Shatter (11 page)

He released her nipple from his mouth. Lifted his head to tell her he was moving them into the bedroom, but she met his gaze, those stunning eyes all smoky and edgy in a way he hadn’t seen in so long that his voice caught in his throat.

She held his gaze, repositioned her shoulders square against the wall and made a languid, pushing roll with her body that made her rock, shoulders to hips. His cock pulled almost completely from her warmth, then slid back in with such excruciating languor, he couldn’t resist his body’s demand to thrust deep, embedding himself at her core.

Her eyes rolled back before they closed on a sound of exquisite pleasure. A sound that urged him toward that climax he’d been stalling. He slowly tested harder, deeper thrusts.

“God, yes,” dripped from her mouth with so much pleasure Mitch could taste it.

He struggled back to the moment. He wanted to be looking into her eyes when the pleasure overflowed. But her expression of bliss gave way to something more . . . uncomfortable . . . was the only word he could come up with to describe it—emotionally uncomfortable.

Her eyes closed. “Purge me from your system, Mitch.”

He pushed deep into her body and froze. The entire situation realigned in his mind as if someone had pressed a Reset button. They’d gone from the hottest first-step-toward-reunion lovemaking he could have ever imagined back to an angry get-it-out-of-your-system fuck.

Then he realized with cutting clarity that had never really changed. Only his perception had shifted . . . because . . . because when he’d realized she hadn’t been screwing around all this time . . . he’d thought . . .
maybe
. . .

God, he was
still
such a damned fool for her.

Mitch channeled his anger and hurt and years of disappointment into his next thrust, holding her tight and driving deep. Halina gasped, bowed backward. Her hands slipped from his hair and clawed to hold on to his shoulders. Even angry, it was good. Even disappointed, it was good. She was so tight and hot and wet . . . and losing himself inside her was
always
so damned fucking good.

“Oh, God,” she rasped, head lolling back, dark hair spilling into the air behind her, full breasts peaked and perfect.

“Is this what you want, Hali? All you want?”

“Yes. Perfect.” Breathing heavily, she opened her eyes but didn’t seem to have the strength to lift her head. “You . . . might finally . . . get rid of me, babe.”

He didn’t want to get rid of her now any more than he’d wanted to get rid of her then. Which was obviously going to become a real problem. But if a fuck was what she really wanted—a fuck was what she’d really get.

He moved to the vanity and set her ass on the edge. Slid his arms under her thighs and gripped her waist. She braced herself with bloodless fingertips tight over the lip of the counter and questioned him with those beautiful eyes.

“Hali,” he said, meeting her gaze, irritation scraping both his heart and his pride. “Don’t call me babe.”

Surprise flitted through her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak.

But Mitch didn’t want to hear it. He was done talking.

He pushed her legs wide with his forearms, purposely baring her. “Open up, baby,” he rasped, letting his gaze blatantly rake her tight sex, letting her see him study the sight of his cock gliding from her, glistening. “Give me room to work.”

“Mitch . . .”

The plea in her voice made his mouth turn, but all internal satisfaction had vanished. This was physical. And he was pretty damned sure the only thing keeping him hard was the erotic sight of her perfection, bare and swollen and slick as he slid slowly back in, pushing against the tightness until she had every last millimeter of him. Halina dropped her head back, eyes closed, lips parted, complete ecstasy washing her face.

Yes, that’s all she’d wanted. His cock deep inside her. His cock driving her to orgasm. Not
him
.

Fine. He’d give her that. As good as he could. She’d never forget him, that was for sure. If he could leave her with a memory strong enough to bring him up in her mind once in a while when she was with someone else, maybe even make her push around a few melancholy what-ifs . . . he’d take it. He’d sure as hell done his share of both.

He shut off his damn mind and let his body go. With his hands gripping the sink, Mitch found a rhythm. A harsh, hammering rhythm that pulsed thrill after thrill through his cock, his balls, his belly, his legs, his chest. Halina struggled to hold the counter edge and Mitch gained almost as much pleasure from that tiny thread of helplessness as he did from the sex. Which was wrong. But this was a fuck, nothing more. So he let his dark side revel.

