Show No Mercy (6 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Faking Adam Attenborough

Sophie was at Billy’s house. Sophie made Billy put on his special suit. She was trying to make him be Adam Attenborough at Mr. Sandalwood’s party. He picked at his moustache as he talked.

“Hi, I’m Adam Attenborough,” he said in a way too funny and sarcastic tone, holding out his hand for an imaginary Mr. Sandalwood to shake.

Billy had an incredibly thick moustache, that curved around his mouth and curled on the ends. He was so fat that his belly could pop his t-shirt buttons if he wasn’t careful. He always had to get extra, extra, extra, EXTRA large trousers for his incredibly wobbly legs. Sometimes, he even had to get his clothes specially made, since the size had to be so big.

Who was Sophie kidding? Billy couldn’t pretend to be Adam Attenborough at Mr. Sandalwood’s party. It would become a massive joke. She could imagine it in the news, and she covered her face in shame:
YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT ADAM ATTENBOROUGH IS RICH AND DREAMY? WELL, THE TRUTH HAS BEEN REVEALED, FOLKS! ADAM ATTENBOROUGH IS OBESE! WHEN SOPHIE HUGS HIM, IT WOULD PROBABLY BE VERY GOOD EXERCISE, BECAUSE HE’S SQUEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF HER!
                                                       

“Come on, Billy. You need more oomph in your voice. More confidence. You know. You’re doing it all wrong,” Sophie shouted, and reached for his blazer, shoving it about. “You need to button up your blazer, look formal, look polite.”
                                                                                                               

“OK, OK, Sophie. Stop being so irritatingly bossy!” Billy snapped.
                                                                                                               

The doorbell rang. Sophie ran to answer it, as there was the faint sound of Billy practising. She looked through the eye hole built into the door, and caught Adam’s eye. She opened the door at once.
                                                                                                 

“Oh, Mitchell, thank God you’re here!” she smiled, grabbing his arm and ushering him into the living room. He sat down on the sofa.                           

“Mitchell, this is Adam Attenborough,” said Sophie, pointing to Billy.                                                                     

“I thought this was Billy’s house.” Adam frowned.                           

“Billy’s just nipped down to the newsagents. Now, Mitchell, meet Adam Attenborough,” Sophie lied.                                                                                                 

Billy grinned. “Hi, I’m Adam Attenborough,” he said in the same sarcastic but funny tone, and held his hand out for Adam to shake. Adam burst into hysterics, pointing. He couldn’t stop laughing because Billy’s acting was so funny yet so unrealistic. Adam laughed so hard that he fell to the floor and was punching it to try and calm down his giggles.
                                                                     

“He – he’s Adam Attenborough!” Adam chortled, unable to stop sniggering.                                                                                   

Sophie shoved at Billy for acting so hopeless.                                                                                                               

She went over to Adam.
                                                       

“The truth is mate, Adam Attenborough’s not my boyfriend. I never even knew him,” she confessed awkwardly. “The story’s gone so far that Mr. fucking Sandalwood has gone to arrange a party with Adam Attenborough as the special guest. But since I don’t know him, I need someone to act in his position.”                           

“Right,” Adam said, standing up to face Billy. “Look Billy, you need more of an edge to your voice, and it needs to be normal. Look, I’ll show you the perfect Adam Attenborough impersonation.”
             

Adam composed his shirt and held his arm out for Billy to shake. “Hi, I’m Adam. Adam Attenborough.”                                                        

Of course he got it perfect because he actually was Adam Attenborough, but Sophie didn’t see it that way. She jumped around with excitement.
                                                                                                 

“You must be Adam Attenborough at Sandalwood’s party, you’ve just got to. You’re impersonation is just so believable and realistic!” Sophie said cheerfully. She pat Adam on the back. Adam gulped.
                                                                                                               

“You will, won’t you?” Sophie pestered.
                                                                     

“Of course,” Adam agreed reluctantly. He just couldn’t turn her down. “My pleasure.”

Chapter Seventeen

Clearing the dance floor

It was party day. Sophie had put an extra special effort into getting ready: she was wearing a gorgeous, glittery, shimmering red mini dress with pearl jewellery. She waited and waited for Adam to arrive. Well, she still thought he was Mitchell Anderson.
                                                                                                               

Mr. Sandalwood walked over. “Are you sure he’s going to come? Everyone’s waiting,” he said worriedly. He indicated to the massive amount of guests.
                                         

“I’ll phone him,” Sophie promised, and whipped out her mobile. But before she could start dialling Adam’s number Adam arrived in a cool super stretch black limousine. Sophie’s smile widened in delight, but she was angry at him because he’d arrived late.                                                       

Adam was wearing a posh, expensive grey suit and he had his hand in his pockets.
                           

