Shooting Butterflies (39 page)

‘Thanks, see ya,' Josha called as he was already racing out the front door.

‘You have been amazing about your situation, do you know that?' Gabe said.

‘Not so amazing. Moeketsi followed Jamison here from Zimbabwe, he's a PH, and as loyal as hell. He would die before he let any harm come to my son,' Wayne said in defence.

‘PH?'

‘Professional hunter,' Wayne said.

‘Ah, but that wasn't what I meant. I was meaning more with the whole Josha and Tara thing.'

Wayne grinned. ‘You have no idea how hard it's been. But having them in my life now makes it all worth it.'

‘No, I can guess though. You are a good man, Wayne Botha. Just accepting Tara's extended family along with her.'

‘You got that word right. Family. It's something I had lacked for a while,' he said. ‘And if you are Tara's family now, then you are always welcome at my home. She and I still have unfinished business, but it can wait. It's waited so many years already.'

‘Don't wait,' Gabe said, ‘don't waste more time. You guys both deserve to be happy.'

‘So easy to say, but so complicated. What about Josha?'

‘You seriously think that Josha can't see the obvious love between you guys there? In the three days since you came back into her life, she has a glow in her that wasn't there before.'

Wayne smiled. He looked down at Tara sleeping in his lap. He bent down and kissed her softly on the mouth.

Tara woke in Wayne's arms.

‘I've dreamt of this for years,' she said, as she tried to sit up.

‘You can stay there if you want to,' Wayne said, ‘I'm comfy with you on my lap.'

‘Sweet Wayne, but what will Josha say?' She struggled to sit up and he helped her.

He threaded his fingers through hers and held her hand instead. Sitting close to her felt right. He felt as if he was complete.

‘Josha left with Moeketsi to go exploring. He's a teenage boy on a game farm, with two protective dogs and time to explore. I let him go.'

‘He's going to love it here. And your beautiful dogs, he'll love them, but Gabe, not so much. He isn't a fan of dogs.'

Wayne smiled.

‘Talking about Gabe, where is he?'

‘Upstairs in his room. He wanted to go over the file again. See if he missed anything, if he can put another piece in his puzzle, is what he said.'

Tara smiled.

‘So it's just us. At last,' Wayne said.

‘This room is different from when your parents lived here. I like it better.'

‘I want you and Josha to be comfortable here,' Wayne said.

‘But we have a home in Cape Town,' Tara said, and frowned.

Wayne traced the frown with his fingers and waited for her to relax a little. ‘This can be a second home if you want it to. I told you I would love you always and forever and I meant it. I always dreamt one day, you would come home to me.' He took a deep shaky breath. ‘And I can't believe you are really here.'

She snuggled into his side and she looked at the mantlepiece. ‘You have the photos I sent the lawyer's firm.'

‘My dad gave them to me in a letter when he died.'

‘I was only supposed to send one when Josha was born,' she said, ‘but then I couldn't not share a part of him with you, so I sent the others. I was never sure that your father got them, or if you would ever get them in the end.'

‘When my father died, he told me in his will that he had set you and Josha up, and I got the photographs. He said he was sorry that he wasn't a grandfather who could be involved in Josha's life.'

‘I'm sorry too. There were so many people affected, each so differently. I never imagined, at sixteen, that the fallout from our decisions then would have such far-reaching consequences. I thought I saw him once, your father, watching us in the park, but I wasn't sure,' Tara said.

‘He never said if he saw Josha in real life in his letter. But if he did know where you were, he never told anyone. Not even his lawyers. They had a private investigator search for you for years.'

They sat in silence for a while, Wayne remembering the moment when he got his hands on the photos.

‘You must have really hated me that you kept Josha from me too,' Wayne said.

She pushed herself away from him. Firmly but gently. She looked at him.

He combed his fingers through his hair. He couldn't control his tears any longer, they bubbled over the lump in his throat and into his eyes, and he didn't care. ‘I loved you, and you broke off all contact. You didn't even let me know I was a father.'

