Silver Christmas (3 page)

Jennifer nodded. "Yes." She uncurled her
fingers from the back of the chair, stretching them to ease the
ache from clutching the wood too tightly. She took a step towards
Chloe and then stopped, unsure. She handled nervous animals every
day and had a gift for soothing them and making them relax, but she
had no idea how to approach a child.

Owen walked up behind Chloe and rested his
hands on her shoulders. He gave Jennifer a tight smile. "Shall we
talk over dinner? I'll serve, if you like."

Jennifer stood rooted to the spot as Owen
passed by and clanked dishes against the granite counter. She
needed to speak, yet her mind remained blank, lost in a kind of
dumb wonder that the tiny baby she'd cuddled ten years ago had
grown up.

Chloe crouched and put her arm around the
Labrador's neck. At last Jennifer thought of something to say.
"What a lovely dog. Is he yours?"

"Yes. This is Paddy. He's just had his first
birthday."

"He's one of the biggest Labs I've ever
seen." Jennifer smiled and Chloe did too, obviously pleased with
the comment. "Can I pet him?"

When Chloe nodded, Jennifer crouched as well
and ran her palm over the silky top of Paddy's head. The dog licked
her wrist and wagged his tail lazily. "He's in beautiful condition.
I bet you take him for lots of walks."

"I do in the summer and on weekends. Dad
takes him for walks in the winter 'cause it's dark when I get home
from school."

Jennifer nodded, relaxing now she sensed a
nascent rapport between them, as fine as a spiderweb. She hoped
that in time they would spin more connections and forge an
unbreakable bond.

"Dinner's on the table," Owen said.

Jennifer rose to her feet, and Owen gestured
for her to resume the seat she'd had earlier. Chloe sat opposite
her, and he took the chair at the end of the table.

Despite the delicious pot roast, Jennifer
barely tasted a bite, she was so preoccupied. She had no appetite;
all her senses were consumed by the wonder of her beautiful
daughter's porcelain complexion and gleaming hair, as if she were
falling in love.

She watched Chloe eat heartily,
her
appetite obviously unaffected. An unfamiliar sense of satisfaction
filled her that her daughter wasn't a fussy eater.

"Chloe's going to play Mary in the school
nativity play," Owen said.

"Oh. That sounds fun." No, not fun. That
wasn't the right word. It belittled Chloe's achievement. Should she
speak to Chloe like she would an adult, or treat her like a child?
Jennifer swallowed and tried to gather her thoughts. "So you enjoy
school?"

"Yes. But my favorite thing is working with
animals. I want to be a veterinarian like you. Dad says I have a
way with animals like you do. I'd love to go to Africa and help
make sick lion cubs better like you did in your video."

Jennifer stared at Chloe, shocked she'd seen
the video the charity made, but she shouldn't be. It was out there
on the Internet for anyone to find. How much did Chloe know about
her? She'd assumed not much. She moved her questioning gaze to
Owen, but he didn't meet her eyes.

"Being a vet
is
a wonderful job." This
was something marvelous she and Chloe could have in common. The
thought of helping her daughter follow in her footsteps filled her
with excitement. "It's tough to get accepted for that course of
study, though. You'll have to work very hard to get good
grades."

"We don't need to worry about exams at the
moment," Owen said, a mild rebuke in his tone. "She's not even in
high school yet."

"I decided I wanted to be a vet when I was
around Chloe's age. It gave me the motivation to work my socks off
to make the grades. Having a goal is a good thing, Owen."

"She's got plenty of time to decide what she
wants to do with her life. She might want to stay here and work on
the farm." Owen kept an even tone, but he definitely wasn't
happy.

"I don't want to work on the farm, Dad. I
want to be a vet in Africa like my mum." Chloe grinned across the
table at Jennifer and she smiled back, the connection between them
growing deeper by the minute.

The guilt and sorrow had grown so heavy over
the years, Jennifer had nearly crumpled beneath the weight. Now it
lightened, magically dispelled by her daughter's smile.

This was going to work out. Jennifer had no
intention of taking Chloe away from Owen. That would be mean. Yet
she and Chloe could be close, even if they didn't live together.
Jennifer could help Chloe with her career plans and give her work
experience. For a start, that was something she could hang on
to.

