Sick

Sick: A Compilation Zine
on Physical Illness

Edited by Ben Holtzman

Designed by Carl Williamson

Distributed in the booktrade by AK Press

Available through Ingram and Baker & Taylor
at standard discounts

Microcosm Publishing

222 S Rogers St.

Bloomington, In 47404

812-323-7395

www.microcosmpublishing.com

We have other zines, books, patches,
stickers, buttons, shirts, and more at
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This is Microcosm #76099

ISBN 978-1-934620-48-9

Proofread by Sparky Taylor

I was diagnosed with cancer in 2007 and had a recurrence in 2008. This zine developed out of a personal frustration during these times over the lack of discussion about and understanding of illness within radical/left/DIY communities as well as the lack of resources within these communities for those dealing with illness.

Too often those of us who are living with illness have felt that our experiences are not welcome in conversation, even within radical/alternative communities. Illness is considered taboo; it's seen by many as awkward, if not depressing, to bring up. This zine collects peoples' experiences with illness to help establish and further a personal and collective voice of those impacted by illness.

This collection is meant for several audiences. It is intended to be a document of experiences with illness that others in similar circumstances can relate to and hopefully take something from and thereby ease some of the isolating aspects of illness. It is also meant for those within our communities who have not directly experienced illness themselves. While no one piece – or even any one collection of pieces – can come close to encapsulating all experiences with and perspectives on living with illness, these writings are meant to increase understandings of illness and expand opportunities for dialogue.

While the types of illness discussed in this zine vary widely, it is striking how many of the pieces, in one way or another, mention support. Most commonly, this is in reference to
not
receiving adequate care and understanding from those around us. Illness is often misunderstood and, in some cases, ignored completely. In addition to the many pieces that bring up personal experiences with support, this zine also includes articles that focus on receiving support, providing support, and building supportive communities. While, again, the collective strength of these pieces does not wholly reflect the wide degree of experiences with and perspectives on these issues, they are meant to further discussion as well as action towards building communities of care.

While I say that this zine was born out of frustration, I must also add that it was nurtured by love. Love for all of those willing to share their stories about illness, love for those who are already taken steps to discuss and improve these (and the many related) issues within their communities, and love for those who will listen to the voices in this zine and then act.

Thanks for reading this zine. Feedback is very welcome:
[email protected]
. Despite the range of pieces included here, there are many more experiences to share and topics to explore. I'm hoping to create a second issue, so if you're interested in contributing, please be in touch.

Ben
New York City / 2009
[email protected]

NOT OKAY: DEALING WITH INCURABLE ILLNESS

Krista Ciminera

ILLNESS, DISABILITY, AND THE PUNK PARADOX

Luci

SCAR MATES

Rainbow

BLACK CLOUD

Emiko Badillo

THE INVISIBLE WITNESS

Emily Klamer

“A LETTER TO FAMILY & FRIENDS WITHOUT HEPATITIS”

Sarah Hughes

IT HURTS. NO REALLY. IT HURTS!

Joe Biel

ME AND MY BROTHER

Rachel

MY COMING OUT AS SICKLY STORY

Mandy Earley

RADICAL HEART SUPPORT

Lauren Denitzio

555.1

Erica

CUT ACROSS THE DOTTED LINE

Tessa Petrocco

CLEARING HEAD: A STORY ABOUT MIGRAINES

Brittany Shoot

WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM CHRONIC LYME DISEASE

Andrea Runyan

MY BODY IS THE BRILLIANT CONTRADICTION: FIVE MEDITATIONS ON BEING ILL (EXCERPT)

Kristin Alysia Pape

ILLNESS AND SUPPORT

Ben Holtzman

THE OTHER SIDE OF SUPPORT

ema

CARE FOR BODIES AND SUSTAINABLE COMMUNITIES

Beth Puma

TIPS FOR BEING A “PATIENT”

Ben Holtzman

BIOS

RESOURCE LIST

THANKS

Thanks to everyone who gave this zine their early support and encouragement, especially when I was unsure about the viability of the project and my abilities to complete it. You all really helped to fuel this project.

I sincerely appreciate the efforts of everyone who helped distribute fliers in their towns, while on tour, at their distro tables, as well as those who were willing to post the call on their website and/or through their personal networks.

Thanks to Fly for the amazing illustrations on pages 26, 53, 70 and 86. Check out more of her work at
www.peops.org
and
www.flyspage.com
. Thanks also to Kriss of Killer Banshee Studios for the images on 43 and 69.

Thanks to Kat McIntyre not only for being such a good friend but also for her work on
The Worst,
a brilliant zine on death and grief that in no small part helped to inspire my work on this zine.

Carl Williamson not only designed fliers and ads needed throughout the project but also layed out the entire zine. I am so grateful. More than a brilliant designer, he is my very cherished friend.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my articles as well as to those contributors who helped read other pieces when I needed another set of eyes (Brittany, Lizzie, Luci, and Mandy).

Microcosm Publishing rules. I am humbled by—and extraordinarily appreciative of —their support of this project and their decision to publish it.

Extra, extra special thanks to all of the contributors who were willing to share their stories. I am in awe of your bravery and generosity.

Finally, thanks doesn't seem like enough to everyone who supported me when I was sick. All I can say is that I owe you all so, so much. Not only did you help to keep me alive when I was fighting for my life, you also continue to provide the joy and love in my life that makes it worth fighting for. Thanks especially to dad, mom, and Ray who have been there for me in every way imaginable.

DEDICATION

This zine is dedicated to Jodi Tilton.

It was Jodi with whom I had my first conversation about a need for more discussion about illness and support. Jodi and I talked about doing a project like this together and we were slowly hatching plans for what that project might be when, a few months after our initial conversation, she suddenly passed away. This project would have never come to be without Jodi's influence in my life. Jodi, I miss you dearly. You continue to inspire me every day. I can only hope that this is something you would have been proud of. I love you, buddy.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease two years ago. It is genetic, life threatening, and incurable. The disease comes from my father, with a 50% chance of inheriting it. My brother has it too and so did my aunt.

PKD is a genetic mutation where sometimes, instead of a new kidney cell forming, a cyst forms in its place. These cysts grow over time and end up absorbing the surrounding kidney cells and destroying them. Most people with PKD will have their kidneys fail at some point during their lives. When this happens, the only treatments are dialysis, which is a way of cleaning the blood through the help of a machine, or transplantation.

It was my choice to find out my PKD status. I was asymptomatic at the time and decided that I wanted to find out whether or not I had it. To find out, you need to get a sonogram of your kidneys to determine whether or not there are any cysts.