He watched her as real pain crossed her face, and tears spilled over her cheeks. But he continued, he needed her to understand. ‘My mother told me when they dropped me off at Hilton Boarding School that you had gone away and had the abortion anyway. I had no knowledge of Josha, not until my father died.'

He hated that he was hurting her by talking about something that happened so many years ago, when they had said that they wouldn't, but it had to be said.

‘I'm so sorry,' she sobbed. ‘I believed you when you first broke up with me, believed that I had to go away, but the longer I was away, the more I realised that you were being made to choose between your father and me by your mother. I wanted to contact you, let you know, but I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't make you choose. I couldn't be the one to destroy your family. I know how special your friendship with your dad was. And he had made sure that no one could take my baby from me. We were safe. Your dad had made sure of that. He'd made sure that I was so far away that she would never attempt to take my baby. Your mother used to be powerful in this community, if she chose to take our baby she could have, and not many people would have stood up to stop her. Your dad had me sign a contract not to contact you until I was twenty-one.' She took a ragged breath. ‘I felt so guilty for taking his money and being paid off like a baby machine, but at the time, it gave me a financial freedom from dependency on my family, and Gabe and I were able to start a new life. He could be the male in the house, and I could finish school, still go to university and make a life for Josha and I. Lucretia looked after Josha, she watched him as if he were her own. The years just passed so fast. But as they passed, it was harder to contact you, harder to reach over the void that was between us.' She paused, but continued, her voice still thick with emotion. ‘I couldn't forget that you hadn't had enough strength to stand up to your mother, that you had given up on us. You didn't fight for us then, you didn't want us.'

He couldn't see her in this type of pain. ‘I was wrong. So wrong,' he said.

Wayne wanted to punch something. Someone. Emotion boiled, making his hands shake. But he knew that it wasn't anger, it was disappointment that they had wasted so much of their lives apart. Now they might be counting what was left of their hours together. ‘I can only apologise that I was just a boy. You are right, I should have fought for us more, stood up to my mother for what I believed in, for what I wanted. In the end she packed me off to boarding school anyway, something my father had always been against, and
drove a huge wedge in my friendship I once had with my dad. Our family fractured apart after you left. But I can't change the past. I don't know what you want me to do about that, because all I want to do is focus on us now that we have found each other again, and now that Josha is in my life.'

She reached a hand and laid it softly against his cheek. ‘So much pain for both of us, and yet we found each other again eventually.'

‘We did. And our son is happy and balanced. You did such a great job. I just saw my son run out the door to explore, so keen to have an adventure. This time, I chose to stay inside with you rather than to see his face as he explores. Yet it brings it home how I didn't see his first step, or hear his first word. I don't know my son from any other teenage boy. Yet I can never hate you for that.'

‘Okay, But tell me one thing, Wayne. Do you honestly still really love me?'

‘No, I travelled halfway around South Africa to argue with you because I have nothing better to do with my time. Of course I still love you, Tara. I already told you that in Cape Town.' He put his hand over hers, threading their fingers together, then he brought her hand over his heart.

Tara smiled. ‘We're all going to stay here for the next fifteen days, we need to settle him in and spend time together as a family. If the worst happens and I don't make it out of this operation, as much as Gabe loves him, Josha needs to be with you.'

Wayne froze, stock-still as if he was a kudu caught in headlight. ‘You sure?'

He saw her nod.

He sniffed. ‘I've carried a torch for you for so long. I told you years ago, I would love you always and forever, and I meant it. Do you still love me?'

‘I've never been with another man all these years. My heart has always belonged to you, so if you and I can have even one more chance, then I'm taking it. Maybe we'll get it right this time and I won't be stubborn and let my pride get in the way. Surely there is no time in the next two weeks to make a botch of it? And afterwards, if
I make it, we'll sort something out, because I'm not sure that I want you out my life now that you are back in it.'

