Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (24 page)

“One night we had a friend over for dinner. I was in the kitchen making a salad when Steven walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and I thought he was trying to apologize because he had been intentionally cruel to me earlier that day. Except, it wasn’t an apology at all. He leaned down to my ear and told me to go to his friend and take out his cock and suck it.”

The whole time I talk I keep my eyes on Jaxon. His are getting darker and darker the more I say. His jaw is clenched tightly shut and his nostrils are flaring. I can tell it’s taking everything he has to control his emotions. I don’t want to hurt or anger him, but I need to tell him. I need him to finally understand why I am the way I am and why I can’t stay here any longer.

His eyes are locked onto mine as well. He pulls in a breath and tells me to continue. So I do.

“When I refused to do what he told me to he slapped me with such force that I stumbled and I hit my hip on the edge of the counter. It hurt, but I didn’t realize until later that it left a huge bruise. He ended up dragging me over to his friend by my hair and forcing me to my knees. He threatened to slit my throat if I bit the guy, which I had planned on doing. Of course, I didn’t do it after the threat. The look in his eyes told me he was serious.

“They both raped me that night. His friend raped my mouth and Steven raped me anally. Neither was done gently. Immediately afterwards I threw up on the floor and they left me there, laying in vomit, spit, and blood.”

“That sick fuck!” Explodes from Nick. I look to him and see his hands are fisted. There’s pure rage in his eyes. Mia isn’t fairing much better. There’s fire in her eyes but instead of being focused on me they’re locked onto Jaxon.

When I swing my gaze back to him, I see he’s bent over resting his elbows on his knees and his head is bowed.

As I’m not nowhere near finished with my story I continue my tale, still watching Jaxon.

“After that night things change dramatically. There were no more kind words or loving gestures from Steven, except while we were in public. It was like a light switched in him. He started taking me to a club. The nights that he brought me there were some of the worst. He would have the members tie me up and do all sorts of awful things to my body. Things that no person should have to endure. Things that change people forever. Sometimes he would threaten me and make me do things to them as well.

“Many of the times he wouldn’t join in. He would sit off to the side and watch me with hate filled eyes, like it was my fault I was there. Each time he would tell me it was my fault but would never tell me what I did. I tried so very hard to be good, but I was never good enough. It didn’t happen very often but sometimes he would drug me. I longed for the times that he did because it felt like I was outside my body. I always felt it in the mornings though.

“It was when the others were done with me and gone that Steven would punish me. He had these toys that he used. The worst was the flogger. It wasn’t the usual flogger that you see in on the internet or in sex stores. Steven modified it to where it had little needles at the end of the tails. He loved using the flogger all over my body. He would also put out his expensive cigars out on my body. He would use anything and everything within his reach, and that would fit, and punish me by shoving it in my body. He even used a cracked beer bottle one time and it cut me on the inside.”

The last I whisper because remembering the excruciating pain of it almost breaks my resolve in finishing my tale. Tears slip silently down my cheeks.

“Oh my God.” I hear Mia whisper, but I don’t look at her. My eyes are glued to Jaxon, who is flexing his fists. His body is shaking.

“I tried to leave so many times but it was like he always knew. He would stop me before I even had a chance to plan an escape and beat me. I was admitted to the hospital several times, but he was always there so I couldn’t tell anyone. Of course, they wouldn’t believe me anyway. No one would believe that the golden boy prosecuting attorney would ever do anything remotely close to what he puts criminals away for. In public, he was the perfect loving husband. He always blamed it on me being clumsy. There was one time he blamed it on a random mugging and another time he said someone broke into our house. Of course, he trashed the house to make his story more believable. Of the few times, I was in the hospital there were dozens of others that I wasn’t. He only took me when he felt it was life threatening enough.”

I stop talking and take in a deep lung full of air. Jaxon is still bent over. I can’t see his eyes. I don’t know if I want to. He hasn’t said anything the entire time I talked. I’m scared to see what his eyes will reveal.

Nick takes a step forward and my eyes fly to him. He looks like he’s on the verge of killing someone. His eyes are blazing. When he’s standing directly in front of me, he squats down. “Why, Bailey? Why run now? What else did he do?”