• • •

Owen rarely felt frightened, but as he collected the
dishes from the table after dinner and tidied up, a hollow sense of
dread filled him.

Oblivious to him, Chloe and Jennifer chatted
animatedly, their words frequently punctuated with laughter as
Jennifer related some of her experiences working with animals, and
Chloe asked questions.

Part of him was over the moon that Chloe got
along so well with her mother. He'd wondered if Chloe might be
bitter, but his daughter had the sweetest personality and didn't
hold grudges. She had accepted Jennifer back in her life without
reproach—or at least she had so far.

He only wanted the best for his darling girl,
and that included having a good relationship with her mother. Yet
disquiet gathered inside him, building like a storm as he worried
what would happen in the future. The fear that he was losing his
daughter wouldn't go away.

Of course he would never lose Chloe
completely, but who knew where in the country Jennifer might end up
working and living, and if she took Chloe to live with her
. . .

"Cup of tea or coffee, anyone?" Owen
stretched his lips in a smile and hoped it looked genuine.

Jennifer and Chloe paused from their
conversation, and Jennifer half rose. "I'm sorry, Owen. I should
have offered to help clean up."

"No." He gestured her back into her seat.
"You're our guest." Although she looked much better than she had
earlier, he was very aware she was not in full health.

He made coffee for Jennifer and himself and
tea for Chloe, then set the cups on the table and rejoined
them.

The excited energy between the females was
almost palpable, tingling in the air. Chloe had a permanent smile
on her face, and Jennifer's blue eyes were lit from within like
blue fire. She really was a strikingly attractive woman, even with
her glorious golden hair shorn off.

"In the video you had long hair," Chloe said
to Jennifer, as if reading Owen's mind.

"I thought I'd have a change," Jennifer
said.

Her slight hesitation before she replied
confirmed to Owen this wasn't true.

"Why don't you go and get your PJs on, cocoa
puff?"

"Already?" Chloe looked so deflated, he felt
sorry for her.

"It's a school day tomorrow. Brush your teeth
and get changed, then you can come back down for ten minutes."

"Okay. I'll be super quick." She dashed out
of the room, leaving the door wide open.

"Door," Owen shouted, but she was already
thundering up the stairs. He rose and shut it to keep the kitchen
warm before returning to the table. He cradled his cup of coffee in
his hands and glanced at Jennifer. "Why did you really cut your
hair short?"

She stared into the top of her cup, and he
thought she wasn't going to answer. Then she touched a hand to her
head and sighed. "A bullet grazed my scalp, and they shaved off
that section of hair to treat the wound. When I was transferred
from the African hospital to London, I asked to have all my hair
cut the same length. One of the nurses did it, so it's not exactly
a fashion statement."

She turned her big blue eyes on him, and his
heart gave a strange leap that only ever happened when Jennifer
looked at him.

"Does it look terrible?"

"Just different. I didn't recognize you to
start with."

"I know." She laughed. "I expect I gave you a
shock turning up with no warning like that."

He nodded, his mouth twisted in a wry grin.
"Just a little." He sucked in a breath and blew it out. He'd wanted
her to come back for so long, now he had no idea how to handle
things. "Do you have another job lined up?"

"There are a couple of zoos interested in
hiring me because of my experience with exotic animals. They
contacted me while I was in the hospital. But I haven't really
examined my options yet."

Owen nodded, wondering which zoos and how far
away they were. "How about you stay here with us until you're ready
to go back to work? You can get to know Chloe better and spend
Christmas with her."

"Really? You'd let me do that?"

He shrugged. "Chloe is my main concern, and I
think she'd like to have you here."

Jennifer looked down at her hands on the
table and twisted a ring around her finger, a silver ring with a
cat on it he'd given her shortly after they met.

The shock of seeing that ring stopped Owen's
breath for a few heartbeats. Did the fact she was still wearing his
gift mean anything, or had she forgotten where she got it? Perhaps
she noticed his scrutiny, because she curled one hand over the
other, hiding the ring.

