Shattered Moments (31 page)

The house was blissfully quiet for a change, leaving Abbie feeling somnolent and lazy, but there was work to be done, especially since Diana had finally gone to sleep and Nat was with her parents and sisters visiting Martha.  They’d taken Ben as well to give Susanna a little break.  Abbie usually went too, but today she just wanted to be alone for a bit. 

Abbie took the pot of hot tallow off the hook in the heart
h and started to pour the liquid into the candle molds.  They were running short on candles and with the days growing shorter, they’d be using them faster than during the long summer hours.  Abbie ran the wicks through the candles and left the tallow to cool, her mind working overtime. 

Diana
hadn’t returned, and at this point, no one really expected her to.  Whatever prompted her to leave had to be serious enough for her to leave her child behind.  Finn said that no loving mother would ever leave her son, but Abbie had her doubts.  Diana loved her son; she’d seen it in the way she looked at him when no one was watching.  The boy was the only real family she had, and to leave him behind so suddenly must have been heart-wrenching for her.  What had happened to make her bolt?  Had Finn said something to her after seeing Jonah?

Abbie poured herself a cup of cider and went outside to continue her deliberations.  It would be at least a half-hour till she could take the ready candles out of the molds and start another batch, and the day outside was too glorious not to take advantage of.  She sat down on the bench and took a sip of cider, surprised to see Susanna appear in the distance.  She was carrying
Rachel in her arms and walking purposefully toward the house, her brow creased with tension.  Had she quarreled with Sam?  Abbie gave a tentative wave and saw Susanna’s face relax somewhat as she got closer.  Rachel was fast asleep, her little face cherubic in slumber. 

Abbie held out her arms and Susanna placed the baby into them, putting her hands on her back and stretching before sitting down next to Abbie
and accepting the cup of cider.  Rachel was only two weeks old, but Susanna already looked much like her old self, her waist not as narrow as before, but tiny compared to the huge belly she had only a few weeks ago.  She looked tired and worn, probably from feeding the baby at all hours.

“
Where’s Sam?” Abbie asked carefully.  Susanna looked like a thundercloud on a summer day, and Abbie wasn’t sure she was ready to bear the brunt of the storm. 

“Chopping wood,” Susanna
answered curtly.  “I just felt a need to get out of the house and talk to someone other than Rachel.  She’s a good listener, but I’m afraid she doesn’t usually answer back,” she supplied with a smile, suddenly looking less upset.  “I’ve forgotten how much work a baby is; can’t imagine having another one.”

“Are you…?” Abbie asked carefully.  It was too s
oon after the birth to be having relations, but with Sam, who knew?

“God, no,” Susanna giggled.  “I’m sure Sam is eager to, but I need a bit more time.”  Abbie nodded in understanding.  Men would like nothing more than to
get back in the saddle right after the birth, but they had no idea what a woman’s body went through, or how long it took to feel normal again. 

“
Actually, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”  Susanna’s smile disappeared and she looked pale and tense again, suddenly remembering the purpose of her visit.

“What is it, Sue?  Is everything all right between you and Sam?”

“In a manner of speaking.  I wanted to get your advice before bringing this up to Sam, or the rest of the family.”  Abbie turned to face Susanna, unsure of where this was going.  She looked awfully serious as she clasped her hands in her lap and glanced away toward the horizon.

“I know, you see,” she finally said.

“Know what?”

“What everyone knew from the day Diana showed up.  Nathaniel is Sam’s son, not Jonah’s.  They only said it to spare my feelings, but deep down
, I always knew.”  Abbie put a hand over Susanna’s in a sign of silent support.

“We don’t know for sure.”

“Oh, but we do.  I’ve seen the way she looks at Sam, and how tense he gets, desperate to get away from her.  They’ve been together, I’m sure of that.  You all know Jonah is not the type to go to a brothel.  Besides, she left the same night Finn came back and said he’d seen Jonah.  Jonah must have told him the truth, and there was no longer a reason for Diana to stay.”

“No, I suppose not.  If Nat is not Jonah’s, he’d never marry her, so the most practical thing would be to leave the
child with its grandparents and father and flee.”  She supposed it made sense, but she could never fathom leaving her own daughter, no matter the circumstances. 

“What advice were you seeking?” Abbie asked
carefully.  Did she resent Nat being there, or was it something about Sam?

“Abbie, I know that Sam met Diana long before he met me, so it’s not as if he were unfaithful or disloyal.  He nev
er meant to get her with child; it just happened.  And it’s certainly not Nat’s fault.  He’s so sweet, and he looks just like Ben, don’t you think?”

“He does.  They could be twins if they weren’t four months apart.”

