Shark Out of Water (2 page)

Again, the thought crossed his mind that this was all Sabine’s fault. Eli had been set up with a colleague named Lewis to take over the remaining date shark clients already on the schedule, until Lewis met Sabine. Guy knew his sister was beautiful. She was a European fashion model, after all. Could she not tone it down on occasion? Like when it might end up pushing her brother into being Chicago’s newest, not-so-willing date shark? Guy did not like the idea of what he was getting himself into, but Eli was his friend, and he would rather suffer through these strange dates than see him under undue stress and possibly damage his relationship with Leila. There were very few people Guy was willing to make such a sacrifice for, but Eli was one of them.

“This client’s issue is what?” Guy asked.

Hedging, Eli said, “Why don’t you just wait and see?”

Great
, Guy thought.
That bad?
He settled back in his chair and sighed. Drinks had been ordered, and appetizers were being contemplated by the time a commotion at the front desk brought the already frazzled maître‘d, tripping in her six inch heels, to cut off a woman carrying the largest purse Guy had ever seen.

“Mr. Walsh, Mr., uh, Guy,” the maître‘d said, apparently not wanting to make a second attempt at his last name. “Your third guest has arrived. I tried to tell her…”

Standing slowly, Eli tried not to let his embarrassment show, but Guy knew him too well to be deceived. He faced the weary maître‘d and said, “It’s okay, Lauren. I’ll handle it from here.”

“But, but she…”

“I already spoke to Conrad about it.”

Lauren’s shoulders dropped and her hands flapped against her body, defeated. She simply turned and walked away after that. Guy was tempted to do the same. What did the purse hold? Should he be concerned?

“Deliah,” Eli said politely, “thank you for coming, though I believe we already had a discussion about the insects.”

Insects?
Guy thought, his stomach turning involuntarily.
He could not be serious, could he? Surely she did not….
Oh, but she did. Guy watched with a strange mixture of horror and fascination as Deliah carefully began pulling variously sized boxes out of her bag and setting them on the table. The tarantula was not so bad, but the hundreds of meal worms wriggling against each other and the giant black and red centipede thing had both Guy and Eli squirming and scooting away from the table.

“I know what you said, Mr. Walsh, but how could I leave them at home? Mortimer escaped and tried to eat everything the last time I left them alone,” Deliah said, as if that excuse made it acceptable to bring a possible infestation to a restaurant.

“Mortimer?” Guy asked, barely managing to get out the words without gagging.

“Mortimer,” Deliah said, “is my python.”

She looked at him expectantly. Guy was not sure if she was waiting on him for a response of some kind, or confirmation that she was not in the wrong, but there was no chance of either from Guy. This woman had some serious issues. How did Eli expect to fix her?

“Deliah, why don’t you take a look at the menu?” Eli said more calmly. “The waitress will be returning to take our orders shortly.”

“Oh! Of course. I just had one more…”

Guy and Eli were not the only ones to jump back in surprise when Deliah pulled out a caged bee the size of her palm.

“Bordel de merde!”
Guy exclaimed at the sight of it. Even in a cage, the thing had him scrambling out of his chair. “What is that?”

“A Japanese giant hornet,” Deliah explained happily.

She seemed completely oblivious to Guy’s discomfort and Eli’s head in his hands. She held the cage closer to Guy, and it took everything he had not to bat it out of her hand. Only fear of the lid springing off when it hit the ground and the bee coming after him kept him from lashing out. That and the fact that he was quite allergic to bees and preferred not to end the night in the Emergency Room.

Holding his tongue was not so easy, though. “Put that…”

“Deliah,” Eli interrupted before another round of French curses spilled out of Guy’s mouth. “We have already discussed how your insect collection might make other people uncomfortable. Guy has a severe allergy to bees, and whether or not that translates to Japanese giant hornets, he is not comfortable having it thrust in his face.”

For a moment, Deliah just stood there, holding the trapped monstrosity out in front of Guy. Her brows scrunched together, possibly trying to figure out why her bug collection would upset anyone. She clearly did not think it as repulsive as everyone else did. Eventually, she shrugged and set the plastic cage down on the side of the table furthest from Guy. She managed to find her seat shortly after. Both she and Eli moved on from the incident as if nothing had happened. Guy supposed that in Deliah’s mind, nothing had. Eli was simply a better actor than he.

“
Sauve-moi
,” Guy muttered under his breath. He knew no one was going to save him, though. Not this time.

Chapter 2

Une Vieile Amie

“So how was the date shark thing last night?” Carmody asked as she sat down.

Guy frowned at her. “I thought we were having a French lesson this morning?”

Carmody rolled her eyes. “I don’t even know how to say
shark
in French.”

“
Requin
.”

“
Requin
,” she repeated dutifully. “So, how’d it go?” Before Guy could say anything, she pointed a finger at him menacingly. “Don’t you dare tell me to say it in French! We’ll continue the lesson later. I want a rundown, first, and it’ll take me all day to get the deets if I have to do it in French.”

“You should really be better at this, no? We’ve been doing this for how long now?” Guy teased. He and Carmody had met in French class their sophomore year at university. For Guy, the class had been an easy “A,” but for Carmody, well, even with Guy’s tutoring, she barely managed a passing grade.

