Shattered Moments (7 page)

Finn threw Mrs. Mallory an apologetic look as he led Diana into the kitchen, introducing her all around.  Abbie jumped from her seat, sweeping Diana into a huge hug before noticing the boy, but she wasn’t really seeing him as she focused on his mother. 

“Oh, Diana, I can’t begin to express my gratitude.  You helped save my life.  If it weren’t for you, Finn and Sam would have never been able to rescue me,” she gush
ed, still holding on to Diana’s hand.  “We even named our daughter after you.  There she is,” Abbie announced proudly, drawing Diana’s attention to her namesake. Diana smiled at the child, her face alight with pleasure at being so warmly received. 

“Please, sit down, let me get you something to eat,” Mrs. Mallory
offered, setting out a plate for Diana.  “Finn, maybe you can run along and fetch Sam.  He’ll be so glad to see Diana and her son.”  Finn just nodded, unsure of how to proceed.  Nathaniel was staring at the floor, and hiding behind his mother’s voluminous skirt.  He was clearly scared, but he remained quiet, which was unusual in a child.  Had it been Diana or Ben, they would have been screaming for attention and begging to be picked up, but Nathaniel just inched behind his mother in an effort to be invisible. 

“Would you like something to eat?” Mrs
. Mallory asked Nathaniel, bending down to meet his gaze.  Finn heard the sharp intake of breath as their eyes met, but Mrs. Mallory just smiled at the boy and held out her hand.  “Come, dear, let me get you some bread with honey and a cup of milk.  Would you like that?  I wager you’re hungry after your long journey.”  Nathaniel permitted himself to be led to the table where he climbed into a chair and folded his hands in his lap.  He was either a very well-behaved child or one who was used to being invisible. 

There was a collective gasp as Nathaniel looked around, his eyes round with fear.  Mr. Mallory’s lips virtually
disappeared into his beard, and Sarah and Annie exchanged glances, their faces full of shock and incomprehension.  Abbie just stared at the boy, as Annie finally blurted out what everyone was thinking.

“He looks just like
Sam.” 

“Go do your chores,” Mrs. Mallory ordered, her tone brooking no argument.  “You too, Sarah.”

The girls reluctantly filed out, knowing they were about to miss out on something really good.  Annie was still too young to comprehend the truth of what happened, but Sarah was old enough to grasp the meaning behind this uncanny resemblance. 

“Diana, first of all, I would very much like to thank you for the part you played in
our daughter’s rescue.  If not for you, we might have lost not only Abbie, but Finn and Sam as well.  You are always welcome in our home, and can stay for as long as you wish,” Mr. Mallory said, watching Diana warily.  “Now, if you would be so kind as to answer the question that’s uppermost in our minds.  Is Sam Nathaniel’s father?  And if so, does he know?”

Diana took a deep breath before facing Mr. Mallory and replying.  “Mr. Mallory, I’m very proud to have helped Abbie, Finn, and Sam.  Knowing that I saved a life, possibly more than one
, makes everything I’ve been through in my life worthwhile.  Now, to answer your question, no, Sam is not Nat’s father – Jonah is.”

“What?!” Mr. and Mrs. Mallory asked simultaneously.  Their faces were almost comical, relief mixed with wonder and disbelief
as they took in what Diana just said.

“It’s true.  It was, in fact, Jonah who introduced me to Sam.  He was in New York just before Washington’s troops were driven out, and we became
… eh, close.  I would never have come here, had I not been desperate.  You see, once my pregnancy became obvious, I lost my place at the bro—, my place of employment, and with it my source of income.  I stayed with a friend, a Mrs. Morse, whom Sam is familiar with, but I couldn’t impose on her for much longer after Nat was born.  She took care of him while I took jobs cleaning and doing laundry, but that doesn’t pay much as compared to whoring, if you’ll pardon me saying so.  We never had enough to eat, and I couldn’t put anything by for the future.  Both Sam and Jonah always spoke of what kind people you are, so I thought that you might find it in your heart to help us.  I would be most grateful.”

“Of course we will,” Mr. Mallory said, finally smiling.  “You will stay with us, and once Jonah is back, you two can work things out between yourselves.  I can’t speak for him, but I have no doubt that my son will do what’s right.” 

