Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (29 page)

I’ve
never been to Reno and didn’t know what to expect, but now I’m really wishing I
would have worn something warmer.  When the forecast mentioned snow for the
upcoming days, I should have known better.  But, considering I’m a California
girl who’s never been in snow, I guess I could have done worse.

With
a hand ghosting the small of my back, Alex silently guides me through the
spacious lobby.  My heels clack against the tile before we get closer to the
front desk which is surrounded in a carpet with shades of blue, yellow and
red.  Almost like an optical illusion.  I’ve never understood how or why each
casino picks their carpet, but I’ve been told that if you aren’t looking down
at the ugly carpet, you’re looking straight ahead at the machines.  If you ask
me, it’s because it hides the dirt longer.  But what do I know?  

Nevertheless,
the one unmistakable fixation in the open area that I can’t keep my eyes from
is the beautiful overhead lighting.  With a mixture of recess lighting and a
large oval dome, the intricate ironwork catches my eye.  But not long enough
for me to miss the woman at the front desk handing over two keys. 
Coincidentally, next door to each other.  

As
we approach the elevators, we’re greeted by a man and a woman.  I may be making
assumptions, but by the expression on her face and the way her chocolate-brown
eyes devour Alex, I know she’s been with him. 
Intimately.
  Her brow
raises, her bottom lip forces its way between her teeth, and the look of sheer
pleasure coats her face.  You know the moment when you’re about to have your
favorite desert?  Those few seconds as the waiter carries out a plate,
beautifully staged with your favorite sweet just fingertips away.  Well,
that
is
this
moment, and Alex is a giant slice of chocolate cake, covered in
mind-blowing sex, topped off with multiple orgasms. 

Bile
rises in my throat as they get closer.  She’s in her late twenties or early
thirties, brown hair with blonde highlights cut into a sleek bob.  Her size six
frame is covered in a coral colored dress with five inch black stilettos.

Her
business associate is as tall as Alex, but not as built.  He’s probably in his
middle thirties, dressed impeccably in a simple black suit.  He’s attractive,
not Alex attractive, but good looking none the less.  His smooth baby face
seems indifferent when they approach to greet us.

“Mr.
James.  We didn’t expect you.”  The woman extends her hand to Alex.  Her eyes
completely fixed on him with a wide grin spread across her face.  Alex shakes
her hand, but doesn’t linger too long.  She doesn’t even notice me as she
continues to address Alex.  “God, I can’t even think of the last time you were
here.  What was it,” she pauses to add her forefinger to her lips, “…two years
ago?”

Alex
nods, shoving his hands inside his pockets, and replies, “When we signed the
initial enrollment agreements.”

“Yes,
yes, now I remember.  How could I forget?”  Her fingers trail across her
collarbone as she looks at him longingly.  “What do you say about having dinner
tonight?  For old time’s sake.”  She’s practically purring at him.

“Elyssa,
you hungry?”  Alex turns to me and suddenly all eyes await my response.  With a
sneer, Miss Priss finally acknowledges me but scoffs at my casual attire.  Her
companion is a little less judgmental and genuinely smiles when my tired eyes
reach his.  I reach out, ignoring her ignorant behavior and shake his hand. 

The
last thing I expected was for him to bring my hand to his lips, placing a light
kiss against my knuckles.  A blush creeps past my ears when he releases my
hand.  I notice Alex glaring from the corner of my eye.   
Ha, take that
“for old time’s sake.” 

“Thank
you for the offer, Mr. James, but I’m not feeling so good after the flight.”  I
place my hand over my belly instinctually.  “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Without
another word, Alex nods with his mouth in a tight line.  I’m too tired to deal
with this, so instead of pushing further, I look away from him and politely
excuse myself.

“It
was nice meeting both of you.”  I know somewhere in this conversation, I’ve
been blessed with their names, but for the life of me, I haven’t been able to
focus on anything but getting to my empty room. 

I
grab my bag out of Alex’s hand, leaving him in the expansive lobby as I scurry
to the elevators.  I push the call button repeatedly before I notice him
standing next to me.

