Shotgun Bride (18 page)

"Really?" She stood, walked to the counter, and removed the cloth from a plateful of cookies. "Hog never told me that, and Kid really likes them." She set the plate on the table near where he'd sat.

"So do I." Bug took two, popping one in his mouth as the back door opened again.

"Hi, Kid," he mumbled around the cookie, and after swallowing added, "I brought the traveling bag you wanted." Kid stood in the doorway, an odd frown on his face as his gaze settled on the bag. He glanced from it to her. His questioning look made her peer at the luggage. An eerie feeling caused the hair on her neck to stand up. He walked across the room, gave her elbow a soft squeeze before he took a cookie from the plate.

"Thanks, Bug. Have a minute to come out to the barn with me?"

"Sure." Bug took two more cookies before he rose and walked toward the door.

Kid took a bite of the cookie, gave her one of his heart melting smiles, and followed the younger brother outside. When the door snapped shut, Jessie picked up the bag, 169

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unbuttoned the flap and stared into the empty satchel. Setting it back on the table, she rubbed at the goose bumps popping out on her forearms. What would Kid need a traveling bag for?

Sammy whimpered, sticking a cold nose against her elbow. She knelt down, wrapped her arms around the dog's neck, and whispered, "Where ever he's going, hopefully he won't need to be gone long."

The dog tolerated her hard hug for an extended length of time, absorbing some of her sadness, before he began to wiggle and tug out of her hold.

"Sorry," she giggled, feeling apologetic for confining the animal. Taking a cookie from the plate, she handed it to him.

"Here, you deserve a treat too." Sammy ate it in one gulp, looking up for seconds before he'd even swallowed. She handed him one more then carried the plate to the counter before leaving the room to gather the laundry she planned to wash.

Later that day, after the laundry and supper dishes were clean, dry, and put away, she wandered into the living room to read. The evening sun flowed through the huge windows, casting a red hue across the room. The sight of Kid, sitting with his back to the glass, bathed in the sun's blaze took her breath away. A hand flew to her chest as wet, hot moisture bubbled in the pit of her body.

His gaze rose, locked onto hers. Fearing her legs would give out; she moved to the closest chair and collapsed in the soft seat.

"Are you all right?" Kid asked with furrowed brows. 170

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"Yes, yes, fine, thank you." She fidgeted with the ruffles on her skirt, rearranged the way the rows had fallen around her knees, while secretly trying to bring her breathing under control.

Kid let out a long sigh and set the book on the table beside him. "Jessie, I have something to tell you."

"Oh?" She swallowed. Had he noticed the missing stories?

Did he know she'd read them?

He rose, walked to the fireplace, and with his back to her, settled both hands on the mantle.

"Yes. I..." His shoulders lifted as he took another deep breath.

"What is it Kid? Has something happened?"
Russell!
She hadn't thought about him in several days, but had heard Joe had sent him to a line camp. The news had brought relief, knowing he was no where near her or Kid.

"Oh no. What has he done?"

Kid looked over his shoulder. "Who?"

"Russell," she sighed.

Kid twirled around searching the room with a fiery gaze.

"Russell? Has he been here? When?"

"No, no he hasn't been here." She shook her head. "I haven't seen him."

"This isn't about Russell." Kid put his hands in his pant's pockets.

"It isn't?" The stories—it had to be the stories. The toe of his left boot kicked at the rug on the floor, flipping the corner up then catching it as it flapped back 171

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down. After a few minutes he sighed and said, "Jessie, I've enrolled you in The Women's University." Thank goodness it wasn't about the stories. Her shoulders eased with relief before she frowned, and asked, "The Women's University? I've never heard of that. What is it?"

"It's a school for women located outside Boston." His gaze landed on her. "You'll be leaving in the morning." Dead air stung her lungs. Her body trembled. "L-leaving?" It wasn't new, she'd been asked or forced to leave every place she'd ever lived, but this time, the news scorched her heart like a hot iron.

"What have I done wrong?"

