Shifted By The Winds (41 page)

Louisa realized, much to her surprise, that she was one of them. The only thing she couldn’t understand was why she was learning it from a little black girl who had watched her parents be murdered. A little girl who was obviously very intelligent and extremely well-spoken. Now, perhaps more than at any other time since she had arrived in Virginia, she felt lost and adrift. There were times she felt like she was getting her bearings, but then something would happen to shift everything again.  This was one of those times.

“A few of you have asked me if it is dangerous to watch a meteor shower,” Felicia said. “I remember asking my mama that same question when I was real little. She didn’t have any way of knowing
why
she was telling me the truth, but she told me I had nothing to be afraid of. I believed her. Now that I’m a meteor observer,” she said proudly, “I know the why.”

Louisa’s mouth gaped open.
A meteor observer?
What was that, and how could a little black girl be one?

“I told you last week that shooting stars are really just chunks of rock that have broken off from a comet. Now sometimes…there
are
meteors big enough that they don’t burn up in the atmosphere, so they crash into the ground.” She paused when everyone in the room gasped. “Those are called meteorites, but that is something that hardly ever happens,” she said emphatically.

“The meteors that make up a meteor
shower
are actually quite fragile,” Felicia continued. “They burn really hot and fast. The most important thing to understand is that none of them will reach the earth. They will burn up long before that happens.” She smiled as whispers of relief filled the room. “We’ll all be fine as we watch them fall.”

“What if it’s cloudy?” Louisa burst out, almost appalled when she realized she was asking a black child for information, but she realized she was quite eager to view what Felicia was describing.

Felicia frowned. “I’ve been praying real hard that it won’t be, Mrs. Appleton. If it is, we won’t be able to see anything.”

“But I want to see it!” one of the children cried. Every other head was nodding vigorously.

“I do, too,” Felicia responded, “but we don’t always get what we want.” Her voice grew very serious, and her eyes darkened with an understanding far beyond her age. “We can hope for the best, and then figure out how to live with what actually comes. I’ll be sorry if we don’t get to see the Leonid Shower, but I can still choose to be happy. ”

Louisa was speechless. Felicia’s words resonated in her soul. They gave her courage, but they did far more than that. She could almost see the wall erected around her heart and mind. Her morning with Annie, June and Polly had started it’s dismantle, but her time here was causing the bricks to tumble ever faster.

Felicia turned back to the class. “The Leonid Meteor Shower has the very fastest meteors. That means they are very bright, and when they streak across the sky they have a excessively long tail. I read that some of the ones in 1833 lasted for several minutes!”

Louisa
oohed
with the rest of the class before she caught herself. Falling bricks or not, surely she still had an image to maintain. She straightened and composed her face, but she caught the knowing smile lurking in Rose’s eyes. Louisa stiffened, and then forced herself to relax as she realized it was nothing more than an automatic response – nothing that she actually felt. Jasper was having a wonderful time, and she had just learned something new. Without even thinking about it, she smiled at Rose.

Rose’s eyes widened with surprise, but the smile she sent in return was warm and genuine.

Louisa stood in the doorway of the school as she watched the children play outside, dashing through the trees in a wild game of tag. Jasper raced freely among them, his wide smile indicating his delight. His laughter was easy to pick out from everyone else’s. White children playing with blacks was nothing new to her. There were times she had played with the plantation’s slave children when she was growing up, but her parents had been very diligent about letting her know she was better than they were, and as she grew older it was not allowed. What had confused Louisa when she was younger, simply became the way things were. She had felt affection for some of their slaves, but she had easily drawn the lines that separated them. It was effortless because she understood they were different.

Louisa watched Jasper thoughtfully. He had never been taught any of those things. Growing up on the farm, he rarely saw other children, and certainly none of them had been black, because there had been no slaves. She had been watching him with John since they had arrived on the plantation. When they became best friends, she had pushed aside her discomfort, thinking she would be able to teach him the truth when they left Cromwell. Now she wasn’t sure she knew the truth at all.

“It was good to have you here today, Louisa.”

“Thank you, Rose. It’s been a very interesting day.”

“Interesting in what way?” Rose asked.

Louisa cocked her head, seeing something in Rose’s eyes she couldn’t quite interpret. Suddenly she realized all this had been planned. Rose had known seeing Felicia teach would challenge who Louisa thought the little girl was. When Jasper had insisted on coming, Rose had seen her chance. To Louisa’s surprise, she didn’t feel angry—merely impressed that Rose had found a way to corner her.

Rose seemed to realize she had been discovered. “I did believe you would find school interesting,” she said with a quick smile. “I’m sorry if you feel manipulated.”

“Managed, perhaps,” Louisa murmured, “but I wouldn’t say manipulated. You’ve been talking with Polly and June.”

Rose didn’t deny it.

“You knew listening to Felicia teach would show me how wrong my beliefs are,” Louisa continued, realizing that it had. It shocked her to see a big pile of the bricks from her wall laying tumbled at her feet.

“I was hoping it would,” Rose admitted.

“Why do you care?” Louisa demanded, wanting very much to understand why Rose, Polly and June weren’t treating her the way she certainly would have if the roles had been reversed.

