Shifting Selves (28 page)

I barely remembered exiting my car and running up the walkway. Even through the thick walls of the house, I could feel waves of magic rolling toward me.

I knew I was already too late, but I threw the door open and ran through the house in a panic, heading toward the source of the magic. It was strong, stronger than anything I’d ever felt in myself or Sera, and it left an unmistakable trail.

Josiah stood in the living room, and the fire Sera and I had wielded in that room was child’s play compared to the blazes he controlled. One hand created fire, pushing it in nonstop streams toward its target, while the other withdrew the flames, maintaining the fire within a small radius and ensuring no neighbors saw a raging house fire and dialed 911. He’d placed her body on the hearth, and the smoke eagerly escaped up the chimney. To anyone watching, Diane had simply built herself an unseasonal fire in her living room fireplace.

“Stop.” The word was somewhere between a scream and a plea, and I was already reaching out with my own powers, trying to quench the flames. I’d never done that before. I’d always created fire in my anger. I’d never attempted to extinguish it, and I had about as much success as one would expect of a novice pitted against a master. Josiah glanced at me once and nodded, a simple acknowledgement of my presence, then returned to his work.

He stoked the fire hotter and hotter. I could have tried to stop him again, found some other way to distract him, but there was no point. Diane was already dead. Her much-loved shotgun lay fallen at her side, a useless threat against my father. I saw a large wound in the center of her chest. He must have borrowed her gun just long enough to kill her, so at least he hadn’t burnt her alive. It was all the mercy he was capable of showing.

Diane’s skin was charred and black, cracking to reveal the white bones beneath. Her hair and clothes had already been incinerated, and now Josiah cremated her. He was a one man murder squad and body disposal service.

That man was my father. The thought was nearly as nauseating as the smell of burning flesh that crept through the room.

I wouldn’t leave to find fresher air. I owed it to Diane to watch this death I’d caused. Someone needed to bear witness. As I watched the bones crumble to dust beneath the unrelenting onslaught of Josiah’s fires, I knew, no matter how many centuries passed, that I’d remember this moment. I wouldn’t forget her death, and I’d never forget what my father truly was. I would not let myself.

Eventually, there was nothing left to burn. I’d sunk onto a white couch at some point, though I had no memory of doing so.

“Aidan,” he said, smiling. “I didn’t expect to see you today.” Apparently, in Josiah’s world, social calls were often accompanied by immolated bodies. Hell, maybe they were. I had no idea what the man’s hobbies were.

“Why did you do this?” My words contained an obvious horror that Josiah completely ignored.

He stepped out of the room, and his words floated back to me. “You know why.” He returned a minute later with a dustpan and broom and began to sweep up the mess. I felt hysteria bubble within me at the sight of my millennia-old father doing housework. Perhaps he didn’t have a specific assistant for the cleanup and removal of human remains.

“She was innocent. She wasn’t involved with the kidnapped shifters, not really.”

He rounded on me, his face so fierce that I found myself shrinking into the stuffed sofa. “Why would I care about some shifter cubs? She could attempt a shifter genocide, and I’d probably buy her a bottle of champagne. That means nothing to me.”

“Then why?” I asked. I wanted to hear him speak the words aloud, though I already knew.

“Because she saw you,” he said, confirming my worst fears. “She knew what you are, and no one can know that. No one can possess information that would cost my daughter’s life.”

“I’m not your daughter,” I said dully, watching him push a small, unburnt chunk of bone into the dustpan. “I didn’t want to be your daughter before, and I just officially disowned you.”

“Regardless,” he said, the fierceness vanishing easily into sardonic amusement, seemingly at my expense. “I am still your father, and I will not allow such threats to your life to exist.”

At that moment, breathing felt like an unfamiliar exercise. “How did you know?”

“They filed an insurance claim for fire damage. I knew you had visited her that day.”

“You’re stalking me.” Outrage, yes. That was better than numb.

