SHIFT (Mackenzie Grey #1) (9 page)

“This is why!” he yelled and I flinched. “This is why I cheated on your ass! Because you’re too damn aggressive and you can’t hold a damn conversation with me, without degrading me as a man! Always trying to tell me what to do and how to act!” He got in my face and my nostrils were flaring. This wasn’t good.

“James,” I gritted through my teeth, “you need to back the hell away from me.”

“Or what, Mackenzie? You’re gonna hit me? Go ahead, do your best!” he said and got so close, we were practically touching.

“James,” I growled in caution. I could feel the wolf bubbling to the top and Amy wasn’t around to calm me down.

“I fucked Diana because of you. I had been doing it for months,” he sneered and that was the last straw.

With my head bent, he probably thought I just didn’t want to look at him because I was ashamed, but it was because my canines were out. They ripped through my gums and I winced from the slight pain. My body shook as I tried to grip the last bit of control, but it was no use. I backhanded him and he went flying about ten feet away from me. I growled louder this time as I hunched over on all fours on the side walk. I hadn’t gone completely wolf—I was in that mid-stage that Sebastian flashed the night at Pete’s bar. I felt the ripple of my bones adjusting and it was painful, but the anger in me overflowed and eased the ache.

My eyesight focused and zoned in on James limp body. He wasn’t moving. I should have been concerned and rushed to help him—but I didn’t. I wanted to rush over and finish him off. The lure of biting into his skin and tearing him into pieces was making my mouth salivate.

A snarl came from beside me, and Jonah stood over me in human form. “Heel!” he barked and my body froze in response. The wolf in me didn’t think twice about defying him. “Shift!” he roared and the wave of the Change took over me. My bones paused for a moment and then started to rearrange back to normal. With my adrenaline coming down from its high, I felt all the hurt and pain from the truth and the tears of agony—both physical and emotional—swept through me. Once it was over, I laid on the sidewalk in the fetal position, shivering in a cold sweat. My clothing had been stretched out and my jeans had ripped in certain parts, but I was too tired and hurt to care or try and cover up. Jonah leaned over me, picked me off the ground, and carried me toward my house. I let my head fall on his broad shoulder and closed my eyes. The fear of what I could have done took over and the guilt followed in droves.

When I’d first learned I was a werewolf, I was terrified I’d be a danger to the people around me. I considered myself a monster and once I learned my wolf’s routine and her triggers, I accepted what I’d become and learned to live my life around those restrictions. Yes, I became more aggressive and more of a loner than I usually was, but it was okay. I didn’t feel bad for myself as long as everyone I cared about was safe. But now? That monster depression I’d had many years ago flooded back in and I didn’t think I could handle that again. It was a dark time I’d rather not revisit.

“Shhh,” Jonah cooed in my ear and I realized I was whining like a dog.

He headed down to the basement and locked the door behind us. I hadn’t been down here in years. It had become a storage for us, but when we were younger it was our playroom. The futon was in the middle of the room with a comforter neatly folded on top of the pillows. He laid me on there and went to undress me. I violently shook my head; I didn’t want him to see me naked. I knew it’s the last thing I should have been worrying about but, I couldn’t.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry, babe, I won’t,” he said softly and grabbed the comforter, draping it over my quivering body. He brushed my now damp hair back and I wished I could just give in to him, just one time, but this—being intimate with someone else—was one of the things that I was deathly afraid of.

“James,” I croaked and Jonah’s soft features, darkened. His face scrunched up in disgust.

“What about that asshole?” he said tightly.

“Is he okay?” He might not care, but I was the one who hit him and the last I saw, he was lying limp on the concrete. What if I seriously injured him? I couldn’t live with myself if I did. I was mad at him for being a douche and cheating on me with Diana, but I’d rather wish him herpes than death.

Jonah eyed me, weighing his options, but I think he realized I was worried about having hurt James more than his physical wounds, if that makes any sense. “I’ll be back.”

He’d only been gone for about ten minutes before he returned. At least I thought so, I was dozing off when I heard the basement door open and close again.

“Hey,” he smiled at me as he sat on the edge of the futon and caressed my cheek.

“Is he?” I couldn’t finish, but he knew what I was worried about.

He shook his head. “The bastard is fine. Just had a little concussion, I sneaked him into his house and dropped him in his room to sleep it off,” he said and my eyes widened.

“Jonah!” I squeaked. “If he has a concussion he can’t sleep,” I tried to urge how important it was but I didn’t have the energy.

He chuckled. “Mackenzie, he’ll be fine, don’t worry. You need to rest.”

