Read Short Stories 1895-1926 Online
Authors: Walter de la Mare
But once beneath that prodigious roof-tree, I forgot myself and everything that was mine. The hush, the coolness, the unfathomable twilight drifted in on my small human consciousness. Not even the ocean itself is
By deliberate design, too, or by some illusion of perspective, the whole floor of the building appeared steadily to ascend towards the east, where a dark, wooden multitudinously figured rood-screen shut off the choir and the high altar from the nave. I seemed to have exchanged one universal actuality for another: the burning world of nature for this oasis of quiet. Here, the wings of the imagination need never rest in their flight out of the wilderness into the unknown.
Thus resting, I must again have fallen asleep. And so swiftly can even the merest freshet of sleep affect the mind, that when my eyes opened, I was completely at a loss.
Where was I? What demon of what romantic chasm had swept my poor drowsy body into this immense haunt? The din and clamour of an horrific dream whose fainting rumour was still in my ear, became suddenly stilled. Then at one and the same moment, a sense of utter dismay at earthly surroundings no longer serene and peaceful, but grim and forbidding, flooded my mind, and I became aware that I was no longer alone. Twenty or thirty paces away, and a little this side of the rood-screen, an old man was standing.
To judge from the black and purple velvet and tassel-tagged gown he wore, he was a verger. He had not yet realized, it seemed, that a visitor shared his solitude. And yet he was listening. His head was craned forward and leaned sideways on his rusty shoulders. As I steadily watched him, he raised his eyes, and with a peculiar stealthy deliberation scanned the complete upper regions of the northern transept. Not the faintest rumour of any sound that may have attracted his attention reached me where I sat. Perhaps a wild bird had made its entry through a broken pane of glass and with its cry had at the same moment awakened me and caught his attention. Or maybe the old man was waiting for some fellow-occupant to join him from above.
I continued to watch him. Even at this distance, the silvery twilight cast by the clerestory windows was sufficient to show me, though vaguely, his face: the high sloping nose, the lean cheekbones and protruding chin. He continued so long in the same position that I at last determined to break in on his reverie.
At sound of my footsteps his head sunk cautiously back upon his shoulders; and he turned; and then motionlessly surveyed me as I drew near. He resembled one of those old men whom Rembrandt delighted in drawing: the knotted hands, the black drooping eyebrows, the wide thin-lipped ecclesiastical mouth, the intent cavernous dark eyes beneath the heavy folds of their lids. White as a miller with dust, hot and draggled, I was hardly the kind of visitor that any self-respecting custodian would warmly welcome, but he greeted me none the less with every mark of courtesy.
I apologized for the lateness of my arrival, and explained it as best I could. âUntil I caught sight of you,' I concluded lamely, âI hadn't ventured very far in: otherwise I might have found myself a prisoner for the night. It must be dark in here when there is no moon.'
The old man smiled â but wryly. âAs a matter of fact, sir,' he replied, âthe cathedral is closed to visitors at four â at such times, that is, when there is no afternoon service. Services are not as frequent as they were. But visitors are rare too. In winter, in particular, you notice the gloom â as you say, sir. Not that I ever spend the night here: though I am usually last to leave. There's the risk of fire to be thought of and ⦠I think I should have detected your presence here, sir. One becomes accustomed after many years.'
There was the usual trace of official pedantry in his voice, but it was more pleasing than otherwise. Nor did he show any wish to be rid of me. He continued his survey, although his eye was a little absent and his attention seemed to be divided.
âI thought perhaps I might be able to find a room for the night and really explore the cathedral to-morrow morning. It has been a tiring journey; I come from B â'
âAh, from B â ; it
is
a fatiguing journey, sir, taken on foot. I used to walk in there to see a sick daughter of mine. Carriage parties occasionally make their way here, but not so much as once. We are too far out of the hurly-burly to be much intruded on. Not that them who come to make their worship here are intruders. Far from it. But most that come are mere sightseers. And the fewer of them, I say, in the circumstances, the better.'
