Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens (8 page)

Socially anxious teens often use labels like these to describe themselves. Which do you use on yourself?

•   Pathetic
  
•   Stupid
  
•   Hopeless
  
•   Defective
  
•   Incompetent
  
•   Idiot
  
•   Boring
  
•   Jerk
  
•   Loser
  
•   Lame
  
•   Disgusting
  
•   Mentally ill
  

Spotlighting

When a great golfer is driving the ball off the tee in a close match, she isn’t thinking about her grip on the club or the arc of her stroke. An actor on stage doesn’t watch his hands as he gestures, nor does he listen to his voice as he speaks his lines. The golfer and the actor want to lose themselves in their roles, not reflect on the mechanics of their performances.

So it is with us in our daily lives. When we turn the spotlight of attention onto ourselves, we become self-conscious. What should be natural and spontaneous self-expression becomes an agonizing performance. Spotlighting makes you feel different and separate from others. Everything you say starts to sound odd or fake. You don’t trust or like how you are coming across, and to make matters worse, you assume everyone else is watching you as closely as you are watching yourself. How can you get into the flow of life and connect with others when you are preoccupied with what is going on inside yourself?