Shut Out (25 page)

“I understand.”

“Yeah, you understand I'm an asshole.” I rub my eyes. “I never…it was never about you. It was all about myself.” I give a short laugh. “That was the most selfish thing I've ever done. But here's the thing, Sky. I couldn't stop thinking about you. Couldn't stop worrying about you. First, I thought you and Ella would talk and everything would be okay. When you told me she still wasn't speaking to you, I felt like shit. I was leaving you to deal with that all alone. I shouldn't have.”

“You had no obligation to me, Jacob,” she reminds me quietly. “We didn't have a real relationship.”

“Yeah, about that.” I meet her eyes. “I think we were both kidding ourselves about that.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Her eyes go big and glossy, her face wary but her eyes alight with…maybe…hope.

I take her hands. They're freezing cold and I rub them with both of mine. “Look, I think we need to be honest with each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought your problems weren't my problems and I could just back off, but Jesus, Sky, those
were
my problems. Because I care about you. And that kind of scared me too.” I swallow hard. “We started off in a fake relationship. But that changed. For me. I thought maybe for you too.” My heart is slamming against my ribs. I'm about to open myself up to a whole world of hurt and humiliation. “I care about you, Sky. Like a real girlfriend.”

She closes her eyes and a tear slips out. Shit. I hope this isn't a replay of what happened with her and Brendan. But I won't be an asswipe like he was, if she's about to tell me we're just friends.

“If you don't feel the same, I understand,” I quickly add, so she knows that.

“I do feel the same.”

Relief pours through me, almost taking me down like the dirtiest slew foot. “Thank fuck.” I tip her chin up and she opens her eyes and gives me a tremulous smile. “I let you down when you needed me, because I was a selfish prick. And then I was too pissed off to explain things to you when you found out about Brittany. You deserve so much better than me, Skylar. You're so sweet and giving and strong.”

“Jacob.” She lays a palm on my face, and I tilt my head into it because it feels so good. “I know you think that without hockey you're nothing. But that's not true. Look at how you've been doing in your courses. You could easily stay in college and get a degree. And the things you've done with the fundraiser—you draw people in and make them want to do more. You make it fun.”

“Ah, baby.” I reach for her hips and pull her close. Her bulky coat is too much between us, but we'll deal with that. “You know, I was thinking about stuff before you got here. I was kind of freaking out about losing you. About what happened today, how I'm gonna get through exams now, and what happens if I get suspended or something. But I realized, I can do it.” I hold her gaze and the love that shines for me in her eyes makes me feel even stronger. “If I got through what happened in the spring, I can get through anything.”

“Yes. You're right. And I'm here for you, Jacob. Whatever happens with the team…we'll figure it out. We'll make sure you play in the NHL.”

My heart squeezes painfully. “Shit. You're here for me?
You're
the one who's been through hell. I look at you and what you overcame, and I feel…in awe. And I don't know if you even need me, but I'm here for you too.”

“I do need you. I missed you so much.”

“Me too. Damn, baby, me too.” I crush her in my arms and find her mouth with mine. After a long kiss that I pour everything into, I lift my mouth from hers but keep my nose touching hers. “Missed you so damn much.”

I push the coat off her shoulders so I can feel her body in my arms, against me. Longing fills me, pushing at my skin, swelling inside me with aching intensity. I want her with me, always. In all ways.

“I've made so many mistakes,” I whisper. “I don't know how you can even forgive me.”

“I've made mistakes too. I should have reported Brendan, maybe gotten him the help he needed. I should have told Ella about what happened. Oh.” She tells me what Ella told her about Brendan maybe cheating on a test and his medications not working.

“That doesn't excuse what he did to you,” I say harshly.

“No, I know that. But it helps me…understand. It was also a mistake for me to try to be my sister. You told me to be myself, Jacob. You liked me for who I am, not who I think I should be. That meant so much to me.” She brushes her mouth over mine. “But the thing about mistakes is, they don't define us. The only real mistake is not learning from them.”

“Right.” I let out a huge breath, full of gratitude and relief and love for this woman. “Skylar. I love you.”

“Oh.” She blinks at me and her bottom lip quivers. “Oh, Jacob. I love you too.”