“Hiya babe! Looking gorgeous!” he grinned, pulling Sophie into a hug and kissing both her cheeks. Sophie winced at this closeness, pulling her eyebrows together in disgust. She quickly pulled away.                                         

“Pleasure to meet you at last, Mr. Attenborough!” Mr. Sandalwood said, patting Adam on the back. “Now, let’s have dinner.”
             

Sophie grabbed Adam’s arm and ushered him to the dining table. There were hundreds of guests, all sitting around. They started cheering for dear life when Sophie and Adam arrived at the table. They thought Sophie was linking arms with Adam when she was actually just dragging him there.                                                                                                               

“Oh, how romantic!” one of the women made out. She was standing next to her husband. “If only my husband would be that romantic with me like you two are.”
                                         

Sophie fake-smiled.                                                                     

“Anyways, let’s begin lunch,” Mr. Sandalwood suggested. Sophie and Adam sat together, laughing and chatting to the guests, but then, when Sophie got the chance, she started hissing in Adam’s ear.                                                       

“You hug me like we’re going to get married, and then you kiss me in public? Pull your act together, Mitchell. We’re not really dating, and we’re not a couple. Don’t over do your acting.”                                                                                                 

Adam nodded. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cause any offence.” He grinned cheekily. “I bet you enjoyed it though. Come on, loosen up a little!”
                                                                                   

Sophie couldn’t help but smile, and she cheered up.
He’s right
, she thought.
I DID enjoy it.
“Never mind. It’s not the end of the world. Now let’s order some drinks and enjoy the flipping party!”                                         

Billy was the caterer. He tried the Adam Attenborough impersonation again, but he knew that it was no use now that Adam was here at the party now. Sophie hissed at him to pull his act together: he was the caterer and he wasn’t acting like it; messing around and throwing dirty looks at Adam.

Soon after, Mr. Sandalwood started to play some music. There were tracks like
Mirrors
by Justin Timberlake,
OMG
by Usher,
Scream and Shout
by will.i.am,
Boyfriend
by Justin Bieber and many others. Many of the guests had started dancing, whilst Adam and Sophie just watched stupidly.

Boyfriend
started.

“Come on, Sophie, let’s dance!” Adam tried.

“Nah …”

Then Mr. Sandalwood ran over to them. “Come on, you’re a couple! Dance!” He forced them to the floor.

Sophie reluctantly got up and joined Adam on the dance floor.

If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go

I can take you places you ain't never been before

Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know

I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow

Swag, swag, swag, on you

Chillin' by the fire while we eatin’ fondue

I don't know about me but I know about you

So say hello to falsetto in three, two, swag

As Adam put his arms around Sophie and swayed her around the room, Sophie started really listening to the lyrics, really making her think about what they meant.
Mitchell
, she thought.
Oh, Mitchell!

I’d like to be everything you want

Hey girl, let me talk to you

If I was your boyfriend, never let you go

Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone

I can be a gentleman, anything you want

If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go

Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don’t

I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe

I don’t ever wanna fight yeah, you already know

Imma make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow

Burr

Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend

You could be my girlfriend until the w-w-world ends

Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and

Voice goin crazy on this hook like a whirlwind

Swaggie

Adam couldn’t stop thinking how beautiful Sophie looked tonight, and how he felt as he danced with her to this particular song.

I’d like to be everything you want

Hey girl, let me talk to you

If I was your boyfriend, never let you go

Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone

I can be a gentleman, anything you want

If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go

So give me a chance, ‘cause you’re all I need girl

Spend a week with your boy I’ll be calling you my girlfriend

If I was your man (If I was your man), I’d never leave you girl

I just want to love and treat you right

Sophie could feel herself blushing as they danced and he swayed her to the beat. Everyone was watching them, but for once, she didn’t care. She was completely immersed in her own world thinking of to her, Mitchell.

If I was your boyfriend (boyfriend), never let you go

Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone (never be alone)

I can be a gentleman (gentleman), anything you want

If I was your boyfriend (boyfriend), I’d never let you go, never let you go

Na na na, na na na, na na na

Yeah girl

Na na na, na na na, na na na ey

If I was your boyfriend

Na na na, na na na, na na na ey

Na na na, na na na, na na na ey

If I was your boyfriend

“If I was your boyfriend,” Adam sang the last line, not meaning it for the words to slip out, but they had. Sophie blushed even deeper, and everybody clapped.

It was the end of the party. Sophie and Adam made a big farewell as they left to get to their bus.