Shield My Heart (Heaven Hill Book 9) (14 page)

Nothing had ever tasted so good in her life. It was as if her taste buds had come alive this morning. Everything smelled differently too, but then again, maybe it was her outlook. In the past few days that had definitely changed, and Mandy had come to some realizations. She hoped she wasn’t wrong.

Waking up this morning, she realized that her night with Dalton, even if it had been a couple of days ago, had actually been one of the best nights of her life. He’d told her he loved her, she’d seen it in his eyes just as clearly as she’d seen the toll staying away from her was taking on him in the lines on his face. More than likely he hadn’t meant for her to see it, but she had. For the first time in months, she thought they had a shot. There was no plan as to how to make him admit how much they meant to each other, but she at least felt hope.

A shadow fell over her table, and that heightened sense of smell told her exactly who was standing over the table. His scent enveloped her, and she wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms. But it was too soon for that, there were still things she didn’t know, truths he hadn’t shared with her.

“Hey.” She smiled up at him. It was a genuine one too. She was happy to see him, no matter if he stood there with a grim expression across his face.

“You mind if I sit?” he asked, gesturing to the free chair on her left.

She hadn’t noticed it, but she’d sat with her back to the building, at the only table not bordered by a window. She’d made it so that no one could in actuality sneak up on her. Her dad’s training all these years had finally paid off.

Dalton didn’t remove his glasses as he had a seat next to her. She wanted him to, wanted to see those dark eyes of his. With the glasses off, he couldn’t hide his emotions as well.

“What are you doing here?” she finally asked when it didn’t seem as if he were willing to be the first one to talk. She could see herself in the reflective lenses of his aviators, and she did her best to school her expression. Mandy didn’t want it to seem as if so much rode on the answer to the question.

“I was in the neighborhood.” The leather of his cut creaked as he shifted in his seat, curling himself closer to her body.

Glancing over at him, she wrinkled her nose and then took a bite of her fruit, chewing thoughtfully. “You’re hardly ever down here unless it’s to see your dad, me, or Christine to get your hair cut.”

She looked at his hair. Unlike most of the guys in the club, he wore his closely shaven. Given the redness of the back of his neck, that’s where he’d been.

“Haircut.” He blew out a breath and couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he rubbed his hand over the short fuzz. She knew him so well. Too well. It was their downfall, he was sure of that.

Mandy reached over, running her hand along the back of his neck. She hadn’t meant to, but it was a way she’d touched him a thousand times before. It felt natural and right.

Her heart clenched when he leaned into her caress. Even if he couldn’t say he needed her, he showed he did whenever he let his guard down.

“So you saw me sitting over here, having lunch by myself, and you couldn’t stay away any longer? You had to see me?” she teased.

The grin was still on his face. “Something like that.” He reached over and grabbed a piece of pineapple off her plate, popping it in his mouth.

They were quiet for a while, neither one of them wanting to disturb the other when he asked a question she hadn’t ever thought he would ask.

“How are you feeling? How’s the baby?”

Those words gave her hope that maybe he would come around, maybe whatever was keeping him completely from committing she could knock down and bring him over.

“Good.” She thought about whether she wanted to tell him this or not, but he had a right to know. “I actually have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow if you want to come.”

He went still beside her.

“No pressure, Dalton, really none. I don’t mean this in a bitchy way, but I’ve done everything so far by myself. If you don’t want to come, I won’t force you.”

She waited to see what he would say, but she didn’t hold her breath. Finishing up her sandwich, she grabbed her tea, which they’d put in a to-go cup for her.

“My appointment is at ten tomorrow, if you want to come. No hard feelings if you don’t.” She grabbed her sweating glass and stood. “I’ll text you the address,” she offered.

Reaching out, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down so he could kiss her. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it was one of possession, and she couldn’t help but love that. “Be careful,” he cautioned her.

“I always am.”

She put her sunglasses back down over her eyes and took off for the law office. Mandy felt his eyes on her until she turned the corner and couldn’t help but hoped they’d turned a corner too.

*

Dalton watched Mandy’s retreating back as she disappeared behind the side of the building that housed the law office. He wasn’t sure why he’d stopped when he’d seen her sitting there having lunch. The only thing he knew was that he missed her. Fuck, he missed her more than he could say, and sleeping with her had been a mistake, because he’d let his walls down, he’d told her he loved her, and he let himself feel.

He hadn’t let himself give into emotions in the last year because he’d realized what he was doing. All of the things he said he wouldn’t, he was allowing himself to do. Mandy had somehow wormed her way into his subconscious, and he was thinking marriage and kids.