Mrs. Mallory let out a pitiful squeak, but Diana just smiled at her.  “Mrs. Mallory, I didn’t come here to ensnare your son.  I understand how you feel, and I wouldn’t want my boy to marry beneath him either.  I just need a little help until I can get on my feet again.”

“Of course, dear,” Mrs. Mallory said,
focusing on practical matters.  “You and Nathaniel can share the girls’ room.  It’ll be crowded, but we’ll manage.  And how old is Nathaniel?” she asked carefully.

“He’s nearly one and a half.  I know, he’s small for his age,” Diana said, giving them all a sad smile, “but things have been difficult for us both.  If you’ll excuse me for a moment…”  Diana disappeared through the door, going in search of the privy while Nat happily mu
nched on his bread, his face tense with concentration as he tried to chew the crust.

Everyone watched
him, a palpable tension passing between Mr. and Mrs. Mallory as they exchanged looks of shock and disbelief. Finn just looked on until Mrs. Mallory physically turned him around and pushed him out the door.  “Get Sam.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,” Sam intoned as he leaned against the stile and gazed at the purpling sky, scattered with the first twinkling stars of the evening.  “Thank you Lord, for not making Nathaniel mine.” 

Seeing Diana had been a shock, but seeing her son left him nearly mute.  The boy looked so much like him when he was a child that it unnerved him.  Thank God Sue hadn’t come with him.  He’d left his parents
’ house nearly half an hour ago, but couldn’t bring himself to go straight home.  He leaned against the stile and watched the sun slowly sink below the horizon, the puffy clouds that were white only a little while ago now tinged blood red as the sun finally disappeared, plunging the world into semi-darkness.  Another quarter of an hour and the tree line in the distance would become just a jagged black line against the darkening sky, and the moon would rise, bathing the meadow in a silvery glow that would light his way home. 

Diana looked much the same at first glance, but on closer inspection
, she had aged; fine lines appearing around her eyes and a deeper groove running from nose to chin around her supple mouth.  She’d suffered in the past year; he could see it in her eyes.  Why hadn’t she come sooner? Sam wondered.  Jonah would have seen right by her.  Of course, their parents would not have been very happy with his choice of wife, but in view of the child, there’s not much even they could say against the union.  Jonah, you dog! Sam chuckled.  Who would have thought?

He turned
as Abbie climbed onto the stile next to him and looked at the stars.  “I guess we were all wrong about Jonah.  He’s more like you than we thought,” she said, nudging Sam in the ribs with her elbow.  “At least you were always careful.”

“It does seem out of character, but war does strange things to people.  Jonah has been away from home for years.  He’s lonely and battle sick.  He probably just needed some comfort
, and Diana was there to provide it.  She’s beautiful and spirited with a quick wit and a sense of humor.  She would have made him feel at ease and happy.  I can’t blame him, can you?”

“No, of course not.  I really like Diana.  I’m glad she’s decided to stay.  Doesn’t seem
as if life has been very good to her,” Abbie speculated, still gazing at the darkening sky.

“No, the past year must have been very
trying,” Sam replied, feeling guilty for never writing to her after returning home.

“I wasn’t just referring to the past year, Sam.  No woman goes into prostitution because she has a
happy life, or because she really wants to service countless, random men.  She’s had it rough for much longer than you think, brother,” she said quietly.  “Men!  How blind you can be.”

“I suppose you’re right.  Diana was always so vivacious and fun, it was hard to imagine that she might be unhappy.”

“I hope she can be happy here,” Abbie replied, “not sure how happy Jonah will be, though.  I can’t imagine what she’ll do here.”

“How do you mean?” Sam asked, turning to gaze at Abbie.  She always made astute observations, especially where women were concerned.  If Abbie said something about Sue, Sam was sure to listen and follow her advi
ce since she was usually right, and he was thick as a brick, according to her.  He knew a thing or two about women, but mostly in the physical sense; their emotions were a mystery to him, now more than ever.

