Shimmer: The Rephaim Book 3 (7 page)

‘You still want a workout?’ Ez asks Mya, massaging the tension from her arms. She needs a release too.

‘What about Jude?’

Jones slaps his palms together. ‘I’ll take him on.’

‘I don’t have the moves to match your footwork, buddy,’ Jude says.

‘That’s all right, we’ll go old school. You know, actually hit each other.’

Jude checks I’m okay and they find space on the mats. I look around for Micah, find him sitting cross-legged on a weights bench watching the Outcasts, holding Daisy’s hoodie. I ease myself down next to him, still a little tender.

‘You want to go a few more rounds? I’ll take you on.’

I push his shoulder.

‘Soft,’ he says. His eyes skim over the Outcasts. The sparring is urgent, frenetic. They’re all wound as tight as I am. Maybe tighter: they’ve never been powerless before.

‘They’ve kept up their training, I’ll give them that,’ Micah says.

‘It’s not like they’ve been lazing around on a beach for the past decade.’

He glances at me. ‘I’m sorry, did you just defend the Outcasts?’

‘No…’

‘You did a job with them yesterday, though, didn’t you?’

I rub my eyelid, nod.

‘So. What was it like?’

I look past him, remember the raid on the nightclub. The stench of stale beer and cigarettes. The pulsing lights and throbbing music. Immundi demons with sharp suits and sharp teeth. Screaming kids. Bel pinning me to the fence, spraying blood on my face. Promising to hurt me.

‘Mostly terrifying.’ I don’t have to check Micah’s reaction to know that’s not the response he was expecting.

‘Who called the shots?’

‘Mya came up with the plan but Rafa and Zak took over once we got there.’

‘Huh. Maybe she’s not as reckless as she’d like us to believe.’

‘I wouldn’t go that far.’

‘Is it all about the money or is she still obsessed with killing every demon walking the earth?’

I find Mya in the crowd of sparring Outcasts. Loose blonde hair falling across her eyes as she protects herself from a barrage of Ez’s kicks. She definitely wanted to kill Immundi in LA—but then so did I once I understood what was going on in that basement.

‘They save humans. They kill demons. They get paid. What’s so bad about that?’

Micah opens his mouth, falters. ‘Nothing. But tell anyone I said that and there’ll be no more of these little chats.’

I’m cooling down now, feeling the chill in the room. Thoughts of Rafa crowd in again. I push them back, concentrate on Micah. Wonder if I can trust him.

Screw it, it’s worth the risk.

‘Do you know where Virginia is?’

He gives me a level look. ‘Why?’

‘I need to talk to her.’

‘Give the Five a chance to interrogate her.’

‘She’s been here for a day, they’ve had their go.’

‘Antagonising Nathaniel is not the way to help Rafa.’

I sit around to face him. ‘So, what, you always do what you’re supposed to?’ He doesn’t answer so I push on. ‘If that’s true, then why didn’t you tell anyone about Jason? You saw him shift up at the Retreat and yet nobody here knew about him until a few hours ago.’

‘I figured you knew what you were doing.’

‘Why would you think that?’

He shrugs. ‘Because I’ve known you my entire life and I trust you.’

‘So trust me now. Help me with Virginia.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because this is bigger than you and me.’

I wonder if that’s the truth. I reach under my hair, touch the thick scar on the back of my neck. ‘It’s because I’m not Gabe, right?’

Micah’s eyes darken. ‘That’s not true and you know it. It took me about five seconds at that cabin to see you’re the same person you’ve always been. You’ve got the same quick temper, same impulses. Same fighting style. Same lack of tact.’

I pick at the loose stitching on the weight bench. I feel the Sanctuary pressing in around me. The weight of my history here. The reason we’re all in this mess right now.

I have to ask.

‘Do you think I betrayed everyone last year?’

He studies me. ‘Because you ran off with Jude? I don’t know what you did, but only an idiot would think you’d do something to hurt any of us. And Jude might not have wanted to be here but he’d never hurt us either.’

‘What about all these run-ins I keep hearing about between the Sanctuary crew and the Outcasts over the past decade? You know, with swords and poleaxes? I’m guessing he was trying to hurt someone then.’ And did Micah just call Daniel an idiot?

‘That doesn’t count. Nobody’s ever trying to
kill
anyone. Whatever you and Jude did, no matter how bad it turned out, I’ve never doubted your intentions.’

