Shieldwolf Dawning (19 page)

"Yes we can. All you have to do is forget it, Cass. Forget it once and for all and promise to never bring any of it up again … or … or you can stop talking to me completely. We'll pretend that we don't even know each other."

"I don't want to talk to you anymore. You're straight up mean to me."

"What? Are you serious?"

He ignored her. Samarra dropped her shoulders in dejection. She told herself he didn't mean what he'd said. How could he? He was her brother.

She reached out to touch his arm. "I miss you. I miss talking to you, and laughing with you, and listening to your bad jokes. These past few days, I've had a heavy feeling inside, right here." She pointed at her heart. "You're all I have. I don't like it when you're angry at me. It makes me sad. It hurts me."

Cassian was quiet.

"I didn't know all of this would happen. I promise." Samarra crossed her heart. "I didn't know. I thought I was doing something good for us. I'm the dodo, not you."

"Sammy," he said. "I don't know if I can be who the Shieldwolves want me to be."

Samarra could see the worry in his eyes. "Cass, you can be anything you want to be. That's who you are. You're a natural leader. When you talk to people, they listen. When you ask them to do something, they do it. Tell me something…" She let her words hang.

"What?"

"Has your life here been worse than life with the Sairfangs?"

He looked at her intently. "It's been different, but not bad. Maybe you're right," he said after a long pause. "Maybe it is better here. Maybe I have to make the most of it. I don't have any other choice, do I? I know what happens if I leave."

Samarra couldn't answer. She didn't know what to say to ease his mind.

He sighed heavily. "Just promise me two things."

"Anything." She felt the stirrings of hope in her heart.

"Can you at least listen to what I have to say the next time we have a big decision to make?" He waited for her agreement before he continued.

"Okay." She squeezed his hand, feeling the happiest she had felt for a while. "And?"

"And try to stay out of trouble. Brin told me about Suthum. You're lucky everything turned out all right. Otherwise, you would have been in for a shock."

"I'll try my hardest," Samarra replied with a broad grin. Things with Cassian were going to be all right. With that thought in the back of her mind, she focused on Shieldwolf Longmane, who had just finished his demonstration. He was dividing the swains into buddies for one more activity. Samarra gagged when she saw who her buddy was. The gaian boy she had seen picking his nose on the first day of basic training was walking toward her with a ridiculous smile on his face.

"Great," she grumbled.

"I'm Ryeno Jutek." He reached out to touch her shoulder.

Samarra lunged out of the way.

"I know who you are." He gazed at her with puppy-dog eyes. "Everyone knows who you are."

Samarra wasn't sure how to respond. Fortunately Shieldwolf Longmane called them to attention, so she was given an excuse to focus on watching the moves they were going to practise in pairs. Shieldwolf Longmane began with the attack and defense positions he had taught them earlier that morning. He then moved onto a more complicated attack.

"Your name is Samarra, isn't it?" Ryeno smoothed back his short blond hair as if trying his best to appear dashing. He was obviously persistent.

"Yes." She regarded him curiously. "Do you know my name because I get into trouble a lot? Is that it?"

"No. I know who you are because of your brother. He's younger than me and he's already a hero."

Samarra squeezed her staff until her knuckles turned white. She always found it interesting how a simple comment could trigger a storm of emotions in her. She had accepted Cassian's role with the Shieldwolves, but now she was starting to feel something else. She remembered feeling the same way with the Sairfangs. Was Cassian always going to be the one who got everything handed to him, while she cleaned up the messes? Samarra shook her head to banish her negative thoughts.

"I'll be easy on you." Ryeno winked. "You being a girl and all that."

Samarra controlled herself and said nothing, but the dark look in her eyes must have spoken volumes given Ryeno's mixed expression of fear and adoration.

"Attack!" Shieldwolf Longmane shouted.

