stalk Morgan from. In a steady arc, he followed her with his gaze to the parking lot, where she climbed into a pick-up truck and pulled away.

Part of him panicked. What if she didn’t come next Tuesday and he never saw her again? Desperation drove him to run across the street to the boxing gym. As he came in, a bell above the door rang. He strode to the counter. Okay, now what? How was he going to get her last name without sounding like a creeper?

The man behind the counter asked, “Can I help you?”

“Uhhh, I wanted to ask about joining your gym,” Grey said, searching the room for inspiration. He was a terrible liar. There, on the counter lay a sign-in sheet. He scanned it quickly as the man behind the counter droned on about membership fees and what they’d include.

Morgan Carter. Her name was third from the bottom. He thanked the man and left. The grin on his face couldn’t be contained. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d smiled or laughed. Certainly, he hadn’t as a werewolf. This had been the best day since his transformation, and he nodded with acute satisfaction.

He’d found Wolf a hobby.

* * * *

Waiting an entire week proved to be more than Grey could handle. Questions about what she was doing clouded his mind. Who was she talking to? Was the child with her? Were they okay?

It rained for three days, and the gray weather matched his mood. He stared out the window from his seat on the old hand-me-down couch at the unimpressive view of the red brick building next door. All he did lately was look longingly from inside his one room cage. She lived somewhere in this city and he didn’t know where. The instinct to protect her overwhelmed him. Was it this potent for every wolf?

Sporadically, he would walk to the boxing gym throughout the day to make sure she wasn’t fitting in an extra workout. He spent time in a woodshop the landlady had allowed him to put together on the roof. No matter how much he concentrated on work, his thoughts still never strayed too far from Morgan. The minute he’d finished smoothing out a half-decent chair, he flung it against the wall of the small shop and broke it into splinters. He was losing it.

On Saturday morning, after three days of nothing but constant obsession, he decided to drive to the Dallas pack property for a little werewolf Q and A. If anyone could answer questions about a mating bond, Dean could. Since Morgan had walked back into his life, he’d only become more confused about how much he’d lost his damn mind, and he wanted answers.

At the pack’s property, Dean’s truck was gone from the driveway in front of his house. One of the other members might be able to answer his questions though, so he knocked anyway. Rachel, Dean’s mate, opened the door.

“Grey, what are you doing here?” she asked. “Dean isn’t home, but I can tell him you stopped by.” It was obvious his lack of control spooked her. She and the others almost always kept their distance.

“I had some questions for him, but maybe you could answer them for me,” he told her.

“Okay, sure. Come on in,” she said nervously, swinging the door open wider.

The smell of fear was bitter against the sensitive lining of his nose. A pang hit him in the gut, that she thought he would attack her.

“Brandon, Logan, and Alexis are out back,” she said. “They’re having dinner with us. You are welcome to stay if you want.”

She was letting him know she wasn’t alone.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me, Rachel. I’m not going to hurt you, or anyone else. I’m confused about something and need help figuring things out, but I can come back later when Dean is home if you want. It doesn’t bother me.”

“No, no,” she said with a polite smile. “Sometimes you don’t realize the effect you have on other wolves. You’re pretty scary, even when you don’t mean to be,” she admitted with a laugh. She gestured for him to sit at the sprawling dining table. “What do you want to know about?”

“All right.” He hadn’t talked to Rachel much before now, and unloading a heap of heavy, personal stuff was a big conversation to have. He gritted his teeth against the creeping hesitation. Here went nothing. “Why don’t humans ever come here? I mean, does anyone take a human mate or is it against the rules?”

Rachel stared at him with wide, green eyes. “Uh, oh, uhhh…” she stumbled. “Well, no, it isn’t against the rules. It has to be a special kind of human who can handle…all of this, though,” she said as she waved her hand around. “It’s common to have flings with humans, especially for males. There aren’t enough females to keep them, um, occupied. But things rarely get serious enough to bring them in front of the pack. There’re too many secrets, but I’ve seen it done before. A wolf can take a human mate.” She paused as if she were waiting for him to ask more but he stared out the window instead.