She slides her arms around my waist and tips her head back. I study her pale, beautiful face and glowing eyes, and love for her swells up inside me like a huge balloon. I step backwards toward my bed, pulling her with me. Her slow, knowing smile sends heat straight to my groin. I'm already half hard from holding her, but now my dick swells and twitches. “Damn, you're sexy.”

I reach behind her to untie her little apron and drop it to the floor. Then I start with the top button of her pink dress. It's tight over her tits and her small waist, showing them off, and I watch as I reveal lush curves one button at a time. My mouth waters, my body tightens, and I become impatient to get my hands on her. I work the rest of the buttons open faster until I can push the pink dress off her shoulders.

She's standing in front of me in a pink lace bra and the goddamn cutest little panties, pink flowers with ruffled edges. She's gorgeous, all smooth skin and slender curves.

“Now you,” she murmurs, reaching for the hem of my hoodie. I help her yank it off over my head, along with the T-shirt beneath it. Her hands smooth over my pecs. She lingers on my nipples, sending a quick spear of pleasure straight to my groin, and my abs contract hard, which she notices, and she traces her fingertips down over my stomach. “You're beautiful too.”

Heat rises in my cheeks but I like her compliment. I frame her face with my hands and touch my lips to hers. As I'm doing this, she reaches behind her for the fastener of her bra and then it's gone too. She moves into me, skin to skin. I crave the feel of her, every inch of her. We both gasp at the delicious shock of the contact, and need for her explodes inside me.

I slide my hands into her gorgeous hair and fist it as I kiss her, long, openmouthed, seeking kisses, over and over. I slide my tongue into her mouth, rubbing it against hers, then lick her lips. “You taste so damn sweet.” I want her so bad, all of her, the sweetness of her taste, the smell of her, the sounds of her soft sighs. “Want to be inside you, baby.”

“Yes. Me too. Please.” Her fingers dig into my back.

Emotion rises up inside me, almost closing off my breathing. I'm crazy about her, overwhelmed by the fact that she loves me too, so relieved, so thankful. I open my mouth wider on hers, kissing her deeper, swallowing the little noises she makes in her throat as she grabs my shoulders. Pressed against me, my chest to her breasts, belly to belly, it feels like she's trying to crawl inside me and I fucking love it. As always, our need for each other is equal.

I have to get the rest of my clothes off, so I release her and step back to shove my loose sweatpants down my thighs. I don't have underwear on, so when I kick them aside, I'm naked in front of her, my dick bobbing eagerly toward heaven.

Then she's in my arms again.

I nuzzle her ear, lick below it, tasting her skin, then sucking on it. Oh yeah. Yeah. This is it. My hands gather up her hair and I tug her head back and kiss her throat, then drag my tongue along her skin there. She shivers against me.

I let go of a handful of hair to cup one breast, her pebbled nipple hard, the rest of her so soft. She fills my hand perfectly, and her soft whimpers of pleasure make my body burn for her.

I bend her over my arm, lowering my mouth to her nipple. I close my lips on the tip, then draw her deeper into my mouth. She clutches my shoulders, gasping, panting, crying out my name as I suck.

“Yeah.” I lick her. “That feel good, baby?”

“Yes, oh God, yes.” I lift my head and move to her other breast. Her hands slide into my hair to hold my head there and I take my time tasting her, using lips and tongue and teeth, making her quiver against me.

“Jacob. God.”

“Love your breasts, Sky. Gorgeous. Perfect.”

My hand glides down her back, over the curve of her ass, still in the frilly panties. “These are hot.” I palm the undercurves of her ass cheeks and give a squeeze. Then I slide one hand lower, down her silky thigh, and lift her leg to my hip. My throbbing dick slips between her thighs, inside her panties, to her hot, wet folds, and I rub myself there, back and forth. A groan climbs my throat.

“Oh yeah. So wet, baby.” I kiss her mouth again. I can't get enough of her. Flames burn over my skin and heat slides through my veins, an explosion building up inside me.

“Jacob.” She gasps against my mouth, moving her hips to help stroke me. “I need you. Inside me.”

“Yeah. Oh yeah.” Tingles build at the base of my spine. “On the bed, baby.”

I lower her leg to the floor and turn her toward the bed, my hands going back to the sweet curves of her ass. We fall together onto the bed. I wince at the jarring to my bruised back.

