Shards of Us (5 page)

He smiles, but not rudely. "What's your name?"
he repeats.

"Oh
. Um, Crystal. I'm Crystal."

He cocks his head to the side for a minute, then nods slowly. "Crystal," he says quietly, like the word is sacred. "It's fitting," he says at last, looking up to meet my gaze. "It means you're clear and pure, like your soul is." Then, he reaches out a hand. "I'm
Sebastian."

I smile despite myself. "It's nice to meet you,
Sebastian," I say, and we shake hands like we're business acquaintances or something. And for once, when I say the words, I'm not lying.

"
I could say the same about you, Crystal," Sebastian says. "Now, tell me, what brings you here on a night like tonight?"

I take another sip of my drink. "Loneliness," I mutter. "What else?"

"Ah yes," he says. "I know a thing or two about loneliness myself."

"Oh yeah?" I say
, smiling a little. It's more of a challenge than an actual question. I can't imagine anyone this good-looking ever being lonely.

"Yes," he says. "I'm good at
… abandoning people. Things. Finding a way to push away anyone who gets close to me.

"
Drinks to that," I mutter, and we clink glasses.

We drink for a while
, just talking about things, the weather, what shows are on tomorrow, and all that jazz while I wait for Ash to finish her flirting so I can leave. Sebastian is the perfect gentleman. He orders me more drinks, but stops me at three, saying getting too drunk in a club can be dangerous, and I reluctantly agree.

Whenever he talks, I let myself get lost in his words, in the emotion behind them. I feel connected to him, somehow. I don't even know why. I just know that talking
to him makes my pulse pick up speed, makes my heart flutter a little, makes the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach go away, if only for a little while. Talking to him is an escape; Sebastian is an escape.

After a while,
Sebastian sighs, deep in thought. "This is going to sound stupid," he says at last.

I frown at him at first, not understanding what he means, but the curiosity quickly sinks in. "Tell me,
" I say. It isn't like I have anything else to do.

Sebastian
nods. "Okay. I have a, uh… proposition."

I narrow my eyes.
Oh hell, don't let him turn out to be a freak after all. "Proposition?"

"Yes." He clears his throat. "We're both lonely, right? We both know what it's like to lose everyone we care about. And now
… now it sounds like we both have no one left?"

"I'm following."

Sebastian pushes his drink aside, and locks eyes on mine. He really does have beautiful eyes. Strong and intense, no matter what. "So what if we came together and… used each other to feel less lonely?"

Music continues to thump all around
us, and the sound of laughter carries throughout the giant room. The whole place is stuffy and smells like beer and sweat, but with Sebastian, I feel sucked away into my own little world.

I snort. "So is this all part of your clever plan to get me into your bed so you can fuck me?" I don't mention that it's working.

Sebastian smiles vaguely. "I don't fuck, baby. I only fix your pain," he says, smooth as ever. There's a pause, and then he leans into me. His breath smells like some sort of weird mix between alcohol and mint. "So what'll it be?" he asks softly.

"Well, that depends. W
hat does this plan involve?" I say. I'm mostly joking. It's not like I'm going to agree to some sketchy-sounding plan with a random stranger. But still, something about Sebastian… pulls me in, I guess.

"It involves whatever you like," he says. "I get us a hotel room. You come every Wednesday night, and we spend the night kissing, touching, talking.
Whatever. We just stay there and we heal each other, heal our broken pasts."

I could laugh at the idea. In fact, if anyone but
Sebastian had just said that, I probably would have laughed. But something about Sebastian's words feel so honest and true, like he really doesn't care about sex; he just wants me. And I guess, based off of the tingling sensation he gives me, I want him too.

"No strings attached?" I ask at last. I can't believe I'm seriously considering this.
I must be a complete idiot.

He smiles. "Of course."
Then, "Meet me here tomorrow night so we can discuss further?"

I hesitate. "Okay," I finally say. It's not like I have anything left to lose in my life. A little adventure can't hurt. "I
… I'll see you around."