I don’t know why I felt reassured by that. I shouldn’t have, but if he said James was going to be fine, then I believed him. “Jonah, what’s wrong with me?” I needed to know because this had never happened to me. I’ve been angry and been able to control myself, but this…this was rage. And I didn’t even want to get started on what happened between us at the bed and breakfast.

“It’s complicated,” he said and looked away. “Let me ask you a question first…when the full moon comes around, where do you go to shift?” he turned back to look at me and he was all business.

“Uh…I have a cage,” I said hoarsely.

He snarled. I flinched and scooted away from him because he bared his canines at me and it wasn’t friendly. “Sorry,” he said, but I was still hesitant. “Do you ever run?”

I sat up slowly and leaned on my elbow. Run? “Yeah, when I go to the gym, sometimes I go on the treadmill,” I said confused.

He shook his head. “No, I mean does your wolf ever run?”

Oh. I shook my head and the look he gave me shattered me to a thousand pieces. I couldn’t see his dimple anymore and some of the color in his face had drained. But that wasn’t the worst of it. The look of disappointment and pity undid me. Why did I even care?

“That isn’t safe, Mackenzie. How have you been controlling the wolf for this long?”

“I don’t know,” I said warily. “She only comes out for the three days of the full moon. Then she just sort of disappears.” I shrugged.

“She disappears? No, you need to let the wolf out and be free those days, if not she’ll come out at times like this and you could put people in serious danger.” He reached for his phone and pressed away on some buttons.

“And how am I supposed to do that in the city? If I let her roam around, she’ll really put people in danger then. If she wants to run, she can run in the cage. It’s pretty big,” I said and I knew how stupid that sounded before I said it.

“The next full moon, you’re shifting with me. And we’re getting rid of that cage. Is that where you were going to when I ran into you?” he asked and I’d completely forgotten our first encounter during the last full moon.

“Is that how you found me? How come you weren’t changing and in pain?” I asked as I replayed that night. I barely made it home on time and he was casually walking the streets like it was nothing.

“Because I don’t cage my wolf. The Pack isn’t Moon Bound like you are. We shift on full moons in celebration, not because of obligation. That’s the difference,” he said with a hint of frustration. He was ticked I caged my wolf. Which made me wonder, did he like me or the wolf?

“Moon Bound?”

He sighed and after typing something on his phone, he put it away. “It’s when you don’t shift at all. When a full moon comes around, it calls to your wolf and forces a change on you. That’s probably why you feel so much pain when you shift,” he said. I processed what he was saying and it made sense, I guess, but how the heck was I supposed to let the wolf out in the city?

“So…during full moons, you guys don’t go through the Change?” I wasn’t sure if he was okay with answering my questions but this was fascinating. And this was stuff I didn’t know that I should.

“We do. But it’s not because we have to, it’s like one big party for those three days,” he said and I could hear the pride in his voice. He liked being a werewolf. I envied that.

“Where? I can’t imagine at the warehouse.”

He shook his head and smiled. “We have an estate out in Little Falls, New York, with over a hundred acres of land. We all congregate there and have barbeques and bonfires, it’s a lot of fun. You’ll like it.”

“Jonah,” I started, “I’m not going. I don’t want to be part of the Pack.” He didn’t look at me but his body had frozen and my statement hung in the air like a heavy weight. It might not seem like it at the moment, but I could survive on my own. I didn’t want to be a part of their community where being a werewolf became my life. When I thought of my future, I didn’t imagine cleaning up after a husband and popping out little werewolf babies left and right. I wasn’t made to be a housewife, it’s not in my nature and probably never will be.

“Mackenzie…you can’t live on Pack land without belonging to the Pack,” he said and his brown eyes flickered gold. “They’ll kill you before they let a lone wolf roam free.”

“Who?”

“The Elders. I told you about the American and European summits, well they’re Elders who are sort of like a council and they govern the wolves—worldwide. Sebastian will be obligated to tell them about you. It’s why an American summit was called upon…because of you.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I wouldn’t want to leave New York but if I had to—to stay alive—I would. But did I really want a bunch of wolves dictating my life? It didn’t seem fair. It’s not like I was born into this or had much of a choice in being who I am.

“Where can I go?” I said, dazed.

“Kenz,” he said and it was the first time he hadn’t said my full name. “There’s nowhere on God’s green Earth that isn’t claimed in some way. You have no choice…unless you want to live on the run for the rest of your life,” he said uneasily.

