Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole, #3) (34 page)

Tristan untangled the dental floss—er…bathing suit from the rest of what she’d shoved at him, looked at it for a second and when she got about four feet away, he started laughing and called out, “Wait! You forgot your uniform!”

She turned around and as she walked backwards she answered, “I’ll wear
that
when Hell freezes over…
or
when you wear a tux, whichever comes first.” Then she stuck her tongue out at him and continued on towards the gym for her class.

“Well, that should make tonight even more interesting…” I said, watching Tristan put the goggles around his neck and shove the meager swimsuit into the pocket of his jacket.

“Indeed it should…” He replied with one of his trademark superior grins as we turned, and with our combined unscrupulous arrogance being blatantly declared in our swaggers, we headed towards class. Honestly, I was hearing the Imperial March from
Star Wars
in my head.

God, I
so
wanna be in the audience tonight…

Tale as old as time ~ Pete

“I can’t believe she agreed in the first place and actually got it finished in such a short time...” I said to Tristan as we were leaving Mia’s apartment.

I have to admit I found it a little funny that he insisted on bringing a witness. His rationale was that if it ever comes up and Camie asks, he had someone there who can vouch for what happened between them, which was essentially nothing. Well, other than the two of them using some pet names with each other that Camie might have a hard time with, and Mia agreeing whole heartedly that Camie doesn’t need to wear a bunch of makeup in the fashion show and her assurance to Tristan that she won’t overdo it later tonight when she gets Camie in her chair again for the show.

“Yeah, well, consider it a perk of having an insomniac friend with nimble fingers and a willingness to learn a new skill in under forty-eight hours. How do you think it looks?” He asked and carefully laid the garment bag down in the trunk of his car.

“Are you kidding? No one will have a clue…the workmanship on that thing is amazing,” I told him.

“Good. I think I’m gonna go home and practice with it a little more before I hunt Mike down to tell him what’s up…he’s gonna love this shit. Oh and I need to get a hold of Jillian too…I want her front and center with her goddamned video camera.”

“Why?” I asked while trying to keep myself focused on Tristan’s unusual request to be videoed and not the person he plans to have behind the camera. Not that I wouldn’t mind having her there, and I’m sure she’ll be there somewhere anyway, but I need to be careful. Tristan’s still more than preoccupied with the mess that is his life right now, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be picking up clear thoughts or images from me like he did the other day.

“Because if I’m gonna do this right, I won’t be able to see all of Camie’s reaction and that’s the only reason for me to do it at all, you know?”

“Oh yeah…I didn’t think about that. Huh. I won’t really get to see it from backstage either…that sucks. Maybe I’ll try to sneak out and watch in the audience… So what do you think her reaction is gonna be anyway?” I asked and made an innocuous mental note to ask Jillian to save a seat next to her for me.

“Honestly, I don’t have a clue. She’ll either get really pissed off and punch me right there on stage, find it hysterical and laugh, or stare at me and start drooling. I’m goin’ for one of the latter two…”

“I really like the fake tattoos,” I told him. We paid a visit to Gary right after school and he’d been more than gracious by using washable markers to draw what Tristan wanted instead of permanently marking up his body some more.

“Yeah, I thought it was a nice touch.”

“Oh hey, I forgot to ask the other day…how’d your doctor appointment go?”

“Well, let’s put it this way, I now know more about male anatomy than I care to know and subsequently, doctor office porn was relatively useless. However, thanks to my vivid imagination, I persevered and now also have something deeply personal in common with Walt Disney.”

“Huh?”

“Cryogenics, you asshat. Or, cryopreservation in this case…whatever. Apparently my age dictates the protocol and they convinced me to whack off into a cup so they could freeze my sperm in case I ever change my mind later in life.”

“No, I got that, but you know just as well as I do that Disney wasn’t actually frozen so I thought you were saying you and Walt were both perverted in some way by being turned on by Minnie Mouse or some shit.”

“What?!”

I couldn’t help it, I was cracking up. “Well, you were the one who said porn was useless and then you brought up your imagination and Disney…it’s just were my mind went, dude. I think I’ve spent too much time in your head over the years…”

“That’s fuckin’ sick, man, she’s a rodent…besides, Minnie is kind of a prude. I might do Daisy Duck though…she seems like she might be fun,” he said while cracking up with me.

