Shark Bait (The Grab Your Pole Series) (18 page)

“Grow up?! I’m plenty grown up! In fact, if it wasn’t for me and my extremely mature handling of our flat tire last weekend, Tristan and I would be dead right now,” Jeff declared.

Kate rolled her eyes. “Gimme a break, babe, it was just a flat tire…”

“Oh that’s what you think, but I’ll have you know that it wasn’t
just
a flat tire…it was a full blowout
and
it was on the freeway no less!” He exclaimed, waving a finger in the air dramatically to illustrate his point.

“Yeah, but still…it’s not like a flat or even a blowout is that big of a deal.”

“Well, wait…that can be kinda dangerous, Kate, I mean even without a flat, aren’t a lot of Jeeps prone to tipping?” I asked, happy to be able to participate in a conversation and not sound like I had no clue about what was being discussed.

Jeff’s eyes lighted on me and with a mischievous grin and a flourish, he grabbed the bottle out of Pete’s hand and refilled my cup with more bubbling champagne. “Ah, yes indeed they are, my young Padawan learner… So you see, without my lightning fast reflexes and superhuman strength, the death-defying feat of keeping all four wheels on the ground would’ve been nigh impossible. Thus I saved the lives of both myself, my apprentice here, and countless others on the road.”

Tristan snorted and scoffed. “And exactly how did you do that again?”

“Well, as you’ll remember, we were tooling along at a nice clip of speed—”

And thus began Jeff’s tall tale. This was also when Tristan leaned over to me and began his interjections with hilariously deadpanned amusement.

“We were at a stop light waiting to get on the freeway.”

“—and then suddenly! We heard an explosion that would make most men tremble in their shoes…not I however—”

“He screamed like a four year old girl.”

“—No, not I. I was a rock of steady calm and with amazing strength, I gripped the steering wheel—”

“He drank too much chocolate milk at the beach and his tummy hurt so I was driving.”

“—to regain control and kept the beast from toppling end over end, which would’ve of course killed us both instantly. Then immediately knowing the danger wasn’t over, I leapt from my seat and with stone and flint, I produced a blazing fire in which to divert the frightened civilians from the wreckage—”

“I hit the hazard lights.”

“—then I single handedly and with sheer brawny might, hefted the Jeep from the ground to replace the shredded remains of the tire with a new one—”

“His spare was flat too, so he called Triple A.”

“—Once that was accomplished with unheard of speed, I calmed my distraught and mechanically useless compatriot—”

“I laughed as he totally blew chunks. Oh and he doesn’t know a socket wrench from a fuckin’ coat hanger.”

“—Then I discovered the beastly Jeep wouldn’t come to life, but never fear! I applied my knowledge and skill to solve that as well and now here we are, alive and celebrating amongst our fellow countrymen and women! Huzzah!”

“He had Triple A tow us to my house so I could spend my Sunday working on his piece of shit Jeep.”

Jeff then looked at Tristan and whined like a petulant child. “She is
not
a piece of shit! You take that back!”

“She
is
a piece of shit, but only because you don’t take care of her and the only reason she’s running at all is because I do the maintenance…and you’re lucky I haven’t had to keep her together with JB Weld and fuckin’ duct tape, so you’re welcome!” Tristan told him with his eyebrows raised high, comically defying Jeff to deny any of what he’d said.

“You just can’t let me have anything, can you?” Jeff asked and threw a soapy beach ball at Tristan’s head, which he saw coming but didn’t make a single move to miss being hit with.

“I let you have Kate,
and
I let you beat me at chess,” Tristan replied while wiping the suds off his face.

“No you don’t!” Jeff laughingly accused Tristan.

“Yeah I did…remember that one time when you had strep throat?”

“Oh,
one
time and I was on my death bed… You know, one of these days, you’re gonna play the game with someone who’s gonna make you bleed and I’ll be there, buddy boy…oh yes, make no mistake... The king
will
fall and I’ll be there, rooting your opponent on.”

