Shifting Gears: The Complete Series (Sports Bad Boy Romance) (37 page)

“She had to run a few errands. She said
she should be back soon. Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m fine. What did my grandmother
tell you?” I asked him. I doubted she told him anything but I’m sure he asked.
I couldn’t even look at him.

“Molly look at me, please.” I wanted to
tell him to leave, but I wanted him to stay. I know that’s weird.

“No one told me anything. Your grandmother
was really nice, but she said that if there is anything to be told, you should
be the one to do it. You can tell me, Molly. You can trust me.”

I was looking at his beautiful blue eyes
and they were earnestly telling me that I could trust him. He didn’t want to
hurt me…I just blurted it out…. “I have cancer.” Then I looked at his face and
waited for…something. Whatever I expected though was not what he gave me. I
knew Brock well enough by now to know that he wasn’t like other people.

“I kind of figured that out,” he said,
“because of the oncology unit and all. What kind of cancer do you have Molly.
Did they just find it?”

“It’s called renal cell carcinoma, and I
was diagnosed when I was sixteen. They did chemo and radiation and they thought
they had gotten it all. It hadn’t spread anywhere so the doctor said I was
lucky. I was in remission for just over a year and this summer, it came back. I
had one kidney removed already. The one I have left has cancer in it now. We’ve
been trying some new drugs that the university is experimenting with, that’s
why I chose to come here…” I considered whether or not to tell him what Dr.
Harris had told me earlier, but I decided against it for now. Instead I just said,
“I let myself get dehydrated. I usually take better care of myself than that.
My hemoglobin gets low sometimes because my kidneys don’t produce red blood
cells like they’re supposed to, so that’s what the blood’s about. I’m fine
though.”

He looked like he was processing that. I
knew from experience that most people our age didn’t know much about cancer.
Most of them thought cancer meant death. I don’t expect our friendship to be
the same now. At first, he’ll be super nice, asking if there’s anything he can
do for me or anything I need. Then he’ll just stop calling so much, or coming
around so often. When he did call, or we got together, conversation would be
awkward and stilted, because he would be hesitant to talk about things that he
was afraid I might not be able to do because of my dreaded cancer. I had seen
it all before. So far, Grandma and Megan were the only ones that it hadn’t
affected that way.

“Is the new chemo working?” he asked. I
was surprised at his use of the word chemo. I had just told him we were trying
new meds. Usually, people unfamiliar with cancer only call it chemo when you go
to the hospital and get an IV. Maybe he was close to someone who’d had cancer.
Sometimes that can be worse. I went to high school with a guy whose father ended
up dying from bladder cancer. I know he wasn’t trying to upset me, but he used
to tell me every detail of his dad’s treatments and surgeries, right up to his
father’s death. That’s just not exactly what a chick with cancer wants to hear.

“I guess…” I lied. “When did you say my
grandmother is coming back?”

 
I
hate this. Things with Brock, other than the whole awkward kiss thing had been
so normal.

“She should be back soon,” he said again.
“Do you not want to talk about this? Your cancer?”

“No,” I told him, “I really don’t.”

“Okay, then we won’t. How about a song?
Anything you want to hear?”

“You pick,” I told him.

Then I closed my eyes and within seconds
he was singing to me:

 
“Her eyes, her eyes, they make the stars look
like they’re not shining. Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her
trying. I know, I know when I compliment her she won’t believe me…..”

 
Bruno Mars. Damn this guy is good.

“Cause you’re amazing just the way you
are.”

I wanted to cry but I didn’t want him to
see me. I had to wonder if he really felt that way about me. Did he really
think I was that beautiful? Would he still think so if I had to go through
harsher chemo and I lost my hair again? What about when I’m puking in that
pretty pink bucket; would I still be amazing? I opened my eyes as he finished
the song. He was looking at me intently again. I didn’t like that. I preferred
the amused look.

“That was pretty, thank you,” I told him.

“You’re pretty,” he said. It was so hard
to breathe when he was in the room. Grandma came back then, thank God.

Brock jumped out of the chair and Grandma
said, “You don’t have to get up. I heard you singing when I got off the
elevator. You have a beautiful voice.”

He blushed. He actually turned red. It was
so damned cute.

“Thank you,” he told her. He looked back
at me, and I had the feeling that he wanted me to tell him to stay. I didn’t
want him to though. The blood was almost empty, and the nurses would be in
soon, and Dr. Harris would be back. I moved my leg and felt the catheter. Oh
God, I have a tube in my bladder and the hottest guy in the world is standing
here looking at me.

“It was beautiful, Brock. Thank you. Hi,
Grandma.” She had two big bags of stuff. “What’s in the bags?” I asked her.

“I just got you some things you might
need. A couple of nightgowns, a robe and some slippers…toiletries…”

“Grandma, I have all of that stuff in my
dorm room. It’s five minutes away and Megan would have brought it to me. You
shouldn’t spend more money on me.”

“It’s my money,” my grandmother said,
“I’ll spend it how I like.” I could see Brock grinning out of the corner of my
eye. I wondered again what they had talked about when I was sleeping. My IV
pump started beeping then. We all looked at the same time.

“It’s empty,” Brock said. “I’ll get the
nurse.”

When he left the room my grandmother said,
“He’s a nice boy.”

“Yeah, he is,” I said. “Grandma when the
nurses come back in, I don’t want Brock to be here, okay? Will you please ask
him to go?”

My grandmother laughed. “Me?” she said.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“Have you seen those blue eyes?” I asked
her. “I can hardly remember my own name around him sometimes. Please Grandma.”

She shook her head at me, but I knew she
would do it. She went out into the hall, and when Brock came back in he said
that he had to get going.

