Shattered Moments (24 page)

“Sam.  Sam.  I think it’s time.” Susanna was shaking him by the shoulder, trying to wake him from a deep sleep.  “Sam.”  Sam finally opened his eyes, looking at his wife.  Susanna was sitting up in bed, her hair neatly braided and her nightdress pristine, but her eyes were full of fear, her lips quivering as she looked at him.  “It’s time,” she said again as Sam pulled her into his arms, the tension of the past week forgotten. 

They had made up after the argument, but Sue’s suspicion was still
there, hovering behind the eyes every time she looked at Sam, and who could blame her?  She had the right of it, and no matter how vehemently he tried to deny it, they both knew the truth.  Sue probably suspected the truth about Nat as well, but she hadn’t brought it up, not ready to deal with such a weighty issue just before the birth of their own child. They would have to talk about it sooner or later, but now wasn’t the time, and Sam hoped that Diana would just stay away from his wife and leave her in peace. She hadn’t come back since her last visit, but if Sam knew anything of Diana Littleton by now, was that she wasn’t a quitter, and she had nothing to lose by playing her charade till the bitter end.

Susanna clutched Sam’s hand in a death grip as another contraction began
, forcing her to cry out.  The baby wasn’t due for another few weeks, so she was worried.  Annie had come two months early, he remembered that, and she turned out all right, although she had been very small and fragile, and his mother watched over her day and night, feeding her every hour until she began to gain weight and look more like a baby and less like a skinned rabbit. 
Probably best not to bring that up right now
, Sam thought as he hastily dressed.

“Don’t be afraid.  I’ll just go get Ma, and Pa will go for
the midwife.  Everything will be all right.”  Sam jumped out of bed, pulling on his breeches and shirt, and reaching for his boots.  Susanna was panting, her eyes round with disbelief as pain ripped through her, making her moan. 

“
It’s too soon,” she squeaked, reclining back on the pillows as the contraction finally passed.  Sam barely had time to put his boots on before the next contraction came on, leaving Susanna breathless.

“How long have you been feeling the pains?” he asked, looking down at her.

“About two hours now.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” he asked, incredulous that she’d waited that long.

“I thought they’d stop.  It’s not unusual to have pains toward the end; I had them with Ben.”  Susanna suddenly looked like a frightened child, her expression matching Ben’s as he lifted his head off the cot, staring at them with huge eyes.

“Mama?” he whispered.

“It’s all right, darling, go back to sleep.”  But Ben wasn’t deceived.  He looked as if he were about to cry, so Sam scooped him up out of bed and wrapped him in his arms.

“How’d you like to go visit grandma?” Sam asked, making it sound like any ordinary visit.

Ben looked toward the window where the sky was pitch black and the stars dotted the heavens, pinpricks of light that made everything look magical to a little boy.

“All right,” he said.  “Can mama come too?”

“No, mama is tired.  We’ll just let her rest.”  Sam grabbed Ben’s blanket and wrapped him up into a tidy cocoon before heading for the door. 

“Sam, hurry,” Susanna called after him, her voice tight with pain.

Sam opened his mouth to reply, but Susanna let out a desperate moan, spurring him on to get help.  “I’ll be back in half a tick, you hear?”  She just nodded, breathing like a grampus, her eyes bugging out as another contraction rolled over her.

Sam held on to a gleeful Ben as he sprinted toward his parent’s house.  In the feeble light of the moon
, it was hard to see where he was going, the ground around him dark and his perception of depth distorted, making him stumble as his foot landed in a depression in the earth, throwing him off balance.  He managed to remain upright, but slowed his pace for fear that he would fall and crush Ben beneath his weight. 

The windows of the farmhouse were dark square shapes, like eyes that were closed in slumber against the pale skin of the face.  The white walls gleamed in the darkness
, and the dim shape of the chimney poked at the sky like the barrel of a cannon.  Sam knocked on the door, hoping they would hear him right away.  His father opened the door, fully dressed, with his pipe dangling from between his lips.  He silently took Ben from Sam’s arms as Hannah Mallory appeared in the doorway, ghostly in her white nightdress.

