Shattered (21 page)

I kissed her cheek again. “I invited Meeka and Peaches, is that cool?”

“Of course. I know they miss you, too.”

I wanted to take a real bath and not that mess they had at the hospital. I couldn’t get comfortable since nurses and doctors and detectives kept coming in and out. Plus, I couldn’t use the stuff I wanted. Never in a million years did I think I would be taking a shower in the same place where Ryan called his home, but things had changed. I wasn’t gonna walk on upside-down eggshells around him no more.

As soon as the bathroom got nice and steamy, I locked the bathroom door and cut that nasty lace-front wig off. I climbed in the shower, shampooed my short curly ’fro, then lathered up using some of the Bath & Body Works shower gel I saw in the tub. I wanted to smell like a girl and not like a sick hospital patient. When I was done washing, I used some of the Bath & Body Works lotion, too, and then threw on Yodi’s sweater and jeans.

When I came out the bathroom, Mommy was stirring collard greens in one of the pots. Chrissie was sitting in Yodi’s lap while her and Toya laughed at something on TV. Ryan was playing with Kamau and some of his Christmas toys on the floor. Mommy’s boyfriend, Isaac, was reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. I couldn’t believe that just four days ago I was in a cramped, grimy room with three other girls, chained to a bed. That just three days ago, I was still shitting coke out in a bathtub. That just last night I had another terrible nightmare about Nakeeda’s baby. It was so odd to be standing here right now, watching all of them. I felt that feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. The kind that made me wish I had some coke to snort, but I shook it off. I knew that was only a temporary solution to how uncomfortable I felt. Somebody was knocking on the door. Ryan went to open it. Peaches stepped in with Amir, and Meeka stepped in with Quentin. Peaches looked like she wanted to stab Ryan’s ass.

“Damn. Why you looking at me like that?” Ryan asked.

Peaches took a breath, rolled her eyes, then spoke to everybody before the two of them gave me a hug. I had missed my little crew. During dinner, I realized that it was having good friends like the two of them that made me get along with the girls in that tiny room. Even though we was so different, we had a common bond that made it necessary for us to get along in order for us to deal with the sick shit that was happening to us. Peaches and Toya was getting along pretty good over dinner, talking about the kind of counseling I needed to get to deal with what I had been through. I was surprised Toya wasn’t acting her usual bourgie self. Meeka was too busy watching her son and Chrissie play together to notice Ryan staring her down like a pervert.

After dinner, I disappeared down the hall to Mommy’s room. With all the love in the room, it really made me miss Rich. I was ready to call him again. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

“Hello?” he answered on the first ring.

“Um…Rich?”

“KiKi?”

I smiled. “Yeah, it’s me.”

He exhaled a deep breath. “KiKi.”

“Rich.”

“Man, what the hell happened? You at your mother’s, right? Fuck that. I’m on my way. Don’t hang up, though. Where the hell you been at? What happened? Why did you leave me?”

He was going a hundred miles a minute. It was too fast. There was so much to tell. Where did I begin? I laid back on Mommy’s bed and told him everything that happened from shopping at the market with Caterina, Adriana, and Malia to partying at Castro’s. Except for a few “un-huh’s” here and there, Rich was quiet mostly. Tears spilled from my eyes when I told him about the ridiculous shit that happened in that room. Suddenly he asked me for the building and the apartment number, and then I heard a knock at the front door. My heart jumped. I ran from the bedroom in time to see Ryan open the door. He took forever to let Rich inside, staring him up and down. As soon as I saw Rich’s handsome face, I wrapped my arms around him. He held me long and tight, then kissed me on my forehead, then on my lips.

“Y’all gon’ have to take all that shit up outta here!” Ryan yelled from the living room.

“Leave them alone, Rain,” Mommy shouted. “Come on in, Rich, make yourself at home.”

“How’s everybody doing?” he asked, and then he said to me, “You ain’t tell me your mother was cooking. I should’ve stopped and bought something.”

Everybody spoke to Rich. I made him a plate and let him eat. Ryan’s bum ass kept mugging Rich the whole time, but Rich ain’t see him, though I wished he did. I was dying to talk to Rich alone about the trip. I needed to piece the puzzle together for myself, so after everybody said hello, I slipped out the door to sit with Rich in his car. The minute we was in the hallway, Rich hugged me so tight that I felt my whole body stretching.

