Shattered World (Broken World Book 2) (16 page)

“Thought you might want some soup,” Axl says as he carries the box into the kitchen. “I’ll heat it up for ya.”

My heart aches with gratitude, and once again tears sting at the back of my eyes. I’ve never cried this much in my life. But I’m starving still and soup sounds perfect, and the fact that Axl thought of me with everything else going on makes me feel like someone. Like something important. Even if I am only important to him.

Hadley’s limp body weighs me down, and my left butt cheek has started to tingle. Like it’s on its way to a nap. No way I’ll be able to sit like this for long. Slowly, I ease her head off me and onto a pillow. She groans and shifts in her sleep, but doesn’t open her eyes. I move to the loveseat across from the chair Angus sits in. His gray eyes are hard and he doesn’t look happy.

We eat chicken noodle soup. It’s warm and takes me back to my childhood, which for some reason isn’t totally depressing. I guess there are some good memories buried deep inside.

When my stomach is full, exhaustion takes over again. It’s late—well after three—and I’m having a difficult time keeping my eyes open. Axl is next to me. I could put my head in his lap, but I don’t want to cause problems with Angus. So I move the other way and lay my head against the arm of the loveseat, closing my eyes and drifting off while Angus and Axl discuss finding fuel in Vegas.

The brothers’ voices wake me. I have no idea how long I’ve been asleep, but judging by the fogginess in my brain, I’d say it wasn’t long. I hear my name and freeze, keeping my eyes shut. I don’t want them to know I’m awake.

“You gonna choose her now, when it comes time for us to split?” Angus sounds angry. Angrier than I’ve heard him for a while now.

“Why would we split?” Axl asks.

Angus lets out a little grunt that I take as disbelief. “You wanna stay here with these folks for the rest of our lives? Live underground with these pansies who’ll use you to get supplies and never take no risks themselves? Takin’ orders from niggers?”

I cringe at the word. It reminds me so much of my father and his friends. I heard so much of that as a child, and even then I knew it was wrong. I could never understand where my father’s hate came from, or why he was so angry. There had to be a story behind his rage. Just like there has to be with Angus. I’ll never be able to figure out Roger, he’s long gone, but maybe Angus won’t be a mystery forever.

Axl lets out a frustrated sigh, but when he talks his voice is calm. “You gotta stop this, Angus, it’s dumb as shit. Things are different now. It ain’t like it used to be. There’s no black or white no more, no Oriental or Mexican. All that’s left now is humans and fuckin’ zombies. Stayin’ in a group like this is safe. It don’t make no sense to run off on our own. Where we gonna go? What’re we gonna do? You want it to be just the two of us for the rest of our lives? The James brothers against the world! That was all well an’ good when there was a world to go up against, but now there’s nothin’ but zombies out there.” He pauses, and even though I can’t see his face, I can picture the look on it perfectly. The hard line of his jaw, the storm that rages in his eyes. I know every one of his facial expressions inside and out. “We got a good thing goin’ on here. I don’t want to screw that up.”

My heart swells just a little. Those are my words. I said the exact same thing to him once. After Emily died, when we stopped to save Anne and little Jake from a horde. He asked me how I was able to pull myself out of it and think of others first. I did my best to explain how I felt, why I didn’t want to go through life valuing my own ass over everyone else’s. I wasn’t sure if he got it, but I guess he did.

“She’s changed you, lil’ brother. Gotten in your head and screwed up the way you see things. You woulda never said shit like that before her.” Angus lets out a growl. “You got a weak mind. That’s the problem. It was the same back with that bitch when you was in high school. You started datin’ her and got all these ideas in your head ‘bout going to college and stupid shit like that. You let these women talk you into believin’ you’re somethin’ that you ain’t.”

There’s a sharp stab of pain in my chest, and I have the urge to sit up and slap Angus across the face. No wonder Axl’s never thought much of himself. No wonder he always puts himself down. Angus was his only role model as a child. His father ran away when he was young, and his mother was a drunk who slapped him around and neglected him. Angus looked out for him, in his own twisted way.

“I love ‘er,” Axl says. There’s no joy in his voice, and his sad tone delays my own happiness. He sounds pained when he admits it, and I’m not sure why.

