Shooting the Moon (10 page)

“If I showed up at school, Brandon would tell Lauren. And she’d probably get the entire faculty and staff up in arms. She might even serve me with a restraining order.”

“Let her. Wouldn’t it be worth ruffling a few feathers to meet your son?”

Definitely,
Harley thought, smiling at the role reversal between them. It was a sad day when his mother had to tell him to take a risk. He used to be a hellraiser. What was happening to him?

“Maybe I’ll stop by there tomorrow,” he said.

“And then you’ll call me? Tell me about Brandon? He’s my only grandchild, you know. And it doesn’t look like you’re in any hurry to give me more.”

Harley rolled his eyes. Interesting that she’d be so concerned about her grandson when she didn’t spare her own son a second thought unless there wasn’t another man in her life. “I’ll let you know how it goes,” he said, then he hit the end button and got up to shave, picturing Lauren and her friend Kim running through the parking lot with a pair of binoculars. Maybe it was time he did some sneaking around of his own. After all, the battle lines had been drawn, and all was fair in love and war.

“I
S
B
RANDON HOME
from school?” Kimberly asked, her voice tinny as it came through Lauren’s speakerphone and into the Worthingtons’ vaulted kitchen.

Lauren glanced across the room at her nephew, who was sitting at the table doing his homework while she stood at the island making cookies. “Yeah. He’s right here.”

“You guys want to come over and go swimming?
May’s usually too cold, but with the weather we’ve been having…”

“Yeah!” Brandon said, but Lauren spoke at the same time, saying, “Not today. I’ve got too much to do.”

“Like what?” Kimberly asked. “I thought your father’s new vice-president was handling most things at the office these days.”

“He is, but I have a lot of calls to make for that fund-raiser.”

“The women’s shelter event?”

“That’s the one.”

“Then Brandon and I will go swimming later. You’re still coming over tonight, aren’t you, Brandon?”

Lauren looked at her nephew, hoping for a positive response instead of the reluctance she’d encountered yesterday, and was relieved when he didn’t argue with her. “Yeah, I’m coming,” he said, but he didn’t sound particularly excited about it and quickly bent over his homework again.

“You sure your parents won’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

“I’ll bring him after dinner then,” Lauren said.

“What are you doing right now?” Kimberly asked.

“Baking cookies.” Lauren’s hands were busy dropping spoonfuls of dough onto a baking sheet, but her mind was still on Audra’s journals. She’d only had a few minutes to read before it was time to retrieve Brandon from school. What she’d seen so far was promising, though, and she was dying to get back to it. Just before she left, she’d found a volume that began at the start of Audra’s junior year, judging by the date. She hoped her sister’s senior year—the year she got to know Harley—would follow. But anxious as Lauren was to find out, she couldn’t pore through the journals in front of Brandon. She wasn’t sure they were something he should see.

“You’re acting funny,” Kimberly said. “Are you still mad at me about today?”

“A little,” she admitted.

“Come on, Lauren. I said I was sorry.”

“I know. It’s okay, I guess. I’m just a little…preoccupied.”

Brandon frowned up at her. “You were mad at Kim? What for?”

“Nothing,” she told him, and grabbed the handset off its cradle despite her flour-covered hands before Kim could say anything that might generate more questions.

“Want me to bring you some cookies?” she asked so they wouldn’t have to talk about the fiasco at the Springfield Apartments. Lauren had been completely humiliated, and she didn’t feel much better thinking back on it.

“That’d be great,” Kim said. “Has You-Know-Who called?”

You-Know-Who? For some reason, calling Harley that made Lauren think of Harry Potter’s “He Who Must Not Be Named.” She hoped the two had nothing in common. “No. And you’re off speakerphone.”

“I can tell. I’m just being careful.”

“I appreciate that.”

“So you haven’t heard anything?”

“Nothing.”

“What about your father? Have you talked to him?”

There was a message on the answering machine from her parents. Theirs was probably the call she’d heard in the attic. Or maybe it was Damien’s. He’d left a message, too, saying he’d talked to Tank and didn’t think Harley would take a bribe. A bit late on that piece of information. “No. It’s after midnight in London. I’ll get in touch with my dad in the morning.”

“Okay. So you’ll be coming over soon?”

“Yeah. See you in a little while.”

“Why were you mad at Kim?” Brandon asked when Lauren had hung up.