Samarra swung quickly. Ryeno held up his weapon in defense. There was a splintering
crack
of wood on wood and Samarra lost her footing. Ryeno was quick to seize the opportunity to knock her back, but Samarra rammed her staff into the ground for support and regained her balance. She twisted up with a lithe spring and, after counting to three, she was off again. She feinted. Instead of swinging to her left, she spun around and swung right. Deftly she landed the side of her weapon on Ryeno's back.

Whack
!
Down he went. Samarra laughed at the energy coursing through her body — staff fighting was exhilarating. She had never felt anything like it. Even better, she was good at it.

Ryeno leaped up, rubbing his sore backside. His face had turned crimson from embarrassment. Samarra couldn't help but feel sorry for him and softened her stance. Without warning, he charged at her and knocked her head over heels.

"You little fiend," she cried.

The two tumbled around on the ground, kicking and punching and swinging wildly at each other. Mud and grass flew everywhere. Samarra felt the breath knocked out of her body when Ryeno punched her in the stomach. She kicked him away and scrambled to her knees.

Ryeno grabbed her ankle and she stumbled, but she managed to steady herself and escape his hold. Muscles tensed, Samarra waited for just the right moment to swing, gesturing at Ryeno tauntingly. Taking the bait, he lunged at her, but she was too fast on her feet. She dodged out of the way and threw herself into a furious attack. She swung her staff into his ribs and landed blow after blow into his body until he could take no more and doubled over. He fell to the ground, gasping for air.

"I yield," he panted. "I yield…"

Samarra cracked her knuckles and returned to starting position to indicate victory. "That was fun," she said and waited for Shieldwolf Longmane to register her win. While she waited, she watched Cassian dueling with his partner.

Although they had often wrestled for fun, she had never seen her brother get physical in this kind of environment. From the looks of things, he knew how to take care of himself. Cassian was actually doing better than well, attacking and defending with amazing coordination until he knocked down his opponent with ease. He waved at her when she caught his eye. Samarra smiled back, feeling guilty for being jealous of him.

Shieldwolf Longmane let them practise for a while longer before he dismissed them for the day. He grabbed his staff and went into the armoury. Samarra watched him disappear before she bent down to tie her laces. Seconds later, she was tackled from behind and toppled face first into the mud. A strong hand grabbed her dreadlocks and pushed her face into the grass.

Samarra was pinned to the ground. From the corner of her eye, she could make out a group of swains gawking. Whistler hopped into view and immediately launched into a colour commentary of the fight, interjected with not-always-funny jokes.

Samarra struggled to breathe as her face was forced deeper and deeper into mud. She had to think quickly. She let her body go limp and motionless until the weight on her back eased up. As quick as a flash, she flipped around. "Tavani!"

With a growl and all the strength she could muster, Samarra punched her opponent square in the face. The crowd went wild. Some whistled and clapped. Samarra was halfway to landing a second fist into Tavani's snout when the angry platophibian was dragged away by Cassian and Brin. Ryeno rushed forward and helped Samarra to her feet. She swung and kicked at Tavani, but Cassian stepped between them to stop the fight.

Shieldwolf Longmane grabbed Tavani by the arm. He gestured for Brin to pick up her staff. "Dawning, wait here," he barked. "The rest of you go to the mess hall." He gave Cassian and Brin instructions to take Tavani to Merganser's office.

When the crowd had dispersed, Shieldwolf Longmane went to Samarra. "Walk." He led her to the entrance of the armoury. "It is time for us to have a discussion." He gestured for her to wait while he straightened the weapons locker. When he was done, he returned to her side and pointed to the grove. "I would like to show you something."

Samarra followed him quietly. They made their way through the courtyard, past the terrace, and to the grove of contemplation. Samarra could barely breathe.

"You remind me of someone I used to know," Shieldwolf Longmane said.

"I do?"
Whatever you do, don't look
into
his eyes
, she thought. Samarra focused obsessively on the rich purple trees lining their path.

"Yes." He headed to the hot springs and sat down cross-legged with his back against an old oak. Dampness clung to the warm air. Shieldwolf Longmane watched the waters bubble. "Her temper was as heated as yours." He stared at Samarra intently and motioned for her to sit opposite him.