“I mean that Diana is used to a certain kind of life.  Just look at her clothes.  She’s wearing silk stockings
and a lace tucker, for God’s sake,” Abbie said, partly in disgust and partly in envy.  “She’s likely never felt homespun next to her skin, or dyed her old garments to give them new life and make them last a little longer.  How will she adjust to life on a farm?  She was too polite to say anything, but I think she expected us to have servants.”

Sam just shrugged.  Abbie was right as usual.  Mabel’s brothel was a thriving concern, catering mostly to officers of whichever army happened to be in New York.  Mabel employed only
young, healthy girls who were good at putting on airs.  She dressed them in fine clothes, and even provided perfume to mask the smell of sweat or other men still clinging to the girls.  There were several servants belowstairs; cleaning, washing, mending and cooking for the girls.  Diana worked late into the night, but she slept half the day away in preparation for the next evening.  She woke up to a cooked meal, a drawn bath, and a clean gown laid out for her by a maid.  Her hands were soft as velvet and her skin creamy and white, unused to being exposed to the elements or hard work.  There would be no maids at the farm and if Diana chose to stay she would have to pull her weight and do her share of the work. 

Sam said goodnight to Abbie as she slid off the stile and headed back toward the house.  It was time to get the baby ready for bed
, and for Abbie to enjoy an hour of quiet time with Finn before finally going to bed.  She looked tired, but happy, Sam thought before he headed in the direction of his own house.  The next few days would certainly be interesting.

Susanna sighed with relief once Ben’s fussing finally stopped, signaling that he was down for the night.  It took him forever to fall asleep, and he rarely slept for more than a few hours at a time, always waking just as she was in her deepest sleep, and asking for a drink or a hug because something frightened him.  He usually went to sleep after taking a sip of water or a pat on the back, but Susanna had a hard time falling back asleep, or even finding a comfortable position.  If only she could get a few nights of uninterrupted sleep. 

She couldn’t wait for this baby to be born.  Susanna folded her
arms over her bulging stomach and rested her head against the wooden headboard, waiting for the evening performance to begin.  It took only a few minutes and then her belly began to move and roll, small bulges appearing here and there as a head, or maybe a butt, pushed against the womb, the baby frolicking inside as if it were doing acrobatics.  She yelped with surprise as an elbow, or possibly a foot smashed against her ribs, and retreated just as quickly to strike lower down.  The baby’s head suddenly pushed down lower against her bladder, forcing her to get off the bed and head for the privy behind the house. 

So far, this pregnancy was completely different from the first. 
When pregnant with Ben, Susanna felt energetic and happy, her body changing gradually and beautifully, and her soul serene and full of joy.  She still felt like herself and very much wanted Sam to make love to her, which he did, nearly until the day Ben finally made his appearance into the world.  The birth itself was easy as well.  Ben entered the world with the minimum of fuss, his head already crowning as the midwife burst through the door prepared for a long night of labor, but actually working for only a few minutes until the newborn was washed, swaddled, and placed in his mother’s arms.

This time was completely different.  She got with child before even getting her monthly flow
, and the babe made itself known from the first.  She felt ill from the time she woke in the morning to the time she stumbled to bed at night.  Her stomach was twisting and churning, dizzy spells made her disoriented, and persistent vomiting left her weak and sweating, even when the weather had been cool.  The thought of Sam touching her was unbearable, and he stayed away, fearful of making things worse.  Of course, Susanna still had Ben to care for and those first few months were a terrible trial.  Negative thoughts swirled in her head, no doubt brought about by her physical state, and she nearly drowned in feelings of guilt as she realized that she wasn’t enjoying Ben at all, but barely going through the motions, desperate for a few moments of rest.

Susanna climbed back into bed and blew out the candle, eager to get to sleep.  Things were finally turning around
, and she smiled into the darkness as she heard Ben’s even breathing coming from his cot.  The baby would be born soon, and this time she wouldn’t let Sam anywhere near her without taking precautions.  Only a few years ago, she would have given anything for a family of her own, and now she had it, and she would love her husband and enjoy her children every single day.  She would also not lose hope that some day her estranged father would come and see her and give her his blessing, and that her sister would answer at least one letter, opening the door to an eventual reconciliation.