Silent Hearts (Hamilton Stables 3) (7 page)

“Hell yes! Every single time I see you!”

 

Nick jerked back. What had he just done?

“Um, what I meant to say was—I was just proving the point that—I didn’t mean me, as in literally me.”

“Right. Of course you didn’t.” Becca’s eyes dropped to the floor, then to the rain. “Look, I’ve got to hit that consignment shop for Reagan.”

“Bec . . .”

“It’s fine. I get it.”

“I didn’t mean to . . .” Nick ran a hand through his hair, then over his face. “I don’t know why I said that.”

She stared at him as though she wanted to ask him a question, a question he didn’t want to answer. Not today, not ever. But then she released a breath and tightened her hold on her bag. “I’ll see you later, Nick.”

And then, before he could say or do anything else to royally screw up this day, she darted into the rain, disappearing around the edge of the school and out of sight. He waited until her Highlander pulled out of the school parking lot before slowly walking to his car, careless of the rain. Or the water he’d trek into his car. Or anything other than the fact that he’d spent all his adulthood hiding his true desires for his best friend only to blurt them out in a fit of jealousy.

He was such an idiot.

Sure he needed a distraction, he did the only thing he could do when he felt as lost as he felt right that second—he headed to the office, where the silence and comfort of work could help him think.

It took less time than it should to get there, but as he pulled into the parking lot, his blood turned to ice. Because parked in his normal spot was Trip’s truck and beside it was Alex’s old Corvette, then to the left of that a black Mercedes with an out-of-state tag.

All the heat in his body dripped from his head down to his toes as he parked a few spaces away from the threesome, hoping he was wrong and that this wasn’t a meeting at his office without him.

He unlocked the main door and hit the number three once in the elevator. Each second felt more painful than the last as the ice running through his veins thickened, making it harder and harder for him to move, to breathe.

Finally, the elevator doors opened and Nick exited to a dark floor. Dark except for a small light shining out from the farthest corner from the elevator. He started toward the conference room, only to stop as Trip’s voice hit his ears, and then suddenly the cold in him turned to scalding rage.

Nick stepped into the doorway, not bothering to knock; after all, this was his office, his conference room. Sure enough, Trip and Alex were seated at the conference room table across from William Compton, who’d shown up in this very same room the day before. Hadn’t Nick sent him away? Hadn’t he told Trip that he wasn’t interested? Hadn’t he been clear?

“What’s this?” Nick asked from the doorway, unwilling to enter the room, to enter whatever traitorous shit was going on there.

“Nick . . .”

“What the hell is this?”

“Let’s discuss this outside,” Alex said, standing.

“Let’s discuss it right here. Right now. What the hell is this?”

Trip lifted his head. “You weren’t willing to hear William out, and we felt there was more to be discussed before he left town. So here we are.”

“Meeting behind my back.”

“We’re just discussing the offer.”

Nick shook his head. “This isn’t your decision.”

At that, Alex walked over. “It isn’t only yours either. We need to talk about this with open ears and truly consider the best course of action for the company and our employees. I don’t think you’re doing that right now, and if you stop to think about it, you’ll see I’m right.”

“No, there’s nothing right about what you’re doing here. Nothing right at all.” Nick turned on his heels and stormed out, grateful that his brothers let him leave without a fight. Because right now he was too angry to have this conversation, too hurt, and he didn’t like the direction his thoughts were headed. He had no idea what he might say, and though his brothers deserved to hear his rage, he didn’t want to say something he couldn’t take back.

Some words couldn’t be unsaid, but in that moment he was praying that some could.

He needed Becca, and the last thing he wanted was to have started something with her that he couldn’t and wouldn’t finish. Besides, she wanted nothing more than friendship with him, so even if he’d said everything he was thinking, so what? It would mean nothing and do nothing other than destroy their friendship.

Still, the expression on her face before she left flashed in his head, confusing him. It was like she was disappointed, like she had hoped he wanted her the way Zac and every other man on the planet wanted her.

But what sense did that make? None; none at all.

Jumping back in his car and slamming the door harder than he should, he took off, eager to get some distance away from his brothers so he could think. He told himself he was going to drive around for a while, clear his head, but he tended to head one place when he felt this lost, and before he’d even realized what he was doing, he found himself pulling down Becca’s road.

The rain had let up to reveal clearer skies, and as he parked, he contemplated leaving without getting out of the car. She was clearly upset with him, and he wasn’t in a position to make anybody feel better about anything. So why was he there? Because he was a selfish asshole who needed her, and despite whether or not she wanted to see him, he’d come. Unannounced.

