Shelter Me (8 page)

His good mood deflated.

The scent of explosives and blood overwhelmed him so hard and fast he swallowed down rising bile. He pushed the memories back, but he knew from experience once the lid lifted on those recalled moments they wouldn’t stay pushed down for long. He had to get out of here fast.

“Thanks for lunch. You didn’t have to include me, but it was good.” He stood, fishing in his pocket for his truck keys. “I should head back to the motel and catch a nap. My internal clock’s all screwed up from the time change.”

“Oh, of course.” She inched away. “I appreciate your returning Trooper. His disappearance really scared my mom and me. We spent a lot of time looking so I should probably get moving on the morning chores we never got to. Thank goodness it’s Sunday and I don’t have classes to attend or teach.”

Mike stopped short. “Is there something I can help with?”

“I wasn’t hinting. I swear,” she said quickly.

“I know. You and your mom are both fiercely independent. I totally get that.” Mike scratched the back of his neck, looking around the farmhouse and seeing it with new eyes, especially after what Nathan had just said.

The porch needed a coat of paint. A shutter hung loose. And the weeds in the garden . . . Holy crap, how did weeds get so tall yet the lawn was perfectly mowed? A strange dichotomy he couldn’t wrap his brain around.

The Colonel had always talked about how well things were going at home. How strong his wife was. How proud he was of his daughter’s grad school grades and graduate assistantship. “Your father didn’t know how bad things had gotten around here with repairs . . . and with your grandfather’s Alzheimer’s, did he?”

“What good would it have done to tell him? Worry can be distracting, and we didn’t want to do anything that put him in even greater danger.”

Not that it had mattered in the end. “I’m surprised he didn’t notice changes with your grandfather when you Skyped.”

“We just told him Grandpa hated Skype, which kept their interactions brief. We managed.”

He wanted her life to be about more than just managing. She could have moved out with the money from her assistantship, yet she chose to stay here and help with her grandfather. That kind of selflessness was rare.

Mike snagged a strand of her hair that had escaped her ponytail and tucked it behind her ear. Her silken skin tempted his fingers to linger against her. “I mean it when I say call me if you need help with anything around here.”

“Of course I will.” She never did lie well.

He started to confront her on that when her brother stepped out of the woods and shouted, “She won’t ask for help, you know. Not ever.”

Sierra scowled and extended her arm with the pillowcase still in her fist. “Nathan, don’t forget your snake.”

“What?” He stuffed his earbuds back in again. “Can’t hear you.” He walked past her without looking as he jogged into the house.

If Mike had thrown around that much bad attitude, his dad would have chewed his ass, not that his dad had been home often. And Allen sure as hell wouldn’t have tolerated so much lip from his son, although the Colonel had a quieter way of relaying his displeasure. Silent disappointment. But then would Nathan be this defiant, lashing out at everyone if his father hadn’t died?

Mike turned back to Sierra. “Is he okay?”

“Honestly? Who knows with him anymore.” Her blue eyes darkened with a mix of sadness and frustration as she set the makeshift serpent sack on the table. “He was difficult before, and he’s even tougher to gauge now. Every time I read about one of those teens going postal, I wonder if we should be doing more. Mom has spoken to his teachers and the school counselor. Everyone thinks he just needs time to process his grief.”

“With counseling?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re seriously worried.”

“He’s a fifteen-year-old boy who just lost his father.” She dropped back into the patio chair with a weary sigh. “Hell yes, I’m worried.”

“Yet you keep insisting you’re okay.” He leaned back on the table so he could see her beautiful eyes better. “Why is it all right for him to be hurting but not you?”

“Of course we’re all hurting, but I’m an adult.” She gripped the arms of the chair. “And this conversation is now moving past my comfort zone.”

“Guess I’ve given up the right to pry,” he said with more than a hint of regret. “But I can’t stop feeling like I can be of help here.”

She shook her head. “My brother was just going for shock value in offering you the studio apartment in the barn.”

“Clearly.”

“You’ll need to find a place of your own now that you’re back.”

