Shh! (30 page)

“Hey.” My shoulders tensed at the male voice, but Logan’s closed hand shot out and Dane fist bumped it. Then Dane dropped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me into his side, dwarfing me under his arm. “Hey, Liv. We going to show these losers what you’re made of?”

“Let’s eat,” Savvy said, appearing between Logan and Molly.

I glanced around our tight circle and felt like crying. Again. Never in a million years would I have imagined feeling so loved by friends—true friends—who stood by my side, regardless of what other people would think.

Molly led the way into the dining hall while me, Logan, Savvy and Dane followed. The dinner line coiled around the edge of the room, but I could tell only about half the Oxley kids were already there. That meant we’d be smack in the middle of the line, so everyone would see us there tonight whether they came to dinner early or late. The whispers and glances started immediately, and I felt Logan’s grip on my hand tighten. Molly and Savvy talked around us, and even though I was so distracted that I had no idea what they were saying, I nodded and smiled.

We stood in line, and unlike the other times I’d faced this—the hub of college life, alone—no one approached me. People nodded and greeted my friends, and I smiled when I should have, until we were almost at the front of the line. Molly and Savvy had already swiped their cards and moved through the servery. With a quick nod to Dane, Logan moved to wait just outside; since he didn’t live here, he couldn’t eat here, nor could he enter the servery.

The voices came from behind us.

A guy and a girl. “Heard Oliva Dean did it in the courtyard, totally naked and not caring who saw …”

Swallowing, I blocked them out and concentrated on the feel of Dane’s hand on my shoulder. I could do this. People were going to talk, and they sure as heck were going to exaggerate. I had to face that truth and live with it. Dane’s hand suddenly dropped and I tensed.

“Shut the hell up,” he growled.

This was ridiculous. What would happen when I was alone, as I surely would be at some point? I spun around and looked directly at the girl. “I never did it in the courtyard, but I was thinking about putting on a show tonight if you want to spread the word. Dane, here, will be selling tickets. Five bucks a pop.”

The girl looked back at me blankly, her eyes unblinking and the guy, her boyfriend I was pretty sure, started laughing. I turned around, grabbed a plate of roast dinner and moved through the servery, slamming cutlery, dessert, and a drink onto my tray.

As I came through the ‘out’ door, Molly’s amused smile greeted me, and in response the anger melted and my lips tugged. I’d actually faced the gossipers head on without letting them get to me too much. Unable to suppress the smile, I met Logan’s gaze next; he nodded toward the tables. His hand fell to the small of my back and I felt strong.

I was strong.

Keeping a steady, raised gaze, I walked to a free table in the centre of the room and took a seat. My friends filled in the spaces around me.

“What the hell happened in there?” Savvy asked.

Dane slapped his tray down on the table. “Our girl here just put some assholes in their place, right, Liv?”

“Right.”

It felt kind of good and awful at the same time. Those people had seen footage of me in my most embarrassing moment, and my dignity was shot to threads, but I’d been the focal point of conversation for long enough. It was time that it ended, and I was the only one who could make my life somewhat normal.

My friends were pretty awesome, but if I wanted to be treated normally, I had to act it. My thing was a thing, yet it didn’t govern who I was or who we were as a group, so I changed the conversation back to them. “What are you all doing for term break?”

“Going home to research primary schools,” Savvy said. “I’ve got prac placements coming up, and I need to figure out which school to request.”

“Ooh, sounds fun,” Molly chimed in. “I guess that’s the real test to see if you like teaching, hey?”

Savvy grabbed the pepper, which she sprinkled generously on her food. “There’s no test. I’ll love it.”

“I’m going home too,” Molly said.

“Yup, same here,” Dane chimed in. “I need a good dose of ocean air. That stuff is like medicine.”

Everyone tucked into their dinner while I handed Logan the extra fork I’d snatched, and motioned for him to share off my plate. “Well, I’m staying here. I’ve got to catch up on a ton of work.”

Logan looked at me sidelong. “Good. I’ll have company.”