Next to me, I felt Tristan’s body tense but he just chuckled and simply said, “We’ll see…”

The whole dialogue was hysterical and I’d been giggling throughout most of it, but at that point—and I’m not exactly sure what it meant and as it would turn out, the whole thing would be forgotten—I noticed Kate staring intently at Jeff, like she maybe thought he wasn’t talking about Tristan losing a game, chess or otherwise. But then, like they’d planned it, both Tristan and Jeff splashed Kate in the face with bubbly water to first distract her, and then they each got one of her hands and feet and swung her so that she went flying into the pool. Including our host who was still wearing his clothes, many of the hot tub occupants joined Kate of their own volition and the evening’s frivolity pressed on.

Even more than Mike’s, the party was a ton of fun; I really didn’t want it to end, but end it must. However, for me, it didn’t end how I would’ve preferred it to. Not by a long shot in fact. All told, I had at least four beers and three-ish—maybe more?—glasses of champagne and by the end of the evening, I was
not
feeling well. I don’t think I was behaving all that different so I’m not sure if anyone could tell how pickled I was, but I will say this; I’m
so
relieved no one actually saw me throw up.

We’d gotten out of the hot tub and Pete had given us towels to dry off with; however I had dry clothes to put on, too, so I got Kate’s keys and went to get my bag out of her car by way of the back gate. I could tell it was gonna happen and there was no way I’d be able to make it to a bathroom, let alone wait in a line. With that in mind, I looked around to make sure the coast was clear, stepped up on the short, block wall that put my head higher than the side fence, and just as my insides decided they would prefer to be on the outside, I bent my head over the fence. It was ugly. I mean really, really hideous. And thus I buried my first “life experience skeleton.” I didn’t know it at the time, but I’d soon discover that I’m sort of a lousy crypt keeper...

I woke up at Kate’s Saturday morning with the most hellacious pounding in my head that made every sound feel like shards of glass were piercing my eyes.

“Oh my God…what in the name of all that is holy is that appalling sound?” I moaned as I rolled over and tried to sit up. When I did this, though, my stomach lurched. I wasn’t going to be sick again, but it was like my stomach was reminding me of what I’d put it through last night and it was
not
happy with me about it.

“The birds chirping their obnoxious good morning song,” Kate answered, a little too chipper for my state of being.

“Can’t you shoot them? Oh. No, don’t do that…I think the sound would put me in a coma,” I said miserably.

“You need some juice or breakfast, Camie,” Melissa suggested, already dressed and in the process of brushing out her gorgeous head of hair. Next to Jillian’s, I think Melissa’s hair is probably the longest and prettiest hair I’ve ever seen on a real-life person, and where Jillian’s extraordinarily long, blonde hair reminds me of Lady Godiva and her selfless bravery, Melissa’s flowing locks of deep mahogany lend her an air of soft spoken sensuality.

“NO. No food. Juice maybe, but my stomach doesn’t want solids.” I groaned at the thought.

“Well, on the bright side, last night went really well. You know he let you guys fall in, right? He totally had his balance, but made a snap decision to get you in the pool with him. I really admire his technique, you know?” Kate said, quietly giggling in an attempt to distract me from my abominable condition.

“I was wondering about that. I thought he was steady too, but then I just thought I pulled him off balance… You guys? Did I make a fool out of myself at any time last night?” I asked, trying to remember the details of my behavior through a thick haze of post-inebriated forgetfulness.

“No, I don’t think so,” Melissa answered. “You were pretty much yourself, maybe a little unsteady on your feet when we left, but not in a way anyone would think anything of. And by the way, the bathing suit thing was very well played. You completely blew his mind with that...I mean he totally didn’t know what to do! He kept looking around trying to make sure no one was watching you take your clothes off, and then he’d look back at you all conflicted and I’d swear there was a mighty battle being waged in his head. It was actually kinda painful to watch, poor guy.” She stuck her bottom lip out, displaying what was obviously false sympathy for Tristan’s predicament last night.

I got up slowly and went hunting for my stuff so I could get dressed. “Yeah, well, I didn’t actually plan any of that so maybe I’m just getting better at manipulation like he is. You know he actually sounded hurt when he accused me of putting on a show after having made him turn around in the bathroom last weekend. He didn’t deny keeping my clothes either, although he could’ve forgotten about them like I did, so I won’t count that.”