“I wasn’t mad at her, not really,” she said. “Are you sure you’re okay with staying over there again tonight?”

He rested his chin in one hand and studied the tip of his pencil. “Yeah, I guess, if you need me to. I mean, Kimberly’s pretty cool. She lets me eat all the ice cream I want. But she doesn’t like to play Hearts.” He made a face. “She wants me to watch television while she talks on the phone forever. And too much television’s not good for kids.”

Lauren smiled. That sounded like his schoolteacher talking. “You don’t watch too much television. I make sure of that. And Kim doesn’t enjoy Hearts because she always gets stuck with the queen of spades. No one likes to stack up thirteen points almost every hand when the object of the game is to get as few points as possible.”

“She’s not a very good player?”

“Let’s just say I’ve seen better.”

“Great,” he said happily. “If I can talk her into playing with me, maybe I’ll have a chance to shoot the moon and actually make it work this time.”

Lauren laughed as she took the first batch of freshly baked cookies out of the oven. “I don’t know anyone more dedicated to mastering everything they learn than you are,” she said, putting two good-sized cookies on a plate and carrying them to the table, along with a glass of milk.

He eagerly pushed his homework out of the way and smiled up at her. “Shooting the moon isn’t easy,” he said. “But I think it’s going to be worth it.”

P
RIVACY AND TIME.
A
T LAST.
Forgetting all the calls she needed to make on the fund-raiser, Lauren dashed to her room as soon as she returned from taking Brandon to Kim’s and scooped Audra’s journals out from under the bed. Piling them on her nightstand, she arranged her pillows, then settled back to read the one that started with her sister’s junior year.

October 14, 1989

Johnny Dakota asked me to the Homecoming Dance today. I don’t really want to go with him, but hey, it’s better than saying yes to some geek. Kevin already asked Melissa. (Boo hoo!) And Gary’s taking LeAnn. I guess I shouldn’t have broken up with him until after Homecoming. I’ll be lucky if Johnny doesn’t get stoned at the game and forget to pick me up, which just can’t happen because I have the most incredible dress…

Lauren recognized the names and remembered the faces. Johnny, eyes red-rimmed and glazed almost all the time. Kevin, handsome, rich and completely stuck-up. And Gary, sweet, friendly Gary, who’d followed Audra around like a puppy. The journal went on to tell all about Homecoming Night and how Audra had started out with Johnny but ended up leaving the dance with Kevin. They went to a party, got drunk and slept together—even
though, according to the journal, Audra wasn’t really interested in Kevin anymore. By then, she’d figured out he was too conceited. However, she seemed to like the idea that Quentin would be shocked by her actions. Lauren frowned when she read a whole paragraph dedicated to how much their father would hate what Audra was doing.

Other than that, the journal was almost completely filled with what the boys at school said or did and which one Audra liked at the moment. It wasn’t difficult to find Harley’s name. He figured in earlier than Lauren had expected, appearing for the first time right after Homecoming.

November 2, 1989

Harley Nelson is
so
gorgeous! What a babe! And he smiled at me today, right in front of Marie and all my friends. They nearly turned green with envy. Hillary’s been trying to get his attention for months, but he didn’t even look at her, which was the best part of all because she’s stabbed me in the back way too many times. Rhonda said she’s been calling Gary and telling him he’s better off without me. Like
she’d
be perfect for him? Give me a break…

The entry veered off on a tangent, about Hillary stealing a blouse out of Audra’s locker, which was part of the reason Audra didn’t like her. Then it detailed an argument Audra had had with their father over whether or not she was grounded for the weekend. There weren’t any entries for the next few weeks and no mention of Harley again until the Christmas holiday, when Audra went to a party and actually danced with him.

Shaking her head after reading the details of another sexual encounter with a cousin of the Robinson boys who’d lived down the street, Lauren skipped forward. She and her sister had been so different, even way back then.
Audra had been consumed with garnering male attention, being the most popular girl in school and getting high. Lauren had been too busy getting good grades, establishing a relationship with her teachers, excelling at debate and working in her father’s video stores. She’d admired a couple of boys, of course. One who wore glasses as thick as hers but consistently challenged her in debate and would probably go on to become a United States senator or something. And Harley, a poor boy with grease under his nails who drove a motorcycle and got her sister pregnant. He was hardly the type an achievement-oriented girl would aspire to marry and yet Lauren couldn’t deny that there’d always been a mysterious allure about him that appealed to something very basic in her.