“
Tais-toi
,” Carmody snapped. When Guy laughed at her, she only smirked. “I can tell you to shut up in French, and I know how to order coffee. What else do I really need to know?”

Guy shook his head at her. When she set her precious cup of coffee down and folded her hand under her chin, he knew she was not going to let up. He and Carmody had never dated, but the sibling-like relationship they had developed over the years meant Carmody knew him well enough to push his buttons. She would weasel it out of him eventually, and he really did not feel like arguing with her about it that morning. Sighing, he gave in. “It was very strange, to say the least. The client brought
insects
.”

Scrunching up her face in disgust, Carmody said. “Bugs? Like, she had lice or something?”

“Lice?” Guy questioned. He knew the word from university, but he could not remember the translation.

“
Poux
,” Carmody supplied. “You know, the little bugs that live in people’s and animal’s hair. It spreads really easy.” She shivered and immediately started itching her scalp just contemplating it.

“You know the word for lice, but not shark?” Guy asked, head tilted to one side in curiosity. She just shrugged. Guy found himself scratching at his hair as well and pulled his hand away. “No, not lice. Just regular bugs. Very big bugs. She brought them in little boxes, like, uh…exhibits.”

“Exhibits?” Carmody questioned. “You mean little plastic terrariums?”

“
Oui
,” Guy nodded, “
merci
.”

“What did she do with them?”

“She made us…eat—”

Carmody’s eyes doubled in size, and she was unable to keep from interrupting. “Eat them? She made you eat her bugs?”

“You did not let me finish,” Guy snapped. “She made us eat dinner
with
them on the table. Disgusting, no?”

Shivering at the very idea, Carmody agreed wholeheartedly. “Are they all like that?”

Guy could only shrug. Eli promised she was one of the worst, but Guy doubted his friend’s honesty at that point. How good of friends were they truly if he made him sit through that? Guy shook his head again.

Not wanting to talk about the previous night any longer, Guy changed the subject, hoping it would distract Carmody. “How is
Michel
?”

Her eyes narrowed at him. “You know how much he hates the French version of his name. It sounds like you’re calling him Michelle, which is a woman’s name here.”

Feeling sufficiently hypocritical after his frustration with the maître‘d the previous night, Guy apologized and tried again. “How is
My-kel
?” He knew he was still not pronouncing her husband’s name quite right, but he always had trouble with the harsh consonants.

“Michael is great,” Carmody said with a smile. “We’re planning a trip for our fifth wedding anniversary in a few months.”

“That is wonderful. You both deserve a holiday,” Guy said with a smile.

“Lily is still over the moon about the Dora camping set you gave her for her birthday, by the way. She wants to sleep in it every night,” Carmody said with a laugh.

The image of Carmody and Michael trying to tuck their three-year-old daughter into bed inside a miniature tent every night made him smile. “I am glad she likes it.”

“She’s insisting you come over and camp with her. I tried to tell her I didn’t think you’d fit, but she’s positive you will.” Chuckling at the image, she shook her head.

Guy was laughing as well. The tent he had bought his God-daughter was barely large enough for a toddler. There was no way he would ever fit inside of it, but he could not resist Lily. “Perhaps she would settle for me reading her a story while
she
sits inside her tent, yes?”

“I’m sure she’d love that,” Carmody said with a smile.

Since moving to the United States, Guy had not been able to see his family more than a few times a year. When it came to his parents, he loved them very much, but their constant disapproval of his choices made wanting to go home a constant battle. With his sister, Sabine, it was different. They had always been close as children, and he missed seeing her regularly. Guy supposed that was why he and Carmody had become friends. Though her mocha skin and dark curly hair made her look nothing like his sister, she treated him as a brother, and he had missed that very much after moving away from home.

“How is India
?
” Carmody asked.

Guy shrugged noncommittally at the mention of the woman he had been dating on and off for the past few weeks. “India is fine, I suppose.”

Sighing in disappointment, Carmody folded her arms across her chest in a rather motherly manner. “You broke up with her, didn’t you?”

“It was not as if we were really a couple. We went out now and again.”

“But you told her you didn’t want to see her anymore, didn’t you?” When Guy did not immediately respond, she shook her head at him. “What’s the reason this time? India wasn’t half bad.”

“Liar,” Guy said, “you never liked her.”

“So, maybe I thought she was idiotic. I still can’t believe you already broke up with her, or whatever you want to call it. You’d only been going out for three weeks. What did she do, ask you to pick her up from the airport?” Carmody asked in mock horror.

Instantly defensive, Guy crossed his arms over his chest. “She asked me to cat babysit.”

“Cat sit,” Carmody corrected. “What’s so terrible about that? Are you allergic?”

“No, but it would have been very inconvenient.”

Carmody threw her hands up. “Heaven forbid anyone might inconvenience the great Guy Saint Laurent!” She tossed a wadded up napkin at him. “One of these days you’re going to have to actually make a compromise with someone you care about.”