He waved his hand, as unconcerned as ever about privacy concerns. “Always so dramatic. I can’t believe you still think you don’t act like a fire. I’m simply concerned, Aidan, as I ought to be.”

“It could have been Sera,” I protested. “You didn’t know it was my fire.”

He laughed outright. How nice that I amused him so. “Sera is my daughter, Aidan. She knows how to control her powers. The only time she’s been unable to do so is in your presence.” He waved at the ragged burn marks that scored the furniture. “This is not Sera’s work.”

“You can’t just kill anyone who knows what I am.”

“Of course I can. I know you told your sister, and I understand that, but you know how important it is to keep your dual nature secret, to tell no one else.” His gaze focused on my horrified face. “You haven’t told anyone else, correct?”

I begged my emotions to numb and found the part of myself that felt nothing, wanted nothing. I shook my head, willing the riot of emotions that still swirled beneath the surface to stay hidden for another minute, just long enough to fool Josiah. He nodded, satisfied, and I had to believe I’d managed to hide the truth from him. For now.

I was some alternate universe version of King Midas, except everything I touched turned to dead. I was already surrounded by enough ghosts to haunt me for the rest of my days. I couldn’t bear any more. Simon, Mac, and Vivian had been risky enough, but they knew the stakes. They knew to remain quiet. Now I’d drawn Will, Carmen, Miriam, even Johnson and Carmichael into my secret. All it would take was a small slip, a casual comment, an indiscreet report, and they’d be dead. One after another, I could lose the world I’d built for myself.

I stood unsteadily and met my father’s eyes. His were the black of the fire elementals, the black of charcoal and ash. They were the same color as Sera’s, but where hers offered comfort and humor, his were barely connected to this world. He did not see what the rest of us saw. He was one of the most powerful beings in existence, and I no longer cared. He would not take my world from me. It was mine, and I would fight for it.

I walked slowly over to the shotgun and hefted it onto my shoulder. I’d never fired one before, and it took me a minute to figure out the safety. Josiah patiently watched my movements, only vaguely curious. He didn’t expect me to pull the trigger and send a blast directly into his right shoulder, and the pure shock that crossed his face when I did made me smile. He thought he knew me. He was wrong.

I didn’t hit the heart. He would live. For several long seconds, I considered firing again. I couldn’t imagine the world would be a worse place without Josiah Blais.

But I wasn’t ready to be that person, not yet. One shot was enough to deliver the message.

“I am not your daughter.” I repeated my earlier words, this time holding his gaze, and whatever he saw there caused him to waver. For just a moment, Josiah Blais looked uncertain. “Do not follow me, do not track me, and do not contact me again. I am done with you.” Before he could recover, I walked from the room, leaving him with only ashes for company.

CHAPTER 25

Days passed, and while my shock and grief didn’t fade, I found my recent habit of compartmentalizing my anger was useful. It turned out I had a special compartment reserved just for my father, and I placed everything inside it. He was out of my life.

It was time to move on with the people still in it.

Unfortunately, some of them were also moving on.

I stood on the ladder, watching Simon putter around in the loft space. “Sera just called. They’ll be here any minute.” He nodded, letting me know he’d heard, and continued to move around the loft, gathering a few final items.

I watched him and thought of at least twenty different arguments for why he couldn’t leave. Carmen would be a terrible roommate. Living with two teenage girls would be hell. The corgi would chase him. Each thought crossed my mind, and each one I dismissed. Simon deserved better than my selfish desire to keep my friends close.

Instead, I forced a grin and focused on the good news. “So you’ve decided to give up the siren call of the stage, after all?”

“It turns out I missed auditions while tromping all over Tahoe with you lot. Besides, they were doing
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
this year. Why that play is considered a classic is beyond me. I mean, fairies and spells? How ludicrous.”

It was a plausible excuse. I didn’t believe it for a minute. “Of course. The part where the man turns into a donkey is particularly far-fetched.”