Then, he’d received the call from the jail, and it’d been his dad wanting to see him. Three months before he’d overheard the conversation at
Wet Wanda’s
; he’d already started believing he wasn’t good enough for her. Lance’s call pulled him back down to earth in a big way. His life had changed in that instant because he’d realized that no matter what, he would never be able to get away from his start in life. After that meeting, he’d started to pull away from Mandy, and then he’d found out about Samuel and he’d stopped believing anyone could have a dream come true. It had crushed him in ways he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover from.

Now here he was, in the one position he’d never wanted to be in, and he was hurting everyone around him. Most of all the woman who least deserved it.

His phone vibrated on the table and he looked down, seeing the text from Mandy. After everything he’d done to her, she’d invited him to be a part of his child’s life.

The phone rang, and he saw Deacon’s face there. Reaching down, he answered it with a swipe of his thumb. “Hey.”

“Samuel has four days to come up with the rest of the money. It’s time to face facts here, Dalt. We need Heaven Hill’s help. Even if we used the money you’ve got for the down payment on that property—we’re still short. It’s put-up-or-shut-up time.”

That was the last thing he wanted to hear. He’d taken the leave of absence to keep this from ending up at their front door. Now it looked like he was going to have to go to that door, knock, and ask for forgiveness. There was no way he’d be able to save Samuel without their help. He didn’t even want to try, because he knew he would fail.

Tomorrow looked as if it would be the day. The day he’d own up to all of his sins and ask for forgiveness he knew he didn’t deserve.

‡
Chapter Eighteen

“I
don’t want you to have to do this,” Samuel argued as Deacon and Dalton sat in the kitchen of the little trailer, explaining to him what they were going to do. His face wore a mask of irritation, and he angrily flicked the ashes of his cigarette into an ashtray, his hand shaking as he brought the filtered tobacco up to his mouth and took a long drag.

Dalton had never been so annoyed in his life. Trying to make this man see the truth and the light of day was beginning to wear on him. In his uncle’s mind, he thought he could come up with the money he owed by himself. “Listen, I’m in the position that I can ask for it.” Didn’t mean he wanted to, but he would.

“It’s not your job to save me.” Sam leveled him with a stare.

It was a stare that would have scared him back when he was a teenager, but these days Dalton faced scarier truths. Namely one about five foot six with long dark hair and the most soulful pair of hazel eyes he’d ever seen. After the night at Mandy’s he’d realized what he was doing to himself, what he was denying himself. Seeing her today reiterated it. When he was with her, he felt better, even the scary things felt better. It wasn’t easy, and he still wasn’t completely comfortable with it, but he was willing to admit he wanted to be a part of her life. Being a part of her life meant fixing this and making sure Calvert wouldn’t be lurking in the background.

Dalton leveled him with one of his own. “And it wasn’t your job to save two kids who’d never known what a real home was, but you did it. Didn’t you?”

Uncharacteristic emotion clouded Sam’s face as he looked at the two of them. “There was never a thought in my mind that I wouldn’t take care of the two of you. It wasn’t your fault your folks weren’t ready to be parents, and I couldn’t let the two of you live with their mistakes.” He stopped speaking and looked around the trailer. “I know I didn’t give you the best of everything.” He made a sound in his throat. “Usually it was passable, or just enough so that you could say you had it, but I tried.”

Dalton could see himself in this man, could understand the emotion, because these were all thoughts he’d had about himself. How in the world would he take care of a child? What if he couldn’t give his baby more than what he’d had. The thought crippled him, and if he were honest with himself, it was one of the reasons he was so unsure of how life would play out with him and Mandy. But he knew he had to try. Watching Samuel be strong in the face of everything going on—and he still tried to protect Dalton and Deacon. A hard truth he was beginning to learn was that putting your kids before yourself wasn’t about what you could give them, it was about how you could make them feel and how you could keep them safe. He knew without a doubt he’d die for anyone he loved, and he also knew if Mandy would welcome him back, she would never wonder about his feelings ever again, and he’d make damn sure their child never would either.

“You loved us, and we love you. It’s why I want to help, it’s why I’ll go to Liam and pledge the rest of my life to make up this money to him. Let us help you; you’ve helped us so much,” Dalton continued, hoping to make Samuel see reason with logic.

“I should never have put you two in this situation. I’m no better than your parents. When I helped you, it wasn’t so you could do this for me later in life. It was because someone had to care for you two boys. You didn’t deserve the hand you were being dealt, and even if I didn’t have much to give you, I could give what I had. I’ll never forgive my brother or your mom for doing the things they did to you and putting you two in the situations they did. Knowing what I’ve done is killing me.”

While some people may have said he was right, Dalton disagreed. “No, if you were our parents, you wouldn’t have thought twice about coming to us and asking for money. This is what I’m offering you, not what you’re asking me for—huge difference.”

The brothers looked at one another, contemplating whether Samuel would take this help or not. He was a proud man, no matter what, but both of them knew even if he refused, they would go to Liam themselves and requst the help. No two ways around it.