Sebastian
stands up and adjusts his coat. He smiles at me. "I'll see you around, too, angel," he coos.

I
laugh. "Did you just call me 'angel'?"

He nods.

"Why?"

Sebastian
doesn't look at me then. He just starts walking away, giving off more of his wonderful cologne scent. "Because you're an angel," he calls back at me after a minute. "An angel who is too far out of reach for me to ever really have."

I'm too stunned to ask what he means.

Chapter Five

I wake up to something warm and soft beneath me.
Everything is blurry and distant, and I feel myself stirring, feel the heat creep into my body, feel something conforming beneath me. A mattress, I decide it is. A bed. I'm in a bed.

I force myself to open my eyes. My skin is hot and sweaty, and I realize
immediately that I've been panting. A lot. My throat feels hoarse as I gulp in a breath, so strained and overused. I must have screamed a lot too.

And then there's only one word on my tongue:

Ash.

Ash could be dead.

My body starts shaking at the thought. Oh fuck oh fuck. What if she's dead? What if my only friend is dead? And for what? I can't even remember. I just remember people running up the stairs, gunfire everywhere, and then… Sebastian. Screaming at me. Telling me to save her from these men. I don't even know who they were. I don't know where I am. I don't know why any of what happened, happened.

I don't know anything.

I jolt up in bed, sweat covering my face, gasping for breath. Everything is dark around me, but if I squint I can make out my general surroundings. The bed is positioned at the end of a huge, domed hall, with marble walls and several pillars at the ends of the hall. A giant door stands to my right, leading to a room with a yellowish glow. A bathroom, maybe. There are no windows in the building, no obvious signs of escape. I squint and look around to see better.

The walls are covered in paintings of sorts, long and wispy and colorful, like expert hieroglyphs of sorts.
My bed is king sized, and the sheets are so soft and warm, and the frame behind me looks to be made of porcelain or something. Definitely not cheap, whatever it is. No one else appears to be in the hall, though. Besides the creaking of the heater below me, there is not a sound in the whole place.

I take in another breath. The air is thick and smells almost like soap. Odd, I find myself thinking. Behind me sits a small dinner table, with two chairs tucked in. Empty plates sit on the
edge of the wooden frame, as if waiting to be used. And then, at the end of the hall, I see a door. It's small and dark, almost indistinguishable against the pitch black room, but my eye latches onto it right away and doesn't let go.

Quietly, I slip out of the sheets, and gently touch my bare feet to the cool marble floor. I take a step forward. Pain jolts through me. My legs are stiff and my muscles feel totally sore, like I'd just run a marathon and don't even remember it. Gritting my teeth, I take another step, then another, then another
, fighting through the pain. My heart thrums in my chest as I approach the door, and I try to walk in rhythm to it,
step, beat, step, beat, step, beat.
My whole body is throbbing by the time I reach the door, but I don't even care. I walk toward it hungrily, reaching out my arm to the handle. I can see yellow light slipping out from the small crack beneath it, and it's the most beautiful sight in the world. I know I need to get out of here, wherever here is. I know that after what happened last night, I am not safe.

Finally, once I stumble over to the
door, I reach out a trembling hand, wrap it around the cool brass handle, and I try to turn it.

Nothing.

My heart stops.

I try again, harder this time.

Still nothing.

I hold my breath, the fear rushing in.

No no no no no. No! NO!

I feel sick again, feel hurt and broken and sick. I
try again and again, jostling the knob, desperately trying to get it to come apart, but nothing happens.

My stomach twists, and tears cloud my eyes.
This can't be happening. I can't be fucking trapped in here.

I jerk the knob some more, rip at it, desperately try to
jerk the door open, but that doesn't quite happen. Instead, the knob goes flying backward.

And just like that,
there's no way to get through.

I break into a sob, and I scream a little,
because I'm locked in a dark room and my best friend is nowhere to be seen and Sebastian almost murdered me and I don't know what's happening anymore. Not knowing what else to do, I helplessly pound on the door and beg to be let out. "SOMEONE HELP ME!" I scream at the top of my lungs, tears rushing down my face. My throat is still raw and hurt form before--whenever that was. "HELP ME! PLEASE! I'M TRAPPED!" I choke out more air and tears, feeling my heart hurt more and more, but no one comes. No one rescues me. I'm left here, all alone.