“Are we really talking about this?”

“Yeah and I’d very much like to not be…but since we are, is it wrong that I honestly think Ariel’s totally hot and if she were real, I’d probably wanna stalk her?”

“Wrong, yes, but only because it makes you sorta narcissistic.”

“Explain…”

“Well, think about it. I mean, Ariel is you except she’s a girl and she’s a cartoon…she has a bit of a temper, she’s overwhelmingly curious, steadfast yet impulsive, she has no respect for society’s rules and she’s half fish…so of course you’re attracted to her but it basically makes you vain at the same time.”

“Huh. Good point.”

“Thanks, and as far as appearances go, I can agree with Ariel bein’ hot, although I have a thing for Rose. Or I guess her real name is Aurora.”

“Was she Sleeping Beauty?”

“Yeah. Aside from her looks though, I like that she’s practically steeped in mystery. Plus, anyone who lives sequestered with three bickering old women in a cottage deep in the forest and doesn’t end up insane or committing murder and or suicide is someone I wanna know. Not to mention her story is probably the most romantic of the princesses.” I almost let it slip that the mystery and her hair reminds me of Jillian. In fact, I uh…made Jillian’s alias on my phone Briar Rose. Yeah, go ahead and laugh, I deserve it.

“Yeah, I can see that. If I had to pick though, I’d probably go with Belle…she had a brain and was the only one who didn’t pretend to be something she wasn’t or hide who she was, and she wasn’t really pushy either. I mean, yeah, she stood up for herself and got in The Beast’s face sometimes, but that was just her bein’ her and part of what he loved about her. You know, she wasn’t putting on an
act
just to get something out of him. In fact neither she nor The Beast were expecting to fall in love…it just happened.”

“Yeah, it was a truer love. And unlike all the other stories, it happened over time too…I mean sure, as a viewer you know they’re meant to be together right from the start, but they didn’t. They got to know each other before they declared their undying love, and what they went through, barring the talking furniture of course, was more real. You know, out of all those stories that one and Sleeping Beauty are the only ones I can think of where the main characters weren’t lying to each other…everyone else’s love story was based on deceit and coercion. I mean, even though Prince Phillip and Aurora were betrothed, neither of them knew they were betrothed to
each other
when they met in the forest and fell for one another. Actually, Aurora didn’t know shit about it and Phillip was totally prepared to go against his parents’ wishes and not marry the princess he didn’t know so he could be with the girl of non-royal blood who he loved.”

“While I agree with most of that, you’re wrong on one point…The Beast was keeping the secret of how he got transformed and what would change him back…which was loving someone and earning her love in return. His entire staff knew the secret too, but they kept it from Belle and so did he.”

“True, but if they’d told her, it wouldn’t have been genuine on her part, it would’ve been forced or more like pity maybe, and go back to what you said before…neither of them were expecting to fall in love, it just happened. Because if you’ll remember, the whole reason he was turned into a creature in the first place was because the Enchantress saw that he had no love in his heart, and in my mind, The Beast believed that. He honestly didn’t think he’d ever love anything because it wasn’t in him.”

“Until she showed up and taught him how.”

“Exactly. And, in the beginning he didn’t think she could love him because of his anger issues and what he looked like and stuff so he was just himself, and when he realized he truly loved her and put her first, she ended up loving him for it and for who he really was on the inside despite the frightful ugliness of the monster he appeared to be and she came back to him.”

“Correct. So The Beast basically let her go because he loved her enough to wanna see her happy even if that meant he couldn’t have her,
and
he was willing to die for her even if she didn’t love him back…and Belle loved The Beast even though he was a monster and she ended up saving him from himself and a life of misery and regret without her…”

“Right. Wait. What the hell are we talking about?” This whole time I thought we were talking about what made Beauty and the Beast a truer love story, but all of a sudden, I don’t think that’s quite it anymore.

“Uh…the intricate plot and overriding theme of Beauty and the Beast?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re right…word of this doesn’t ever leave this car.”

Huh. Maybe it was just my imagination but, I’d swear for a minute there he was comparing himself and Camie to The Beast and Belle.

And no, it’s not at all creepy that I know all about the Disney princesses…I do have two sisters you know.

You
will
be assimilated ~ Jeff

(Oh wait, that’s Star Trek not Star Wars. Sorry, my bad.)