“Weak,” Angus replies. “You an’ I both know it ain’t gonna last. Happily ever after ain’t real. A fuckin’ zombie apocalypse don’t change that. Well, I can’t guarantee I’ll be stickin’ ‘round to watch you two lovebirds tear each other to shreds.”

He doesn’t say anything else after that. A few minutes later, I hear him get to his feet. The front door opens, then closes, and Axl swears.

Why does loving me hurt him so much?

18

SLOWLY, I SURFACE FROM MY DREAM world of death. A chill runs down my spine, and I curl into myself. It’s partly from the dream and partly because the bed is like ice. But that makes no sense. Why the hell is the bed so cold? I scoot back, trying to warm my cool skin against Axl. His side of the bed is even icier than mine, though. I flop onto my back and force my eyes open, but reality isn’t any different now that I can see. Axl is gone.

I roll out of bed, barely landing on my feet, then stumble out to the kitchen. Groggy and desperately in need of a cup of coffee. I expect to find Axl, but Hadley sits at the table by herself. She gets up when I fall into the chair next to her and silently pours a fresh cup of coffee for me. Her face is red and puffy from crying. She isn’t dressed, and she’s not wearing any makeup. She looks like shit.

“Thanks,” I say when she sets the cup in front of me.

She sits back down and gives me a tense smile. “Thanks for last night. I’m not usually a very emotional person. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Zombies.” It’s the first time I’ve said the word out loud since this whole thing started. It stings a little, and I can’t stop the tightening of my throat or the burning behind my eyes. I was right. Saying it makes this all feel so much more real. More than seeing it with your own eyes or almost having to blow your own brains out to escape a horrible death. Zombies. Damn zombies. Who would have ever thought such a thing could really happen?

Hadley nods and takes a drink, glancing away from me when her eyes fill with tears again. “I feel like such a bitch. I didn’t care about James dying, not really. I just wanted to convince myself there was a chance. That if I go out on a run and get bitten I have a shot of coming through it okay.” She lets out a bitter laugh and shakes her head. “It’s stupid.”

“You don’t have to go, you know. No one would blame you.”

She cocks one eyebrow. “Because I’m a woman, right? Because everyone is sure pissed at Mitchell and how selfish he’s being. Not that I blame them, but still. It would be okay if I sat here and let everyone else risk their lives for me just because I’m not a man?”

“You can contribute in other ways, and you would. That’s why people are angry at Mitchell. He wants all the benefits, but refuses to take any of the risk or do any of the work.”

She shrugs but doesn’t look convinced. “Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t have any skills that are useful. But I’m tough, and I can do this.”

I don’t argue with her because I know how she feels. I can’t see myself sitting around here, helping out with the kids or passing out food. Growing up, I had it rough, and I learned how to work for things. When I ran out on my asshole dad, I had nothing. I took his money and split, then drove until I ran out. That left me with twenty bucks and a nice body, so I did what I had to. I didn’t love it, but stripping was a good way to make fast cash. Hadley and I are the same. We’re both willing to do what needs to be done, regardless of how hard or scary or shitty it is. And I respect her for that.

“Axl snuck out of here pretty early,” she says out of nowhere.

I chew on my bottom lip and think about what I overheard last night between him and Angus. He said he loved me, but he didn’t sound particularly thrilled by the idea. I’m not sure why, but it scares me. Axl is still a big mystery to me despite how much alike we are.

“Did you talk to him?”

She gives me a half smile and nods. “Just for a minute. He wasn’t dressed when he came out. God, he’s hot. He was a little embarrassed, I think.”

I can’t help laughing. I wish I’d been there to see his reaction. “He was naked?”

“He had boxers on, but he may as well have been.” She sighs and looks up at the ceiling. “Man, I’m pathetic. All the shit I’ve lost and all the crap going on, and all I could think about when I saw him was how much I’m going to miss sex. All these people down here, and my only options to get laid are Angus or Mitchell. Neither one is appealing.”

I laugh, but quickly put my hand over my mouth. “I’m sorry, it’s not funny.” I can’t even think about the possibility of Hadley sleeping with Angus. It gives me the creeps.