For the briefest moment, Charlotte unexpectedly popped into his head again. The expression on her face when she first looked at him struck him once again. She had shaken it off almost immediately, but something about it unsettled him. Shaking away thoughts of such a random encounter, Guy smirked at his friend, instead.

“I make compromises for you every morning. I could be sleeping in right now, getting my… beauty rest. Is that the expression American women love to use?”

Carmody snorted, almost spitting out the coffee she just sipped. “Beauty rest? That is definitely something you don’t need any more of. Half the women in the coffee shop are staring at you right now. If your blonde hair, green eyes, and killer smile get any more damn attractive, they’ll be lining up to buy you coffee every morning and my French will never improve.”

Laughing, Guy sat back in his chair. He and Michael both knew Carmody had zero romantic interest in him, nor Guy in her, but he enjoyed teasing her about it. “Does your husband know you talk to me in such a way?”

“Michael is very secure in both my love for him and his manhood. He’s big enough to admit you’re a good looking guy, and he knows our relationship has never been about that.”

“Michael thinks I am
séduisant
?” Guy asked, rather perplexed.

Carmody set her cup back down to avoid spilling its contents as she laughed at Guy. He stared at her, even more confused. When Carmody finally got her hysteria under control, she said, “Seductive? No, Michael doesn’t find you seductive. Poor word choice, that one. He does agree that you are a tempting piece of meat for just about every female in Chicago.”

“Oh, well, fine.” Embarrassed, Guy adjusted his watch. He had been living in the United States since his freshman year at university, and had studied English all through primary and secondary school, but sometimes he still managed to baffle himself and others when it came to interpreting certain words and ideas.

Reaching across the table, Carmody patted his arm reassuringly. “Hey, Mr. Pouty, I really am sorry about India.”

Guy shrugged. He truly was not particularly broken up about it. He and India had fun together, but there had never been any real connection between them. From a young age, Guy had been taught by his parents that sacrifice and favors were to be reserved for close friends and family. Giving too much, too willingly, was perceived as weakness, a man easily swayed to do the will of others. Guy could easily imagine his father’s disappoint if he had agreed to care for India’s cat.

“What’s your deal, anyway?” Carmody asked. “I’d say you were commitment-phobic or something, but I don’t think that’s it.”

“Commitment-phobic?” Guy challenged.

Rolling her eyes again, Carmody said, “I don’t know the technical term, but I’m sure you do. Answer the question,
secousse
.”

Guy chuckled. “Wrong form of
jerk
, unless you want me to shake you back and forth a few times. I think you meant
salaud
.”

“Whatever.” She scrunched her whole face up at him. “Answer the question.”

He supposed she thought there was something very wrong with him, but she was going to be disappointed. His parents were happily married. He had never been mistreated or abused. No deep emotional scars to speak of. It was more a matter of logic. Guy and his parents were often at odds, but on this they agreed.

“I just don’t see the point in two people losing who they are, and their freedom, just so they can be together.”

Carmody stared at him. “That’s literally the stupidest thing you’ve ever said, in French or English.”

“In order to compromise, each person must give something up.”

“Yeah, but they gain something in return.”

“The gain is rarely worth the loss.”

Shaking her head, Carmody pinned him with a serious stare. “What were you going to lose by watching India’s cat?”

In all honesty, Guy could not really come up with a valid excuse. Other than a few minutes taken out of his day to make sure the animal was fed and watered, he would have lost nothing. The standard answer Guy had given Carmody was one he used any time his relationship skills were challenged. He believed it, in part, but there was more too his casual attitude toward dating. Sighing, Guy was forced to be honest.

“It was not even about the cat so much as misleading her. If I did such a thing for her, she would assume there was more to our relationship than there really was.”

In his defense, once he explained his refusal and why he thought they should stop seeing each other, India had not argued. Perhaps she did not argue only because she thought he was a jerk, but she had not been overly upset. That was hardly the case every time Guy broke up with a woman, but India, at least, seemed to follow his logic. Carmody did not.

Rolling her eyes yet again, Carmody countered with, “So, you can’t just do something nice for someone you’re not bosom buddies with? Guy, that’s ridiculous.”

“It is not ridiculous at all. If I had watched the cat and continued to see India, she would have assumed there was a future between us. There was not.”

“How do you know that?”

Guy shrugged. “I would have been willing to watch her cat if there had been.”

“How is it that you’re a shrink and yet you’re completely hopeless in this?” She shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. Apparently, she was not done just yet. Looking at him squarely, she asked, “How do you say selfish prick in French?”

“Finally! We are getting to the French lesson now?” Guy said.

Carmody smirked at him. “One of these days, you’re finally going to find someone who’s worth giving something up for, and when you do, you’ll be amazed at what you’re willing to sacrifice just to keep them in your life.”

“I seriously doubt that,” Guy argued.

He was not against the idea of marriage and family, but giving up everything for something so uncertain did not make sense to him. Guy had survived growing up as the son of a very wealthy and influential man by mastering the art of protecting himself from those who sought to use their family for personal gain. He saw no point in risking opening himself up to someone only to be disappointed in the end. The only compromises worth making were ones with a sure outcome, and relationships were never sure.