“Actually, there’s kind of a problem with that since so many places want long-term leases.” He thought about the future, something he tried to avoid when he could. Living in the moment was tough enough when transitioning from over there to back home. “I’ll be moving in a couple of months, so I’ll probably just stay in the motel.”

She bit her lip, and he could see her trying to hold back the urge to ask. And he shouldn’t care that she was still conflicted about them, but he did. Even though he’d let her go and knew that was the right decision, he couldn’t deny there was still chemistry left between them.

Major understatement.

Truth was, he struggled not to touch her every second they were together. He knew exactly how to kiss her the way she liked best, the when and the where, too. The memories of other times together clouded his brain every time he got near her.

“Moving?” She tipped her head to the side, ponytail trailing over her shoulder. “Where are you going?”

And wasn’t that a wake-up call to get his head on straight?

“Fort Bragg. Looks like I’m going to get a Special Forces slot.”

Her eyes widened. “Congratulations. You’ll be a Green Beret? That’s awesome. You deserve to be proud.”

Unless the Sergeant Major busted his chops over bringing the dog home and used it as an excuse to take away the slot. He and his boss had never quite seen eye to eye on a lot of things. The fact that he nabbed the opportunity still stunned him. He would have thought for sure the Sergeant Major would have found a way to block it.

Regardless, soon he would be gone, away from Fort Campbell, away from the memories . . . away from Sierra. Would he still think of her every time he caught a whiff of citrus scent?

Unable to stop himself, he tucked her hair behind her ear again even though she must know darn well it wasn’t loose this time. He savored the silken feel between his fingers.

“I really should go now.” He jammed his hand in his pocket so he didn’t keep touching her. “Good-bye, Sierra. Take care of yourself.”

His eyes ate her up even if his hands weren’t on her.

“You, too. Stay safe.” Clouds chased through her sky blue eyes.

Regret for all they’d lost kicked him. Hard.

Angling down, he kissed her forehead and held, her bangs whispery and sweet smelling. Fire burned through him, urging him to haul her up and into his arms. To say to hell with it all and let them enjoy whatever time he had left here. Forget about the past or the future and just immerse themselves in the present.

His kiss ended, but he stayed close, his cheek against her temple. Each breath ruffled her hair. What was wrong with both of them that they couldn’t just let each other go, damn it?

The pillowcase on the table started writhing again, bump, bump, bumping along until the bag fell to the ground. Mike jumped back, startled, not sure whether to be grateful or not for the wake-up call from Bo.

Sierra sat rooted and still in that chair for so long he thought she might do something—like pull him back for a real kiss. Or say something—like ask him to stay.

But she didn’t.

So finally he backed away, two, three, four steps, then turned toward his truck. He kept his eyes on the ground, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, boots stirring up dust on the rutted driveway. He hauled himself into the front seat and cranked the key, engine roaring to life. Throwing it into drive, he couldn’t tear out of here fast enough. The mile-long driveway felt like it ran twice as long. His shock absorbers took a beating, reminding him of something else the family needed help with—filling potholes.

Sierra loved college life before, living in the dorms, dreaming of getting her own apartment. She’d been saving her money working part-time on campus in the library. And she’d clearly given that up to help her family when her dad’s deployment came around. Mike had respected her for that sacrifice. Except now her year of living at home had been extended. For how long?

There were so many things he wanted to say to her, to ask her. But their relationship had been complicated enough when her father was alive. Now that he was gone, the barriers between them felt higher. He wasn’t the right man for her. He knew that and it didn’t stop him from wanting to finish that kiss they’d barely started. Unable to resist, he took one last look in the rearview mirror—

And saw Trooper in the back of his truck, ears and tongue lolling in the wind.

*   *   *

SIERRA SLAMMED THE
front door and sagged back against it, her heart hammering in her ears. Only because she’d run like hell inside rather than watch Mike drive away from her.

Again.

Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee . . .
Words of wisdom from a John Donne poem that trotted through her head whenever Mike Kowalski was around. Except that his kiss had made her think of more than full nakedness. It had made her heart hurt with memories of what would never be.