"Wrong?" Kid stepped closer. "You haven't done anything wrong."

She looked at him, not believing his words.

"Trust me, sweetheart, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just—well, it's the best thing for you. It's a woman's school, Jessie. You'll enjoy it."

"But I don't want to leave." Jessie pressed a hand to her lips, realizing she'd said her thoughts aloud. She blinked, trying to hold the tears in.

Kid knelt down in front of her. "You'll feel differently once you get there. You'll soon make friends with girls from all across the country."

"But who'll take care of you?" She wiped at the tears on her cheek. "Who'll cook and do the laundry?"

"I will."

"You will?" Her mind was spinning, not stopping long enough for full thoughts to form.

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"Yes, I did it before, I can do it again." She nodded, wiping again at the water on her face. "Butbut who will take care of Sammy?"

"I will." Kid said. One of his thumbs rose to wipe at the tears still falling. "Don't cry now, Jessie. It's a fine place. You'll see." He took her hand, pulling her to her feet.

"Now you best run upstairs and pack. I put the traveling bag from Bug in your room. Use that for the train ride and pack your other things in one of the trunks." A thick haze clouded her vision, and her body felt numb. Kid, one hand holding her elbow, the other in the middle of her back, pushed her forward and helped her manage the steps. In her bedroom, he released her.

"Let me know if you need any help." She nodded, but he'd already shut the door, leaving her to pack. She crumbled to the floor and let the tears fall freely. It was several minutes before she wiped her eyes, and pulled a handkerchief from her skirt's hidden pocket near her waist. Blowing her nose into the dainty, lacy cloth, made the tears come again. It was the first hanky she'd ever owned. And why was she forever crying? She'd never cried before, but since coming to live here, she was forever doing so. It was like Kid and his kindness had opened every pent up feeling in her body. She pressed the cloth to her face and let the tears roll again.

Head throbbing and knees weaker than a newborn calf, Kid grabbed the banister to keep from falling down the flight of stairs. Sniffles and smothered sobs drifted through the wood of her bedroom door. Though barely audible, her crying 173

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pierced his ears as if it was louder than the train whistle in Dodge. Each muffled sound made his chest burn. A low whine rang out above the rest. He turned. Sammy, lying near her door, raised a paw and let his long claws trail down the wood. Kid slapped his thigh. The dog ignored him. He took a step, thumped the lab on the head and pointed to the stairs. Clearly disgusted, Sammy rose and without looking at Kid, plodded down the steps. He followed—his steps slow and unsteady.

Damn it to hell!
He knew telling her was going to be hard, but he hadn't expected it to be this severe. If he were an animal, he'd head out to the back forty to lie down and die. When the bottom step loomed before him, he sat and pressed his face into the palms of his hands. Sharp stings burnt the backs of his eyes, and his throat felt as if it were on fire. Sending her away was the right thing to do. The only thing he could do.

He should have told her before now, gave her time to get used to the idea, but he couldn't. Fear that she'd persuade him to change his mind had made him keep silent. And then there were his desires. The real reason he'd refused to allow the thought of her leaving to enter his mind. When he saw the bag this afternoon, he'd wanted to throw up. Carrying it up to her room after Bug left, he thought about throwing it out the window. He'd also thought about telling her then, but even a few hours could prove disastrous. Part of him had even thought about waiting until morning to tell her. But decided that wouldn't do. She needed a small amount of time. And he could make it though the night. Wouldn't crack 174

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under pressure and take her to bed, where there would be no turning back.

He wanted her, wanted her more than anything he'd ever wanted. More than becoming a rancher, more than building a fancy house, more than living, but that wasn't fair to her. She deserved to know there was more to life than what western Kansas had to offer. To know she could become anything she wanted to be.

He ran his hands through his hair. What if she did find the life she wanted and it didn't include him? A glob of pain bubbled up, into his throat where it attempted to choke him. Covering his mouth, he rose.