“Hey, I almost forgot...what was that text from Derek about? The only part I understood was why he called you shark bait.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot about that too. Actually, when you told me it was from Derek, I was hoping he’d be vague enough to provoke some kind of reaction from Tristan...that’s why I had you read it out loud. It worked; I just don’t know what his reaction meant...he totally went stock-still.” I shrugged, still not knowing what his reaction meant. “Anyway, Melissa, you’ll especially wanna hear what the text really meant. My cousin was answering a question I’d asked him earlier about my little sister, Jillian. Kate, you remember what I told you about her, right?”

Kate nodded.

“Well, on the way to the party last night, I sent Derek a text and asked him if Jillian had disappeared during the game and if so, for how long,” I said and looked at the two of them to see if they were picking it up.

I could see the wheels in Kate’s head spinning, but Melissa didn’t get it. “I don’t see the connection. I mean, I don’t know your sister so why would I be so interested in where she was during the game?”

“NO!!” Kate gasped; putting it all together quickly after Melissa’s question jogged her own hung-over memory. “But how in the world could she do it?”

“You see, Melissa, my twelve year old sister is a criminal mastermind, much in the same way as
Artemis Fowl
, just without the monetary funds to back her.”

“I still don’t get it,” she said, looking back and forth between Kate and me.

“Melissa, Jillian is responsible for the retribution put forth on Mark’s car,” I said simply.

“
What?
Why and
how
is that even possible?” She asked with disbelief ringing in her voice.

“Yeah. I can totally believe she
would
do it, but I don’t see
how
she could.”

“Well, you guys, Jill’s not your ordinary girl for one thing. She’s kind of a gear-head and actually enjoys working on things in the garage with my dad...she helps him with car stuff all the time. When my dad rotates the tires, he always lets her take ‘em off…I’ve seen her do it and she’s pretty quick.

“That whole thing last night reeked like something she’d do. I’d pointed Teresa out to her when we were in the parking lot before the game and also happened to tell her that Mark was the jerk who made fun of Paul that day. My sister took it upon herself to exact a little revenge.”

“Okay, but how did she get into the car to put the tires in there? And where did the shoe polish come from?” Kate asked with wide eyes.

“Oh, I’m sure she picked the car lock. I’m also pretty sure something like window markers or actual shoe polish would be a staple in her bag of tricks, along with a camera of some kind, a handheld telescope or binoculars, and other various pieces of spy equipment. I’m telling you guys…you do
not
wanna mess with my sister. You’ll come out the worse for wear every time.” Seriously, I wasn’t kidding about wanting to stay on her good side. If she uses her powers for good, she’s an exceedingly valuable asset, but if you’ve pricked her temper, she can be an unsurpassed menace.

Kate was shaking her head. “Wow, Camie. I don’t know what to say…that’s just shocking. It’s completely awesome of course, but still…shocking.”

“Well I love it! I can’t wait to meet her!” Melissa said enthusiastically.

“That’s all fine and good, but it might not be the best idea to encourage her. That little prank was nothing compared to what I’m sure she’s capable of and I’d hate to see someone get hurt or Jill get in trouble, although I doubt she’ll ever get caught at anything. In fact, I don’t think I’m even gonna mention that I know it was her. I will however, peek in her backpack to see if there’s any evidence. Who knows, maybe she kept a lug nut or something as a souvenir.” I started to giggle about that which, of course, made my head feel like it was going to split down the middle.

“Okay, so let’s talk about our plans for the rest of the weekend… Since we have Monday off for that teacher in-service thing, we should try to squeeze as much as we can in, don’t you think?” Kate asked, now prepared to move on after having accepted the unbelievable.

“I wish, but I can only go out tonight…my parents are co-chairing some charity event at their country club so I’m playing the dutiful daughter again all Sunday…” Melissa sighed, resigned and sounding somewhat melancholy.

“Aw, that stinks…but we’re all going to that bonfire at the beach tonight, right?” Kate again asked, walking into her bathroom.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m actually supposed to go down there today with Jill and my cousins...Derek promised to take all of us non-driving folk. I feel like a Mac truck plowed into me, though, so maybe I’ll just play tonight by ear, you know? If you don’t hear from me by like 5:00 or 5:30, call me.”

I really want to go because it sounds like a blast, but I do feel like garbage so I might take the night off. Even though things are progressing so well with Tristan and I don’t want to lose an opportunity, I might not be at the top of my game in time for tonight. So, we’ll see.