Shattered Perfection (6 page)

“Fuck.”

“That about sums up your situation,” I said.  “We’ll finish making the arrangements and I’ll give you all the information when you get home.”

“Good deal.  We’ll see you in about half an hour,” she sang before ending the call.

Vance was smiling at me as I set the phone down.  “So, I guess we have to book another room?”

The following afternoon, we were on the Garden State Parkway heading south to Atlantic City.  My iPod was plugged into the on board docking station and Laurel and I were serenading Vance and Pete from the backseat.  We’d decided to let the guys sit up front and bond with each other, but I didn’t think they’d been able to do much talking over our renditions of classic eighties hair band anthems.  In all honesty, we were in the backseat because I was hoping to have a chance to corner Laurel about what was going on with Pete, but she’d been able to avoid the conversation with her vocal stylings.

We arrived in Atlantic City around six that evening after struggling with some weekend traffic on the Expressway.  We checked in at the hotel and agreed to meet up at eight for dinner so we’d have some time to rest and clean up from our trip.  As we were riding up in the elevator, I felt the butterflies begin to rise in my stomach again.  I was going to be alone with Vance.  In a hotel room.  In close proximity to a bed.  Hell, in the same bed, at some point.  I hadn’t actually thought about this part when we made these plans.  How had I overlooked this?  Had he?  I tried to look over at him out of the corner of my eye.  He was lounging against the side of the elevator and laughing with Pete and Laurel about something Laurel just said.  I had no idea what, since I was having my own mini-Fukushima over in my corner of the elevator.  He seemed relaxed and not the slightest bit perturbed or even excited.  There was no evidence of elevated pulse, nor tell-tale sheen of perspiration on his brow.  I began to feel insulted.  Shouldn’t he have at least been marginally excited about having this time alone with me?  Did he think I was a sure thing?  I huffed indignantly.  If that’s what he was thinking, he could just go ahead and think again.  I crossed my arms and thrust out a hip.  I’d show him easy.

Somewhere in the deeper recesses of my mind, I realized that I was being irrational, and this was probably the result of my sudden case of nerves, but the psycho that had taken up residence in my frontal lobe was in control and she was taking no prisoners. 

Pete and Laurel exited on a lower floor than ours, since they had one of the regular rooms.  The elevator was then empty except for me and Vance, who smiled at me guilelessly.  Of course, in my state of mind, I interpreted it as a leer and moved to the other side of small cab and glared at him.  His face fell into a look of confusion.

  “Is something wrong, Mimi?” he asked.

“No.  Why would you think anything is wrong?”  I responded airily.

“Um, maybe because you scurried to the other side of the elevator like I had some kind of communicable disease and are looking at me like I just farted in a room full of your relatives?”

My lips twisted in spite of my fit of madness.  I tried to hold onto it, keeping my arms tightly crossed in front of me and back pressed to the wall, but my temper crumbled in the face of his furrowed brow and the look of genuine concern on his face.

I sighed.  “I was just thinking about our sleeping arrangements.”

“And the idea of sharing a bed with me makes you think violent thoughts, if your body language is any indication,” he surmised as the doors opened to our floor.    

We made our way to our room silently.  He opened the door for me and I strolled in unencumbered as Vance was carrying both our bags.  I looked around at the elegantly appointed suite, before turning back to him, feeling sheepish.  I knew my behavior wasn’t making any sense, and I was beginning to feel embarrassed, but I didn’t know how to explain my temporary break with reality.

Vance dropped our bags by the door and moved to the sofa.  He fell down into it, spreading his arms across the back. 

“Why don’t you sit down and explain to me what is going on, Mimi?”

I sat down in the chair across from him and folded my hands into my lap.  I unclasped them, then clasped them again.  I ran a hand over my hair, before resting an elbow in my lap and covering my mouth with my hand.  He looked at me expectantly, but didn’t rush me, as if we had all the time in the world for me to spit out whatever was screwing with my head.

“I’m sorry.  I just had a little bit of a freak-out moment.  I’m not really sure why.  It just dawned on me that I never really considered the implications of us sharing a room, and there only being one bed and all, and…,” I realized I’d started to ramble, and paused, taking a deep breath.

