Shatter Me (19 page)

             
“I don’t want to see anyone.” I mutter, picking at a stray thread on my comforter. Even if Bianca hadn’t been downstairs I didn’t want to face any of my other supposed friends.
People who had gossiped and snickered and laughed at me behind my back at that stupid Christmas Gala.
That party had shown me exactly who my real friends were and it sure hadn’t been many. Hunter and Christian topped and ended the list.

             
“Kari…” Christian trails off, seeming lost for words. With a sigh he shakes his head. “Keith asked me not to say anything while you were still in the hospital. I guess he
was scared that you wouldn’t want to hear it, even coming from me. But I really think it is time you knew some things…”


      
             

             
The entertainment room, full of laughter and conversation, quiets as soon as I enter the room with Christian. Everyone turns to gaze at me in amazement. Most of these people have only heard about my fight for survival after the accident, a few have seen me come back from the edge of death. So they
all
seem in awe of me as I enter the room under my own steam.

             
I glance around, not sure if I trust any of them. But my gaze zeroes in on my ex-bestie sitting by the fireplace alone. She is sipping a glass of something clear and fizzy and not paying much attention to anyone else in the room. Her ice blue gaze meets my golden one and I see pain cross her beautiful face. Despite what Christian has told me it hur
ts to look at her so I quickly glance
away.

             
Only for my gaze to land on Keith.
He is standing almost the entire
length of the
room away from Bianca seeming lost in another world. When he sees me some of the tension in his shoulders eases
. I want to go to him, demand he tell me that everything Christian has just said is true…But I can’t. Not yet at least.

             
There has been too much destruction done to my heart for me to just accept my friend’s explanations. To forgive and forget the hurt that Keith and Bianca have caused me.

             
Instead I let Hunter pull me into a gentle hug as he comes forward to greet me. “I’m glad you changed your mind.” He kisses my cheek and soon others around the room come forward to hug me and tell me how happy they are that I am better.

             
After a while I begin to relax a little. Hunter makes me sit down so that I don’t overtire myself. A glass of champagne is pressed into my hands, but I only take a few sips from time to time. I smile and try to follow the conversations around me, but my gaze keeps going to Bianca.

             
Christian leaves me to make room for someone else. Hunter is telling jokes and everyone is laughing, but I am only half listening as I watch Christian sit beside of Bianca and take her hand. She gives him one of the smiles I remember from so long ago. Her totally-in-love-with-you smiles and he leans over to brush a tender kiss across her lips. He whispers something and she nods, resting her head on his shoulder.

             
It shouldn’t confuse the hell out of me, not after what Christian has told me already, but it does all the same. I search for Keith, to find out what his reaction to Bianca kissing Christian is, only to find he isn’t even looking
in the couple’s direction. He is standing by the window that overlooks the back of the estate. His green gaze is on me and I think I see pure torment
o
n his handsome face.

             
I quickly glance back at the cozy couple and something sparkly catches my attention. There
,
on Bianca’s left hand is the engagement ring that I helped Christian
pick out. Like I had
though
,
t
it looked amazing on her finger and it suited her so beautifully.

             
Christian hadn’t said anything about
he
and Bianca getting married!

             
“Okay?” Hunter murmurs from beside of me. He has noticed my shell shocked expression and seems concerned. “Getting tired?”

             
“I…” I am overwhelmed and confused and…And…And I just want everyone to go away! I get unsteadily to my feet and pushing my half empty glass into my step-brother’s
hands
before
practically run from the room.

             
“Kari!” I hear Keith call after me.

             
“Is she alright?” I hear someone ask.

             
“Kari!” Bianca
is coming after me and I turn at the foot of the stairs to find both her and Keith only a few feet away. “Kari, please. Can we talk?” There are tears in her eyes and her voice trembles.

             
I want to slap her. I want to scream at her. I…I just want to know the truth. “How could you think I would ever hurt you like that?” I demand fighting angry tears.

             
“Because I was going crazy at the time.”
She explains softly, as if she is talking to a small frightened child. “I had all those hormones and emotions and stupid thoughts swirling around in my head.
It was so easy to think that you and Christian were…” She trails off and sucks in a deep steadying breath. “You were seeing him all the time. I know that you were just trying to help him.
With me, with his own feelings of loss and self-blame over the baby.
Then later with the proposal.
But at the time it felt like something else. I hated you for about a week.”

             
“I still hate you!” I whisper and a tear spills down my cheek as I speak the lie.

             
Bianca lets a few tears of her own slip over and she nods in understanding. “I know. I understand that.” She swallows hard and gives me a trembling smile. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for hurting you so badly.
And to thank you for helping Christian.
You were a great friend and I don’t deserve you.” A small sob escapes her.

             
The sound is my undoing and I pull her into my arms. “Bee…”

             
She shudders and holds onto me like I am her life line.
“Oh God, Kari.
I don’t know how I am going to live without you as my best friend. I know that I have destroyed everything but please…Please, Kari! Give me another chance. I need you in my li
fe as much as I need Christian.”