“What?” she whispers, going still.

“I'm okay. Got a few bruises from the fight, that's all.”

“Oh, Jacob.”

“Shh.” Our mouths join, our legs twine, and we wrap our arms around each other in a sizzling connection. I roll her onto her back and kiss her, long and deep and wet. Heat spirals inside me as her tongue slides into my mouth. I want this to go on forever, but my dick is straining to be inside her.

“You want this, right?” I gaze down at her beautiful face, her hair spread around her on the pillow.

Her smile is blinding and beautiful as her hands touch my face. “Yes. I want this.”

“Need a condom. Hang on.” I lean over and grab a box of condoms from the bookshelf next to the bed, fumble one out, and go up on my knees to suit up. “There we go.”

She's watching me with big eyes, lips parted in excitement. “I love how you turn me on.”

“I love it too, baby. So damn much. You make me feel…powerful.”

She blinks and her lips curve into a slow smile as she lifts her knees for me.

I kneel between her legs to slide her panties off, and her gaze travels over me, my chest, my abs, then down to my dick. I wrap one hand around it. Her breath hitches as I slide the head of it up and down over her pussy, slicking up her arousal. “Ah, Skyler.”

She smiles. “Fuck me,” she whispers. “Please.”

Her body lifts toward me and then I slide into her, easing in, stretching her wide, filling her. A moan leaks from her lips as she watches me. When I'm balls-deep inside her, I pause, taking a couple short breaths, then I lower myself over her. I slide one arm beneath her head and kiss her mouth, her cheek, her neck. I breathe in her scent, apple and vanilla and Skylar, and her hands run up and down my sides, then slip around to grip my ass. “Skylar.” I kiss her ear. “Skylar.”

She's everything at that moment. I move inside her and she holds on to me, her body tight around me, her thighs gripping my hips.

“I love you,” she whispers, one hand sliding up my back and into my hair. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too, baby.” I roll my hips against her, thrusting into her deep, owning her.

I rise up onto my knees and gaze down at her. I cup her breasts and squeeze, then circle my hands around her narrow waist and hold her as I thrust into her harder still. Our eyes meet and hold and my heart swells in my chest at the love I see there. Pure joy and gratitude and overwhelming love for her rushes through me.

We stare into each other's eyes as I rock into her again and again. Her hips lift to meet me, taking me deep, and the expression on her face mirrors my own feelings of gratitude and appreciation, devotion and worship. Heat pools in my groin and every nerve ending tightens. A ragged groan tears from my throat as sensation builds. I fall over her, one hand on her forehead, tipping her head back so I can find her mouth as I come.

Her body squeezes me, her arms and legs wrap around me too, and she cries out. Sensation explodes in me, racing up my spine, my balls contracting, my cock pulsing inside her in wrenching spasms. “Goddamn,” I murmur against her lips, and I feel them curve in response.

I bury my face in the side of her neck and we lie together panting for long moments. Her fingers dance across my back and she gives me slow, openmouthed kisses on my shoulder. Finally I rise up onto my elbows to peer down at her.

Her bottom lip trembles, but she's smiling. “Thank you.”

“Christ. Don't thank me. I don't deserve you.”

Her smile goes crooked and she pets my back. “I'm not that special.”

“Yes, you are.” I groan as I lower my forehead to touch hers. “You are.”

“You're the superstar hockey player.”

“That means nothing.”

“Aw, Jacob. It means everything to you.”

“Nope.” I kiss her soft mouth. “
You
mean everything to me.”

“Oh.” Her eyes get all shiny. “Damn you. You're making me cry again. I've cried enough.”

“I'm sorry. I'll do whatever I have to, to make it up to you for being such an idiot.”

“You're doing a fine job so far.”

Our mouths smile against each other.

It's true. Without her in my life…well, I hope I never have to find out how shitty that would be.

“I'm not going to tell Brendan's parents.”

I look up at Ella standing in the door of my room.

Exams are done. I feel pretty good about how they went. Things between Ella and me are okay—subdued, but she's speaking to me. For the entire study period during exams, she hasn't gone out. She hasn't been drinking and she hasn't been partying. She still seems sad, but she's talking to me.

I nod slowly. “I wondered if you would. Come in.” I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed with my laptop, looking at Facebook and Instagram now that exams are done.