I advert my eyes away from him. This is the hard part. This is the part where I need to watch what I say. I’ll give them some, but I can’t reveal everything. I ball my hands into fist and finish.

“One day a few months ago I was upstairs putting away laundry. Things had been rather calm the last several months so I was in a false sense of security. He still did horrible things to me but not near as bad as usual. I really should have known better. As I was making my way out of our bedroom, I saw him at the top of the stairs. The look in his eyes terrified me. I had seen hate before but what I saw was so much more. I knew at that moment that he meant to kill me. It was written all over his face. I turned to run, but he was really quick and caught up with me easily. He grabbed the back of my hair and slung me to the ground. My head hit the railing on the banister almost knocking me out. By the time my vision cleared he had dragged me over to the edge of the stairs. I was standing there with tears pouring out of my eyes begging Steven not to do it. He just snarled into my face with so much venom and punched me in the face. The force of the punch, which I knew he meant to do, caused me to fall down the stairs. My face hit the corner of the table that was at the bottom. That’s how I ended up with this.” I lift my hand and gently brush my fingers over my scar.

“I had multiple fractures in both arms, cracked ribs, a concussion, and numerous bruises all over my body. Of course, he told the police he was out of the house when I must have tripped while carrying a laundry basket full of clothes.

“On the fourth day in the hospital my friend Chris was able to sneak in while Steven was away. I never admitted it to her, but she knew for a while what was going on. She knew that I was too scared to get help and she couldn’t prove anything, especially against someone with Steven’s influence. Steven had threatened to harm Chris if I ever told her so I had to protect her as well.

“Anyway, the day she came to visit she threw a bunch of cash at me and said I had to leave. She said that if I didn’t then she was going to the police. I refused at first, but I knew that I had no other choice but to do what she said. I knew that Steven would eventually kill me if I didn’t leave. I signed myself out of the hospital a day before I was supposed to. Steven had a meeting so I knew he wouldn’t be home. Both Chris and I went to our house and gathered just a few of my things, things that were important to me. I took not one thing that Steven had bought me. After, she took me to a car lot and I bought a cheap car. A couple towns over I bought a disposable cell phone so I could keep in touch with Chris, to let her know where I was and how I was doing.

“A couple weeks after I left Steven caught up with me. I don’t know how he found me, but he did. He was so angry. We stayed in a cheap hotel. That night, after repeatedly hitting me until I passed out, I woke up to him raping me. Afterwards, he left to go to the store across the street. He must have thought I was so weak that I couldn’t move. He underestimated my resolve to get away from him. I snuck out of the bathroom window and hitched a ride with a trucker that was on his way out of town. Morning time came and the trucker dropped me off in a little town in West Virginia, where I bought another cheap car. I haven’t stopped since, except to sleep.”

By this time, Mia is sitting on the opposite side of me from Jaxon. She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. Jaxon is still sitting beside me staring at the floor. Even though it scares me to think what must be going on in his head, I wish he would look at me. It’s killing me not knowing what he thinks.

“Where in the fuck were your parents this whole time?” Mia asks me.

I give a harsh laugh and answer her question. “Probably in the same place I left them when I turned seventeen, sleeping off their drunken high with multiple partners in bed with them. They weren’t the best of parents by no means. They liked to throw parties where they and their friends would get high on whatever drugs they could find. Once the party really got started their friends would drag me into the mists of it and have fun with me. My parents would look on and watch with expressionless eyes, or get off on the abuse that they witnessed.”

“Son of a bitch!” Nick storms and rakes his fingers through his hair. “You had no one you could go to?”

I shake my head slowly. “No, neither of my parents had siblings and both sets of parents were already dead.”

I turn to Jaxon and see that he has his head in his hands. They are clinching his hair so tightly that his knuckles are white. I hesitantly reach out and place my hand on his back.

“Jaxon,” I whisper.

My touch and whisper must have set him off. He jerks away from me and flings his body off the couch so fast that I feel the wind from the movement. I flinch away from the sudden movement, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He’s in his own world of pain right now.