Maybe she wasn’t so unlike Audra, after all. What would she have done if Harley had given her even a crumb of his attention?

Lauren smiled wistfully as she remembered a barbecue she’d attended in the spring of her sophomore year. It was Elaine Scofield’s end-of-year party and over a hundred kids, as well as several neighborhood families, had been invited for hot dogs and hamburgers and swimming. Harley had been there. For an hour or so, he’d played pool and Lauren had watched him from the dimmest corner of the game room, where she and Kimberly had been talking when he and his crowd came in. He hadn’t done particularly well at croquet earlier—according to Kevin, who was taunting him about it when they poured into the room—but then croquet probably wasn’t a game Harley played much at home. Pool was another story. He could shoot like a hustler, and he proved it by beating all takers and winning all bets. His skill, coordinated movements and rugged good looks riveted Lauren and Kimberly until he went out to swim and started flirting with Audra. Then Quentin, already angry because Audra had defied him by wearing a shockingly revealing bikini, dragged the entire
family home, and they were treated to yet another of Audra’s and Quentin’s many arguments.

So much for the end-of-year party, Lauren thought. But then she chanced upon an entry recording some of the events of that very day and had to pause long enough to read it. Audra wrote that her father had gotten upset over nothing, that he’d tried to ruin her fun just because she wore a swimsuit he didn’t like and flirted with a boy he considered beneath them.

Forget the fact that she’d been making a fool of herself in front of everyone they knew….

With a sigh, Lauren thumbed toward the back of the book. This wasn’t getting her anywhere. The details Audra felt were important enough to record were merely highlighting the vast differences between them and making Lauren feel more distant from Audra than ever. Why couldn’t Audra understand how cheap wearing that suit had made her look? Especially combined with the way she’d been brushing up against Harley in the pool?

Lauren was ready to give up and tote the journals back to the attic so Brandon wouldn’t find them when she caught sight of Harley’s name again. Almost six months had passed without mention of him, but then he appeared at the beginning of Audra’s senior year. She hadn’t written for most of the summer so it was a long entry, mostly concerned with the boys she’d met at Nana’s in Colorado, where she’d spent the summer. At the bottom of the page she said she’d seen Harley after second period and thought he was totally and completely hot and that she was determined to make him her new conquest.

From there, Lauren was riveted because almost every entry was centered on Harley. Audra had started calling him the first week of school and begun arranging meetings with him at the houses of different friends. Soon he was calling her, too. Or rather, he’d let the phone ring once and hang up so Quentin couldn’t answer. Then Audra
would slip away and phone him back, and they’d set up their next rendezvous. It was a classic example of forbidden love, except that Lauren got the impression Audra was more interested in spiting her father than in loving anyone.

November 9, 1991

I slipped out of the house after dinner last night and went to Harley’s. Dad thought I was studying, but I couldn’t read a word, not with him in the house. He makes me sick. What a hypocrite! He’s always handing me all these brochures on the dangers of drinking and smoking, as if
he
lived a monk’s life when he was in school! Just because my little sister’s the perfect nerd, straight As, long skirts and not a horny bone in her body, he wants me to be the same. Well, they can have each other. I’m not like Lauren. I can get any man I want and make him grateful to have me….

Lauren winced at that entry. It was one thing to know what her sister had thought of her and another to see it so baldly stated. But Lauren was more concerned with the underlying problem that had always come between them. Audra was jealous of Lauren’s relationship with their father. It was obvious and, yet, Lauren found Audra’s jealousy ironic considering the fact that Lauren hadn’t possessed the looks or the popularity Audra seemed to prize so highly.

December 23, 1991

Harley made love to me tonight for the first time. After everything I’ve heard about him, I was pretty surprised it took him so long to get around to it. He wasn’t a virgin or anything. He said the thirty-year-old woman across the street came on to him when
he was only fifteen. But he moved very slowly with me. I think he wanted it to mean something, but I’m not sure how I feel about him. He’s certainly different from any other boy I’ve known. And he’s damned good in bed. I can’t get enough of him. If every guy could screw like him, I’d stay on my back all day. Too bad Daddy doesn’t know I’m banging the boy he met at the Scofield picnic….