She comes in and perches on the end of the bed. “I thought about telling them.”

“You mean, about me? Or about Brendan cheating on a test?”

“Both.” She sighs. “I know they want closure. But I don't think knowing what Brendan did would give them that. So I decided not to say anything.”

“I feel a little guilty keeping the truth from them.”

“I know. Me too. But I also don't want them to blame you.” She meets my eyes. “Because I know it wasn't your fault.” Her bottom lip trembles.

“Thank you, Ella.” My throat tightens. I know that was a difficult thing for her to sort out. “I hope they'll find closure despite not knowing the truth.”

“Yeah. And…” She straightens her shoulders. “I'm sorry about telling you about Jacob.”

I blink. “Well, it's not like you made it up.”

“I know, but…it was
how
I told you. And, shit, not knowing what had happened with you and Brendan…I had no idea how hard that was going to hit you. I'm so sorry.”

“You didn't know.”

“I should have. You should have told me. We're best friends.”

I close my eyes briefly. “I should have told you. You're right.”

We talk for a long time about what happened and how I was feeling, because Ella is experiencing some of the same emotions now.

“I'm going to see a counselor,” she says. “I haven't been dealing with it very well.”

My eyes widen. “Oh. Oh, that's good, Ella. It really helped me figure things out.” I bite my lip. “I hope you can forgive Brendan.”

She tips her head. “Have you?”

“I'm not sure.” I mull that over. “But I think I'm on my way.”

“God, Skylar.”

I set my laptop aside and reach for her, and we hug for a long, silent moment. Then I draw back and wipe my eyes, trying to smile. “I'm heading over to Jacob's place to celebrate exams being done. Want to come?”

She gives me a teary smile back and nods. “Sure.”

Natalie and Brooklyn have already gone home. It turns out they weren't taking Ella's side against me; she hadn't even told them exactly what happened. But they'd sensed the tension between Ella and me and weren't sure how to deal with it.

We arrive at Jacob's place to find a bunch of guys in the living room, some of them playing Xbox. Grady has already gone home, but Ben and Hunter are there, along with a few other players who haven't left yet.

Jacob tries to hide his surprise at seeing Ella with me, but bugs his eyes out at me behind her back when she walks in. “Okay?” he mouths.

I nod and smile. “I think so.”

“Good.” He wraps an arm around my neck and kisses my forehead. “Gonna miss you so much, Sky.”

“I know. Me too.” I slide my arms around him and hug him. “We'll talk, though.”

“Yeah.”

Jacob didn't get suspended for the fight. When the coaches interviewed the other guys who'd been present, they all said Jack had instigated it. They all told exactly what Jack had said. The coaching staff said it wasn't unusual in a team for players to cover for each other—but this case
was
unusual because often what happens is players are trying to cover up sexual harassment or bad behavior, but in this case they were trying to
expose
it.

The team management also heard from Victoria, who filled them in on the proposal Jacob had put forward that morning. Since his motivations were good, he got a stern lecture from his coach about appropriate behavior in the dressing room and that was the end of it. Luckily, Jacob only had some bruises on his back and his hand, and he'll be fine to play in the tournament in Florida.

His parents saved up money for a flight home for him for Christmas and he leaves in the morning. I'll probably go home tomorrow too. I've had some nice emails from Mom, and I'm not as anxious about going home as I was the last time, so that's good.

But I'm going to miss Jacob so much.

It's our last night together for weeks.

We join the others in the living room, where apparently Ella has just insulted Ben's clothing style.

“You're one to talk.” He eyes her. “Was there a sale at Frederick's of Hollywood?”

“Ugh. Thanks for giving me a piece of your mind,” Ella snaps. “I know you don't have much to spare.”

Ben laughs. “Funny. I bet you complain about shit in your sleep.”

“You'll never know.”

“Damn straight I won't.”

Ah. I wish my friend and Jacob's friend liked each other so we could all hang out. This kind of blows, but I don't know what we can do about it. I know Ben has formed an impression of Ella based on the way she'd been acting, and I can't blame him for that. And she doesn't like him because she thinks he's all full of himself with his hair and clothes and car, all BMOC.

“How did your presentation go today?” I ask Jacob.