Something in what I had said or in my appearance seemed to have reassured him. âWell, I cannot claim to be a regular churchgoer,' I said. âI am myself a mere sightseer. And yet â even to sit here for a few minutes is to be reconciled.'
âAh, reconciled, sir:' the old man repeated, turning away. âI can well imagine it after that journey on such a day as this. But to live here is another matter.'
âI was thinking of that,' I replied in a foolish attempt to retrieve the position. âIt must, as you say, be desolate enough in the winter â for two-thirds of the year, indeed.'
âWe have our storms, sir â the bad with the good,' he agreed, âand our position is specially prolific of what they call sea-fog. It comes driving in from the sea for days and nights together â gale and mist, so that you can scarcely see your open hand in front of your eyes even in broad daylight. And the noise of it, sir, sweeping across overhead in that wooliness of mist, if you take me, is most peculiar. It's shocking to a stranger. No, sir, we are left pretty much to ourselves when the fine-weather birds are flown ⦠You'd be astonished at the power of the winds here. There was a mason â a local man too â not above two or three years ago was blown clean off the roof from under the tower â tossed up in the air like an empty sack. But' â and the old man at last allowed his eyes to stray upwards to the roof again ââbut there's not much doing now.' He seemed to be pondering. âNothing open.'
âI mustn't detain you,' I said, âbut you were saying that services are infrequent now. Why is that? When one thinks of â ' But tact restrained me.
âPray don't think of keeping me, sir. It's a part of my duties. But from a remark you let fall I was supposing you may have seen something that appeared, I understand, not many months ago in the newpapers. We lost our dean â Dean Pomfrey â last November. To all intents and purposes I mean; and his office has not yet been filled. Between you and me, sir, there's a hitch â though I should wish it to go no further. They are greedy monsters â those newspapers: no respect, no discretion, no decency, in my view. And they copy each other like cats in a chorus.
âWe have never wanted to be a notoriety here, sir: and not of late of all times. We must face our own troubles. You'd be astonished how callous the mere sightseer can be. And not only them from over the water whom our particular troubles cannot concern â but far worse â parties as English as you or me. They ask you questions you wouldn't believe possible in a civilized country. Not that they care what becomes of us â not one iota, sir. We talk of them masked-up Inquisitors in olden times, but there's many a human being in our own would enjoy seeing a fellow-creature on the rack if he could get the opportunity. It's a heartless age, sir.'
This was queerish talk in the circumstances: and after all myself was of the glorious company of the sightseers. I held my peace. And the old man, as if to make amends, asked me if I would care to see any particular part of the building. âThe light is smalling,' he explained, âbut still if we keep to the ground level there'll be a few minutes to spare; and we shall not be interrupted if we go quietly on our way.'
For the moment the reference eluded me: I could only thank him for the suggestion and once more beg him not to put himself to any inconvenience. I explained, too, that though I had no personal acquaintance with Dr Pomfrey, I had read of his illness in the newspapers. âIsn't he,' I added a little dubiously, âthe author of
The Church and the Folk
? If so, he must be an exceedingly learned and delightful man.'
âAy, sir.' The old verger put up a hand towards me. âYou may well say it: a saint if ever there was one. But it's worse than “illness”, sir â it's oblivion. And, thank God, the newspapers didn't get hold of more than a bare outline.'
He dropped his voice. This way, if you please'; and he led me off gently down the aisle, once more coming to a standstill beneath the roof of the tower. âWhat I mean, sir, is that there's very few left in this world who have any place in their minds for a sacred confidence â no reverence, sir. They would as lief All Hallows and all it stands for were swept away to-morrow, demolished to the dust. And that gives me the greatest caution with whom I speak. But sharing one's troubles is sometimes a relief. If it weren't so, why do those Catholics have their wooden boxes all built for the purpose? What else, I ask you, is the meaning of their fasts and penances?