I soaked in what he said and didn’t respond. There’s not much I could say, anyway, either I belonged or I didn’t, and I tended to do what I wanted either way. But it’s not something he needed to worry about right now. It seemed to me that Jonah had formed an attachment to me (I swear, I’m not being conceited) and I didn’t want to stress him out. I didn’t know much about this Pack stuff but I needed to do my research before I made any decisions.

“I thought you were leaving?” I asked, changing the subject.

He cleared his throat and looked away. “I was about to when I saw you outside…what was that about? Did you know he was cheating on you?” I could have continued to lie to him, but then that would make me look stupid. How would a girl so headstrong like me accept someone who cheats? Yeah, it didn’t sound believable.

“We’re not together,” I said and he watched me intently. “We broke up a couple months ago because of it but he hasn’t told his family.”

His eyes shone gold and then went to a calming brown. I didn’t know what these eye color changes were about, but they were weird.

“So, you’re pretending, because?”

“Because he’s dating a porn star and he’s scared to tell Nana,” I said and his eyes widened. “Okay, she’s not really a porn star but she looks like one.”

He chuckled. “Got it,” he said. “You’re too nice to him. He doesn’t deserve your help.”

“I know. At least, I know that now.”

After the Change, I became difficult, not the go-lucky girl I was before. Not that I was always cheerful either, but I wasn’t as hot headed. But for him to have been screwing her for months, was hurtful. I didn’t think I was that bad…was I? And how had I not noticed?

I must have had my feelings on my face because Jonah tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “Hey, don’t blame yourself. It’s his loss and no matter what troubles you both went through, he had no right to cheat. That wasn’t the solution.” Subconsciously, I knew Jonah was right, but it didn’t erase the guilt. If I hadn’t become what I am, then maybe James and I would still be together and happy. Maybe.

“Are you still leaving?”

He caressed my face and I couldn’t help but close my eyes. “Do you want me to?”

I shook my head without opening my eyes. It was a truth I couldn’t admit aloud. Possibly because of what happened, but I didn’t want him to leave my side. I snuggled in close to him and inhaled. He smelled of the woods and soap; which was peculiar since we live in the city. It was a good smell, I could get used to it.

He moved to lay down next to me and pulled me into his chest. “Then I won’t go anywhere,” he whispered, running his hand up and down my back and we stayed like that for a while.

Jonah and I spent the rest of the day holed up in the basement. I avoided everyone who might ask me what was wrong. Luckily, we had an old box TV with a VCR and a bunch of 90s movies to watch, which we did as we cuddled on the old, rusty futon. He didn’t try anything and I was glad. We got close but he wasn’t pushing me and I appreciated it. I wasn’t ready. When I finally checked my phone, I saw a ton of texts from my family wondering where I was. Since it had been Christmas Eve, I missed dinner with the Carson’s, which earned me a load of angry texts from James. I only texted Amy before going to sleep to let her know where I was and that everything was fine. She didn’t respond but I know she received it. Amy knew when to back off and now was that time.

I spent the night with a werewolf. Curled up with him behind me and his arm draped across my stomach. I couldn’t hold back a giggle.

It was Christmas morning and I could smell the sausage gravy that my mom was making in the kitchen. It smelled glorious and I was counting on eating at least a full pan of biscuits. Jonah stirred behind me and groaned when I tried to pull away.

“Where are you going?” he said and it was muffled since his face was stuffed in my back, his grip around my waist tightening.

“I have to go upstairs and say Merry Christmas,” I said and turned to him. “By the way, Merry Christmas, Jonah.” He didn’t open his eyes but that one dimple on his cheek peeked out and I smiled.

“Merry Christmas, Mackenzie,” he said and I leaned over and planted a soft kiss on top of his nose. “
Kenz
,” he started and my smile slipped. His tone had gone serious.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to push you like I did the other day and I think that if we get too close like this, I won’t give you the appropriate amount of space you need. The next time we’re together, like that—and when you’re ready—I want it to be because
you
want me. Not your wolf.”

I smiled at him, it was exactly the right thing to say. With Jonah, I didn’t need to tell him what I needed—he already knew.

“Listen, my mom makes a huge breakfast, so hurry up before my brother and I eat it all. If you have the same appetite as I do, then you need to haul ass,” I said and headed upstairs.

When I opened the door from the basement, I had to squint and let my eyes adjust to the brightness of the room. It was morning but I’d been stuck in the dark since yesterday and hadn’t seen the light in what felt like ages.

With my hand raised to cover my sensitive eyes, I dragged my tired body through the TV room into the kitchen where all the noise was coming from. I walked in to see my parents, my brother, and Amy already eating. Damn it.

“Don’t worry, Mackenzie, I made a whole batch just for you,” my mother said.