“I don’t wanna let you go, man,” he whispered.

I breathed in his scent and closed my eyes. I ain’t want the moment to end. I had been holding on to this the whole time I was in that room. I could tell by the way he squeezed and kissed me that he still loved me. When he finally let go, I said, “Rich, what happened when you came back to the room?”

He led me to the elevator and pushed the button.

“Man, the room was tossed upside down, like you just went crazy. All your shit was gone. I kept trying to replay our last conversation over, like…what did I do that made you want to leave. I knew I was pissed at you for that Ty shit, but I was so confused about why you was pissed at me?”

We stepped on the elevator and rode it down to the first floor, and then we walked out to his car. I noticed the silver Impala, the unmarked vehicle at the end of the corner with the detective sitting inside of it. It was so cold outside, I shivered while I waited for Rich to unlock and start his car with his keyless remote. Thank God the heat was already on when I sat inside.

“The first night, I was blown as shit. I mean I drank at the bar all night. I thought maybe you was in one of the other girls’ rooms man-bashing and that you’d be all right in the morning. When Ty called, asking if Nakeeda was in my room, we knew something was up. I called Donte and Ed, and their girls was gone, too. Same tossed-up rooms. We went to the police and everything. Told them y’all went shopping in the city and shit and that y’all ain’t never come back. At first they thought we all had got robbed, but when we told them our stuff was still there, they was just as confused. And then it was like they thought we had something to do with it. It took them awhile to believe that we ain’t do nothing to y’all. Then they showed us the clips of Gorilla Zoe and Green Mile going in and out of all our rooms, leaving out with shit they stole. That’s when I knew that dirty nigga Smurf had something to do with it. I wanna kill that nigga, you hear me!”

Rich was so pissed off. I wanted to remind him that I was okay. That I was here with him and safe again.

“I was supposed to protect you, not put you in danger,” he said before slamming his fist on the horn. “I wanna kill that crooked muthafucka!”

He shook his head and sat in silence for a minute. Bright lights flashed in Rich’s window. It was the detective checking to see if I was okay. I waved my hand to let him know that I was fine.

“When did you come home?” I asked.

He looked down. “Man, after you left that message saying you was in here in a hospital, I called the number you left, but had the wrong number. When I called the front desk, they didn’t have you listed in the hospital, not by your last name anyway. I couldn’t believe it.”

“You was still in Costa Rica all that time?”

He nodded. “When your sister said she never heard from you and that you never came back to D.C., something in my heart told me you was still there in Costa Rica cuz I knew you would’ve tried to reach your mother if nobody else. I didn’t wanna leave without you. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said before kissing him. It was the kiss I had been wanting when we last made love. The kiss that I needed to feel secure that he had forgiven me for betraying his trust. The kiss that I needed to get my mind clear of all the torment that was haunting me every night. I took a deep breath and simply stared at Rich for making me feel so loved.

“There’s something else I have to tell you,” he said.

I looked up at him confused as he squeezed the steering wheel with both hands. He seemed conflicted as he stared off into the night. A couple cars drove up and down the street before he said, “I haven’t been telling you the whole truth, either.”

I looked at him strange.

“And I still can’t…tell you the truth.”

“What are you talking about?” I was totally mixed up.

“All I can say is…I feel fucked up about bringing you down there while I was working. Please forgive me.”

“What happened to me wasn’t your fault, Rich. I’m here now.”

“I was supposed to protect you…and what you went through, just…” He slammed his balled fist against his dashboard and yelled, “Wasn’t supposed to happen!”

“It wasn’t your fault, Rich.”

He shook his head as if there was more he wanted to say, but his eyes told me he wasn’t gonna say it.

“We’re together now,” I said, hoping it was enough to make him forget how he was feeling. Rich picked my hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it. His eyes looked into mine like he was trying to apologize for something, but for the life of me, I couldn’t imagine what.

R
ich and I had just climbed out of his car and was heading back toward the apartment building when Ryan burst through the front door, causing it to make a loud thud against the brick wall.

“The party’s over, nigga.” His words slurred together. “You can take your ass the fuck home now, slim.”

“Ryan, just stop!” I said, trying to avoid his bullshit and walk around him.