             
“Shut up, Bee.” I mutter against her hair as I hug her closer. “You know I can never give you up.”

             
She stills and pulls back enough to meet my eyes. A look of pure hope lights her ice blue eyes. “Kari..? You forgive me?”

             
“No.” I shake my head and her face drops again. It was going to take a lot more than just an explanation to get me over this. “But give me time and I’m sure we can put it behind us. Until then we can just take it one day at a time.”

             
She buries her face in my hair. “I…You mean so much to me Kari. You are my best friend, my sister.”

             
Throats clearing cause us to raise our heads and
we
look up to find Christian and Keith standing a few feet away. Christian had a small smile on his handsome face, while Keith…He just looked lost. But one emotional scene is all I can face for now. I step back from my bestie.

             
“I want to go to bed.” I push my tangled blond hair out of my eyes. The area on my scalp that had been shaved had not been as bad as I had first thought and my hair was so long and thick that it cover
s
the
bald area easily. “It’s been a really long day.”

             
Bianca gives me a wobbly smile and nods. “Okay…Call me tomorrow?”

             
“Yes.” I promise. “I will call you, Bee.”

             
A noise wakes me.

             
I sit up in bed, listening intently, while the clock on my night stand tells me it is just after three in the morning. I am just beginning to relax when I hear it again. My heart catches and I toss back my covers.

             
I don’t hesitate as I rush from my room and into the one beside of it. Keith. There is something wrong with Keith. That is all I can think as I enter his room and run to his bedside without turning on the light.

             
He is
laying
on his stomach and his entire body is shaking. The most heart wrenching noises are coming from him and for a split second I have this feeling that I have heard them before. But I push the thought away as I touch his shoulder.

             
He jerks and his head snaps up. Tears are pouring down his handsome face and his body his practically dry heaving from his continued sobs. The only light in the room is that of the full moon shining through his open blinds
, b
ut I can still see the surprise on his face. “Kari?” He whispers my name brokenly.

             
With a trembling hand I brush away a few of his tears. “It’s me. I’m here.” I murmur. “Are you okay?”

             
“I’ve lost you. I will never be okay again.” He turns on his back and tosses an arm over his wet eyes. “I have nothing.”

             
I sit on the edge of his bed. “Why do you say that?” I whisper.

             
“I didn’t have enough trust in you and your love for me. I destroyed your feelings for me and made you hate me.” He scrubs at his eyes with his fist. “And I fear that I will never be able to get back what I threw away.”

             
I bite the inside of my cheek. He was wrong on so many levels. Nothing he ever did could ever destroy what I feel for him. He can shatter me into a million pieces but the truth is that each of those little pieces will always want to be his. But I am still hurting, still scared and confused. There are things that I need to hear him say, and I am not sure he can give that to me.
U
ntil he can do that I don’t think we can get back to where we were
before the accident.

             
“Do you want to know the thing that hurt the most?” I murmur as I sit there staring off into the darkness.
He doesn’t answer, but I know he is listening. “The whole time you and Bianca were tearing my heart out, telling me how you discovered that you were meant for each other…All I can see was that ring on her finger. When I was helping Christian find the right ring for Bee all I could think about was
that
ring. I knew you weren’t ready to make that kind of commitment. But it didn’t stop me from hoping and
wishing…” I swallow the knot of tears burning my throat. “And then I s
aw
it on
her
finger.
”

             
“Kari…” He sits up and reaches for my hand. “I’m sorry.
So sorry.
It was Bianca’s idea. I’m not trying to put all the blame off on her, because I could have said no. But a few days before the Gala she came to my office. She said she knew you were sneaking around with Christian. That his secretary had told her about all the time
s
you had gone to his office. His door man even told her you spent a few evenings in his apartment alone with him. I had suspected that something was going on, but I was so scared of losing you that I didn’t bring it up…”
             
He grimaces and shrugs. “But then she told me that she had seen you at a jewelry store the evening before and that you had on an engagement ring! Of course the night before you had cancelled our dinner plans and I lost it. I couldn’t see for a few minutes because of the rage and hurt and loss I
was feeling.”

             
Neither of us speaks for a long while. Him because he is lost in thought
,
and me…Well I am realizing that I was not completely innocent in this thing. I
had
been sneaking around behind Keith’s back. It might have been innocent enough but that didn’t excuse it. If it had been him doing all of those things I would have left. He ha
s
been stronger than I would have ever been!

             
“Bianca suggested we show you and Christian a little pay back. She said that we should pretend to be engaged. The ring was already in my pocket anyway, so I just gave it to her. And
her plan was put in motion.”

             
I bow my head, ashamed of myself. I should have talked to Keith, should have told him what was going on with Christian. If I had none of this would have ever happened…

             
My head snaps up and I meet his tormented green gaze. “What do you mean the ring was already in your pocket?” The one and only time I had ever seen it was when my mother had been showing me some of the Winthrop jewelry in the safe.