âYou see, sir, I am myself, and have been for upwards of twelve years now, the dean's verger. In the sight of no respecter of persons â of offices and dignities, that is, I take it â I might claim to be even an elder brother. And our dean, sir, was a man who was all things to all men. No pride of place, no vauntingness, none of your apron-and-gaiter high-and-mightiness whatsoever, sir. And then that! And to come on us without warning; or at least without warning as could be taken as
such
.' I followed his eyes into the darkening stony spaces above us; a light like tarnished silver lay over the soundless vaultings. But so, of course, dusk, either of evening or daybreak, would affect the ancient stones. Nothing moved there.
âYou must understand, sir,' the old man was continuing, âthe procession for divine service proceeds from the vestry over yonder out through those wrought-iron gates and so under the rood-screen and into the chancel there. Visitors are admitted on showing a card or a word to the verger in charge; but not otherwise. If you stand a pace or two to the right, you will catch a glimpse of the altar-screen â fourteenth-century work, Bishop Robert de Beaufort â and a unique example of the age. But what I was saying is that when we proceed for the services
out
of here
into
there, it has always been our custom to keep pretty close together; more seemly and decent, sir, than straggling in like so many sheep.
âBesides, sir, aren't we at such times in the manner of an
array;
“marching as to war”, if you take me: it's a lesson in objects. The third verger leading: then the choristers, boys and men, though sadly depleted; then the minor canons; then any other dignitaries who may happen to be present, with the canon in residence; then myself, sir, followed by the dean.
âThere hadn't been much amiss up to then, and on that afternoon, I can vouch â and I've repeated it
ad naushum â
there was not a single stranger out in this beyond here, sir â nave or transepts. Not within view, that is: one can't be expected to see through four feet of Norman stone. Well, sir, we had gone on our way, and I had actually turned about as usual to bow Dr Pomfrey into his stall, when I found to my consternation, to my consternation, I say, he wasn't there! It alarmed me, sir, and as you might well believe if you knew the full circumstances.
âNot that I lost my presence of mind. My first duty was to see all things to be in order and nothing unseemly to occur. My feelings were another matter. The old gentleman had left the vestry with us: that I knew: I had myself robed âim as usual, and he in his own manner, smiling with his “Well, Jones, another day gone; another day gone.” He was always an anxious gentleman for
time,
sir. How we spend it and all.
âAs I say, then, he was behind me when we swepp out of the gates. I saw him coming on out of the tail of my eye â we grow accustomed to it, to see with the whole of the eye, I mean. And then â not a vestige; and me -well, sir, nonplussed, as you may imagine. I gave a look and sign at Canon Ockham, and the service proceeded as usual, while I hurried back to the vestry thinking the poor gentleman must have been taken suddenly ill. And yet, sir, I was not surprised to find the vestry vacant, and him not there. I had been expecting matters to come to what you might call a head.
âAs best I could I held my tongue, and a fortunate thing it was that Canon Ockham was then in residence and not Canon Leigh Shougar, though perhaps I am not the one to say it. No, sir, our beloved dean â as pious and unworldly a gentleman as ever graced the Church â was gone for ever. He was not to appear in our midst again. He had been' â and the old man with elevated eyebrows and long lean mouth nearly whispered the words into my ear â âhe had been absconded â abducted, sir.'
âAbducted!' I murmured.
The old man closed his eyes, and with trembling lids added, âHe was found, sir, late that night up there in what they call the Trophy Room â sitting in a corner there, weeping. A child. Not a word of what had persuaded him to go or misled him there, not a word of sorrow or sadness, thank God. He didn't know us, sir â didn't know
me
. Just simple; harmless; memory all gone. Simple, sir.'
It was foolish to be whispering together like this beneath these enormous spaces with not so much as a clothes-moth for sign of life within view. But I even lowered my voice still further: âWere there no premonitory symptoms? Had he been failing for long?'
The spectacle of grief in any human face is afflicting, but in a face as aged and resigned as this old man's â I turned away in remorse the moment the question was out of my lips; emotion is a human solvent and a sort of friendliness had sprung up between us.