Hadley’s nose wrinkles. “No, it’s not! It’s disgusting!”

“There’s always Joshua.” I shrug, and she presses her lips together like she’s thinking it through. “He’s a doctor.”

“He’s a nice guy, but I just can’t see it happening. I mean, he isn’t really my type.” She looks down like she’s afraid to admit the truth. Joshua is too tall, too thin, and kind of different looking. Like a giant, awkward kid. I understand her hesitation.

“Well, if you get desperate…”

“Yeah.” She takes a sip and won’t look up.

“So what did Axl say?”

She waves her hand in the air dismissively. “He said something about going to talk to Winston. How they needed to plan or something like that. Then he grabbed some coffee and went back to your room to get dressed. Honestly, I was too busy staring at his abs.” She fans her face. “He was in a hurry. I think all my drooling made him uncomfortable.”

I grin into my coffee. Yes, seeing his reaction would have been nice.

I don’t really understand what’s going through his head. But there’s nothing to worry about, right? He has other things on his mind, so he got up early. He doesn’t sleep much anyway.

It doesn’t ease the knot in my stomach.

“I’m going to get dressed and go find him. See if they have a plan yet. I know Winston is concerned about the amount of fuel we have,” I say, getting to my feet.

Hadley stands too, gulping down the rest of her coffee. “Good idea. I’ll come with you.”

***

We don’t have to look very hard for Axl and the others. They’re in the common room just like they were last night. With the power shut off in most of the shared spaces, there aren’t a lot of places to go.

              This morning, though, the place is crawling with people. The kids are in the theater watching a movie despite Winston’s earlier decree that we needed to conserve energy. They probably needed something to do, and between that and the pool, it was the lesser of the two electrical evils. Jessica, Sophia, Moira, and Parvarti are busy dividing up the food. It looks like most of the stuff we got from Sam’s has been brought down. There are piles of it lining the walls in the common room that weren’t here last night.

Axl sits on the couch. Winston, Angus, Nathan, Anne, and Trey are also gathered around the sitting area. Hadley and I walk over, and Axl smiles when he sees me, relieving some of the tension in my body. There aren’t any seats left, so I sit on the arm of his chair. He puts his hand on my lower back, and my skin tingles from his touch.

“We have to send people out tomorrow,” Winston says. “There are a couple of possibilities for fuel, but it’s a long shot at best.”

There’s an open phone book in his lap and a map spread out on the table.  I lean forward a little so I can get a better view. It’s a map of Vegas. There are a few areas circled in red.

“So who’s going?” Anne asks.

Her hands are clasped tightly in her lap. She keeps glancing toward the theater area where Jake plays with the other kids. She volunteered to go and I know she’d do it if she had to, but I get the impression she’d rather not. I don’t blame her either. Jake already lost his parents. It would be awful for him to lose her as well.

“I think we need to send more than four people out this time,” Winston says. “The way we were overrun on the Strip… It was too close. I’d like to send out six people.”

“Angus an’ me are in,” Axl says.

Winston nods, and his shoulders relax. Getting Angus away will help out everyone. “Sounds good.”

“I’ll go again,” I say.

Axl tenses, but I don’t look at him. I’m not letting him go without me. I think I’d die if he didn’t come back and I had to spend the rest of my life wondering what happened to him.

“I’m going too,” Hadley says from behind me. “Angus spent a lot of time teaching me to shoot, and I’m getting pretty good.”

Winston nods, but before he can talk Angus speaks up. “We gotta get you outside later. Get you to practice on movin’ targets.”

Hadley nods, and Winston looks around at everyone else. Waiting.

“I can go,” Nathan says quietly. He glances over his shoulder, back toward Moira. She’s too busy with the food to pay attention to our conversation. “Just don’t anyone mention it to Moira until I get a chance to talk to her about it.”

“I’ll go,” Anne says quietly. She doesn’t look up when she says it, though.

No. Her leaving Jake behind isn’t good for either of them.

My eyes meet Trey’s. I know he’s hanging back because of Parvarti, but he’s no coward and he’s a good guy. He was raised in a nice family and he knows the importance of a child having parents. He’ll offer to take Anne’s place.