“Why your whore ass keep bringing niggas over here for anyway?” Ryan said, getting loud and mugging Rich.

“Hold the fuck up…,” Rich said, taking a step closer. I stepped in between them to block whatever was about to go down, but before I knew it, Rich’s hand flew up and clamped tight around Ryan’s throat.

“What the fuck?!” Ryan struggled for breath and squirmed, fighting to get loose.

“Rich, no!” I shouted. Rage was written all over Rich’s face as his grip tightened up. “Rich, he’s just a fucking screwup. Let him go!”

The look in Rich’s eyes actually scared me. He had no clue about what Ryan had done to me, and I knew by the look in Rich’s eyes that if he did, Ryan would be dead.

“Go ’head, slim,” Ryan begged, his words spurts of air.

“Rich,” I said, looking him deep in his eyes. “Please, stop.”

He took a long look at me before he let his grip slack up. “If you ever talk to her like that again, I’ll kill your bitch ass.”

Rich ain’t leave no room for Ryan to doubt his words. Ryan rubbed his throat and breathed in deep. I ain’t never seen Rich act that threatening before. I never seen Ryan look that scared before, either. He was still trying to catch his breath when Peaches and Meeka walked out of the building with the kids and take-home plates Mommy must’ve fixed them. “Hey, there you go,” Peaches said. “I was just telling Meeka I’ma treat you to the Red Door tomorrow. What you doing?”

I took a deep breath, glad she and Meeka had interrupted the chaos that was about to erupt between my man and my brother.

“I’m not doing nothing.” I loved that spa.

“Damn, I gotta work,” Meeka said.

As soon as Peaches used her keyless remote to unlock her truck, gunshots went off. I jumped and screamed even though I thought it was the same usual suspects acting ignorant on New Year’s Eve, letting rounds off just because, but when I saw Peaches rock backward on her heels, I knew it was no accident. I screamed again as soon as I saw blood spreading across her lynx fur jacket as she slumped to the ground. Rich made me and Meeka get down with Amir and Quentin. I heard gunshots firing back. It seemed like everything was happening in slow motion. My heart jumped in my chest at the sound of bullets flying. I heard tires pealing down the street, then silence.

“Y’all okay?” Rich asked.

But Peaches was shaking.

I saw Nakeeda all over again on that bed.

I slapped Peaches across her cheeks.

Amir screamed.

“Keep your eyes open, bitch!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. I wasn’t gonna let her leave me.

“Tell her to hold on, the ambulance is on its way,” I heard the detective saying.

“Hold on, Peaches! Hold the fuck on!” Meeka screamed.

Quentin cried beside her.

I saw Yenee, and I knew I couldn’t let Peaches give up her fight. “Amir needs you. I need you. Hold on, Peaches,” I kept repeating as Rich pressed his hands over the wound seeping blood from her coat.

When I heard the ambulance and police sirens, I felt relief calming me. Peaches was still breathing. In all the madness, I ain’t realize that Peaches wasn’t the only one who had got shot. There was a body laying in the doorway of the apartment building. I could see the bottom of the person’s Nike boots. Rich pulled me away when the EMT people took over. I heard women screaming from the building as two more paramedics rushed over to help the person lying in the doorway. It was Mommy and Yodi screaming. Toya was trying to keep them away.
Was that Ryan?
I held on to Rich as I took a few steps toward the building. My heart raced. Mommy ran in place and fanned her hands in front of her. The sounds coming from her throat was too intense. It had to be Ryan. I walked up the steps and looked past the EMTs to see Ryan’s wide empty stare. I closed my eyes. Feeling weak, I buried my face in Rich’s chest and hid my tears.

“Come on. Give Meeka your car keys so she can take the kids home with her,” Rich said.

I did as he said. Then Toya made Yodi and her kids get in her car. Isaac held Mommy as she cried in his arms. I couldn’t watch this no more. It was all my fault cuz I ain’t follow Smurf’s orders. As much as I hated what Ryan did to me, I ain’t want him dead. He was still my brother and Mommy’s only son. She looked so heartbroken crumpled up in Isaac’s arms. Peaches was in an ambulance fighting for her life, and there wasn’t nothing I could do about it. This was too much.

Rich said, “We gotta go, KiKi.”

“Wait, we wanna ask you some questions,” an officer said, but Rich waved him away.