He should leave, and he was tempted to, until he saw Becca’s form appear behind her screen door.

Resolved that he couldn’t leave without saying something, he pushed out of his car and kept his head down as he started toward her. He couldn’t look up and see the hurt on her face, not yet, not when he was so close to hightailing it out of there, and she deserved for him to be better than that. She deserved the best version of him.

Finally, he took the two steps up to her door and lifted his gaze at the same time she stepped outside. His eyes locked on hers, on the hurt there.

“I thought you were supposed to go shopping?”

“I no longer felt like it.”

“Bec, I . . . I don’t know what to say.”

She crossed her arms. “You said a lot already.”

“I’m sorry about Zac.”

The hurtful expression deepened. “That’s not what I want you to be sorry for.”

Nick studied her, at the slight redness in her eyes. “Have you been crying?”

“No.” She swiped under her eyes and then fidgeted with her T-shirt. “I just woke up.”

“Just woke up?” He took a step closer. “You’re lying. You’ve been crying. But why?”

She shook her head, her bottom lip trembling, and Nick wanted to cut out his own heart for causing her this pain.

“I didn’t mean to do this. To upset you. I don’t even know what I said. I mean the in-your-pants thing. I know that was crude and I shouldn’t have said that. And of course you’re more to me than that. You’re my best friend. I would never . . .” He stopped as tears filled her eyes again. “Bec?”

“Can you just leave?”

He stared at her.

“Please. I’m not feeling well and I’m tired. I just want to curl up in bed and rest. I have to be at work early in the morning.”

“I could stay, make you something?”

“No.” Then she did the one thing he hated most. She put on a fake smile and tried to laugh, but no laugh had ever sounded less like Becca’s laugh. “You know you can’t cook. Besides, I’m fine. Really. I just want to rest.”

“So we’re fine?” But even as the words left him, he knew the answer. They were anything but fine.

She swallowed hard and Nick wanted to pull her into his arms, stroke her hair, make her feel better in any way he could, do whatever she needed. “We’re fine.”

Right.

So why did Nick feel so much worse?

B
ecca threw her hair into a high ponytail; then, frustrated with the way the elastic tugged at her hair, she pulled it down and instead piled her locks onto her head in a messy bun and wrapped the elastic around it before dropping her arms to her side.

It had been nearly twenty-four hours since Nick all but told her that he would never go there with her, never want more, and still, her heart ached as though he’d just said it. The confirmation that her feelings would never be returned made her want to call him and say she was done, throw in the towel, their friendship was too much for her.

But she cared about their friendship more than she cared about her heart, so she would lick her wounds, lock away her feelings, and move on. What else could she do?

“Bad mood?” Sage asked from the kitchen.

“Always,” Becca joked, then grabbed the plates he’d set out and started for the table that had ordered the food. Thankfully, there were no Hamiltons in the diner that Sunday morning, or else she feared she might lose it.

So Nick didn’t want in her pants. Wasn’t that what she expected? Hadn’t she known that all along? So why did it hurt so badly for her to hear it?

She could almost hear her heartbeat pick up speed when he said he wanted her every time he saw her, and a little part of her had pictured him sighing and pulling her into his arms, where he would kiss her with all the pent-up passion of a man who’d wanted her since the first moment he saw her.

They’d kiss and then kiss more, and then tell stories about how hard it’d been not to confess their undying love for the other and laugh about how long it’d taken them to get together. All would be well and fine and wonderful. Close book, happily ever after complete.

Instead, he took it all back, said he hadn’t meant a word of it, then came by her house to reiterate just how much he didn’t want her.

She still couldn’t believe she’d let him see her crying, but she couldn’t help it. It was either let him in or ignore him, which would only confirm that something was wrong. And while it hurt her tremendously to let it go, she had to. Nick was her best friend, and though her heart would forever be his in a different way, she didn’t want to lose their friendship. It meant the world to her.

“Becca, new table.” Willow motioned to the first table and she did a double take. Crap. Crap, crap, crap.

“Do you know them? You look pale.”

“No, well, yes, a little. But I’m fine. Totally fine.”

Only she was anything but fine.

Because seated at table one was none other than Instructor Zac and two other men who looked remarkably similar to him, which meant they must be his brothers. She thought she remembered meeting a slew of Littletons at Alex’s wedding, but she’d forgotten that there were three brothers—and that they were quite this attractive.

“I can get it if you’re busy,” Willow said. “That’s a full house of delicious over there.”

Becca shook herself from her trance and waved off the waitress. “No, I’m good.” Though Becca wished she could ignore them without being rude. The truth was that she didn’t want Zac seeing her here, at work, where she was the bland waitress who would never amount to more.