“And you started thinking I had made certain assumptions about where our relationship was headed,” he offered.

“Well, yes.  I suppose so.  It kind of offended me,” I admitted.

“I see.”  He nodded, considering my words carefully as he crossed his arms behind his head.

“I know I was being silly.  You’ve been nothing but great.  I don’t know what got into me,” I began to stammer.  I stopped, blowing out a big breath. I decided ‘Screw it,’ and to be completely open with him.  The worst thing that could happen would be that he thought I was totally mental, which probably wouldn’t be too much of a distance from where we already were.  I didn’t think I had too much to lose.

“I got nervous.  I really like you, more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life.  The more we are together, the more I feel this connection between us, and it is so powerful.  I feel like it should scare me, or I should feel threatened by it, or something, but I don’t feel any of that.  I want it to grow so big that it consumes me.  Sometimes, I just want to get lost in you.

“In the elevator, I realized that I never even paused to consider our sleeping arrangements even once.  I don’t have a time frame for how much time is required before I sleep with someone, but I’m also not known for sleeping around.  I wait until I feel comfortable, but at least I stop and take a mental inventory to be sure I
am
comfortable.  I didn’t even give it a thought with you.  It was as if we had been together for years and had slept together a million times, it was such a natural thing.

“That was what did my head in.  I had a moment of insecurity.  I looked over at you and you looked so at ease.  In the back of my mind, I wondered if you were having any of the same surreal thoughts I was, or if you were just more comfortable with the intensity between us, or if I was totally misreading the situation and this was just something far more casual for you.  Unfortunately, this translated to a much more psychotic thought process in the front of my brain and I attributed it all to you just wanting to get in my pants, because that was much easier to confront than everything else.”

He smiled broadly.  “That’s what I’ve been looking for, right there.”

“Uh, what?”  I said, now more confused than before.

“That kind of unguarded honesty.  You just put it all out there, showing me all that was inside you.  Not just your head, but your heart as well.”  He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and clasping his hands between them.  “This is what draws me to you, Mimi.  Your ability to take those kinds of risks with your emotions rather than wrapping yourself up in some kind of armor and hiding yourself away.  Most people are afraid to be vulnerable, but you aren’t.  You let people see you, really see you, and that’s beautiful.  Your exterior is very attractive, don’t get me wrong.  I think you are very sexy and I imagined having my hands all over you before I ever even spoke to you, but now that I know you, now that I have seen inside you, I crave your heart more than your body could ever satisfy.”

I couldn’t stop the tears that filled the corners of my eyes.  If I’d had any doubts about him feeling the weight of the connection between us, they’d just been obliterated.  He didn’t say he loved me, but he might as well have.  He’d said he wanted—no craved—my heart.  What he didn’t know at the time was he had already won it.  I may have offered a little bit of myself just then, but Vance had always been the one completely unguarded, giving himself in large amounts, holding nothing back when we shared ourselves, our lives, our pasts with each other.  Vance was the one who lived fearlessly.  If I were to be perfectly honest, it was me who was doing the craving of hearts.  How silly I was on the elevator?  Vance and I had never even shared so much as a kiss.  We had that near kiss before dinner the night before, but in the excitement of planning the trip, the opportunity never rose again.  The night came to a close with just a warm hug at the door with Laurel and Pete in the living room watching us say goodbye.  I was overcome with the urge to rectify that situation immediately.  He had just given a very touching speech about how he wanted me emotionally far more than he was interested in me on a physical level, but what better way to express those feelings than by rubbing up against him like a cat marking its territory?  It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me either, but I was still going for it.

I launched myself across the space between us and he caught me with a look of surprise as I straddled his lap.  My lips crashed down on his as I wound my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers into his hair.  The texture was as thick and silky as I imagined, but his lips—oh his lips!—were softer than any man’s had a right to be.  I had this stray thought that he must go through Chapstick like a fiend, but the thought was chased away as I heard him moan softly.  His arms wrapped around my back, pressing me into him even as his mouth softened against mine, slowing down our kiss to something gentler, something we could savor.