Jaxon stalks over to his desk and grabs the lamp that’s sitting on top. He rears back and throws it hard against the wall, completely shattering it. Mia and I both jump at the loud noise. He then picks up a small wooden chair and smashes it against the desk. After that, he moves over the wall that he threw the lamp at and starts throwing punch after punch against it. With each punch he throws he screams in rage.

I know that the anger he’s feeling isn’t directed towards me, but the fear I feel is just the same. His hands are bloody from punching the wall and all I want to do is go and comfort him. I’m terrified to get up though. Terrified to go to him.

I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Big tear drops drip down my face. I don’t necessarily fear Jaxon, but I’m still in protective mode in the wake of his temper. I shouldn’t have told him but I needed him to understand.

I watch as Nick cautiously walks up to Jaxon and places a hand on his shoulder. “Jax, calm down man.” Jaxon immediately turns around at the touch and clocks him in the chin. Nick stumbles backward.

“Fuck, Jaxon, I’m not the enemy here! Save it for the bastard who’s done this to her!”

“Just stay the fuck away from me, Nick! I can’t—Fuck!” Jaxon growls and turns back to the wall and smashes his fist against it again.

Mia jumps up from beside me with her hands balled into fists. She’s shaking as well. She screams at Jaxon. “Jaxon Walker, you need to get it under control! Look!” She says pointing at me. “Look at Bailey! Look how fucking terrified she is right now! You want that? You want her to be scared of you as well?”

Her words must have penetrated the uncontrollable rage that is filtering through him. He bends at the waist and places his hands on his knees. There’s blood dripping off his torn knuckles. I hear him taking in several deep breaths. Once his breathing is somewhat under control, he lifts his head and zeroes his eyes on me. After straightening up, he takes a cautious step towards me, like he’s scared I may run away.

“Angel...” He says but doesn’t finish when he sees his bloody knuckles. Reaching over and opening one of his desk drawers he pulls out a rag. After quickly wiping his hands to clear off most of the blood, he drops it into the trash can. He doesn’t take his eyes off me the entire time.

All I can focus on is his hands as he makes his way slowly towards me. I don’t like to see his hands torn and shredded. His hands have been nothing but kind and gentle with me. Now, they look like they’ve been through the grinder.

When he gets to me, he drops down to his knees and his chest meets my drawn up legs. He places his hands on either side of my hips. My eyes are still following the movements of his hands.

“Bailey, look at me, please.” He says quietly.

I reach over and tenderly pick up one of his hands. My crying has quieted down but when I bring my eyes to his more tears silently trail down my face.

“Your hands, Jaxon,” I whisper to him.

“They’re okay. I’m okay. I’m so sorry I scared you. You know I would never hurt you right?”

I nod my head because I know deep down that Jaxon would never hurt me. The pain and heartache on his face when he looks at me when he realized his reaction scared me solidifies my belief. Jaxon is a protector and even though he didn’t know me at the time he feels like he didn’t protect me when I needed someone the most.

“I know you would never hurt me. I wasn’t frightened because I thought you would. I was worried about you. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. I didn’t because there’s nothing you or anyone can do. He has too much power. He knows people that can hurt other people. I don’t want that for you. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you. A while back when you called and I was freaked out, he called me that night. And tonight, I got another phone call. It was a recording of us reciting our vows. He said he was coming for me. I saw him tonight in the bar as well.” My eyes are pleading with him to understand.

Jaxon looks to Nick. “Nick...” He starts but doesn’t get a chance to finish before he’s interrupted.

“On it,” Nick says before disappearing out the door.

“I have to leave, Jaxon.”

“No,” is his demand to my plea. The anger is seeping back into his eyes.

I take his hand that I still have a hold of and place his palm against my cheek. “Jaxon, you need to understand. Steven’s made many contacts over the years. Contacts that work outside the law and aren’t afraid to make people disappear. He always makes sure that it’s never traced back to him. He’s very careful. Do you have any idea how destroyed I would be if anything happened to you.” I gesture with my arm to Mia and the door, meaning anyone here in this town.