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

Logan and I stood outside Belle Venue, watching the sun set over the expansive gardens while the bridal party posed for photographs below. I’d been dreading Bethanie’s wedding for weeks.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like my cousin; I adored her. Growing up, she’d been just enough older that I’d always looked up to her with a kind of childlike envy. I’d thought she had it all
—
a brother, parents who doted on her, and a pony. All the things I’d always wanted. Her letting me change the RSVP to include the plus one I’d previously declined was super kind. I wasn’t sure I would have made it through the occasion maintaining civility with my parents if it weren’t for Logan’s reassuring touch. Not after the painful phone call that ensued when she finally saw the video. Turns out you can’t be tagged and not have everyone in your friends list witness the tagging. When we’d seen them from a distance at the church it hadn’t been too bad. Sure, Mum gave Logan the onceover in the same way she’d eyed up my purse to make sure it matched my shoes, and the look in her eyes said she thought he didn’t match, but I didn’t care.

He looked mighty fine in suit pants and a dress shirt, especially with the top button undone to show off that tiny bit of skin at his collar that I couldn’t resist touching. There was no one else I’d prefer to have as my plus one, regardless of how he or she looked. I would have preferred it if he didn’t shave, though. His face seemed sadly bare.

“At the last wedding I went to, Kayla and Jordan decided to make chocolate-covered rose petals while everyone was distracted with cake cutting.”

His hand moved in circles across my back.

“No way! Please tell me it wasn’t from the bouquet.”

He chuckled.

“Tell me about her.”

Logan sighed, a heavy drawn-out noise that spoke of heartbreak. “She was beautiful, and sassy, and she was sixteen …” His voice choked, and I hung my arms around his waist, resting them on his hips, feeling terrible for dredging up painful memories. She was a huge part of his life though, and I wanted to share it. Maybe in time …

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to tell me, I get—” Logan silenced me with a soft kiss.

“It’s okay. I want to.” He nestled my head in the space under his chin. “Kayla and Jordan were only a year apart, and they were close. I thought they’d both be all right if I left. But they were trouble. Together, apart, they were always up to no good, and I was forever bailing them out. Like at that wedding with the fondue fountain.” Logan sighed. His voice had an almost wistful tone, but that changed when he continued.

“The bastard never actually hit any of us, but I guess I never realised how much I’d shielded them both from his constant attacks.” Logan took a long breath and I rested my cheek on his chest, my fingers stroking the exposed
V
of skin. “He’d yell that we were worthless sacks of shit for stupid stuff like not putting a dirty dish in the sink, then he’d slam it into the wall so close I’d think he was trying to brain me. But that wasn’t the worst; there were the times he’d go days without talking. He’d talk to everyone else, just not the person who he was pissed off with. Walk right past them, like they didn’t exist. God, that made me feel like I was the worthless sack of shit he was always banging on about.”

“Whatever happened, Logan, I’m so, so sorry. You have to believe, though, that it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was and it wasn’t.” His hand dropped from stroking my hair and his chest rose beneath my cheek. “It was that bastard’s fault for the years of beating us all down with hurtful words until we thought we were no better than dirt under his feet. It was my mother’s fault for being just as bad, but mostly … mostly … hell, Liv. I should never have left either of them. I’d thought I was doing the right thing. My parents laughed when I told them I was going to uni to get a degree. They thought I lied about my high school results, that there was no way I could have achieved the right grades to get in and that … that made me so damn determined to prove them wrong. I lost sight a little though, got wrapped up in the college life. I still studied, but I partied hard too. Then the night I got the call …”

Logan scraped his cheek through my hair and I tightened my arms around him so my hands came together at his back.

“The second I woke to my phone buzzing, I knew. My stomach dropped, and I didn’t know if it was Kayla or Jordan, but my gut told me there was something wrong. And it was with one of my siblings. Jordan was screaming down the line when I picked up. He couldn’t wake her.”

His voice cracked, and his chest heaved against my cheek. I held onto Logan while he let go, small sobs and sniffs that I could feel in my own heart, and I cried with him.

“Painkillers,” he said. “Did you know that if you take enough of them you just fall asleep and never wake up?”