I pull on the thread and it snaps free. I roll it into a tiny ball and flick it from my thumb. Around us the gym is a blur of energy and movement, bodies connecting. Forearms, elbows, fists, boots. ‘I can’t work out if you’re naive or if I should be flattered you trust me so implicitly.’

‘Be flattered: I trust you more than anyone else alive.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’ve been bailing me out of trouble for decades. That’s what you do.’

I meet his eyes, curious. ‘Define “trouble”.’

A pause. ‘In the early days it was sneaking off to bars. You always covered for me, and not just when I was out with Jude and Rafa.’

My pulse catches at Rafa’s name. For a second, the room tilts and I dig my fingertips into the bench to keep myself upright. The cold gets back into my bones.

‘I had some addiction issues in the ’90s.’ Micah glances away, self-conscious. I look more closely at his face, his clear eyes, smooth skin. ‘You won’t find any traces of it now. Shifting’s good for more than bumps and bruises.’ I catch the sadness behind his smile. I’m surprised I haven’t recognised it before—or maybe he’s only just now letting me see it. ‘I had a rough time over a girl. Rafa, Jude and Daisy knew what was going on, but you were the one who stepped in. You faked a mission to get me out of here and then kept Daniel off my back while I got clean. Made me get help. Shifted with me every few hours to make recovery easier. Daniel knew something was going on, but you never told him…even after you hooked up with him.’

I stare down at the mat under my feet, worn and cracked from years of wear. For the first time I feel a flutter of pride in Gabe. And relief: I was a good friend. We sit in silence for a minute or so, watch Jude block punches from Jones, counter with a solid kick to his thigh.

‘You and Jude…’ Micah shakes his head. ‘I never thought I’d see either of you alive again, let alone together as a team. When you two weren’t talking, it was like the world turned inside out.’

I probe the bruise on my ribs. It’s still sore. I don’t want to think about Jude and me being angry at each other, but I have to ask. ‘Do you know why I didn’t leave with him when they all walked out?’

Micah shakes his head. ‘I honestly thought you were going. And I got it, completely. Things had gone too far with Nathaniel and he needed to give Jude answers. It came down to leaving—accepting there was more to know—or staying and pretending it didn’t matter.’

‘Why didn’t you go with them?’

Another sad half-smile. ‘Because you stayed.’

I close my eyes. It always comes back to this: Why? Why did I stay behind when Jude and the others became Outcasts? What did Jude and I find out that brought us back together? And what did we do that led to us having our pasts taken from us? Does any of it have anything to do with what’s happening to Rafa and Taya right now?

Micah glances at his watch and stands. He brings his fingers to his lips and lets out a piercing whistle. Everyone stops.

‘Lunch is in twenty. You might want to think about showering beforehand.’ He waits until he’s satisfied the Outcasts are wrapping up and then turns back to me. ‘Those roughnecks you brought with you will get fed in the infirmary. They’ve been giving the brothers a hard time.’

The Butlers. And Simon.

‘Has anyone told them where they are or what’s really going on?’

‘Brother Ferro thought it would be better coming from you.’

Yeah, because they trust me so much. But whose responsibility are they if not mine? I was the one who wanted to warn them about an imminent demon attack.

‘Now
those
guys I can take you to,’ Micah says.

I drag my fingers through my hair, retie my ponytail. I imagine explaining to Mick Butler that he’s in a monastery in Italy with a fallen angel and more half-angel bastards than he can count. And then I think about Daisy, and realise my next chance of seeing her will be at lunch.

‘Let’s eat first.’

BREAKING BREAD

I’m in the shower when I lose it. The blast of warm water dissolves the lie that I’m okay. I drop to my knees under the weight of the truth, feel it twist my face, my insides. My shoulders heave with the effort of not sobbing: I don’t want Jude to hear me in the next room.

All I can see is the demon sword coming out of Rafa. Rafa’s eyes searching for me in the shadows, full of pain. Full of fear. He’s been trapped in that room for an hour and forty-six minutes. An hour and forty-six minutes for Zarael to hurt him—

Stop. Just…stop.

Rafa is alive. We’re getting him back.

I lose time watching dirt and blood swirl down the drain. The water finally runs clear. I find the strength to stand, force myself to wash my hair and scrub my skin, scrape the black grime out from under my nails.

This gleaming white bathroom is exactly like the one I almost drowned in last Monday. Am I ever going to have an experience at the Sanctuary that doesn’t involve me sobbing, fighting or aching?