Samarra still could not look into his eyes. Instead, she looked up. The sky was overcast.

"Unlife," Shieldwolf Longmane said unexpectedly.

"What?" Samarra was confused.

"She was drawn to unlife… to flux magic."

Samarra waited for him to continue, but he spoke no more about that.

"You must learn to discipline yourself, Samarra Dawning. You must control your emotions or they will be the end of you."

"I can control my emotions just fine." Samarra could feel her temper rising already.

"Can you?"

"Yes, but I'm allowed to get angry and happy and sad and whatever." She threw her hands up in frustration. "I am a gaian, after all."

Shieldwolf Longmane chuckled. "Of course you are. It is healthy and natural to express your emotions, but if left unexamined, they can cloud your good judgment. Your emotions and your thoughts shape who you are and how you act." He stood up and leaped onto a rock big enough to hold their weight. "What do you see beneath the surface of the water?" He gestured at the bubbling springs.

Samarra kneeled down on the rock and peered over the edge. All she could see were frothing bubbles. "I can't see anything, really."

"Tangled emotions can prevent you from seeing truths about yourself." He whispered a few words and dipped the end of his staff into the water. A faint light spread through the springs. As the light dispersed, the water grew calmer and calmer until the surface was still. "When we have calmed our emotions, we can see deeper into our spirit and know our minds." He pointed out a shiny pebble from the sandy bottom. "What can you see now?"

Samarra could make out various gems sparkling on the sandy riverbed: a red one, some greens, clear ones, and even purple ones. Tiny fish darted in and out of dark weeds. Samarra leaned forward for a better look and caught a clear reflection of her face. She could see every detail of her features from the tips of her blue dreadlocks to the tiny scar on her top lip — the one she had gotten when she had bumped her head on the dining table. Shieldwolf Longmane dipped his staff into the water again and the waters bubbled once more. He leaped off the rock. Samarra followed.

"To temper your emotions, you must search inside you; learn how to identify the spark of their beginnings."

"But how do I learn that?"

"Start with identifying why these emotions arise. Only then can you know yourself properly. Let us sit for a while."

Samarra nodded and tried to focus on her thoughts, but she couldn't stop staring at Shieldwolf Longmane sitting opposite her with his eyes closed. After some time she spoke up. "You said I remind you of someone. Please tell me more."

"A fierce and courageous Shieldwolf." He smiled a sad, wise smile. "She fought alongside me until the Flux consumed her spirit."

There was a long silence. Samarra thought she saw a tear fall down his cheek, but she couldn't be sure. Shieldwolf Longmane seemed more approachable all of a sudden.

He went on. "When one's spirit is fixed on the Reflection, where truth shines like a radiant sun, it understands and appears to possess reason and good judgment. But when one's spirit attunes itself to the unworld of flux and shadows, its edges become blunted. It shifts its emotions and opinions back and forth haphazardly, and seems to lack good judgment." He bowed his head. "There are some things in life we are not meant to understand."

"Was her name Eshgranna?"

He was taken aback at her question. "Yes, her name was Eshgranna. How do you know of her?"

"I've… I've heard stories about her." Samarra focused on her shiny boots. Goose bumps formed on her arms and her face, and she wrapped her arms around her body for warmth.

Shieldwolf Longmane did not press for more information. When it started to drizzle, he motioned for her to stand up. "Things are not as bad as they appear." He walked up the path they had come along. "Cassian will find his place, and so will you."

Samarra nodded. The rain started to come down hard. Wet pellets exploded in her eyes and blurred her vision. They walked in easy silence to the flowering terrace.

Shieldwolf Longmane turned to face her. "Dismissed," he said and bowed.

Samarra watched him enter the tower before she made her way to the mess hall in search of food. Although the cool rain had soaked through her uniform, a tingle warmed her from the inside out — she had never experienced anything like it.
Wow! What a feeling!