“Okay, you’re good to go,” I told Tristan in a dressing room Friday night shortly before the swimwear segment of the fashion show.

“Cool, thanks,” he said and blew out a breath. I watched him for a minute as he tucked his earbuds in and turned his iPod on. Then as Kid Rock began chuckling all, well…all cocky-like as the song “Cocky” started, Tristan rolled his head and shoulders, loosened up his muscles and began getting his blood flowing, and it was clear he was working up some pretty massive adrenaline in the process. He was going through an abbreviated version of what he does every time he’s about to compete…he’s putting his game face on.

It felt odd that I wasn’t doing something similar though. We don’t gear up in the exact same way, but we’ve almost always done it at the same time so I’ve never really paid much attention to him when he does, but watching him do it right now, I can completely understand where his opponents might feel the slightest bit intimidated. And in my eyes, what he’s wearing only adds to his menacing appearance. I motioned to tell him I was leaving, and got an icy, steel-hard, penetrating glare in return that honestly almost made me shiver.

Jesus, my best friend is one scary-intense motherfucker sometimes.

“Hey!” Katy whispered to me as I closed the door, making sure it was locked and because I was still sorta reflecting on what’s holed up in that dressing room, I jumped in surprise.

“Jesus, Katy, you scared the shit outta me!” I whispered back and then saw Pete head towards the back exit so I started to follow him.

“Oh, sorry…hey wait, where are you sneaking off to?”

“Uh, nowhere?”

“Uh-huh, right.”

“There’s no sneaking, I’m uhh, just catching up to Pete.”

“Babe, you’re a horrible liar.”

I took a deep breath and just told her the bare minimum while desperately trying to keep my eyes off the door to that dressing room, “Okay, fine. He and I are sneaking out to sit in the audience so we can watch the show.”

“Oh. Why do you guys wanna watch it in the audi—oh my God,” she said after following my eyes to the damned door and then turned around like she was on a mission.

“Oh no you don’t, you Rebel sympathizer!” I whisper-hollered and clapped a hand over her mouth, grabbing her around the waist at the same time to haul her back.

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” Zack asked in a hushed voice as he and Sasha came up to me and Katy who was struggling like mad to get free.

“Move along, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for…” I said, hoping Zack isn’t dense enough to not recognize one of the all-time greatest cult-classic lines from
Star Wars
and that he’d understand he’s to just go on about his business.

“Help me, Sasha, you’re my only hope! Tristan’s got something up his sleeve and Camie needs to be warned! Tell her Vader is back and the Force is strong with him this time and his storm troopers are everywhere…she’s walking into a trap set by the Sith Lor—” Katy managed to whisper-shout by licking my hand that was covering her mouth and taking full advantage of my automatic instinct to wipe it off.

Sasha’s eyes got huge and without question, she immediately turned around to do Katy’s bidding, but Zack grabbed onto her the same way I was holding Katy and as we carried the two of them to the back exit with us he said, “You might as well give up struggling. Your puny rebellion is no match for The Empire and you’re both coming with us to the Dark Side to be Imperial loyalists like all the cool kids.”

So, should I admit it now or just lie about the fact that with the help of
Star Wars
and kidnapping, Zack’s likeability factor just skyrocketed in my eyes?

It’s show time ~ Pete

Are you kidding me with this?

That was what I was thinking when I had to make room on the ground of the auditorium for Jeff and Zack along with their girlfriends who looked almost harassed. Jillian had tried to save me a seat, but the place was packed with family and non-fashion show students and when someone’s grandmother walked down the aisle, Jillian gave up her seat next to Tristan’s parents, so even she ended up sitting on the floor. But it wasn’t just the six of us who were camped out on the ground. Mike had told Kristen that something was up, not what it was, only that she’d wanna see it, and she’d told Rebecca and Tanya, and apparently Wayne had overheard Mike so when his sister and brother ousted him and his best friend/ex-girlfriend, Alicia, from their seats, they both decided to grab a piece of floor for themselves too. Gary had brought Joey who was being a typical restless one-year-old, but he was squirming around so much that Gary stopped trying to hold onto him as a means of preventing him from throwing an actual tantrum because he didn’t wanna sit there anymore, so Joey was playing amongst our little group as well. And then there were all the other kids who had to make do without a chair.