Silver and Gold (6 page)

“Hey you,” he greeted, noticing a heartbeat later that Abe really looked ill. “Oh man, I told you I should have gone for you. Here,” he strode to Abe’s side and took the food from him. “Why don’t I dish up?”

“Uh, you know, I’m really not all that hungry anymore. I think I’ll just go to bed early.” Abe rubbed his eyes as if his head ached, which it probably did, poor guy. And here Geoff was making him entertain.

“That’s probably a good idea, Abe. Do you need anything before I take off?”

Abe finally looked him in the eye, and the pain in his gaze hit Geoff like a physical blow. He reached out to touch his hair, but Abe flinched away, so he lowered his hand without making contact.

“I’ll be fine, Geoff. If I don’t see you… have a good trip.”

“You too. Drive safe, okay?”

Abe nodded, dropping to the couch and staring at the Christmas tree as Geoff walked to the door. “Merry Christmas, Geoff,” came softly to his ears.

He looked back at Abe, bothered for some reason he couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Merry Christmas, Abe. And Happy Hanukkah.”

Abe nodded but didn’t respond. Geoff blew out a breath, then crossed the room in four big strides, pulled Abe against him, and kissed him gently but thoroughly. At the touch of their lips, he felt Abe tense all over, as if he would pull away. But then he looped an arm around Geoff’s neck and kissed him back with fervor, melting against him.

Geoff pulled back, feeling their lips separate so slowly that each minute bit of flesh seemed to cling in its own embrace. Abe’s eyes had fluttered closed, and Geoff kissed each reddened eyelid in turn, wished he could take the pain away. 

“Goodbye, Geoff,” Abe whispered, and as the finality in his voice penetrated, Geoff stared at Abe intently until he opened his eyes.

“I’ll see you in a little over a week, okay?”

Abe smiled slightly, and he gave a single short nod.

“Bye,” Geoff brushed another light kiss across Abe’s forehead as he straightened.

*  *  *

Abe
lay back against the couch as Geoff finally left. As soon as the door clicked behind Geoff, Abe broke into great, racking sobs, curling onto his side as he let out all the unbelievable anger and pain at the overheard conversation.

At first when he came in, he thought that Geoff was still just enjoying the view out the window. Then he heard Geoff say, “Hey, Jess. How was your week?”

He had caught the door before it slammed, knowing that he should make his presence known, but needing to hear.

“I, uh, met a guy.”

Abe had straightened. He hadn’t expected Geoff to admit that he’d been seeing someone. A little bubble of hope welled up. Maybe he was going to tell Jesse that they shouldn’t get together. That hope had been crushed by Geoff’s next words.

“Nothing serious. He’s pretty young. We, ah, pretty much just fell into bed together. But it’s nothing that’s going to go anywhere.”

Oh fuck.
Was it possible for a heart to actually break? The pain in his chest was almost unbearable.

“I know. I should have waited. I guess I just wanted to, uh, practice. It’s been a long time. I, ah… I didn’t want you to be disappointed. Fuck. It sounds pretty bad when I say it out loud.”

Abe hadn’t thought it could get any worse. He had slumped against the wall.
Geoff had been using him to practice for Jesse?

“Oh, twenties, I’d say. Didn’t really come up in conversation, you know. Busy with other things.”

Maybe it should have come up. Then Geoff would know he was thirty.

“Tomorrow night. I’ll be staying at my parents’ house. And you get in Saturday?” A pause. “Happy hour sounds great. It’s a date.”

The easy, teasing lilt in Geoff’s voice had been like a knife in Abe’s heart. Had he ever heard that tone of voice directed at him?

“Can’t wait to see you either, Jess. Bye.”

The door slipped from Abe’s hand and clicked shut, and Geoff had turned around and smiled at him. As if he hadn’t just said all those things.

When he finally got Geoff to leave, after that bone-melting kiss that he couldn’t help but return in full measure, the sound of the door closing had been way too symbolic and triggered the bitter outlet of tears that currently wrapped him in their cathartic flow. As he cried, he whispered out loud one more time, “Goodbye, Geoff.” It rang through the still room like a death knell in his heart.