I released my squeezing hold and took his face in my hands, then gently placed a kiss on his mouth and followed it with another. I dropped a million tiny kisses all as soft as could be, and Logan’s tears mixed with mine—salty, and wet, and oh-so broken. My heart bled for his loss. Not only the loss of his sister, but the loss of so many other things. Logan was a precious man who didn’t deserve the cards he’d been dealt. He’d lost his sister, and here he was, raising his brother to save Jordan from a similar fate.

How dare my mother look at him as if he were anything less than saintly?

We stood in the fading light until the bridal party disappeared from their photo shoot, each of us quiet as we clung to each other. Logan had had a hard life, but he didn’t let it knock him down, or taint his caring personality. More than any degree or job, that was something to be proud of.

I locked Logan’s hand in mine and together we entered the reception hall, ready to face the evening, both of us a little more sombre.

Of course the seating plan had us at the same table as my parents. I hadn’t really expected anything less, but I’d hoped it would be different. We walked into the room amidst a wave of guests, my arm around Logan’s waist and his around mine. My heels clicked against the polished floorboards as I led us toward the table marked with a
four
.

They weren’t there yet. Probably making connections, working the crowd, or one of those other terms my mother used for talking to people she barely knew, but from whose acquaintance could be a benefit. It was so fake.

Logan pulled the chair out and I snapped from my daze. “Sorry. I’ve been so lost in my own thoughts today.”

“It’ll be okay.” His lips brushed over my forehead. What he didn’t say then, but he had earlier was
Don’t let them hurt you.
I concentrated on those words as we both sat then I reached for the wine in the centre of the table. “Want one?”

Logan shook his head and his hand settled on my leg which was jigging. I was so nervous, I even forgot he’d volunteered to drive tonight.

“Welcome …” The MC had taken his place behind the microphone and gazed out over the assembled guests. “The bridal party will be with us shortly. But while we wait, let’s go over a couple of house rules …”

My attention was yanked away as my mother bustled up to our table and delicately slipped into the seat beside me. Dressed in a teal number that would have cost more than Logan’s Corolla, she looked stunning, if somewhat thin. Dad was two steps behind her, his tie matching her dress. I hadn’t seen them at the church as we’d snuck in a little late. Her elbow bumped into my chair as she took her napkin and laid it across her knee with a flourish.

Oops. I‘d forgotten; I reached for the folded square of material on my plate. Logan squeezed my knee, and with a steady breath I dropped the napkin where it was and snuck my hand under the table to rest on his. It was a tiny act of defiance.

We sat through the MC’s greeting and the welcoming of the bridal party without conversation. It wasn’t until they were seated that my mother acknowledged my presence with a, “Hello, Olivia.” Her gaze slid to Logan. “Is your friend a fellow Law student?”

“This is Logan, who I told you I was bringing, and no. He’s not, which I also told you.”

Logan reached across me, extending his hand. “Logan Hays. I’m majoring in psychology.”

“Oh, lovely. There’s a lot of money in the private sector. Will you open your own practice right away, or mentor under someone in one of the major clinics for a few years?”

Bam.
Pleasantries were only for people she wanted to impress.

“Actually, I’m planning on working in schools, or somewhere I can help teens.”

“Well, Olivia.” My mother’s attention had moved on from Logan already. “How is school? Are your grades high? I’d hope so after the debacle with that disgusting footage.”

How dare she brush him off like that? Logan was a noble man who’d make a fine councillor for troubled kids. It was a career to be proud of, and one that would make a huge difference to many lives. Her questions were what were insignificant.

“Logan’s darn good at what he does. He pulls the top grades in his classes, and he’s got a knack for empathy and understanding.”

“What about your grades, Olivia? I hope they’ve improved this semester.”

“No,” I snapped. “And actually … I’m thinking about switching degrees.”

Dad leaned across the table from his spot beside my mother. These huge round tables really weren’t as conducive to conversation as people thought. “I beg your pardon?”

“We’ll talk about it later.” I nodded toward the head table where entrées were just being served. “This is Beth’s wedding, after all.”