He leaned over her, sucked the tip of her breast into his mouth, bit down, and raked his teeth over the flesh.

“Oh my God.” Halina’s walls clenched around his cock, creating even more pressure, more friction. She dropped her head against the mirror and arched, offering her breasts.

They were too wickedly decadent to resist. Mitch lowered his head to the other, flicked his tongue against the tip again and again until Halina whimpered, “Please . . .”

 

T
he low, drawn-out plea shot a dark streak of lust to Mitch’s cock and he drove into Halina harder. Grazed the flesh of her breast rougher, earning a cry from her open mouth, a deeper arch in her gorgeous body and a harder squeeze from her inner walls.

“Fuck, that’s good,” he murmured, licking at the red trail his teeth left behind before repeating the torture and thrusting deep to get the full effect of her grip on his cock.

“Ah . . .” Her cry filled him with triumph. Her need pumped power and victory into his blood. “Mitch . . . Mitch . . .” she said between pants. “Please . . . make me come. I need . . .”

Ah, shit.
The words sent a blistering shock of lust to his cock and totally screwed up his rhythm. He wiped the sweat from his brow with his bicep.

“Fucking . . . does not mean fast . . . Hali.” As if he could hold out. “But you’ve got me so twisted, I’ll give you a hard ride to the finish.”

He lifted her hips off the counter, took her hand from the edge, and closed her fingers around the towel bar on the wall beside her. Kissed her hard, sweeping his tongue through her mouth until they were both breathless, and whispered, “Hold on tight.”

Gripping her ass with both hands, Mitch pulled her into him while driving forward.

“Oh . . .” Halina’s head fell to the side. “Yes.”

Oh fuck
hell
yes. She was beyond gorgeous, face flushed, muscles tight, body undulating and thrusting to the rhythm he set. So open, so sexual with one arm stretched above her head to the bar, the other hand digging into his forearm.

Mitch added a bend in his knees and used all the strength in his thighs and ass to drive harder, deeper, lifting Halina and letting her fall back onto his shaft, her body weight adding force to each thrust in the most intense, mind-bending slam Mitch had ever experienced.

“God,” Halina cried, every muscle in her stunning body taut. “Mitch . . . God . . .”

Just another minute. He had to hold out just another—

She spasmed around him, gripping him so hard his throat closed. His control snapped. And the orgasm hit him like a tsunami—a wave that had appeared deceptively manageable until it crested into an uncontrollable monster and crashed. The first orgasm exploded at the center of his body and blasted through him.

Her walls continued to squeeze and suck at his cock, drawing him back into a vortex of repeat orgasms where he never quite came down from one before another built and peaked. Built and peaked. Built and peaked.

Until Halina’s body had finally relaxed. Then Mitch found every muscle wrung out, every brain cell wiped clean, and every emotion but raw ecstasy shoved way into the recesses of his mind.

Just before his legs gave, he locked his knees and swayed there, using her hold on the towel bar to keep them up.

“Don’t . . .” he rasped between breaths, “let go . . .”

Halina’s face rested against her bicep, her chest rocking with her own pants. “’Kay.”

The aftermath hit Mitch in continuous tingling ripples of contentment, relaxation, and pleasure. He couldn’t think, his mind like a downed prizefighter, struggling and stumbling back to the mat with every attempt to get to his feet. The sensations were indescribable. Body-wide. Excruciating perfection.

“Baby,” he barely slurred, “I think . . . that was a . . . multiple . . . record . . .”

He’d never had sex that good. In fact, he’d never had multiple orgasms with anyone other than Halina.

Too damn bad it was just a onetime fuck.

A shadow dimmed the sparkling aftermath. Disappointment, disillusionment, self-disgust. It all hovered, far too close. He needed to put space between them now that it was over. Before the emotions washed in. If he was close to her when that happened . . .

He forced the muscles in his legs to engage and hold him up, then gripped her waist to lift her from his half-hard erection. But she leaned forward, melting against him, draping her arms over his shoulders and pressing her face to his neck with a warm sigh across his skin.