He took his time, only giving me the softest of kisses on my lips, my cheeks, and my chin.   He reached up and brushed my bangs from my forehead, before cupping my face in both hands and looking deep into my eyes.  He seemed to take in every detail before he moved in again, touching his mouth to mine, his tongue slipping out this time to swipe over my lower lip.  I gasped softly against his lips as he dipped in again for a long slow caress against my tongue, before exploring the recess of my mouth.  He was very languid in his discovery, as if he was totally unconcerned with anything but unlocking the secret to my passion.  His hands joined the gentle rhythm of his tongue, sliding over my back, tracing the curve of my spine and finally settling on the swell of my ass.  He softly squeezed the firm flesh, gripping it with his fingers just enough to inspire me to move against him.  My hips slid forward over his thighs as he pressed me against his body, my knees squeezing tight against his trim hips as our bodies connected in the space where our need was most evident.  His thick shaft strained against his zipper as it pressed against my soft core through my shorts, and the sensation only made me want more.  More of his mouth, more of his hands, more of him.  I slid my hands down his chest and began to undo the top button of his shirt, nuzzling and placing soft kisses along the length of his neck. 

I traced my tongue along the curve of muscle the gap in the material exposed before he pulled my hands away.  I leaned back and look at him questioningly, unsure as to why he stopped me since I was rather certain we were both enjoying the moment.

“As much as I like where you were headed, Mimi, we need to get cleaned up and ready for dinner,” he said.

“You can actually think of something like dinner right now?  I must not be very good at this if you have anything on your mind besides—“

“Trust me,” he cut in before I could say anything further, “it is taking a fantastic amount of self-control to not circumvent our plans for the evening.  However, from the little I know of Laurel so far, I do not expect that she would allow us to stand them up without harassing us endlessly.  This I can’t allow, because when I take you to bed, Mimi, I won’t let you out until the sun comes up—a day or two later—and I won’t tolerate any interruptions.”

I think my insides actually liquefied at the heat in his gaze and in his words as he said the last part.  He was definitely right about one thing, if I hadn’t needed to after our drive here, I surely needed to clean up after that little interlude.  I leaned forward and gave him a lingering kiss, one full of promise and hope for the future.  We’d come to some important understandings in that last hour and shared some amazing moments of intimacy.  I realized there was so much more to look forward to and I was eager to experience it all with Vance. 

Regretfully, I slid off his lap as he stood.  He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes promising me everything I never knew I was missing, but now desperately wanted.  I didn’t know how to move on from that moment.  It seemed wrong somehow, to just go about something as mundane as getting ready to go out to dinner when something so wondrous had occurred between us.  I didn’t know what I thought should happen next, but getting ready to meet Laurel and Pete wasn’t it.

Vance retrieved our bags from the door before leading me into the bedroom.  He handed me mine and waved toward the door on the other side of the room.  “Why don’t you take the first shower while I unpack?  It will only take me a few minutes to shower and get ready.”

The bathroom was gorgeous, with marble floors and countertops and a huge soaking bathtub in the center of the room.  I wished I had time to luxuriate in it, but I had just enough to take a quick shower and speed through my hair and make-up if I was going to leave Vance enough to shower.  Putting my toiletries in the stall, I turned on the spray which the website touted as a shower “for two.”  At the time, I had wicked images of Vance and I enjoying some sexy fun time in it, but after our conversation, I didn’t think this trip would to allow for any sexy fun time at all, since he said when we finally got to something like that we’d be alone for an extended period of time without interruptions.  We weren’t likely to have any time like that this trip if I knew Laurel, which I totally did.  I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that.  On one hand, I was disappointed that I’d have to wait until we were both back in Los Angeles, which wasn’t for another week.  On the other hand, well…Yay!  He did say a day or two in bed with no interruptions.  Couldn’t really be disappointed by that.  Unless he was really bad at it, but judging by his kissing, I didn’t think that I’d find myself a prisoner to some really horrible sex.