I dry my hair and wipe steam from the mirror with a damp towel, get a good look at myself. Great. My face is blotchy and my eyes look like I’ve been drinking rum for twelve hours. I look exhausted.

Someone has left clothes on the bed: jeans, t-shirt and a fleece-lined hoodie. I get dressed and pull back my hair, repeat my new mantra: Rafa is alive. We’re getting him back. I wish it felt like the truth.

A knock on the door. It’s Jude. He hasn’t shaved, but his hair is damp. It hangs almost to his shoulders, uncombed. I’m met with a waft of mint toothpaste. He takes in the state of my face. ‘You should stick your head outside for a few seconds.’

I go to the window and push it open. Cold air stings my cheeks and slaps all the breath from me. The clouds have lifted enough that I can see the steep, rugged face of the alps, dark clumps of pine trees, valleys of snow. Patches of pale blue sky far above.

‘That’ll do or you’ll end up with frostbite.’ Jude leans out and pulls the pane shut. I shiver in the warmth of the room. Brown eyes watch me through thick lashes. My brother, alive—not decapitated on the side of a deserted road. Not lost to me forever. Ready to face Gatekeepers and hell-beasts.

‘Shit, princess.’ Jude pulls me to him. I bury my face in his neck, breathe him in: pine forest and sea salt. We stay like that for a moment until I can form words again.

‘I’m sorry,’ I manage when I finally pull back. The neck of his shirt is wet. ‘I can’t get a grip on any of this. And I’m terrified something’s going to happen to you—’

‘You don’t think I’m scared of losing you again? It doesn’t matter how much we learn about that farmhouse or how many Rephaim are with us when we storm it, we’ll still be fighting demons.’

I nod, wipe my cheek on my shoulder. ‘Demons who want us. That’s all taking Rafa and Taya is about: getting to us so they can find out if we had contact with the Fallen last year.’

Jude walks to the window and stares down at the piazza, not really seeing it. When he turns back, he’s focused. ‘Let me see that scar again.’

I lift my hair and turn around. He touches the thick skin on the nape of my neck, the wound that destroyed the mark of a crescent moon he and the rest of the Rephaim have in the same spot.

‘Bel said he put a blade through my neck last year and you begged for my life.’

Jude says nothing for a good ten seconds. ‘If he did, he either pulled back before it severed your head or someone stopped him.’ His gaze drifts as he tries to force the pieces together. ‘Do you think I did a deal with that demon to save you?’

My skin chills to hear him say it out loud. There’s a knock on the door before I have to answer.

Ez is waiting in the hallway. She glances at my face and gives my shoulder a quick rub. ‘Let’s eat.’ Jude and Zak fall into step behind us. It’s eerie up here, silent except for the quiet hum of ducted heating and muffled steps on endless carpet.

‘Where is everybody?’ I ask.

‘Already downstairs. I’m not the only one who’s missed the cooking.’ Ez gives me a small smile. I had a taste of Sanctuary food when I was here last week—mushroom risotto—but I’d been half-drowned by Malachi and drugged by Daniel, so I wasn’t exactly primed to savour it.

Ez leads us downstairs and along a wide hallway lined with enormous works of classical art—the largest I’ve seen hanging outside a major gallery. Certainly more impressive than anything the Pan Beach Gallery has ever exhibited. And again, they’re all battles between angels and demons. More carnage.

It’s as if the Rephaim need constant reminders of what’s in store if the so-called prophesied war between angels and demons eventuates. Of what will happen if they (we) fail to find the Fallen and hand them over to the Angelic Garrison. My scalp tightens. God, I hope Jude and I didn’t have contact with the Fallen last year.

‘No word from the Five?’ Jude asks Ez as we pass a life-size image of an angel impaled on a spike, his helmet askew, wings broken and torn.

‘Not yet.’

We reach a set of carved timber doors. Jude steps in front of them, blocks the way. He tells Ez and Zak about our plan to get Daisy alone and ask for her help—without anyone else knowing.

‘You need to tread carefully there, Jude,’ Ez says. ‘Daisy’s loyalty is to Nathaniel, no matter how misty-eyed she was to see you.’

But she doesn’t tell us not to try.

We pass through another building, another hallway. Mya is waiting at the end of it in front of double doors, hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. As we get closer, I hear clinking cutlery and low voices in the room beyond. The commissary.