He didn’t smile, but neither did I. Without warning, sincerity sprouted through the facade of good humor I was trying to maintain. “We’ll miss you. I’ll miss you. I’m glad you’re at least staying in the state.”

He rolled his eyes. “You do know I will be fifteen minutes away, yes?” The words were caustic, but he smiled and quickly rubbed his cheek against my shoulder.

Outside, we heard the unmistakable growl of Sera’s Mustang. Simon shifted and flew out the window, leaving me to carry his discarded clothes and bag downstairs.

By the time I joined him outside, he was hugging Vivian. She didn’t seem to mind that he was doing so completely naked. She was thin and pale, but she was wearing a Star Fleet Academy t-shirt and smiling. That was the Vivian I knew, and I rushed for her as soon as Simon let go. She felt fragile, and I thought if I wrapped my arms too tightly about her, she would break. I released her after a quick hug, unwilling to push her too far. She’d helped us break Eleanor’s password and gave us control of the implants, but she wasn’t back, not yet.

Olivia, waiting impatiently in the driver’s seat, was proof enough of that.

“Did you thank your mom for me?” she asked. I nodded. Once my mother had recovered her energy in the lake, she’d promptly expended it by healing the shifters’ memories. As a group, we’d discussed whether to leave the block that prevented them from remembering their time in the lab. Two voices had come out strongly against that plan, and somehow my mother and I had convinced a bunch of shifters to follow the advice of a couple of elementals. The children’s abductions were now part of who they were. There was no protecting them from that.

There was only one person she’d been unable to help. Whatever I’d done to him, it had altered him too much. She had no idea where to even begin undoing the changes I’d caused.

Vivian had been next on my mother’s list. She’d healed my friend in two hours. The doctors were, of course, mystified, but we figured we’d just given them at least one new journal article.

Sera stepped onto the porch, Vivian’s bag in hand. She gripped it tightly, and I knew she was debating whether to actually hand it over. “You don’t have to do this, you know. This is still the woman who ignored you for weeks. Also, I have it on good authority she watches a lot of reality TV.”

Vivian shrugged. “She loves me.”

Sera was unimpressed. “There are different kinds of love, Vivian, and some last longer than others. Just remember that your room will still be here when you get sick of watching repeats of
The Biggest Loser
, okay?” She carried the bag to Olivia’s car and threw it in the trunk, avoiding eye contact with the woman inside the car. I don’t know if Olivia could hear Sera’s words, but she didn’t look happy.

I wasn’t ready to say good-bye, not yet. So long as they remained at the cabin, there was a chance they’d change their minds. They might stay.

Denial, it seemed, had all sorts of uses.

“There are some people here that want to thank you for deactivating the implants. Can’t you stay?” I tried to keep the pleading tone from my voice. I failed.

“I can’t,” she whispered. “I need to be away from all this for a while. Please understand.”

I couldn’t argue. I knew exactly why she had to leave. Our lives had been one disaster after another for months on end, and I couldn’t promise her that wouldn’t continue. Too many questions were still unanswered, too many problems still needed to be faced. I might want her at my side, but I couldn’t demand she stay there. It wouldn’t be fair.

This whole maturity thing kind of sucked sometimes.

“Do what you have to do,” I said, to both Vivian and Simon. I felt something tight release with the words, a sense of letting go of something I’d not known I was holding. Fear that they wouldn’t come back, perhaps.

Simon climbed in the back seat, still naked. Olivia attempted a straight face, but I could see the shock she was trying to hide. Somehow, that cheered me up immeasurably. If she was going to steal Vivian from us, at least Simon was making her work for it.

Vivian struggled back into the passenger seat, her movements stiff. Her recovery wasn’t complete.

She closed the door, and the car reversed slowly down the drive. We raised our hands in silent farewell, watching until they were out of sight.