This morning he and Victoria made a presentation to the college president and executive officers about his idea to do special awareness training for athletes.

He grins. “I killed it.”

“Of course you did.” I roll my eyes. But I'm smiling, because I know his cockiness is just an act. Underneath it, he has the same hopes and dreams and fears as any of us, despite his gifts and talents.

“Seriously. It went well. They seemed really interested, and with other stuff that's been in the news lately, they don't want shit like that happening here.”

“No one does.” I nod. “That's great.” I go up on my toes and kiss him.

“Hey, that's a level one offense.”

I look over at Ben, grinning at us. “What is?”

“Making out with your girlfriend in front of your buddies.”

“Fine.” Jacob laughs and starts toward the kitchen. “I'll get you a damn beer.”

“It doesn't count when you're only doing it because you need one yourself!” Hunter yells after him.

“We were hardly making out.” I throw a pillow at Hunter, who catches it with an athlete's quick reflexes and a grin. “It was just a kiss.”

“Thank God you two made up,” Ben says. “He was fucking moody as hell. Impossible to live with, not to mention useless on the ice.”

“I was not useless,” Jacob shouts from the kitchen.

Ben grins. “Whatever.”

Jacob returns, carrying a bunch of beer bottles. “I'll bring you some Kool-Aid, babe.”

“That's okay, I can get it.”

“I'm up. Sit.”

I lower myself into a chair. I love how he takes care of me. Even though I don't need taking care of. The thing is, we take care of each other. Whether we need it or not. Because that's what you do for someone you love.

Saying goodbye at the airport the next day might be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have to remind myself of the challenges I've handled and come through stronger. But damn…I love Jacob so much. I feel like my heart is being torn out of my chest. I keep swallowing because my throat hurts so much. When he's about to go through security, he turns to me and we move together without speaking, our gazes joined.

“We can do this.” He brushes his mouth over mine.

I go onto my toes and wrap my arms around his neck, finding his mouth again with mine. He hugs me back, pulling me up against him. Absorbing the heat and strength of his big body as I cling to him, I can't stop the tears that leak from my eyes, and the wetness is cool where my cheek presses against his.

“Don't cry, baby. Please.” He squeezes me tighter. “It'll be okay. We'll Skype every day. You'll probably see more of me while we're apart than you do here.”

I sob on a laugh. “Okay.”

“Gonna miss you so much.” He kisses me softly. “I love you, Sky.”

“I love you too.”

We kiss again, long and desperate. But I know he's right. It will only be a few weeks until we see each other again. We've been through a lot. We're both strong. We can do this. And I know at some point I have to let him go, let him get on that plane to go home. It takes everything I have to do that, to give him one last, lingering kiss, then move away.

“Bye, Jacob.” I smile into his eyes, which look a little damp too. “Enjoy Christmas with your family.”

“You too.”

We've talked about it and we both feel like going home will be okay now. We've dealt with a lot of shit in the last few months. I'm actually looking forward to seeing my family, including my sister, and Jacob says he plans to talk to his parents about what he's learned and the program we'll be working on together in the New Year. I can only imagine how proud they'll be of him for doing that. My own heart still swells every time I think about it.

“I think I will.” I pause, going serious. “You make me feel so loved, Jacob. You make me feel like someone who's worth loving.”

“You are. God, Skylar. You are.” His expression turns fierce warrior and I love that too.

“And so are you. And not just because you're a hot jock.”

His eyes soften and warm with understanding, then he shoots me the cocky grin that attracted me to him across the kitchen that night we met. “But I am a hot jock.”

“You're also a cocky ass.” I plant my hand on his chest and give him a shove.

He walks backward, holding my gaze. “You love my ass.”

My eyes bug out and I glance around. There are people all around us. I glare at him and he laughs and winks, then turns and gets in line.

I wait until he's through security. Once he picks up his backpack from the table and slings it over his shoulder, he turns. He's tall enough that he can see over the crowd as he scans the area and finds me. He lifts his arm and gives me a big wave, and I fight back tears as I smile and wave at him too. Then I turn and walk through the terminal, my vision blurred, but I'm still smiling and my heart is full and happy despite the tears in my eyes.

Because I love him and he loves me and I'm so looking forward to next term, being with him, accomplishing things with him, our lives back on track and moving into the future together.