The unexpected intimacy took a double-fisted grip on his heart. Soft, deep, intense emotions tightened his chest, and right on their tail, anxiety crawled in. He battled them all away.
Just enjoy the moment.
That’s all he had to focus on. And when he gathered her close, she slid into his arms willingly.

As hard as he fought to smother that little light deep inside him, it continued to glow—brighter with each moment she lay sated and content against him. He continued to remind himself not to think. Not to hope. Not to open.

“Are we going to stay like this all night?” she murmured, with no sign of objecting to the idea.

A smile broke across his face. He gritted his teeth and forced it away. “Nice idea, but I wouldn’t last more than a few minutes.”

She lifted her head and met his eyes. Hers were that smoky, satiated aqua he remembered well from their time together. Despite all his good intentions, the sight pulled an array of memories from his mind—all better left buried. She pressed a soft, slow kiss to his lips, whispered, “Thank you,” and dropped her head to his shoulder again.

Dual streams of hot and cold ran down his chest.
Thank you?
What the fuck . . . ? Yes, exactly that . . . a fuck. Thank you for the great fuck.

Nice.
Definitely time to untangle.

“Ready to move?” He didn’t wait for her answer before lifting her. And then immediately froze as an unfamiliar sensation encompassed his shaft. A very wet, very warm, very . . .
real
sensation.

“Oh . . .
shit
.” His gaze went distant. He’d forgotten. His stomach rolled with that hollow pre-puke ugliness. “Fuck, fuck,
fuck
.”

“What?” Her head came up, hand tightening on his shoulder as her gaze scanned the room then returned to his face, worried. “What’s wrong?”

Mitch turned to rest his back against the wall. He was suddenly sweating again, and this time not from pleasure. A tremble started in his arms and not from muscle fatigue.

What the hell was wrong with him? He’d never made this mistake. Ever.
Ever
. Not even when the woman swore up and down she was on birth control, had every negative STD test known to man, and showed him a negative AIDS screening. He always, always,
always
wore a condom.

With every woman.

For seven goddamned years.

“Mitch.” She pushed back and took his face in her hand, giving him a quirky little smile that made his heart fold. “Stop messing a—” She stopped when she saw his face. Her smile fell away, replaced by a deep frown. “What’s . . . ? Are you okay?”

“Hali . . .” He’d sworn he’d never say this to any woman. But this wasn’t any woman, this was Halina. Only, that didn’t make it okay. It would have been better than okay seven years ago. It would have been everything he’d ever wanted. Now, it wasn’t the least bit okay. Now, it was a catastrophe. And that killed him. Absolutely fucking killed him.

“What?” Halina said. “What is it?”

He licked his lips, hoped for a last-minute miracle, and looked her in the eye. “Hali, are you . . . using birth control?”

A fleeting second of confusion filled her eyes before the realization hit. And in that moment he knew the answer was no. Just as he’d thought. He’d known the answer before he’d even asked. But he’d had to ask.

“Fuck me.”
He closed his eyes and dropped his head back against the wall, but immediately lifted it again and met her gaze. “Hali, I’m so sorry. I don’t know . . . I’m
always
careful. I always, always—”

“Mitch,” she said softly. “Put me down.”

She pushed off his shoulders, and Mitch lifted her then set her down. As soon as her feet touched the floor, she turned for the door.

“Hali, hey, Halina.” He caught her by the waist and held on to her before she broke away and freaked out. He’d figured it out first, shouldn’t he get the first freak-out rights? “Wait. Let’s talk about this—”

“Mitch, I just need . . .” Her voice was breathy, unsteady. “Can I have just a minute to think? I need some space.”

If they were in a better situation, he would have ribbed her about using classic letdown lines and suggesting she come up with something more original, like, say,
“Oh, by the way, this is my husband, and we’re moving back to Russia . . .”

Now that was original.

“Halina, this might not be as terrible as it seems.” It took every ounce of second-rate Pollyanna in him to conjure this crap to keep her calm. And he loathed what was coming next. He never talked girl-stuff with women. The topic was off-limits. But he heard himself say, “Where are you in the month? I mean, when was your, you know, your period?”