“Not now,” he mumbled as I climbed in his car. The detective nodded at Rich and let us go.

Rich’s tires squealed as he pealed away from the curb. I looked at my bloody hands and coat. I couldn’t believe it was Peaches’s blood. Rich’s hands was covered in it, too. I shook my head and let the tears fall. All of this was my fault.

“I’ma take you somewhere safe,” Rich said, balling out of the neighborhood. “Since Smurf wanna send his sloppy-ass henchmen, I got something for his ass.”

What about my family? I kept replaying what had just happened in my head as Rich called Ty to tell him all that went down. Shit was a blur after that. In between tears, I remembered pulling up to his aunt Pat’s, her packing up food, then me washing up and changing into some clothes she gave me. I watched Rich throw duffel bags filled with money, guns, and clothes in the back of his Ford F-150, and then he told me to get in the passenger seat. He backed the boat down the driveway and then rode to the highway.

“KiKi, I gotta tell you something I know you might hate me for,” he said as we pulled on to the road.

“Don’t say that. I could never hate you.”

“For this…you could.”

I sucked in a huge breath of air and stared at Rich closely. How could that be?

“Aunt Pat ain’t really my aunt. Uncle Roy ain’t really my uncle, either. He was my mentor.”

“Mentor?”

“He was…a detective who got killed about two years ago. He meant a lot to me,” Rich said.

I looked at him, confused.

“KiKi,” he said, glancing over at me. “I’ve been working undercover and trying to get with Smurf’s Colombian connect for a minute. When I finally did…I never thought what happened to you in Costa Rica would be the price for that.”

“Wait a minute,” I said, closing my eyes and putting one hand up. What he was saying was too much. His words landed like a ton of bricks in my head. “Back up, Rich.”

“That’s just it, KiKi. My name ain’t even Rich Malloy. It’s Rashard Steele.”

I covered my face and mouth with two hands before closing them over my face. What had I done? Who was this man? Tears rushed from nowhere. “You played me?”

“KiKi…you wasn’t never a part of the plan,” he said, squeezing my knee. “You have to believe me. Meeting you was a welcomed distraction from all the shit I was doing. Falling for you was a bonus.”

“How can I trust you?” I asked, searching his eyes for an answer.

“KiKi, from the moment I met you, I really just wanted to take you away…let you see something you never seen before. Let you know the world was bigger than all the day in and out drama you see. I could look at you, KiKi, and tell you ain’t never dream big in your life. That all you’ve been used to is setbacks and letdowns. When you was with me, I wanted to make sure you ain’t never have to worry. I wanted to make sure you knew that
you
was your beginning. When you first got to Costa Rica, it was like you was dreaming, right?”

As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I wiped my face with napkins in his glove box.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner…but it was too much to chance. My first duty was to the case. You’ve gotta understand that.”

I took a deep breath, desperate to believe what he had shared was the honest-to-God truth. It wasn’t like he had known that I ever knew Smurf, and unless he looked me up in some sort of system, he never even knew about my past. “But what about all the businesses you got? The barbershop, the car wash, the Laundromat?”

“It’s all just a front. I started cutting hair in college to make extra cash, but the real owners just cooperate with us for situations like this. Favor for a favor, you know?”

“This is a lot. I mean, your name is Rashard. Rashard, for God’s sake?” I said, shaking my head. “What else don’t I know about you?”

“KiKi, I’m sorry. I need you to forgive me now.”

I looked out the window and replayed everything I thought I knew about him. Where he lived, all the businesses, his friends Donte, Ed, and Ty, the trips out of the country, everything. I felt dizzy. I thought about him waving the detective off a minute ago, him taking me to the shooting range the last time I was down here with him. I thought about how he looked at me those times I craved coke, like he knew I took a hit every now and then, even though he never asked me about it. I thought about everything as we rode into the night.

Finally the marina in Solomons Island came into view along with Ty, Ed, and Donte. Before Rashard opened his car door, I asked, “Are you lying to them, too?”

He sighed and nodded. “Only Ty knows about me because he’s undercover, too, but the others don’t. If you love me, you’d keep what you know a secret, too. They’re still fucked up about what happened in Costa Rica. Remember, they lost people they loved, too.”