"I'd like to stay and get to know Chloe, if
you're sure you don't mind. It'll save me having to hunt for a
place to live until after Christmas. By then I hope I'll know where
I'll be working."

Chloe chose that moment to burst back into
the kitchen, racing in at a hundred miles an hour with Paddy at her
heels as usual.

"Good news. Your mother is going to stay with
us until after Christmas," Owen announced.

Chloe gave an earsplitting girly shriek that
made Owen wince as she danced around the kitchen with Paddy,
singing a Christmas song.

Jennifer laughed out loud and he met her
gaze, smiling as well, both in unspoken agreement that they loved
to see their daughter happy.

Jennifer woke slowly after a deep and restful night's sleep, her
languor giving way to excitement and hope as she remembered where
she was. A loud crash on the bedroom door brought her fully awake
and she pushed up on an elbow, listening as Chloe reprimanded
Paddy.

A moment later came a tentative tap on her
bedroom door.

"Come in, Chloe."

Her daughter put her head around the door, a
sheepish expression on her face. "Sorry. Paddy likes to greet
everybody in the morning. He's used to the bedroom doors being
open, so he threw himself at yours."

"Don't worry. I was already awake. Come here,
boy." Jennifer sat up and stroked the eager Labrador as he rested
his head on the embroidered comforter, his tail wagging.

Chloe followed her dog in and stood a few
steps from the bed in thick winter pajamas decorated with a pattern
of puppies. "He likes you," she said.

Jennifer smiled. "I expect he's the
good-natured sort of Lab who likes everybody. I've met some Labs
who were working dogs and not really pets, but mostly they really
do fulfill the definition of man's best friend. They're one of my
favorite dog breeds."

"Do you want to see the drawings I've done of
Paddy? They're in my bedroom."

Jennifer slipped her legs out of bed and
stood, smoothing down her short yellow nightgown, wishing she had a
robe. The clothing she'd brought home from Africa was not right for
a British winter. She needed to take a shopping trip.

She pulled on a light sweater. "Just give me
a moment and I'll come to your room." Jennifer hurried to the
bathroom and washed her face to wake herself up properly, and then
went and tapped on Chloe's half-open bedroom door.

"Here they are." Chloe pointed at a corkboard
on the wall over her chest of drawers covered in pencil and crayon
drawings of black Labradors. They were pretty good considering
Chloe's age. There were some photographs as well of a black
Labrador mother with a litter of puppies and Chloe holding Paddy
when he was small.

"Ah, he was sweet. Looks like he was the
biggest in the litter."

"His mum was Midnight, Auntie Shelly's
dog."

"I remember Shelly." The words were out
before Jennifer had time to think. It was going to be difficult to
talk with Chloe about what had happened ten years ago.

"Before I was born?" Chloe asked, her eyes
alight with wary curiosity. "When you dated Dad?"

"Yes." Jennifer sat on the edge of the bed,
suddenly chilly in her unsuitable nightwear. She wrapped her arms
around herself, and Chloe sat beside her with Paddy at her feet,
staring up at her adoringly.

"I wish I'd never left you." Until that
moment, Jennifer didn't know she would say those words, didn't know
that was how she really felt. Now understanding flooded through
her, bringing tears to her eyes. "If I knew then what I know now, I
would never have gone away."

Instinctively she reached for her daughter,
and the girl's thin arms came around her. She rested her cheek on
Chloe's sweet-smelling shiny hair, closed her eyes, and held tight,
relishing the unfamiliar feel of this skinny girl in her arms as
she rocked her.

They held each other for a long time, until
Owen's footsteps sounded in the corridor. Then Jennifer eased back
to see tears wetting Chloe's lashes.

"I'm sorry." The apology was pathetically
inadequate.

"It's all right, Mum. I know you were looking
after sick animals, and that's very important."

The sound of the word
mum
on her
daughter's lips sent Jennifer reeling back through the years to the
many times she'd heard it whispered in her dreams, and the desolate
moments in the still of the night when she'd fought back the savage
pangs of her starved maternal instinct.

"What I do is important, Chloe. But nothing
is so important that I should have left you. I was wrong to do
that, and from now on I'll always be there for you."