“Is it Sue?”
she asked, her face full of fear.

Sam just nodded.  “You must hurry, Ma.  We don’t have much time.”  Hannah nodded and
disappeared back into the bedroom to get dressed.

A sleepy Sarah
appeared next, obediently taking Ben from her father as he left to fetch the midwife.  Everyone was awake now; Annie asking endless questions, Abbie coming down from the loft to find out what was happening, and Diana standing in the doorway; her hair cascading over her breasts, her lips partly open as she watched Sam with undisguised amusement.  Sam barely noticed her as followed his mother out the door and into the night.

Sam
had been gone only half an hour, but by the time he came running back with his mother, Susanna was screaming, her hands clawing at the sheets and her nightgown soaked with perspiration.  She seemed oblivious to their presence as she braced for another contraction. 

“
Right,” Hannah Mallory said, taking in the scene.  “I hope your father gets here soon with Mrs. Baker.  I don’t think we have much time.”  She removed her bonnet, tied an apron around her waist, and washed her hands in the basin before coming to sit next to Susanna.  “Sam, put some water to boil, get me some towels, and prepare a blanket for the baby.  Do you know where it is?”

Sam just nodded, sprinting to the hearth to light the fire.  Mrs. Mallory smiled, thinking that her son looked like a little boy again, his eyes full of trepidation.  It seemed
as if he’d been born not all that long ago, a perfect little boy after nearly three days of labor; John sick with worry and pacing outside their bedroom until the midwife finally called him in and placed Sam in his arms.  He’d been so happy and proud, thanking her for giving him such a wonderful son, and now her boy was about to become a father again.  Hannah wiped Susanna’s brow, whispering words of comfort as she timed the contractions, noting that they were very close together.  Mrs. Baker might not get there in time.  Hannah closed her eyes for a brief moment and prayed that the baby was coming as it should and there were no complications.

Susanna let out another wail, her stomach heaving beneath her nightdress
as her hands grabbed onto Hannah’s in a death grip.  Her eyes were full of panic as she looked into Hannah’s face.  “This isn’t like the first time,” she moaned.  “This is so much worse.”

“
No two births are the same.  It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong.  You just breathe now, Susanna.  In and out.  In and out.  It won’t be long now.”  Sam came in with a basin of hot water, clean towels, and a little woolen blanket for the baby.  He looked scared out of his wits; his eyes fixated on Susanna’s belly.

“Go wait outside
,” his mother ordered, “this is no place for a man.  I’ll call you if I need you,” Hannah said, giving him a reassuring smile before waving him out of the room.  Sam opened his mouth to protest, but Susanna opened her eyes, staring him down.

“Go.  I don’t want you to see me like this.  Please, Sam.”  He just
gave her a quick kiss and left the room.  Hannah heard him go outside to sit on the bench in front of the house.  He’d be able to hear everything, but not actually see it, which was a blessing. 

Sam stared up at the sky, the stars bright in the heavens
, and the gibbous moon peeking from behind wispy clouds that floated lazily across the night sky.  A light wind moved through the trees, the leaves rustling overhead in a soothing lullaby.  Everything was quiet except for the screams of his wife, who labored to bring their child into the world. 

“Please, dear God, let her and the babe be safe,” Sam whispered, suddenly scared. 
He’d been terrified when Ben was born, his knees sagging with relief when he finally heard the baby’s cry and Susanna’s voice asking to hold him.  So many women and children died during childbirth, why should his family be spared?  Sue had been spared the first time, but it was no guarantee that she’d be as lucky the second time around.  What if the baby was coming the wrong way or had the cord around its neck?  Sam jumped off the bench, unable to remain seated.  He paced back and forth, Susanna’s screams tearing through him like a sharp knife.  Let it be over quickly, he prayed.  He wished Finn or Jonah were there to keep him company, to distract him from being so scared, but he was all alone. 