I bit my lip cuz I did still love him, no matter how upset I was. But how could Ty’s foul ass be a cop? Surprise, surprise. I could be forgiving, the same way he forgave me after learning about Ty and my habit.

His boys was waiting with duffel bags, too, looking like soldiers headed on their next mission.

“You all right, shawty?” Ty asked after we climbed aboard the boat.

I nodded even though I wasn’t. My brother was dead. I still had no idea what the fuck was going on with Peaches. Mommy was delirious, and I just found out the man that I loved wasn’t a hundred percent who I thought he was. I felt a chill crawl over me as I stood in the cold darkness. It was much colder down by the water, and a dense fog filled the air. Ed looked like he was ready to do whatever. He couldn’t keep still. Donte looked like he was in deep thought. He never said much of nothing anyway. Rashard had told me before that Donte was a Muslim and that he took everything extra serious. I could only imagine how he felt when he found out what had happened to Yenee in that room. Ty untied the boat when Rashard started it up, and we pulled away from the pier. I sat down and waited to see where we was going and what was about to happen. Rashard seemed too focused to even bother him. Ed lit a cigarette and stared at the water. They all seemed to know what was happening but me. It was quiet on the boat except for the loud hum of the engine. I looked up at the half moon lighting the night sky and wondered how Peaches was doing. Was Yodi and the kids okay over Toya’s?

“This nigga gon’ catch it,” Ty yelled over the engine.

Ed plucked his cigarette in the Chesapeake Bay. I wondered if he felt any of this was karma just like Nakeeda did. I held on tight to a bar, then walked over to him. In a low voice, I said, “She made me promise to bury your daughter.”

He looked alarmed that I knew, but then I hugged him. He stood stiff against the bitter night air and let me squeeze him. I ain’t know what else to do.

“I’m so sorry. She was such a sweet girl,” I said. When he ain’t say nothing, I walked back to where I was sitting and sat back down. By the time I turned around, I saw him wiping a tear away. Donte saw it, too, but looked in the other direction. They both was hurting so much.

I felt like at least an hour had passed by since we first got on the boat. As soon as Rashard docked the boat at another marina that ain’t look as up-to-date as the one we had just come from with its raggedy wooden frame, he grabbed one duffel bag and led me off the boat. Ty, Ed, and Donte remained behind.

“What’s happening?” I asked, looking back at them. I was scared to death standing in this strange place I ain’t know.

“Baby, it’s okay,” he said, squeezing my hand and leading me up the pier. “Trust me.”

I bit my lip and let him take me to another pickup that sat in a parking space. He started the engine and pulled off of the gravel road. We drove for several minutes before we stopped in a wooded area where there was a lone dark cabin. He threw the truck in park and hopped out. My heart thumped in my chest. I knew he ain’t plan to leave me here.

When Rashard opened my passenger door, he said, “I can’t chance something else happening to you. You gotta stay here until I tell you otherwise.”

“What? You gon’…”

He put his finger over my lips to quiet me. “Just trust me, KiKi. I have to handle this shit myself. I brought this shit to you and your family. Now I gotta take care of it.”

“But how?”

He took a deep breath. “That nigga must’ve forgot I know where the fuck he sleep at, too.”

I climbed out of the truck, and then I followed him inside the cabin where there was fishing gear in the corner, a fireplace, and three bedrooms. It wasn’t a shack or nothing, but it was still scary being here by myself. I watched him light the fireplace, and then he said, “There’s a little food in the fridge, and Pat put some food in your bag.”

“What is this place?” I asked, opening cabinets and looking around.

“Think of it as a safe house. Look, I don’t have much time,” he said. “I don’t know how long we gon’ be, but I’ma call you when I can.”

I ain’t want him to leave me. “I’m scared. Please don’t leave me here by myself.”

For the first time, I saw Rashard look like he ain’t know what to say to control the situation. “Shakira, I just need you to be here when I get back. Do you understand? I need you here…when I get back. That’s all.”

Even though I was scared to death, I sucked it up. There wasn’t much he ever asked me to do for him, and I knew this wasn’t a time to test his patience or to doubt him. All of us was fucked up and had lost somebody close to us or nearly lost somebody. Rashard seemed on edge just like he was when he confronted Ryan. This was probably how he acted when he saw that tossed-up room back in Costa Rica. I nodded and let him kiss my forehead. I understood.