“Do you need me to go by your dorm and get
anything for you?” he asked.

“I’m alright,” I told him. “Grandma bought
me everything I needed I’m sure. Thank you for being here Brock, and for the
song.”

“You’re welcome,” he said. “You’ll call me
if you need anything…right? Even some company?”

“Yes,” I lied again. “Bye.”

He said bye, and as I watched him go, my
heart physically ached.

CHAPTER
FOURTEEN

BROCK

My head was reeling as I walked back out
to my bike. I woke up this morning with the most beautiful girl in the world in
my arms, on top of the world. Now suddenly, I find out that she has the same
affliction as me…kind of. How did I not know? I guess the answer to that is as
simple as how she doesn’t know about me; she didn’t want me to know. Probably,
I’m sure for the same reasons that I didn’t want to tell her about my own
cancer. It just gets weird for people, and new relationships are the worst.

I drove home in a haze. I wondered if she
was telling me the truth, and she was just dehydrated. What if she was dying?
For a second, I couldn’t breathe. I can’t think about that. I’m being
ridiculous anyways. She’s not eighty-two pounds; she’s not on oxygen or a
respirator. She’s like me, a young person who is LIVING with cancer. I’m sure
she’ll be fine.

I found Jake on the couch where I left
him, only now he had pants on at least and he was watching a movie instead of
playing his video game. He looked at me…strangely when I came in.

“What’s up?” I asked him.

“Nothing, why?” he said, in a guilty tone.

“Because you’re acting weird,” I told him.

“That’s just how I act,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. There was something he
wanted to tell me. I’ve known this guy since he was seven years old. “Jake,
just tell me whatever you’re hiding. Are you gay man? Because I’ll still love
you.”

“Shut up!” he said, and then he reached
over and punched me in the arm.

“Ouch,” I said, “that hurt.”

“What about the gay comment?” he said.

“I was just guessing things. You want to
tell me something, I can tell.”

“Have you talked to Molly today?” I’ll be
damned. The little sneak knew.

“No, why?” I said, trying to sound
nonchalant.

“Just curious,” he said. “Are you guys
hanging out tonight?”

“No, I think I’m going to my support group
tonight,” I told him. I went to a support group at the hospital a few times a
month. It always helped to hear that other people are going through the same
shit you are somehow.

“Oh,” Jake said. He was dying to tell me.

“Where’s Megan today?” I asked.

“She came by earlier,” he said. She had
some things to do.”

“Oh, did she mention Molly?” Now let’s see
him try to get out of that one.

“Um…I don’t remember,” he said.

“You are a horrible liar,” I finally told
him. “You just shouldn’t even do it; you’re so bad at it.”

“What? I’m not lying. I don’t remember.”
His face was flushing as red as his hair now.

“I know that Molly’s in the hospital,” I
told him. He looked like he let out a big breath he’d been holding and he said,
“Oh, that’s good man. I’m sorry. I wasn’t supposed to tell you…I didn’t want
Megan to get mad…But I thought you should know. Did Molly call you? Is she
okay?”

“I was there, remember? I went to play
music for the patients.”

“Oh, yeah.”

The truth was probably that he was so into
his game this morning he hardly noticed I left, much less heard me say where I
was going.

“I thought you played for the cancer
people though. Meg said that Molly was dehydrated….Oh my God! Does Molly have
cancer too?”

Shit! He didn’t know…about that, anyways.
I should have known. Megan is too good of a friend to tell him something that
personal if Molly didn’t want her to.

“She’s dehydrated like Megan said,” I told
him. “Sometimes I play in the ER and on the medical floor too.” I didn’t lie,
she is dehydrated and I do play for other sections of the hospital…sometimes.

“Oh, good,” he said. We make fun of Jake,
but he’s really not stupid. He’s just a guy, and sometimes all that
testosterone gets in the way of the neurotransmitters. I think Jake has figured
it out, but I’m not going to be the one to tell him about Molly. Her
grandmother was right. If Molly wanted someone to know, that was her business.

“Wanna get beat at some
Grand Theft Auto
before I go?” I asked
him. There were three things that could take Jake’s mind off of anything food,
Megan and video games.

When I went to my support group that
night, I walked by the cancer unit, knowing she was there and I swear my legs
took on a mind of their own. I started to push on the double doors that led
down the hall to where her room was. I remembered that I was going to let her
do this on her terms though. I forced myself to go straight instead. Maybe one
day she can go to the group with me. Maybe it was fate that we met…and we could
help each other through this.

CHAPTER
FIFTEEN

MOLLY

The sun was going down on my second day in
the hospital, and Dr. Harris hadn’t even been in yet to see me today. I was
getting restless to say the least. I was currently pacing the room, dragging
the IV pole back and forth with me.

Grandma sat calmly in the corner on her
laptop, not even looking up at me. I wanted to have a tantrum like a
two-year-old, just to get her, or the doctor, or both to listen to me. I needed
to get out of here.

“Grandma, please go ask them if Dr. Harris
is coming tonight.” She looked up at me over the bifocal part of her glasses
and said, “I already did, Molly, half an hour ago. The nurse said that he had
an emergency to tend to and then he would be here. I told you all of this dear.
Asking again is not going to change the answer.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, suddenly feeling like
the biggest whiner on the planet. “I just need to get out of here.”

Grandma put the laptop down and patted the
seat next to her.

“Sit, Molly.”

I did as I was told. After eighteen years,
I knew when she meant business.

“I know you’re restless, and you’re
missing school and your friends…who by the way I’m sure would love to visit
you…”

“Megan was here earlier,” I told her, as
if she wasn’t here when Megan had come by.