Easing the pillowcase to the floor, she slid down the door to sit on the braided scatter rug. She was tired of saying good-bye to people who never returned. She was through with putting her heart on the line. Her emotions had taken more than their fair share of hits for the year.

For the decade, actually.

The cuckoo clock blared through the house. Her head ached. She willed her heart to slow and her thoughts to gather into a coherent flow. With each even breath in and out, she began to realize something wasn’t right. The house was too quiet, other than that damn clock that kept reminding her of a military life with a patchwork of pieces collected from around the world. Every time they moved, her mother had reminded them saying good-bye to friends was a part of the lifestyle. Family mattered most.

She’d gone along like a good little soldier for her whole life, and still, her family had been shattered.

Sierra searched the length of the hall, looking into the empty dining room with a towering birdcage in one corner, then over to the living room with the cats sleeping on the sofa. The television wasn’t even on in the family room. She pushed to her feet and headed to the kitchen with Bo. Her brother sat quietly at the table with another bowl of chili, dished up in a
Game of Thrones
trencher she’d given him as a gag gift for Christmas.

She put the snake down in front of Nathan as she looked past her brother into the empty family room. “Where are Mom and Gramps?”

“I thought I was supposed to shut my mouth.” He ate a heaping spoonful of chili.

“Quit being a pain in the ass, just for a little while, please. Where are Mom and Gramps?”

“Gramps is taking a nap and Mom is feeding the animals.” He chugged half a glass of iced tea.

“Okay, then. Please take Bo and put him back in your room for a while. If Mom comes in, let her know I need a quick shower before I help her feed all the critters.” She could catch up on homework before supper.

“Not all of them.”

Her brother’s calmly spoken words sent premonition dashing up her spine like crawling spiders. “What do you mean?”

Nathan smiled, such a rare event it launched a fresh scuttle of spidery tingles. “Trooper jumped in the back of Mike’s truck.”

Shit. Shit. Shit!

She didn’t even have the luxury of time to be pissed at her brother. She tugged her cell phone out of her pocket just as the doorbell rang. Sierra sprinted out of the kitchen and into the hall, refusing to acknowledge that her heart was thumping faster over the thought that her good-bye to Mike had been delayed a few minutes longer.

She jerked open the front door, and sure enough, there stood Mike with Trooper.

*   *   *

MIKE KNEW THAT
before he left this house again, he would have to kiss Sierra.

Maybe that wasn’t honorable or smart. But facts were facts. The flush along her cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes as she’d opened the door were real. She’d been glad to see him. For just one instant, someone on this godforsaken planet was happy to have him back home safely. Majorly intoxicating to a man who’d been on a dry spell of anybody caring whether he woke up each morning.

She held up her cell phone. “I was about to call you. Nathan just told me he saw Trooper jump in the back of your truck.”

“Sorry I didn’t notice right away.” The tan and brown mutt leaned against Mike’s leg. Mike scratched the top of his head. “He’s playing Velcro dog.”

“Let’s take him to the backyard to play so he’ll have more time to get used to the scent of here.” She tugged her tank top down, her toes crinkling in her worn sandals, all those awareness twitches that stoked his resolve. “He can play with Clementine.”

“Lead the way.”

“Sure, just hold a second while I switch into more substantial shoes.”

Kneeling by the shoe rack, she ditched her sandals and tugged on red cowboy boots. She stood and angled past, just close enough that the scent of citrus and perspiration hit him like a drug with reminders of warm, sexy nights of them tangled up together in the back of his truck or in his bed in the small apartment he’d rented.

Mike cleared his throat, determined to bide his time. Anticipation made the payoff all the sweeter. “Did you ever figure out how he escaped last night? Trooper’s quite a Houdini. He found ways in and out of the FOB not even our top security knew about.”

“Gramps let him out of his crate and Trooper managed the rest of the escape on his own. Clearly, he’s still attached to you. That’s understandable with so much change in life. It’s a lot for any dog to process.”