I kissed her on the cheek. “You know me so well,” I said and wished her and everyone else a Merry Christmas.

“Where were you, honey? James came looking for you yesterday,” my dad asked with a mouth full of biscuit and sausage gravy.

“Dad, we broke up.” All eyes were on me now. “Mom, don’t burn the gravy!” I yelled at her because she wasn’t paying attention to the stove anymore. She shook her head clear and fumbled back to the pan.

“It’s about damn time!” Ollie said and slammed his fist on the dining table.

“Oliver!” my mother scolded and he mumbled an apology, but not before he winked at me.

“That’s okay, honey. Things happen for a reason,” my mom said with a tight smile and I wasn’t sure if she was happy or disappointed. My parents never voiced their thoughts on my relationship with James, but they liked him enough.

I nodded, not wanting to open up a can of worms this early in the morning, and sat next to my best friend.

“Good Morning,” Jonah said as he rounded the corner into the kitchen. Ollie took the lead and made the official introductions to my parents who hadn’t formally met him yet. Jonah hugged my mom and I was surprised to see her smile go from ear to ear at the sight of him. Oh good lord. He came over and patted my brother and dad on the back. It was odd seeing Jonah here and blending in with my family like he’d known us for years. Amy was watching me and I could see the wheels in her head spinning and connecting the dots. Once I saw her grin, I knew she’d put things together, but her version was probably dirty, while ours was at least PG-13.

After breakfast, we went into the living room and opened our gifts. Jonah excused himself, most likely to call Sebastian and give him an update on things. It made me wonder if the wolves celebrated Christmas.

Once everyone was showered and dressed, we went down to Main Street for the small parade. While my parents volunteered during the festivities, the rest of us enjoyed the festival and showed Jonah what small town living was all about.

Without knowing he’s a werewolf, it was easy to tell the kind of person he was. He liked to joke around but his body language said the complete opposite. His shoulders were always tense and his eyes were on constant alert. He talked like he was relaxed, but it was for show. It made me wonder what these wolves did for a living that made them so paranoid.

“Let’s go on the merry-go-round!” Amy exclaimed as she latched on to Ollie and dragged him toward the ride. Watching those two was always entertaining. They sometimes acted more like siblings than Ollie and I.

“Do they have a thing for each other?” Jonah asked as we followed a little ways behind them.

I almost choked on the hot chocolate I’d bought. “What? No way,” I spluttered and he looked at me perplexed. “I know it may look that way but Ollie is almost like a brother to Amy. She was raised as an only child, with shitty parents who barely paid her any attention. She just enjoys being part of an actual family.”

Jonah’s arm came around my neck, and he pulled me into a hug. “You’re a good friend, Kenzie,” he whispered. His lips brushed my cheek. It sent shivers down my spine.

“I try.”

We caught up to Amy and my brother and got on one of the two-seaters’ on the carrousel. Amy climbed onto an elephant and Ollie was on a horse, yelling “yah” and slapping its behind like it was real. Those two, I swear, were just plain ridiculous. Not a mature bone in their bodies.

I chuckled as I watched Amy make a trumpet sound from the elephant’s trunk, and felt a rumble from Jonah beside me. I turned to look at him and he was fighting to keep a straight face.

“Just laugh. It’ll happen sooner or later if we keep hanging out with these dummies,” I said and the flood gates opened. Jonah heaved over laughing, wiping tears from the corner of his eyes.

“What is wrong with those two?” he said between bouts of laughter.

“We’re children in grown up bodies, that’s what’s wrong.”

“You know that’s what irritates Sebastian,” Jonah said and I looked at him.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. “It bothers him that you don’t seem to take a lot of things seriously. I, for one, find it endearing,” he said and his one dimple peeked out.

I turned away and to the crowd waiting to get on the merry-go-round. The spins made me dizzy. I needed to distract myself because I didn’t know why hearing this made me upset. It angered me. I might not be the most mature adult and I sometimes said silly things, but…that’s just the way I was. I didn’t want to live out the rest of my days in constant misery. Even when times are rough, I need to joke about it to make myself feel better—if not the wolf takes over. Why dwell? I guess not everyone got it and I needed to learn to be okay with that. I needed to learn that Sebastian just didn’t like me.

“Why are you mad?” I looked back to Jonah and saw the confusion in his eyes. He was listening to my heart beat.

“I’m not mad…just maybe a little miffed? I don’t know, I guess I never thought I’d annoy someone so much like I do Bash.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that, Kenz. Sebastian has to be serious because he’s the Alpha. The lives of all Pack members rely on him. He doesn’t have the option to be carefree.”