December 28, 1991

Harley gave me a motorcycle helmet for Christmas with my name on it. I guess that’s the same as a ring to him. I wasn’t too thrilled with it until Daddy saw it and got really pissed off. Then it was the best present I’ve ever received. I gave Harley five hundred bucks to buy parts for his engine. He acted offended that I’d give him so much money and wouldn’t take it even after I told him he’d be doing me a favor, that I was trying to spend as much of Daddy’s money as possible. He said he didn’t want anything from my father. Isn’t that hilarious? Daddy thinks Harley’s a gold digger, and Harley won’t even accept my Christmas present!

January 21, 1992

I’m so mad at Harley. I went over there tonight with some of the best crack I’ve had in a long time, stuff I had to go clear across town to get, and he flushed it down the damned toilet! I don’t know why he’s so uptight about me getting high once in a while, but he’s starting to treat me like he’s my dad or something. He even threatened to break up if I didn’t get my shit together. Maybe all guys are alike, little clones of the great Quentin, thinking they know what’s best for everyone else….

February 14, 1992

I let Harley make love to me today, then told him I’d skipped my birth control pill. Loved the look of panic on his face. I swear I laughed for nearly an hour, but he was a typical jerk and got angry. “That’s not funny,” he said. So I had to tell him I was only joking. The joke’s on him, though. A girl’s got a right to do
something
exciting on Valentine’s Day. I’m sure Lauren had fun. She went out with
Daddy and Mommy
again. The three of them go out for Valentine’s every year because Mom and Dad know Lauren will never be able to get a real date….

Lauren put a hand to her stomach, which was starting to churn. Her sister’s words were personally painful, but they were disappointing in other ways, too. It seemed that Audra had slept with Harley merely to punish their father. Where were her sister’s emotions in the relationship? Other than the physical pleasure Harley brought her, she didn’t make their intimacy sound very special. On the contrary, she’d obviously felt the need to add greater risk to the situation to make it more stimulating.

“Audra,” she whispered. “Why were you willing to settle for such a poor substitute for real happiness?”

March 4, 1992

Daddy caught Harley and me in my room together a few minutes ago. Harley didn’t want to come up here. Guys can be so weird. But he doesn’t like my dad any more than I do, and when I told him we’d just had another fight, he came anyway, saying he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me. What I really wanted was to let him screw my brains out right here in my own bed with my parents just down the hall and innocent little Lauren studying her heart out in the
room next door. Only Harley wouldn’t even let me unzip his pants. I took off my top and everything, and he just kept shoving my shirt at me, telling me to put it back on. He can be so stubborn sometimes. “Not here,” he kept saying, “no way.” I guess I’m kind of glad now, because my dad opened the door right afterward to tell me good night, and when he saw me without my shirt and Harley standing right next to me, he came unglued. I swear I’ve never seen him get so red in the face. He told me if I ever see Harley again, I’ll be cut off from the family. Like I’m not already cut off from this family. Harley was trying to stick up for me, though. He told my dad he loved me and planned to make something of his life, as if that would make a difference to my father. Daddy doesn’t care about love. Probably because he doesn’t believe anyone can love me. The only person he really cares about is Lauren. Little Miss Goody Two-shoes, who wouldn’t know what to do if a guy ever touched her—

Lauren covered her mouth with her hand and closed the journal. She couldn’t read any more. What Audra wrote might be her version of reality ten years ago, but it wasn’t pretty. And Lauren had had more than enough for one night.

She glanced at the phone, wanting to call someone with whom she could share the burden of what she was feeling, hoping it would dispel some of the terrible pain in her heart. Audra had purposely messed up her life, over and over again, and for what? To prove that she could? To prove herself unworthy of her family’s love? Lauren hadn’t majored in psychology. She couldn’t explain the motivations behind her sister’s self-destructive behavior. But she didn’t need an expert to tell her it was a gut-wrenching, unnecessary loss.

If only…

She eyed the phone again. It was nearly midnight. Who could she call? Damien wouldn’t mind, but she didn’t want to talk to him. What she was going through was too personal, too painful to share with someone she didn’t love. She could call her father—except that, at this moment, she almost blamed him for what had happened to Audra more than she blamed her sister. He should’ve backed off somehow, convinced her she was loved.

But how? Lauren hadn’t been able to manage that, either, and hated the helplessness it had always engendered.