A vision of the Becca she might have been flashed through her mind. Her as an ER nurse, and Zac coming in after some scuba diving accident, and her being the nurse to stitch him up. They would stare at each other while she worked, tension building. Instead, she was about to serve him coffee and pancakes.

God, she was pathetic. And all in an effort to put Nick out of her mind, which let’s face it, was next to impossible.

“Hey there,” she said as she neared. “I didn’t realize teachers actually ate.”

What the heck was that? Good God, it was no wonder she was single.

Zac turned and immediately a beautiful smile broke across his face. He was dressed in a long-sleeve Guy Harvey shirt, his hair spiking out as it had been the day before, and Becca wondered if he ever dressed nice, or if he, like her, preferred the ease of comfort clothes. “Becca, right?”

“Yeah. From scuba diving class.”

He nodded, and the guy across from him piped up, “Damn, brother, I would have joined you for that training if I’d known this was what your students looked like.”

Zac groaned. “Becca, this is my brother Charlie,” he said, motioning to one of the other men with him. “And this dipshit is Brady. Feel free to file a harassment suit against him now. Trust me, he’ll deserve it.”

Brady grinned with pride. “Don’t worry, I’ll be a good boy if you want me to be. If not . . .”

He winked, and Zac tossed a sugar packet at him. “Leave her alone. Besides, she’s taken.”

“Is she now?” Brady studied her. “I wouldn’t be surprised to hear it.”

“Yeah, Alex’s brother. Nick.”

Becca waved her hands frantically. “Oh, no. No, she’s not. And definitely not with Nick. He’s a friend.”

This seemed to please Zac and he turned to face her in the booth, suddenly very relaxed. “Now that’s the most interesting thing I’ve heard all day.”

She grinned back at him and set down their menus. “I’d love to stay and chat, but we’re a little slammed.”

“So you’re taking dive lessons?” Brady asked, ignoring her attempt to leave.

“Yeah, on Saturdays. Do you all three teach or just Zac?”

“We own Southern Dive in Crestler’s Key, so we teach throughout the year, whenever we’re not on the farm.”

Becca nodded. “I remember Kate saying she grew up on a farm. I didn’t know y’all worked it, though.”

“Yeah,” Zac said. “We took over when our dad became too old to manage it.”

“That’s great that you can continue the family business.”

“It can be.” They stared at one another, and Becca bit her lip in an effort not to grin. She could get used to this kind of attention, even if a part of her felt sad that it was coming from someone other than Nick. Still, she needed to get used to the idea of someone else. Nick would never be a reality for her.

“Becca, order up,” Sage called from the kitchen, and Becca turned back, waved that she was coming, then focused back on the Littleton brothers.

“Sorry. I’ve got to get to work.”

“But you’ll be back?” Zac asked, his voice tinged with a hope that sounded amazing after her encounter with Nick. See, some guys
did
want her. She was likable, maybe even lovable.

She grinned. “I’ll definitely be back.”

Becca walked around the rest of her tables to double-check drinks and ask if anyone needed anything, then grabbed the plates from Sage and went to deliver them to the giant table in the center of the diner, each chair full of trustee members.

“Here you go.” Becca started handing out plates, then went to grab more, when she caught the conversation they were having.

“The fall festival is just three weeks away and we need confirmation of what the Hamiltons are doing. Where is Nick anyway? I thought he was going to meet us here?”

“I bet he’s tied up with that new girl I overheard he was crushing on,” one of them said.

“Oh, really? Who is that?” Charlotte asked yet another trustee who lived for gossip about the Hamiltons. She was every bit of sixty, married with her own lot of kids, but she had always hoped one of her daughters would marry a Hamilton.

“No idea. I didn’t catch the end of the conversation. But I bet she’s a lawyer or doctor or something fancy like him. Nick was always the smartest of the three. I bet that’s where he is—with that lawyer or doctor.”

“Actually, Nick’s right here.”

Becca glanced up to find Nick standing a few feet away from her, dressed in loose jeans and a light blue golf shirt, the look so perfectly Nicklike it made her heart clench tight. But the mayor and Charlotte were probably right. He was probably with whoever the new girl was, and because both Trip and Alex had mentioned something and now the trustees, clearly there was a girl. But then, why hadn’t Nick mentioned the girl to her? Wasn’t she his best friend?

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

“Am I getting that plate in your hand, Becca, or are you going to keep holding it?” Mayor Philips laughed as he reached up, plucked a slice of bacon from the plate, and took a bite.