“Why is he Alpha?”

He cleared his throat. “Because I don’t want to be.” There was a long pause as I soaked in what Jonah said. What the heck did that mean? Was he stronger than Sebastian? Did he give him the position? Wolf politics sucked.

“I’m going to need you to explain that one,” I said and he laughed.

“Well, my father is
The
Alpha. Sebastian only runs the Brooklyn Pack, but he reports to my father who runs all of the Northeast. Which makes him one of the council members of the American Summit. Since I’m his son, I was offered the title of Alpha. Unfortunately for my father, it’s not something I desire to be.” He sighed. “I saw how hard it was for my dad and now I see it with Bash. That’s not the life I want for myself and the future family I plan to have.”

The ride came to a stop and it was like the world had been shut out and we were returning to reality. The noise of the festival filtered in and I had to shake my head from the daze. Jonah came from werewolf royalty. Okay, yeah, that sounded silly but eh, it was sort of true.

We climbed off the carousel and speed walked to catch up to Amy and Ollie who were racing to the cotton candy machine.

“What about Jackson?”

“Jackson wants to be Alpha, but my dad is holding out hopes that I’ll change my mind. Both of us can’t be Alphas with my father sitting on the council. It’d be a conflict of interest and the wolves might think we were trying to take over. Wolves are very sensitive and territorial, it’s a slippery slope,” he said as we reached the other half of our group.

“Omigod, I so want to take a picture with Santa!” Amy gushed as she grabbed onto both of the guys and pulled them toward the Winter Wonderland set up where the pictures were being taken. I slowly followed just a few steps behind and thought about what I’d learned. The wolves were a lot more organized than I thought.

After we took pictures with Santa Claus and his elves, Amy was coming down from her sugar high when we ran into James at the festival with his four sisters—who were glaring. He was about to approach me, probably to curse me out or whatever, but Jonah came to stand by my side and James jerked to a stop. His sisters were behind him, arms crossed and shooting daggers my way. They probably egged him on but he changed his mind once he saw Jonah. I didn’t know what he told them, but I didn’t think I was welcomed at the Carson’s anymore—or at least not for a very long time.

“Can we go on the Ferris Wheel?” Amy suggested and we swerved in the opposite direction from the Carson’s.

Ollie and Amy raced to get to the front of the line, almost trampling over some kids. I swore, this was the reason we never went to Dave and Busters—they had no shame.

We didn’t have to wait long before Jonah and I were paired up on the two-seater. I was surprised Ollie didn’t want to drive a wedge between the wolf and I. Made me wonder what was going on in his head.

“So tell me about yourself, Mackenzie,” Jonah said as the Ferris Wheel started to turn.

“There’s not much to say. I’ll be graduating with my Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice next year and I want to be a cop. I’m currently interning at 1PP,” I said as I looked over the small town of Cold Springs.

“That’s pretty cool. So what do you do? Buy donuts for the officers?” he chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

“Not like I haven’t heard that before. But no, I actually shadow one of the detectives assigned to Major Cases.”

“Whoa, how’d you get that?”

I laughed as I thought about my first day as an intern. “I actually cheated. I used my senses on a case that was meeting a dead end and impressed the captain. So I went from filing papers to going out on the field.”

“What did you do?”

I shifted in our seat. “I sniffed out a meth lab.”

“Tsk, tsk, Mackenzie. What else do you cheat on?” he joked.

I bit my lower lip to hold back a giggle. “Well as you probably already know, I’m also a bouncer at a bar on the weekends.”

Jonah hunched over the bar that strapped us in our seat. He was laughing so hard I think he snorted.

“You are definitely special, Mackenzie,” he said once he calmed down.

“Like special, short bus, or special cute?”

His milk chocolate eyes sparkled against the sunlight and I couldn’t hold back a smile.

“Like special cute.”

It was late in the afternoon when we got back home, my parents were still helping out with the festival, but we were wiped from all the games and food we had. The four of us plopped down in the TV room and Amy finally addressed the elephant in the room.

“Okay, what the hell happened yesterday?”

After I went into the whole spiel on the argument with James, Jonah officially became part of the family as he shared his mutual hatred for James. Amy seemed like she was forgetting he’d compelled her and I hope he didn’t get too comfortable. She forgets sometimes, but when you tick her off, everything comes back to her in boat loads and she’ll lay it on you thick. What they hadn’t questioned were my whereabouts yesterday and I thanked my lucky stars that Amy didn’t make any suggestions. Even though Jonah and I didn’t do anything, I didn’t think my brother would be okay with it.