Halina’s fingers dug into his biceps, her body still straining toward the door. If he released her, she’d spin like a top. Her throat rocked as she swallowed and a small self-deprecating smile turned her mouth. But when she looked up at Mitch, she clearly wasn’t happy or even relieved; the expression was ironic, cynical. “Exactly two weeks ago. And I’m as regular as a goddamned clock.” She huffed a breath that was probably meant to be a laugh. “I can’t even seem to handle something as simple as safe sex right.” She glanced up, her light eyes sparkling through her lashes, her expression swamped with regret. “I’m sorry. I . . . was obviously . . . carried away. Please, Mitch, give me a minute.”

She pushed back and out of his arms, disappearing into the bedroom.

Mitch stood there, his stomach a mix of fire and ice. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth as anger pushed in to smother hurt.

A million thoughts floated in his head like bubbles, totally random and illogical.

How would they possibly handle the logistics of sharing a child? She had abilities; did that mean their child would have them? If she fled to Russia, how would Mitch ever get the child back? Worse, could her family claim the baby as theirs? Hide the child, and Halina, from him?

Christ,
him
with a
kid
? The absurdity of it had to be the reason his chest felt like it was filled with champagne.

He put both hands to his head. “Stop. Relax. Jumping way the hell ahead of yourself here.”

He wandered to where his underwear lay on the floor and picked it up. He leaned against the sink and hung his head, trying to clear it. But visions of Halina filled his mind. Memories of that freaking mind-destructing sex made blood rush south.

What a damned idiot. He’d known fucking her wouldn’t get her out of his system. It had done just the opposite. He’d relapsed with one taste. Now he either had to go cold turkey, satisfying the never-ending craving with cut-rate substitutes, knowing he’d never find satisfaction, or become an addict again and risk having his source cut him off without warning, as she was prone to do.

Whose grand idea had sex been, anyway? He couldn’t remember now.

Not that it mattered. It was over. He needed to focus ahead. On disaster control.

He cleaned up and entered the bedroom. Halina lay on her side facing away from the bathroom, stroking Dex where he still slept beside her. She’d dressed in shorts and a T-shirt and her gorgeous legs drew Mitch’s gaze.

Reluctantly, he pulled his gaze from the smooth expanse of skin and stepped into his jeans. He tried to get a glimpse of her face to gauge her state of mind, but couldn’t because she was turned away.

Resigning himself to the fallout, he rounded the bed and sat on the edge, facing her. She sure as hell didn’t look like she’d just had deliriously great sex. She looked exhausted and worried, the way a woman on the run should look. And suddenly, it wasn’t just Halina’s life he had to worry about anymore, as if that wasn’t enough. Now he had a seed of possibility lodged in the back of his mind.

She cleared her throat and stared at Dex’s ear as she drew the fluffy thing between her fingers.

“I’m really sorry . . . I . . . that was really . . .” she said. “I don’t know what the hell happened to me . . . I just kinda . . .”

“Lost yourself?” he offered.

The fact that he could still do that to her thrilled him far too much. And he still found the sight of her flustered too freaking adorable, too.

She let out a breath, pressed her lips together, and shook her head. “Listen, beyond chalking it up to a thoughtless mistake, there’s really nothing to talk about yet. And we’ve got too much going on in today’s reality to be worried about the what-ifs of several months down the line.”

Mitch chuckled, relieved she hadn’t flipped and started ranting about options that would have crushed him. “
There’s
the logical, sensible Halina I remember. Reassuring to see signs of her.”

Halina lowered a brow at him, but the quirk of irritation immediately dissipated and her expression softened. “I’m exhausted, Mitch.” She closed her eyes. “Just give me a couple hours to sleep and I’ll try to answer some of your questions about . . . before, okay?”

The sex may have been only physical—for her—but it still seemed to have bridged some kind of gap between them if she was willing to talk to him. Which was good because there was something related to
today’s reality
and their lack of birth control they needed to discuss.

“Fine, but before you go to sleep there’s one thing . . .”