Trey nods, then clears his throat. “I don’t want to sound sexist, but I think Anne should stay. She has Jake to look after, and it just doesn’t seem fair to put her at risk. I’ll go instead.”

Anne gives him a grateful smile, and Angus swears under his breath at the same time. He was probably thankful for how white the group was going to be. Racist asshole. I guess Axl’s little talk went in one ear and out the other.

Joshua walks into the room with a man I’ve never seen before right behind him. They pause in the doorway and Joshua looks around, then they head our way. “Sorry it took me so long. I was down talking to Dr. Gates.”

“Victor, please,” the man says.

He looks to be in his late forties, and he’s tall and thin, although not nearly as thin or tall as Joshua. His chin-length blond hair looks greasy, and his skin is white and pasty. He looks ill. There are bags under his eyes, and his complexion has an unhealthy color to it. Plus, it looks like he hasn’t showered in a couple of weeks. And he smells.

“What’s going on?” Winston asks.

Joshua sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “We need medical supplies. Badly. I know going to a hospital to get things isn’t the best idea, but I’m afraid we’re going to be in trouble real soon if we don’t do it. I’d like to go on the run.”

A cry of opposition comes from the group sitting on the couches. Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks Joshua is needed here.

“We need a doctor,” Winston says. “Putting you at risk is a bad idea.”

“You’ll have one,” Joshua argues. “That’s why I went to talk to Dr. Gates—Victor. I knew you’d react this way, and I wanted you to know there’s nothing to worry about. Victor is here, and he is more than capable of taking care of patients if something happens to me.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Hadley says. “He was here before I got here and we’ve barely seen him. He’s severely depressed—which no one blames him for—and I just don’t think we can trust him to be capable of responding in an emergency. No offense, Dr. Gates.”

Joshua starts to argue, but Victor stops him. “They’re right. I wouldn’t be any good to them. I should go out on the run instead. I can get everything you need. That way if anything happens to me, they’ll still have a good doctor.”

Joshua doesn’t look thrilled, but he does relax a little. He must know there’s no way he’s going to win this argument. “Okay, fine,” he says, shaking his head. “Now we just have to figure out where to go. I spent some time looking through the phone book and found a medical supply warehouse here.” He picks up a marker, then circles an area on the map. “I’d go there first because it would be less of a risk. Your second bet would be an urgent care. There’s one here, right down the street from the hospital. If all else fails, you’re already in a good place to get into the hospital.”

Winston nods and scratches at his beard. “Okay, but I need to tell you, as important as the medical supplies are, the fuel will be the priority. If we don’t get it, we’re in real trouble down here. We can always go back for medical supplies, but we have to get that fuel. And soon.”

Joshua nods. “That’s fine.”

“Do we need Trey now that Victor’s going?” I ask. I know he doesn’t want to go. It would be nice if he could stay behind.

“No, that should be good. He went last time, so it’s only fair we take turns,” Winston says.

No one bothers to mention that Axl and I went last time, not that it would matter to either one of us. Axl will probably volunteer to go every time, and there’s no way I’m letting him out of my sight. I have nothing to lose but him now.

“So these places you got us goin’ to look for fuel? What exactly are they?” Axl asks.

“You folks looking for diesel?” I turn at the sound of the voice and find Brad standing behind us. He must have just walked into the room, because I didn’t notice him before. He has that same damn ratty hat on, and his beady eyes are barely visible. There’s something about this guy that gives me a bad vibe. Ever since the Sam’s Club incident, I haven’t felt good about him.

“Yeah,” Winston says. “For the generator.”

Brad nods and pulls off the hat. The lights shine on his scalp through his thinning hair. No wonder he wears it. “I was a truck driver based in Boulder City before all this.” He puts his hat back on and walks toward us.

A trucker? Gross. The lowest of the low in my experience. Never met a truck driver who wasn’t an asshole. Never met a Brad who wasn’t an asshole either, if I’m being honest. I even dated a Brad, back when I first got to Kentucky. It didn’t last long, though. Commitment and fidelity weren’t exactly his cup of tea.