Outside, the perfectly manicured lawn led to the untamed forest, protected by the prickling thorns of short mesquite brush along the outskirts of the yard. In the distance, tall oaks and cottonwood trees held vigil over the land. The view was much nicer than his in the city. Wolf might actually let him think with a view like this.

After the silence stretched on, Rachel asked, “Is there a specific woman you’re interested in?”

No reason justified the danger of putting her name in front of the pack. Instead he asked, “What is it like when you find a mate?”

“Well,” she said, “not all wolves find, or even want one. I guess there is less of a point if you can’t have children, and there are a limited number of female wolves to match up with the males. Our pack houses three females, which is rare. Women seldom make good wolves, or even survive the first Change, so the male to female ratio in a pack is always unbalanced. Many packs don’t have any females. Because males are so driven by sex and violence, a Turned female should choose a mate and protector quickly if she wants to live unbroken. Almost all females find a mate, as it’s necessary for self-preservation, but most males do not. If you don’t plan on Turning a human, a serious relationship with one is fruitless. The way we age is so different, and you can’t really have a long-term relationship with someone you intend to keep these kinds of secrets from without them growing suspicious. But, the wolf in some of us demands a mate. Wolves are loyal creatures in the wild, often mating for life, and it is no different for some of us. If you’re lucky enough to find a mate, you find yourself extremely attracted to that person. You want to protect her and be around her all the time—your wolf accepts hers, or in the case of a human, your wolf accepts what she could be.”

“What she could be?”

“Well, yes. Your wolf can tell if he will find her wolf acceptable when she is Changed. There’s nothing like a mated pair of werewolves—devotion, commitment, protection. It can never be as potent with a wolf and human, but it can be done, and although I can tell by the face you’re making you wouldn’t want her Turned, many times it’s the human’s decision. Our aging is slowed down, and when you look just as you do now at fifty and she looks fifty, a woman tends to start kicking herself for not trying to Change sooner. Grey, are you all right?”

His blood ran cold with stifling disappointment. Of course, he would never want this life for her. Until that moment, he’d been blind to how different they were now. He and Morgan weren’t even the same species anymore. It was a knife in him. Being with her could never work. He was doomed to watch his mate from a distance, never talking to her or touching her. Before he’d even become a wolf he’d chosen his mate, and now he couldn’t have her. Wouldn’t have her. She deserved better than the bleak future he’d blanket her with.

There was nothing more to say. He’d already hinted at too much and didn’t want to put Morgan in the pack’s path, even if they meant no harm. Best she go on thinking werewolves were the stuff of legend. He had to protect her from this world.

The loss was a hole inside him, empty and infinite.

He thanked Rachel and left before the other wolves came back. The last thing he needed was to see Alexis right now.

His world was splitting apart into a billion shards of shattered glass. The roller coaster of the past few days had no end in sight. Watching her from a distance would never, ever be enough.

Familiar tingling started down his spine and expanded into his fingertips and toes. He fought it at first, but hesitancy never worked. Control over his Changes didn’t exist. If he let go it hurt less.

He groaned with the next wave of pain, as pitch black fur sprouted from his body. At least it had happened here and not in his tiny apartment. Bright side. He let the grief of loss sweep over him as he finished the transition from man to beast and collapsed, panting.

Dean wouldn’t mind if he went for a run on the property. That’s what the land was intended for. He lay there until he was recovered and then took off around the truck and into the woods. Within moments, he picked up a fresh trail from Alexis, Brandon, and Logan, and steered clear of it. He wouldn’t go looking for trouble. Being alone was much more important.

At a dead sprint he headed west, running faster and faster until his motion was fluid. The woods were where he belonged. He punished himself by living in the city but it was exactly what a monster deserved.

Limbs, leaves, and brush whipped at him as he sprinted by, and he slowed at the edge of a creek. It bubbled away at the back corner of the property, and with any luck, the other wolves would get the hint and stay away. The run wasn’t a social call; it was a necessity.

He lay on the edge of a thicket on a blanket of leaves. A bite was in the air, and the fine hairs of his undercoat rose in an attempt to keep him warm. Autumn was close, inviting the frigid weather of colder seasons. Would his coat thicken up this year for cold weather runs? It hadn’t the winter before, and he’d had to make sure he was up and running quickly after he’d Changed to stay warm.