“Sorry, here you go, Mayor.” Becca placed the plate in front of him, ignoring Nick because her mind really couldn’t handle the man she wanted to want and the man she actually wanted being in the same space. Especially when one made it clear he wanted her back and the other made it abundantly clear he did not.

“Sit down, Nick,” the mayor said. “We were just diving into the final details. Is Trip coming, too?”

“I think so.” Nick stared after Becca, and she wanted to tell him to stop, to just sit down and they could talk later. But instead he said, “Look, y’all get started. I’ll be right back.”

“But we’ve already started,” Charlotte called. “We need your input.”

“Fine. I’ll be right back.”

Becca sped up, but not fast enough to outpace Nick and his long legs.

“Wait. Can we talk?”

“I’m at work, Nick. What’s there to talk about?” She scanned the diner, and sure enough, every set of eyes were on them, including Zac’s.

“I just want to make sure we’re okay.”

Becca grabbed another set of plates, the greasy smell coupled with the knot in her stomach making her feel queasy. “I told you yesterday that we were fine.”

“Yet you just ran away from me like I was on fire. And then you were all weird yesterday, and I needed to talk to you.” He lowered his voice and moved closer when Becca took a step back.

“Why don’t you talk to your lawyer-doctor girlfriend?’

“My what?”

“Look, I’m busy and everyone’s staring. Please just sit down and eat with the trustees before they break their necks trying to watch us argue. We’ll talk later.”

“But, Bec, I don’t—”

“Later. Please.”

She walked away before he could say another word, and Nick frowned as he took a seat at the end of the trustees’ table. Then, realizing she had to take his order, she stopped beside him.

“Order.”

“You know my order.”

The trustees were all staring, but Becca couldn’t keep her mouth shut another second. “Maybe I don’t. There seems to be a lot about you you’re not telling me these days. Seems I don’t really know you at all.”

“What is this about? You know me.”

“Do I?”

“Becca, order up!”

Frustrated, Becca stomped her foot and shook her head and cursed under her breath like a person possessed by a demon. And hell if she wasn’t possessed by a demon—the demon of want for Nick Hamilton. Eternal bachelor, his heart tied to a dead woman, and though Becca could respect that and would never want him to forget Britt, she was there, too. She’d been there all along. But no, he didn’t want in her pants; he wanted in the doctor’s pants.

“Waffle and eggs over easy.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” Nick replied.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

Nick stood then and followed her. “What is your problem?”

“You.”

Now not only was everyone staring but the entire diner had gone quiet, eager to hear every juicy word of the exchange. Fantastic. Becca had told herself that morning not to involve the town in her and Nick’s mess, yet here they were, in front of the trustees no less, hashing it out.

“We are talking outside right now.”

“No. We’re not.”

Nick’s face creased with anger. “Fine, have it your way. If you won’t talk out there, then we’ll talk in here. You think I care what they think?” He waved around the diner, and Becca felt her cheeks burning bright from anger and embarrassment, each fighting it out for control. Damn him for acting like this! Damn him for making her care so much!

“Stop it.”

“Not until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you.”

“I told you. You. You’re what’s wrong.”

“Me? What did I do?”

Becca’s head was shaking so hard it might snap off any second, but she couldn’t rein in her emotions any longer. “You get some fancy doctor girlfriend and you don’t even tell me. I’m your best friend and you don’t even tell me. And then—”

“Wait.” Nick threw up a hand. “I what?”

“I can’t talk about this right now.”

“What’s going on?”

They both looked over to see Trip standing in the doorway, watching them. “Y’all okay?”

“We’re fine,” Becca said, glaring at her best friend. “Perfectly fine. Nick was just taking his seat.”

 

Nick swung at the incoming pitch, missing completely, and then swung again at the next pitch, only to miss again. What the hell? Were his glasses not doing their job all of a sudden?

He had found himself at the batting cages after the debacle at the diner, and even after an hour there, rain threatening to pour down on him, he still had no idea what was happening with Becca. And despite all the craziness at the office, his issues with his brothers, and the indecision weighing on him about the company, what bothered him the most was Becca being upset with him.

They’d been friends a long time, and though they were human and had the occasional fight, it was rare, and never like this. He felt sure he’d said something horrible to piss her off, but he couldn’t figure out what. How could he apologize if he had no idea what to apologize for?

He swung again, eager to work off his pent-up aggravation, and made contact, only to watch the ball hit the chains at the top of the cage, soar back down, and smack him in the face.

“Ow.” He yanked off his glasses and with now blurry vision examined them to find, sure enough, both lenses were cracked. “Freaking fantastic.”

“You’re having a time, aren’t you?”