Chapter Six

Abe
gratefully accepted the huge latte from Kim and tried once more to convince her to leave. He had thought he’d been successful on the phone in persuading her not to come see him, but she had bribed him with an “extra” coffee that she just happened to have.

Abe, you’re such a slut for coffee, and apparently everyone knows it.

“I’m fine,” he repeated yet again. “Really.” And he smiled to emphasize how “fine” he was.

“Abe, get that ugly excuse for a smile off your face and tell me what’s wrong. What happened with you and Geoff?”

“Tenacious little thing, aren’t you?”

“Tenacious, yes. Little, hell no.
Thing
?” She gave him an arch look.

“Sorry, babe. You were the one who insisted upon seeing me before I’m caffeinated.”

“Meow. That actually almost sounded like the real you.” She softened her expression. “What happened, Abe?”

Just like that, Abe found himself telling her the whole story, not pulling any punches when it came to his own stupidity in falling for a man who was already in love with someone else, not to mention
sleeping
with him in the first place. When he came to the part about the overheard phone call, Abe thought Kim was going to burst a blood vessel.

He finished cautiously, “So he left it where he’ll be seeing me again soon… after going off to boink the love of his life.
As if
I would consider sleeping with him again knowing that he’d been practicing with me for another man.” He absently raised his empty cup to his lips, frowning when nothing came out, smacking it down on the end table. “Fuck, we both know that I’ll more than
see
him when I see him. Who am I trying to kid?”

“Well, all I can say is my
former
boss won’t be getting any ass from you if it takes having to duct tape you to my bedroom door.” She pulled out her phone and dialed, her eyes flashing.

“Shit, love, don’t quit on my account!” Abe was regretting ever picking up the phone this morning.

“Don’t worry, I’m not quitting. I’ve decided I’m going to stay and make his life a living hell while I run his business into the ground.” She gave Abe an evil smile and left a terse message saying that she would be using a sick day and hung up.

Abe watched her warily. “What are you doing?”

Kim smiled more naturally. “Just going to help you pack for your trip and keep you company until you leave.” She waited a beat. “And keep you from going to his office, and him from coming up here,” she admitted.

Abe gave her a hug. “You’re a good friend, my dear.”

She hugged him back. “You don’t hate me because I fixed you two up?”

“Not even close. One thing I’ve learned lately is that sometimes things just happen, no blame involved. It was hot while it lasted. More than just sex would have been… nice.”

Nice? Try wonderful, fantastic, over the moon….

Abe continued, talking as much to himself as Kim, “If he comes back wanting to pick up where we left off, I’m not sure that I’ll say no.” Kim started to protest, and he cut her off gently, “
But
if I say yes, I’ll make sure he pays for what he’s put me through, and knows in detail what can and can’t happen in the future. Fair enough?” He gave a nod, encouraging her to agree.

Kim raised her eyebrows skeptically but conceded, “Fair enough. So tell me how you’re going to make him pay?”

Abe smiled.

*  *  *

Geoff
managed to secure a table at The Ridgeway, a pub in the next town over from their small hometown. It was pretty crowded, probably due to the happy hour drink and food specials that wrapped up at six, with everyone stopping in to let off some steam after their work weeks.

He had stopped by the salon on the way to work Friday morning to see how Abe was doing, but his assistant had told him that Abe took the day off, deciding to get a jump on the Friday traffic by leaving for his parents’ early. Disappointed at not getting to see Abe once more before he left, Geoff headed up to the office. He was surprised at a message from Kim that she was taking a sick day. Alone in the office, finding it hard to concentrate with the looming excitement of the upcoming reunion with Jesse, he had decided to close the office a day early. There wasn’t much left to do since he had already planned to close the office for the two holiday weeks anyway. He wrapped up a few loose ends, and was headed back down to the underground parking garage before lunch.

Geoff watched the pub door open and started when Jesse came walking in.
God, he looks just the same.
It was like going back in time. Jesse didn’t seem to have changed at all, other than looking a bit broader through the shoulders, and maybe an inch or two taller. Same dark brown hair, a shorter cut.
Damn it, no grey hair on him.
That same athletic stride, long legs easily chewing up the distance between them. His light blue-green eyes were now fixed on Geoff, and he felt pinned in his chair by the gaze.