Sam
suddenly wondered who’d been there for Diana when she gave birth.  Who was there to comfort her and reassure her that everything would be all right?  He hoped Deborah Morse had been by her side.  She was a kind soul, always eager to help, and knowledgeable about such things.  A wave of guilt washed over him as he thought of Nat.  Poor mite, he’d never known a real family, and likely never would.  Eventually Diana’s secret would come out, and she would be forced to leave Virginia and return to her life in New York.  Sam couldn’t imagine that she would seek some kind of respectable employment, so Nat would be raised in a whorehouse, keeping out of sight while his mother entertained her clients. 

It was clear that Diana didn’t really want
Nat, so how long would it be until he struck out on his own, leaving that life behind?  With the port being so near, it was possible that Nat would sign on to some ship’s crew and leave, possibly forever.  Sam would never know what happened to his boy, his guilt at having failed Nat eating away at his conscience year after year, but what was he to do?  Was he to tell his wife that the boy was his and risk losing her as well?  She was in a delicate condition, and he had to be mindful of her emotional state, especially after the birth.  He heard that some women’s milk went sour and dried up when they were in a state of anxiety, so he had to be extra careful not to upset Susanna as she nursed the new baby and recovered from the birth.

Sam sat back down again as the sky above the
tree line turned a slightly lighter shade of dark.  Dawn wasn’t far away. Where was his father with Mrs. Baker?  Sam scanned the horizon, but saw nothing moving in the distance.  All was still and quiet, almost eerily so.  He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the rough wood of the cabin, his head spinning with fatigue.  He must have fallen asleep for a few minutes because when he woke with a start, a sliver of pale peach was spreading across the sky in the east, the stars giving him a last wink before disappearing from view.  How long had it been since Sue went into labor?  Sam strained to hear something, but all he heard was his mother murmuring something inside the house.  Sue was no longer screaming or panting, and his heart seized with panic at the realization that it was all over. 

Sam
got to his feet and stumbled toward the door, but stopped just before entering.  All was strangely quiet inside, and that didn’t bode well at all.  He nearly jumped out of his skin as a baby’s thin wail pierced the silence, his mother’s voice full of joy as she called Sam back in.  Susanna lay back on the pillows, her face sweaty and flushed, and her nightdress stained with blood, but the smile that spread across her face was full of joy.  She held Sam’s eyes as he came closer, gazing at the tiny bundle in her arms. 

“A
girl,” she said.  “A beautiful girl.”  Hannah wiped her eyes as she looked at them.  She suddenly felt very old, and tired.  They were just starting out on their journey together, but her journey was already more than half over.  Her children were practically grown, and her grandchildren were multiplying.  She and John would grow old before long, their day done.  Hannah kissed Sam and quietly left the room, giving the new parents a moment of privacy before everyone got wind of the birth and came running. 

Sam took the baby from Susanna, looking at its tiny face.  It was so small and round, the eyes firmly closed against the
milky light streaming through the window and dispelling the gloom of the night.  The baby yawned as a tiny fist escaped from the wrappings to touch Sam’s face.  “She’s perfect,” Sam breathed, “just perfect.  What shall we name her?”

“I don’t know,” Sue giggled.  “I was convinced it was another boy, so I hadn’t picked a girl’s name.  Is there any name you like?”

“How about Rachel?” he asked, glancing at Sue who was lost in thought.

“Rachel Hannah,” Sue finally replied.  “I’d never have gotten through this without your mother, and she has been so kind to me since you brought me here unannounced,” Sue said, grinning at Sam.  “What do you think?”

“I think my mother will be honored.”

“I’m so tired.  I suppose I should try to feed
her before I go to sleep, although she doesn’t seem hungry.”

The baby was fast asleep in Sam’s arms, completely indifferent to
her parents. She’d had a tough night as well.

“I think
Rachel would like to rest for a while,” Sam said, placing her next to Susanna.  “I’ll just get her basket, and then you can sleep.  I’ll watch over her,” he said, his face full of wonder.  “I’ll watch Rachel.”