 “What
are you doing?” I question with another push to the call button. 

“Going
up.”  Alex points to the number above.

“What
about dinner with your
lovely
associates?”  I can’t help my
condescending tone as I check the numbers; internally trying to guess which of
the four elevators will reach the ground floor first.

“What?” 
Alex holds back a laugh, taking in my icy demeanor.  “Are you jealous?” 

I
roll my eyes, refusing to admit that I am feeling a tinge of jealousy and also
not wanting to ask all of the questions running through my head.  He continues
to blatantly stare at me, causing my irritation to bubble to the surface.

“What
Alex?” I erupt, the lobby full of people turn their eyes in my direction. 

“Wow,”
he winks, “The stone cold Elyssa Hart is jealous.”  With an ear splitting
smile, he bounces to and fro on the heels of his feet.  He’s smug.  It wouldn’t
irritate me if his fling wasn’t still standing where we left her, watching us. 

“Don’t
you have a dinner to go to?”  I tilt my chin in her direction. 

“I
told her I needed to get changed and I would meet
them
downstairs.”  My
stomach catapults into my throat.  I was already feeling uneasy before, but now
I’m physically holding myself up by leaning against the wall.  I’m pretty sure
this is more than I can take.  I nod and worry the insides of my cheek.  The instant
the door opens I step inside and push the button for the twelfth floor
repeatedly. 

“You
only need to press it once.  It’s not the elevator’s fault that you‘re
jealous.” 

I
wait until the door closes and we have some semblance of privacy before
erupting in anger.  “Stop fucking saying that.  Do what you want, Alex.  You
always do.  I’m not stopping you.”  I choke back the tears that threaten to
fall and lean against the wall for support.  I purposely face away from him,
knowing that one look will cause the breakdown that’s been slowly building
since we arrived. 

Leaning
over, Alex presses a button that stops the elevator from ascending.  I look at
him in palpable shock when he pushes closer to me.  He drops his bag noisily,
pushing me flat into the wall.

“Do
what I want, huh?”  Running his nose up the nape of my neck, my skin prickles from
excitement as he continues to touch me ever so gently.  He takes my lobe
between his teeth, teasing and nibbling causing slight pain. 

“Alex,”
I moan, breath exhaling raggedly.  “You’ve got to stop…”  With barely enough
room to maneuver, I turn into him and rest my hands firmly on his chest. 
Alex’s hands run from my waist, settling just below my breasts. 

“Admit
you’re jealous and I’ll show you what I want,” he whispers in my ear, grinding
his full erection against me.  The feeling of his arousal pushes all thoughts
of defiance out of my body as I succumb to his touch. 
Like I had a choice.
 
Alex pulls down the front of my sweater revealing the lacy top of my black
bra.  He pushes the thin material down, teasing my nipples between his
forefinger and thumb. 

My
breathing is pathetically erratic as he continues to arouse me, bringing me to
the brink of full surrender.  “Why are you doing this?  Are you getting a kick
out of it?”  My eyes flutter shut as I tilt my head back, basking in the
pleasure of his touch.

“Admit
you’re jealous.”  Alex pushes harder against me, his erection grinding against
my stomach as he continues to pin me against the wall.  “Admit it,” he pleads,
hot breath and tongue licking and kissing my clavicle.

Right
before his descent reaches the aching buds of my sensitive nipples, my hands
grip his long strands of hair.  I bring his face up to mine.  “Why Alex?  Why
is this so important to you?” 

“Because…” 
He takes my hand and places it against his thick shaft, “Because you want
this
to be yours.”  My breath catches in my throat.  I move my hand away from his
rock hard erection and move it up his body, past his abs, resting again on his
chest.  Alex reaches down, pushing his hand past the waistband of my tights,
resting just outside my lace panties.  “Because
this, Elyssa,
is fucking
MINE.  You’re just having a
hard
time realizing it.  Do you know how
easy it would be to rip these tiny things off and fuck you against this wall?”

