She Had No Choice (11 page)

“
Shhh…quiet, Carlos. You’ll wake the baby.”

“
I don’t care! She’s not my baby! She’s a bastard baby!” he yelled in a drunken slur, trying to keep his balance. This cut Sofía to her core. Her basic maternal instincts made her want to protect her daughter from this monster, to scream at him, maybe even cause him physical pain, but she knew it would only make things worse. It took every ounce of strength she had to keep her feelings under control and try to calm him down.

“
Carlos, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying,” she said in her best calming voice.

“
I know she’s not mine. You think I’m stupid?”

Sofía slid out of bed and tried to help him get undressed.

“
Here, Carlos, let’s get your boots off so you can go to bed,” she said, continuing to try to calm him down with a soothing voice.

“
That baby in your stomach, is that baby mine?” The alcohol was making him irrational and mean.

“
Of course, this baby is yours. Let me help you with your boots.”

“
How do I know, Sofía? How do I know? Tell me!”

“
Carlos, stop!” She knew it was the booze talking, but his words still hurt her deeply.

His calloused right hand quickly clamped around her small neck, and he pulled her face close to his. She could feel his hot breath on her skin and smell the stench of whiskey.

“
That baby had better be mine, you whore!” he screamed, as he shoved her hard back onto the bed.

Eva was awakened by all the yelling, and she was crying.

Carlos stumbled back out of the bedroom, and Sofía heard the front door slam. She didn’t know where he was going, and she didn’t care. Picking Eva up, she tried to comfort her and get her back to sleep. She was glad to have him out of the house. He would find somewhere to sleep it off, and maybe he would be in a better mood in the morning.

Sofía had hoped having another baby, Carlos’s baby, would make things better. It only seemed to make things worse. If she could give him a boy, perhaps that would help. If she couldn’t, well, she didn’t want to think about that.

Chapter 9:
Brothers

It was 1934. Sofía’s belly was growing very large, and she could no longer work in the fields. Her back ached all the time and her feet were usually swollen, but she could not let that keep her from the cooking and laundry, or from caring for her daughter.

One of the other farm worker’s wives, Fatima, had experience in assisting with childbirth and agreed to help Sofía when the time came for her to give birth. It was a relief to Sofía that Fatima lived next door and would be there to help her.

Sofía’s labor pains started late one morning in early spring. She left Eva playing in a makeshift crib and with great pain walked next door to let Fatima know she felt the baby coming. Fatima immediately helped Sofía back to her own place, where she put Eva down for a nap and tried to soothe the expectant mother. Sofía’s water broke and labor quickly came in full force.

Fatima stayed by her side, coaching her, wiping her face with a cool cloth, and finally assisting her with the actual birth. Labor only lasted three hours, but it was intense. The waves of pain grew closer together and more severe, until it was time to push hard and give birth.

“
Push, Sofía, push!” Fatima hollered.

Finally, the baby emerged. It was a boy!

Carlos will be happy, Sofía thought to herself. She hoped this would put him in a better mood. His drinking and temper were becoming unbearable. Only a week prior, Carlos had again returned from the bar drunk and irrationally warned her that this baby had better be a son.

“
What will you name him?” Fatima asked.

“
Eduardo,” Sofía replied, as she looked down at the baby boy in her arms. She always liked that name, she thought it sounded strong.

“
Eduardo?  Hmmm…I like that. It’s a good, solid name,” Fatima said.

Carlos came home from work later that evening, finding Sofía had given birth. He was thrilled that he had a son – a son that was truly his child. Sofía was right, his temperament did improve, at least for awhile. For the next few months, he drank less and laughed a little more.

Six months later, she found herself pregnant once again. Although Carlos was happy with the first son, the pressure of another mouth to feed drove him to drinking heavily again. The few months of calm that Sofía enjoyed were coming to an end, and she would have to endure his episodes of drunken rage once more.

When Sofía was alone in the house, tending to her two little ones, she thought about the baby that was growing in her belly. This would be her third child, and she was still unmarried. She knew she was generally accepted in the farm worker camps as Carlos’s wife, but she privately suffered the shame of it, knowing she was not. At times, she wondered what her mother and father would think of her if they knew how she was living. Then the babies’ cries would draw her attention back to the present tasks at hand.

Always trying to find where the next opportunity for employment was, Carlos had gotten confirmation from his fellow workers that there was work to be found in Ventura County. So he packed the family up once more and they traveled there to work the fields of this fertile southern California valley for the season.

They settled once again into the housing provided for the migrant farm workers. It was always poverty-level living conditions, nothing more. Sofía decided she could despair over it or make the best of it. She chose to be as thrifty as she could and provide a good home for her family.

She washed the dingy curtains and scrubbed the wood floors. She cleaned the kitchen sink, counter and shelves as much as possible. To save money on clothes, she washed and mended hand-me-downs from the thrift store in town. Powdered milk and large bags of dried pinto beans and white rice became the basis for their meals. Meat and fresh fruits and vegetables came at a high price, so they were bought sparingly.

Sofía knew her third baby would arrive in just a few months. She got to know some of the other women living in the complex and found one of them had a lot of experience helping to birth babies. Her name was Ysenia. Sofía felt twice blessed to once again have someone close by to help when the time came.

Her water broke a month early and the pains started within a few hours. Not wanting to leave Eva and Eduardo alone, Sofía went to her front door and stepped outside to find someone who could tell Ysenia it was time. She saw another woman she knew walking down the driveway and called out to her to get Ysenia. Within minutes, Ysenia was knocking on Sofía’s door.