Jesse also wore faded jeans and a simple black long-sleeved T-shirt, almost exactly like Geoff’s.
We look like twins.
The thought brought a smile to Geoff’s lips, breaking the spell, and he rose to his feet with a grin. Then Jesse was there, pulling him into a confident embrace. They thumped each other’s backs, both a little conscious of their public display, and quickly separated to sit on opposite sides of the high-backed booth.

“Wow, Geoff. Look at you! You look fantastic!” Jesse’s deep voice resonated as it always had.

Geoff looked down at himself for a moment, self-consciously smoothing his shirt over his chest, before looking up at his old flame. “
You’re
the one who looks fantastic, Jesse. You haven’t changed a bit.”

“Well, you have. You’re even better-looking than you used to be.”

Geoff made a self-deprecating grimace. “That’s not too tough. I was pretty geeky when I knew you.”

Jesse reached across the table, touching Geoff’s hand lightly. “No. Not geeky. Sweet. And sexy.”

Visions of what had passed between them hung in the air, and both men leaned back at once. Geoff was flattered by Jesse’s response, but with the good came the bad, and the memory of how it had ended between them. He grabbed a menu to give him some space. They placed their order with the waitress, then after she returned with their beers, they were once again alone with their past.

“What was I to you?” Geoff began quietly, looking at his glass, needing to get this part behind them now, before they touched again. He waited tensely for the answer, and when the silence stretched out longer than he could stand, he looked up, shocked to see tears in Jesse’s eyes. He felt a reciprocal sting in his own at the sight, and yet forced himself not to break eye contact.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Jesse finally admitted hoarsely. He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. “It’s hard to talk about. Ya know? Feelings and shit.” They both smiled, the tension somewhat relieved.

“I guess I was scared. Scared to be… gay. You know what it was like around here back then.” Jesse’s face was as serious as Geoff had ever seen it. “It was just alien and scary to the best of people, and a good reason to kick the shit out of someone for a lot of people we knew.”

“So you started going out with Jennifer. I get that, Jess, I really do. But why?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Jesse finished with a humorless smile. “Because I didn’t want to lose you. I loved you, or at least I thought I did.” He swallowed. “I didn’t have the guts to be with you, and I didn’t have the guts to let you go. And then when Jenn ended up pregnant, ah, Geoff, I couldn’t bear to tell you. You had such a way of looking at me back then. I didn’t want to lose that. Like I was special, like you thought the world of me.”

“I did,” Geoff pointed out in a steady voice.

Jesse returned his gaze with a grimace. “Finally telling you was the hardest thing I ever did, to see how much I hurt you. I’m so sorry, Geoff.” The tears finally broke free and ran twin tracks down his cheeks. His eyes begged for understanding. “I wasn’t even twenty. I had no idea how to handle any of it. And then you left without talking to me, but by then we had the twins coming, and work, and school….” He trailed off dismally.

Geoff reached across the table and covered Jesse’s hands with his own. “Hey. It’s okay. I mean, we’re forty now, Jess. A lot of water under the bridge. And look, you got your two boys out of it, right?” Geoff had the brief thought that it was ironic that he was the injured party, and yet he was the one doing the comforting. But he genuinely felt bad for Jess and hated to see him in tears over something that had happened decades ago.

I guess I’m not the only one who was hurt back then.
The thought gave him a lot of comfort in a strange way. He had always thought that Jesse didn’t care, that he walked away without a backward glance. Now he knew it had been just as hard on Jesse. And in many respects, the guilt at being the one in the wrong might have been even harder to bear.

Geoff watched closely as Jesse pulled himself together. “You okay?” He gave Jesse’s hands a squeeze, then disengaged one hand, reaching across and using his fingertips to wipe Jesse’s tears away, suddenly not caring one whit whether anyone around them had a problem with it. 

The waitress came with their food, glancing between them nervously before setting the plates down. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said softly. “Can I get you anything else?”

Geoff smiled at her reassuringly. “Just the bill, thanks.”

She smiled back and walked away, and Jesse pulled his hand from Geoff’s with a quirk of the lips that hinted at the carefree Jess he had known. “Can’t wait to get away from me, huh?”