Sammy whined from near the front door. Kid walked across the room, opened the door, and followed the dog into the dark night. A mournful howl echoed off the porch roof. Kid didn't know if it came from him or Sammy. Unable to move any further, he grabbed the arm of a chair and collapsed onto it. Staring into the star-filled sky, he tried to get his body back under control, and convince himself if she found a life that didn't include him; he'd have to let her have it. It wouldn't kill him. Might paralyze him, but it wouldn't kill him.

* * * *

When her crying bout played out, drained and hurting, Jessie blew her nose again, rose to her feet and walked to the bed. The carpet bag sat at the edge, waiting to be filled. She didn't even know how to pack. She'd only done it once, when she and Russell joined the wagon train leaving Independence years ago. That time she'd only been allowed one bag. Since 175

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then each time she'd been told to leave, her exits had been fairly instantaneous, which hadn't ever really mattered, since she'd never had anything to pack.

She sat down, the edge of the bed softly absorbing her weight. Not like this time. This time she had clothes, hair ribbons, feminine undergarments, and accessories, even a few knick knacks the brothers had given her. A robin egg from Bug, a carved dog from Snake, the small, glass vase Skeeter had brought her full of flowers. Jessie rubbed at her temples before she pushed off the bed. Shaky legs walked across the room to the dresser where the items sat. She touched each one. Grasping the carving with trembling fingers, her heart stung. How could she leave Sammy? And what would she do about all of Hog's recipes?

Still clutching the wood toy, she turned to the door. She couldn't leave, there was too much to do here. Something trickled into her spine and gave her strength, making her legs grow steady and firm. She tossed the toy onto the bed. That's all there was to it, she had too much to do. She walked out of the room and down the stairs. The living room was empty, she moved to the open front door. Kid sat on the porch. Sammy left his side to greet her with one of his big grins. A slight weakness made her knees quiver, but she ignored it and stepped onto the porch.

"Do you need help?" Kid asked. She took a deep breath and as her fingers clutched onto the material of her skirt said, "I've made a choice. I'm not leaving."

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Kid's eyebrows rose, his mouth opened then closed as he ran a finger over his upper lip. A few quiet seconds hung in the air.

"Jessie, it's not your choice not to go."

"What do you mean? You said everyone always has a choice. And I'm choosing not to go." She crossed her arms, rubbed at chilled flesh, and hoped her courage wouldn't dissolve completely.

Kid rose. "Let's go back inside." His hand took her elbow, and he escorted her into the house.

Sammy bounded ahead, and then waited for her to sit before deciding where he wanted to lie down. Kid propelled her to one of the high back chairs, and the dog quickly settled near her feet.

"You do remember telling me that, don't you?" she asked as he moved away from the chair.

"Yes, Jessie. And you do have a choice. But it's not whether or not to go to Boston. Your choice is how you decide to react to the event. You have a choice to enjoy it and have fun, or to hate it and be miserable."

"That's not much of a choice."

"Nonetheless, it's your choice," he said. "Either way you will be attending the woman's college. Hog and Snake will be here early in the morning to take you to Dodge. You'll take the train from there to Boston."

"Why, Kid? Why do I have to go to Boston? Can't I learn everything here they could teach me there? If you buy the books I'll read them from cover to cover." She rose, stepped 177

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over Sammy, and grabbed his forearms, clutching the solid limbs.

"Please don't send me away Kid. I'll do anything you ask. Just please, please don't send me away," she begged, baring her greatest fear. The tears stung her eyes again, blurring his face.

He wrapped his arms around her and ran his fingers through the length of her hair. She buried her face to his chest, her heart breaking at the thought of leaving him. Soft, cooing words filled her ears, calming her trembles and easing the cascade of tears. "Shh. Don't cry, Jessie." He kissed the top of her head. "I know it's hard. I don't want you to go either."

"Then why? Why are you sending me away?" He pushed on her shoulders, separating them so he could look at her face. "I'm not sending you away because I want to. You're going to Boston because it's the best thing for you. You have your whole life ahead of you. At the college you'll learn new things, make new dreams. Figure out what you want to do with your life."