This time it was a long labor and a difficult delivery. Eventually, the baby’s head began to crown and Ysenia gave the order for one more hard push. The baby finally made his way out and gasped his first breath before giving out a good cry. It was another boy. He looked a little small because he was early, but he was healthy.

Ysenia took him and cleaned him up, wrapping him in swaddling. She started to hand the baby to Sofía, but Sofía felt hard cramping. She knew something wasn’t right in her body.

“
Ysenia!”  Sofía cried out in fear. “I feel like I’m still having more labor pains. What’s happening?”

Ysenia laid the baby in the cradle. Then she felt Sofía’s belly and took one more look between her legs. Another head was crowning.

“
Twins!”  Ysenia screamed.

“
Twins?!  Ay, Diós!” was all Sofía could say between the new waves of labor pains. “Ay, Diós!”

Ysenia continued to coach Sofía through the pains and another son was born. Both women were so stunned they were speechless for a few moments.

“
What a handsome young man you are,” Ysenia said to the second baby boy as she cleaned him up and wrapped him in swaddling, as well. She gave the babies to Sofía, one at a time, to nurse. Sofía was in shock. First her water had broken a month early, and then the surprise of two babies instead of one. With Ysenia’s encouragement, she was eventually able to cradle the first son and began to nurse him.

“
Are you doing okay, Sofía?” Ysenia asked her. “You look exhausted and you had, well, quite a surprise.” Ysenia started cleaning up the rags and bowl.

“
I shouldn’t have been surprised. I am a twin, and twins do run in my family.” Her words were soft and she was getting drowsy. “I just had no reason to think…” She grew very quiet. Ysenia turned back to her and noticed Sofía had fallen asleep. So she took the baby out of his mother’s arms and put him down to sleep.

When Carlos returned home from work about an hour after the delivery, Ysenia met him at the door. Carlos was a little startled by her at first, but he knew it meant the new baby had come.

“
Sofía went into labor today…” she started to say.

“
Is it a boy?”  Carlos asked excitedly.

“
Well, yes and no,” Ysenia answered.

Surprised by her answer, he didn’t know what to think.

“
What do you mean – yes and no? What kind of foolishness is that?” Carlos sounded irritated by her response.

“
What I mean is that you do have another son. In fact, you have two more sons. Twins!”

His eyes got as big as saucers. His heart started to pound. He was excited and terrified at the same time. He felt weak in the knees and grabbed a chair to sit down and catch his breath for a minute.  Two more mouths to feed now, he thought to himself. Where will the money come from? He was starting to panic, his mind was racing.

Ysenia watched him for a moment, her brows knitting together in a frown. “Don’t you want to see your sons?”

He looked at her blankly. Then he ran his hand over his face as if to wake himself up from a dream and remembered that he had new sons – two more sons! He got up from the chair and rushed into the bedroom to see his new sons. “Ay caramba!” was all he could say, with a look of shock and panic on his face.

They named the boys Arturo and Alfredo. Now they were a family of six. Eva was four by this time and Eduardo was almost two. Sofía had her hands full with all the young ones, taking care of them all by herself. Carlos was no help with the children, he was often at the bar when he was not at work. The burden to feed and raise four children was ever-present. Because of that pressure, the family almost lost little Alfredo.

Carlos was happy about having two more sons, as most men are, but soon that excitement turned to worry. There were two more children to support, to feed, and to clothe. Work had been leaner than usual, and money was tight, very tight. Over the ensuing months, worry turned to stress, which turned to desperation.

When the twins were about nine months old, Carlos found out that another farm worker in the camp and his wife couldn’t have children, and his wife badly wanted a baby. To ease some of the financial pressure, Carlos started thinking maybe he could give her one of his baby boys. When he came home from work one night, during supper, he told Sofía about the childless couple. He suggested to her that they give one of the twins to them.

“
We don’t have enough money to feed all these kids, Sofía. I think we should give one of the twins to Imelda and David to raise.”

“
What!?”  Sofía was shocked. “Give away one of my babies? No, Carlos. Por favor, no.”   How could a mother give up one of her own children? This was unthinkable to her.

“
Don’t ask me to do that, Carlos,” she told him, shaking her head, panicking at the thought of it. “I can’t do that. No, I can’t do that.” She resisted the idea. But Carlos pushed hard, strongly insisting, reminding her that he was the head of the house. She got up from the table and tried to walk away. She couldn’t listen to any more of this.

“
Listen to me, you worthless woman,” he growled at her, as he grabbed her hard by her arm.  “You
will
do as I say, you hear? We just can’t afford to keep all these kids!”

Yanking her arm free, she looked at all her children. The babies couldn’t comprehend what their parents were saying, but Eva was old enough to understand. She sat at the table, very still, afraid of her angry father. She had heard him say he wanted to give away one of her brothers. When will he want to give me away? she thought.

Sofía looked at little Eva and felt badly that she had to witness this argument. She could see her daughter was frightened. Why did Carlos have to bring this up in front of the children? she wondered to herself. She dared not say it out loud.

Yes, she knew that finances were extremely tight, and she also knew Carlos would not relent. What she didn’t understand, though, was how he could be so cruel to make her give away one of her children – one of
their
children. They obviously didn’t mean as much to him as they did to her, she told herself. She could see she was not going to win this fight, because she never did.

She reluctantly gave in, tears streaming down her cheeks. She felt backed into a corner with no way out except to give in. So, she finally agreed to let Imelda raise Alfredo. They would keep Arturo. They didn’t choose to keep Arturo over Alfredo for any particular reason, just a flip of a coin.