Rose took a deep breath and met her eyes squarely. “Because of our children.”

Louisa stared at her. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“You and I grew up in a different world. Your family owned slaves. My family
were
the slaves. All of us were taught different things that allowed us to live in the world we were born into. I’m sure you liked your world much more than I did,” Rose said, “but the point is that you weren’t born with your beliefs. They were
taught
to you. If you hold on to your beliefs and pass them on to Jasper, he’s going to have a hard time living in the world the way it is now. It’s the same with my John. I can’t teach him about how to survive as a slave. I have to teach him about how to make the most of his life as a free man.” Rose paused. “And, I have to do what I can to change the thinking of white people so that the world John grows up in is better than the one I did.”

Louisa listened carefully, struck by Rose’s wisdom.

“There were times when I was growing up that I hated everybody in my world who was white,” Rose said. “It took me until I was in my late teens to let go of that hate and try to see people just as people. I can’t change how most white people see blacks, but I’m hoping I can help
you
change, Louisa. The only way I can do that is to let go of any resentments I still have, and just see you as a person who is scared of the future and trying to make the best decisions for her family.” She took a deep breath. “Responding to prejudice with prejudice will never do anything to change how things are in our country.”

Louisa considered her words. “How did you become so wise?” she asked, still trying to process what she had heard.

“My mama,” Rose said, her eyes bright with love. “My mama was the wisest, most loving person I ever knew. She helped me quit hating, and she taught me how to live. I owe everything I am to her. Whatever wisdom I have, it’s because of her.”

Louisa had loved her mother, but they had never been close. Her mother had taught her how to live in a white world and how to be a capable plantation mistress, but she certainly never taught her about loving and living. In the end, her mother had simply given up on life because she couldn’t figure out how to live in the new world that had been dumped on her.

Louisa shifted her eyes to the schoolyard, watching as Jasper disappeared around a tree while a little black boy chased him in wild pursuit. Jasper’s laughter made her smile, and it also made her realize the stark truth of what Rose was saying. “Do you hate being black?” she asked.

Rose considered her question for a long moment. “No. I don’t hate being black, because this is the way God made me. I’ll admit there are many times I think about how much easier it would be if I was white…if Moses was white…if my children were white…but I don’t hate being black. That would be like saying God made a big mistake. I guess I don’t believe he did.” She paused, a funny look crossing her face before she continued. “Besides, I’m only half black.”

Louisa gasped. “What?”

Rose nodded. “As long as we’re talking honestly, you may as well know that Thomas Cromwell is my half-brother. His father raped my mother. I was the result.”

Louisa simply had no words. No idea of what to say. The first thought that flitted into her mind was that a white man could not
rape
a woman who was his property, but just as suddenly she realized how sick the very thought made her feel inside. Looking into Rose’s warm, intelligent eyes, she had a clear picture of how terrified her mother must have been when she had been violated. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, perhaps more surprised than anyone to realize she meant it. Then she had another thought. “That’s why Moses owns half the plantation,” she murmured.

Rose’s eyes narrowed. “Moses is half owner of Cromwell Plantation because he is the best tobacco farmer in Virginia. Thomas knew his profits would increase if he put Moses in charge.”

Louisa felt an immediate flash of embarrassment. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…”

Rose held up her hand. “It’s all right. I realize you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. And while Moses
is
the best tobacco farmer in Virginia, it’s also true that Thomas did such a radical thing because Moses is my husband. He deeply regretted the pain my family suffered because of his father’s actions.” She smiled. “It’s going to take all of us some time not to respond with knee-jerk reactions. White people do not hold the monopoly on prejudice,” she admitted with a twitch of her lips.

Louisa nodded. “Being here has turned my whole world upside down,” she confessed.

“Even more than the war?” Rose asked.

Louisa considered the question and then nodded again. “Actually, yes. I knew how to think and feel during the war. I was fighting to protect the only way of life I’d ever known. Now, that way of life is gone. The only thing left are the feelings and beliefs…” Her voice trailed off as she struggled to examine her thoughts honestly, shocking herself when she no longer saw it as appalling that she was doing it with a black woman. Somewhere along the way, without even realizing it, Rose had simply become a woman. “Those feelings and beliefs no longer have a place in my life,” she said, smiling with relief when she realized her words were true.

Rose gazed at her. “I believe you mean that.”

Louisa nodded and grinned. “I believe I mean it, too.” A feeling of freedom swept through her as the remaining pieces of her walls crumpled under the weight of her new beliefs. She reached out and took Rose’s hand. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Rose smiled, grasped her hand, and nodded toward a nearby tree. “Look at them,” she said.

Louisa glanced over, her heart melting when she saw Jasper and John, their heads almost touching as they knelt down to examine something they had discovered under the tree. Jasper’s blond hair glowed in a stunning contrast to John’s curly black hair. The game of tag had ended. The other children were resting in the shade and eating their lunches. Their two boys were off on a new adventure. “We’ll help them navigate a new world,” Louisa vowed.

A sudden clattering on the road caused Rose to stiffen and turn around. The chattering children all went still—even little John, who stood up and turned to watch.