My
eyes roll back in my head as he applies pressure to my clit.  “Please Alex…”  I
beg, not fully recognizing what I’m pleading for.  I could live in his touch
for the rest of my life.  I could give myself to him and only him and be
content and want for nothing. 

But,
if only being with him was a simple choice.  No matter how much I want him and
how much my heart hurts at the thought of someone else with him, I can’t do it
to him again.  My eyes water as I reach down and grip his wrist.

This
time when I beg I know what I have to do.  “Please Alex…please stop.”  

I
can feel his breath against my chest, feel the weight of his forehead against
my shoulder, and while the tears I’ve been holding back escape, I desperately
try to blink them away.  “I can’t do this, Alex.  Please, just let me go.” 

When
I’m finally able to push his shoulders with enough force, he slinks away from
me, but not before I get the chance to place a chaste kiss on the top of his
head.  Without so much as a glance in my direction, Alex turns around and
approaches the control panel.  Before I know it we are once again climbing to
the twelfth floor.

My
eyes scan the four by six confines of the elevator.  I search for something to
stop me from walking away from him, but there’s nothing.  Alex erupts in anger,
a growl escaping his chest, his hand slams against the wall.

“I
know you want me, Elyssa.  What the fuck is going on with you?”  His fists are
tight, his forehead resting against them as he faces the wall, as far away from
me as the tiny space will allow.  I hold my hands against my lips in hopes of
silencing my sobs.  The elevator dings when we reach our floor and I make a mad
dash to grab my bag and hurry down the hallway leaving Alex marinating in
frustration. 

Note to self: Avoid all
elevators in the future.

~~~~~

The
steam of scalding hot water camouflages my tears.  I slink against the tile
wall of the walk in shower, pulling my knees to my chest.  I’m so damn weak
when it comes to him.  He knows it, I know it.  He purposely uses it to get
inside my head, which only causes more turmoil for the both of us.  If only he
knew what was at risk, he wouldn’t gamble with the lives of those close to us.

By
the time I pick myself off the floor and turn the water off, my fingers are all
pruney.  I grab the fluffy robe from the hanger and wrap it around my body
before wrapping a towel around my damp hair.  I wipe the fog from the mirror
and take in my appearance.  Sadness.  My face is splotchy from crying, the
whites of my eyes are marked with red, and I can’t even force a smile while I
look at the coward in front of me.  I’m afraid.  All of my decisions have been
based on the simple fact that I’m scared shitless.  Scared to face the
possibility that Alex may hate me in the end.  Scared that everything I’ve
worked so hard for will end in a mess of heartache and regret.  Hell, I’m
already there.

I
read somewhere that the baby can feel the emotions of the mother while in the
womb.  If that’s true, I’m screwed.  The guilt I feel for putting Alex through
heartache is enough to damage even a small soul.  I’ve excluded him from our
baby’s first moments, ones you’re supposed to treasure, moments that define
you. 

My
phone vibrates on the counter.  I’m not surprised at the couple missed calls
and texts from Oliver, but I don’t have time to think about him right now. 
Oliver will have to wait until I get back to Vegas.  Because, even if Alex
doesn’t completely understand, I need to have hope that he’ll one day forgive
me. 

**I’m
so very sorry**

I
drop my phone on the bathroom counter and sink to the ground.  The instant my
bottom touches the floor, my stomach growls.  I’m not taking good care of my
body, and in turn my baby, and realize I haven’t eaten anything since
breakfast.  I have no desire to leave my room, the last thing I need is to run
into Alex with
her
.  Instead, I decide to splurge and settle on room
service. 

I
leave the bathroom and settle down on the bed, menu in hand.  I peruse over the
appetizers and main courses.  I can’t seem to decide what I want.  My eyes
being bigger than my stomach, I decide on a burger and fries along with an
order of cocktail shrimp. 
Can I eat shrimp while pregnant? 
Right
before I pick up the phone to place my order, I hear a thumping against my
door.