“Nat looks much healthier since he’s been here.  He’s gained weight and his complexion has improved,” Susanna added, smiling at the thought.  Abbie had to admit that she was perplexed.  What was Susanna thinking?

“Abbie, I want to suggest to Sam that we
take Nat.  I don’t think Diana is coming back, and it’s only right that a child should be with his father.  He needs a loving home, and how will he feel once he gets older and finds out that Sam is his father, but doesn’t want the care of him?”

“Sue, that’s very generous of you, but I’m not sure you can
take him without Diana’s permission.  She’s still his mother, and she’s living, so she can reclaim him at any time, should she choose to.”

“Hmm,” Susanna said, “I suppose you’re right.  But he can still live with us, and if she doesn’t come back, he’ll just be ours, won’t he?”

“Yes, he will.”  Abbie handed Rachel to Sue as she woke up and began to fuss, ready to be fed no doubt.  She looked at Sue with admiration, unable to believe that she loved Sam so much that she was willing to accept his bastard.  Abbie wasn’t sure that she’d be willing to take on a child of Finn’s had she been in the same situation.  Maybe it was uncharitable, but she wanted Finn all to herself, and the thought of some woman having a baby by him filled her with a jealous rage.  Funny how a scoundrel like Sam wound up with such a saintly wife. 
The Lord works in mysterious ways
, Abbie thought as she rose from the bench, ready to make another batch of candles.  She hoped that Susanna hadn’t made her decision on the spur of the moment and would come to regret it later.  Hannah and John Mallory were more than willing to raise Nathaniel, so maybe it was best to let them.

“You’re a saint, Sue,” Abbie said, giving Susanna a
brilliant smile, “a saint whom my brother doesn’t deserve.”

“I won’t argue with you there,” Susanna said, returning the smile and putting
Rachel to her breast.  “I do love him though, more than I ever thought possible, and I’ll do anything to make him happy.  I know having his boy with him would make him complete.”

“Then that’s the right decision.  You’re a better woman tha
n I am, Sue, and I admire you for it.”  Susanna just smiled, obviously much happier now that she’d reached a decision.
 

October 2010

Princeton, New Jersey

Valerie slowed down as another group of students crossed in front of her, deep in discussion over some lofty topic recently covered in class, each one arguing an opposing point of view.  Over the past several weeks, the number of young people on the streets of Princeton seemed to have multiplied a hundredfold as students returned to the dorms for the start of the school year.  What had been a peaceful suburban town only a month ago was now a beehive of activity with young people sitting on lawns, their books propped open on their lap, tapping away at their laptops in cafes, and showing school spirit as they prepared for football games against other schools. 

Valerie stepped into
Starbucks to get away from the mayhem and ordered herself an iced cappuccino, which she took to a table by the window where she could watch life go by.  Getting back into twenty-first century mode had been so easy.  She’d forgotten how accessible and convenient everything was, designed to simplify the life of the people who took it all so for granted.  She didn’t need to struggle with a flint to start a fire, or go to the well to heft back a heavy bucket of water, half of which spilled by the time she finally managed to get it to the kitchen.  The supermarkets were bursting with anything and everything, and all she needed was money.  Back at home, there was virtually no money.  Everything was paid for in bags of tobacco or bartered, but for the most part, they were self-sufficient.  They produced their own food, lumber, homespun for clothes, and even furniture. 

Valerie took a sip of her drink, enjoying the cold, bitter taste of the
cappuccino, the foam leaving a thin line across her lip, which she licked off with pleasure.  How nice it was just to sit and not have to do a hundred things to facilitate the running of the household.  A wave of sadness suddenly washed over Valerie.  She didn’t miss the hard work, but oh, how she missed everyone back home, especially Tom.  She’d give anything at this moment to feel his sturdy little arms around her neck as she lifted him from his cot, or the butterfly brush of his eyelashes as he rested his head on her shoulder, tired from playing and ready for his nap.  He didn’t look much like his mother, but he still reminded Valerie of Louisa in so many ways.  He had the same single-minded determination once he set his mind to something, and the same sweetness when he hoped to get his way.  How she missed her girl.  Did any mother ever get used to living without her child? 

Louisa had been headstrong
, and at times puzzling, but she was still her beloved daughter, and Valerie felt the loss of her every single day; trying to block from her mind the unbearable pain and suffering Louisa must have endured in her final hours.  Valerie had grown accustomed to people dying of ailments that could easily be cured in the future, and had learned to live without medicine or proper nutrition, but she still couldn’t get used to the fact that young women died in childbirth every single day, their babies often dying with them.  What a cruel world it was in which an act of love that resulted in conception was ultimately the instrument that brought about death and sorrow. 