He breathed deeply. Looked up at the ceiling.

They had both made so many mistakes. But they had another chance now. They were together, and now he had Josha. He looked at Tara.

He had always thought that he should hate her, yet now he realised that she probably was thinking she should hate him. He was glad that they were no longer stuck in their never-ending circle of regret and that now they could get on with reacquainting themselves with each other.

Now he had more to lose than ever.

Now the skill of the neurosurgeon mattered because he wasn't going to give her up so easily the second time.

And as for the man who hunted his family, he had to get past not only Wayne and Jamison, but Gabe, and all his workers too. He had already put his anti-poaching guards on high alert, and told them that a white man was trying to cause trouble with his family. Jamison wouldn't give them any more details, but Tara and Gabe had searched their childhood memories and Gabe had even done a sketch of the suspected killer that all the guards carried with them, just in case.

24

The Eye Of The Storm

Kujana Farm, Huhluwe, South Africa

12th March 1998

Wayne's back ached from the long drive and his eyes felt like someone had thrown sand in them, having driven the last five hours from Gauteng back to Kujana while Jamison slept in the bunk in the truck, and Josha sat in the front seat, still staring out the window, looking at everything passing by.

‘We are almost there,' Wayne said. ‘We made good time, we're on Kujana and it's only four o'clock.'

‘I can't believe we drove all those animals to Musina and then back in two days. Uncle Gabe hates driving out of Cape Town to Stellenbosch for a weekend, and we drove all that way,' Josha said.

It was Wayne's turn to drive. Jamison had driven from Musina to Gauteng, now he drove home to Hluhluwe. He avoided rubbing his eyes for relief, knowing that was never the intelligent option. It had been a hard overnight trip away from home.

‘Its just part of the job,' Wayne said. But he grinned at his son, glad that he had impressed him.

He and Jamison had driven the largest and newest addition of their game relocation Mack trucks from a local game auction up to a farm outside Musina, near Zimbabwe. Four other relocation trucks had been in convoy with them, all belonging to Wild Translocation. Now his fleet were all home again. It had been a big delivery, but worth it.

He smiled when he saw the house.

‘We're home, buddy,' he said.

‘That was awesome,' Josha said.

‘I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. And I'm glad your mother let you come with me to see what I do in my spare time.' He grinned as he let the exhaust brakes out, making an unnecessary noise, but knowing that Josha loved the sound.

Josha saw his mum standing on the veranda. He opened the door and all but fell out in his eagerness to tell her about his adventure, teenage excitement once again getting the better of his growing body.

Wayne smiled. His son had an infectious disposition, and was hardly ever sullen. He was easy to get on with and even though he ought to be near dead with tiredness, he was bursting with energy.

‘Come on, old man,' he said to Jamison. ‘You're home. Ebony and the girls just arrived in your
bakkie
to take you to your house. Goronga is on the back, he's doing a great job and sticking to her like glue.'

Jamison climbed out the back area, awake and rearing to go. ‘Thanks, it has been a blast. I will see you tomorrow, I am taking the rest of the day off.'

Wayne smiled. Jamison hated spending time away from Ebony, and now that he understood why, he couldn't blame him. He remembered the nightmare the couple had gone through when they had almost lost their first unborn child, and he shook his head, trying to dislodge the imaginary smell of fire and sound of screaming from his brain.

‘I wouldn't expect anything else,' he said as Jamison strode across to Ebony. He scooped up Blessing as she ran towards him, and then threw his other arm around Ebony and Joy and spun them around. His excitement in seeing them was evident to all.

And for the first time, Wayne knew that feeling of wanting to be home, and in the arms of someone you loved.

He looked out the windscreen at Tara.

Josha was standing next to her and Gabe, his arms wide open as he gestured about something. Tara was smiling, and Gabe was nodding. Lucretia stood a little off to the side and she was laughing. Ella was with her, the two of them seemed to have struck up a friendship since Lucretia had arrived.