“This doesn’t feel right,” I told Sera.

“Damn straight it doesn’t.” Her face was expressionless, as it always was when she felt strong emotions.

“They might be happy, though.” I didn’t mean to sound as doubtful as I did.

“For a while, they will. Then Simon will tire of eating raw deer instead of canned tuna, and he’ll find his way back. And those two? They’re doomed.” Her tone left no room for argument.

“What makes you so sure?”

“Seriously? Their names are Olivia and Vivian. Liv and Viv. That is way too twee to last. Two months, tops.”

“So we just let them go.” I knew that’s exactly what we had to do, but I needed to hear someone else say it.

“Well, you know. Free will and all that.”

“Then what happens?”

She turned to me, and finally a smile cracked her face. “Then we put the band back together.”

I nodded, accepting the truth of her words. It wasn’t much of a plan, but it was a start.

We walked through the house, needing to break the news to our visitors that the guest of honor wouldn’t be joining the party. The shifters had all set up camp on our back porch the moment they heard Vivian was being released that day. Ever since she’d saved their children from Eleanor’s implants, our earth friend had become something of a folk hero to the shifters. If asked, I thought Will and Carmen might compose a song in her honor.

It gave me hope for the future of elemental-shifter relations.

Through the sliding glass door, I watched our guests. Will and Carmen stood at the railing overlooking the river. They weren’t talking, but peace hung over them, and I thought James and Pamela would find fewer obstacles to their future happiness, at least from their families.

Miriam sat in a corner with a half-drained bottle of booze, teaching Brandon and Mary how to play quarters and winning handily, despite playing two sober opponents. When she saw me, she winked, then sent another coin soaring into the cup.

And standing at the grill, where salmon cooked on one side and pancakes lay neatly across the griddle on the other half, was the reason I got out of bed each morning. I stood at the door, not quite ready to join everyone’s celebration.

Mac knew I was there instantly, and his eyes met mine. He smiled, and for that moment my sadness over Simon and Vivian disappeared. Mac was safe, and alive, and he knew me. Nothing else mattered.

“Dude, watch the fire,” Brandon muttered, unimpressed by our display.

Our eyes dropped to where the unattended fire had seized its chance, eagerly seeking freedom through the iron bars of the grill. Without a second thought, I grabbed a quick ball of water and dropped it, killing the fire with a sharp sizzle. At least I managed to save the pancakes.

I pulled the magic back toward me, but it came unwillingly. It wanted to play. It wanted to dance with the other magic it found, the familiar power that lingered just a few feet away. That small hint of elemental magic that hadn’t returned to me the night Mac died.

Several uninvited drops of water slithered down the back of my shirt. They played against my skin, drawing circles across my shoulder blades. I met Mac’s gaze again, and again he smiled, this time with more than a hint of devilry.

No one else noticed. No one else knew, and we had no plans to change that anytime soon.

We weren’t together. We couldn’t be, not with so many questions still unanswered. But we weren’t apart, either.

I wrenched my eyes away from his and looked at each face in turn.

In theory, everything was terrible. I wasn’t sure if I’d put the agents on probation or they’d done so to me, but the end result was the same: I had no job. I was about to receive a banishment sentence from the council. My father was a murderous psychopath whose existence threatened the lives of everyone I loved. My own magic was slowly shifting, pushing me closer to a mental state I still didn’t understand. Two of my best friends had just left, off to explore new lives. And just for good measure, I may have turned Mac into a magical freak of nature.

My world was getting stranger and less predictable by the day, full of new people and new puzzles. I thought that might be a good thing.

Balance, I decided, was a myth. It implied stagnation. It was something we told ourselves when we needed to believe we had a semblance of control over our own lives. Things changed, constantly. People entered and left our lives, sometimes several times. We adapted and grew, or we didn’t and shriveled. It was our choice to make.

I made my choice. I stepped onto the porch, and I let my world get a little bit bigger.