Thoughts of death inevitably brought her to her parents.  She’d promised Alec, well, sort of, that she wouldn’t seek her parents out or make herself known to them, but not a single moment went by
when she wasn’t acutely aware of the fact that not an hour away, her mom and dad were still very much alive, but out of reach.  She felt a tell-tale squeezing in her chest as she mentally counted how long they had left before a random accident killed them both on a street corner in Manhattan.  If only she could do something to prevent it, but of course, Alec was right; she couldn’t stop destiny, nor could she interfere with something that would have a domino effect on her sister’s life, as well as her own.  She had to let it be.  That made her remember the Beatles song which her mother sang to her so often when she was upset or frustrated with some minor teenage drama.  Her mom would hold her close and sing into her hair, frustrating Valerie beyond belief that her mom couldn’t understand the suffering she was going through.  How could she let it be when it had the power to destroy her life? 

Valerie sighed, wishing she had appreciated her mom more while she had the chance.  How right she’d been on those
occasions, and how minor the crises that left her feeling so crushed actually were.  If only life could be that simple again.  Valerie finished her drink and rose to leave, reluctant to return to Isaac’s house.  She was growing more terrified with each passing day that he wouldn’t be able to send them home, and Alec’s forlorn expression and listlessness didn’t make things easier.  Things that he’d enjoyed on their first visit to the future were no longer as exciting when weighed against all that would be lost if they failed to return to their own time.   He didn’t complain or burden her with his feelings, but she knew him well enough to know that he was vibrating with anxiety, and fighting a sense of overwhelming desperation that mounted with each day that passed by.  Isaac kept assuring them that he was close, but Valerie had her doubts.  If something didn’t happen soon, they would very seriously have to consider an alternative plan, in which they would have to remain in the twenty-first century for good, and relinquish all hope of ever going home.

Valerie got to her feet and walked out of the café, her feet carrying her across Nassau Street, through the FitzRandolph Gate, and toward the Princeton University Chapel.  She’d gone to church every week back in Virginia, but that had been a forced ritual necessary to maintain good standing in the colony.  She usually sat through the sermon, her mind full of other things and plans for the rest of the day, but today was different.  She wanted to pray, and she would do it in her own way. 

Valerie entered the cool interior of the church, grateful to be alone in the cavernous space that reminded her so much of Notre Dame.  To call it a “chapel” was an understatement since the place was nothing less than a cathedral.  The vaulted ceiling soared overhead as sunlight filtered through countless stained-glass windows, casting  muted, colored shafts of light onto the wooden pews and the stone nave flanked by the massive stone pillars which formed symmetrical arches that ran parallel to the nave.  Valerie slowly walked to the front, her footsteps echoing in the empty church as she finally stopped in front of the ornate, elevated pulpit situated just to the left of the organ.  She liked that this chapel held multi-denominational services, which made it truly accessible to anyone who wanted to pray. 

Valerie
stepped into the nearest pew and sank to her knees on the kneeler in front of her, clasping her hands and closing her eyes.  It had been a long time since she prayed in earnest, but today the words came easily, the need to ask for divine help overwhelming her usual indifference to religion.  She beseeched God to allow them to return to their own time, and soon, praying for Alec and everyone back home, as well as her parents, who were so close, yet out of her reach, and Louisa who was about to embark on the rollercoaster ride which began with Valerie’s disappearance from the antique shop.  Valerie remained on her knees for some time, her head bowed and her hands clasped in front of her, listening to the peaceful silence of the chapel and trying to find some semblance of peace in her soul.  A sense of hope slowly began to steal over her as she finally rose to her feet and walked out of the chapel into the brilliant October afternoon.  Something would happen soon.  She could feel it, and she was eager to share her newfound hope with Alec.

Valerie picked up her pace as she exited the campus through the gate and turned left.  She was suddenly eager to go back home. 
The streets got quieter as she left the campus behind and turned off Nassau Street.  Here, the beautiful houses and manicured lawns basked in somnolent peace, their occupants either away at work or inside, hiding from the unseasonable heat of the afternoon.  Valerie eagerly turned the corner, her heart nearly stopping in her chest as she saw an ambulance pull away from Isaac’s house, the siren coming noisily to life as the colored lights atop the cab began to flash.  She ran the last few feet, erupting into the foyer and looking around in panic.  “Alec?” she called out.

Alec came out of the kitchen, an unfathomable expression on his face.  “Isaac’s had a heart attack,” he said, opening his arms to Valerie as she walked into them before her knees had a chance to buckle.  Poor Isaac, and poor them.