After a few minutes
, I slump to the ground, defeated. My body crumples up. I'm hurt and aching and I can barely see my own hands, and all I remember is the look in Sebastian's eyes when he told me to save Ash, the look of a true fear.

I loved him. I cared for him. I trusted him.

And look what he did.

He
… he knocked me unconscious. He held a gun to my head. 

I thought he wanted me too. But he
almost killed me… and now he's just gone. I don't know where he is. It occurs to me then that I don't even know where
I
am, or why I'm here, or even who brought me here. Was it Sebastian? Did he lock me up? Did he bring me here just so he could kill me like he killed those men?

And then another thought hits me: what if it wasn't
Sebastian who captured me? What if it was those men who he said were after him, the ones who would've given Ash something worse than death? What if they killed Sebastian and now they're here for me?

I bury my head in my hands. Oh god oh god. I can't die yet. I can't die. I take it back. I want my life. I want my
crappy job and annoying friend. I want my loneliness. Anything is better than this. My eyes feel hot and puffy from the tears, but I keep letting them slip out, tasting their bitter saltiness, the unmistakable feel of defeat.

I'm done.

It's over.

I'm locked in here with no food or water.

I am never going to get out alive.

The defeat rushes in quickly and painfully. I'm going to die here. I'm going to die alone and the dark. No one is here, no one is coming to save me. There is no way I'll make it.

I crumple up, crying harder, when I realize it. My throat is as dry as it is raw, but my hair and body feel clean and soft… I sit up suddenly.

My whole body is
clean
. I smell like soap--that's what I was smelling! My hair feels newly wet and my skin is cool and relaxed, like I'd just gotten out of the shower.

But I didn't take a shower.

Then, I look down. I realize I'm wearing a dress. Not just any dress, but the black dress I didn't wear the night of what happened to Ash. My heart pounds faster. I feel for my lips. I'm wearing lipstick again too, but there's no way my lipstick stayed intact the whole night. Which means…

Someone showered and dressed me.

The thought makes my stomach churn and more tears come to my eyes. There's only one reason I can think of for someone to dress me like this, and the result is not pretty.

My body quivers. I don't know what's happening. I don't know why I'm here. All I kn
ow is that I just want to leave, with my life intact.

I haven't felt this hopeless in two years.

Chapter
Six

I wake up to the sound of the shower running. My eyes shoot open right away.

A shower.

Someone
else is here.

I look aroun
d desperately for the sound as soon as I sit up in bed, until I finally pinpoint it as coming from the small bathroom off to the side I saw earlier. I stand up, but my legs still feel weak. I realize then that there's a blanket around me. I know for a fact I didn't leave it there. The room is cold, though, and the blanket feels nice and warm against my skin, as if whoever put it there was actually doing me a favor.

I throw the blanket off of me as soon as the thought crosses my mind.

I'm not an idiot. I know all about Stockholm Syndrome. It's sure as hell not happening to me.

So I stand up. My body is still shaking, but at least I can walk without stumbling now. I take one small step after another toward the open door and the sound of the shower, the cool tile making the toes on my bare feet curl. I try to breathe evenly, to open and close my eyes and focus on the light
streaming out of the bathroom, to do anything but let this fear that's clinging to me take over.

Someone is definitely
here, and that someone may be my one key to getting out of this place, whatever it is.

My head throbs as I make my way over, but I ignore it, focusing on each of my tiny steps
instead, on making sure I don't make a sound as I move across the room. Finally, I reach the wall beside the open door, and I stop, catch a breath. My heart is pounding again. I don't even know what I'm doing--I most certainly don't have a plan--but I know I need to get out of here. I can't be locked up like this. I can't be dead.

I have to go home. I have to tell the police what happened. I have to--

I look down, searching for anything to use as a weapon. I don't know who locked me up here, but I'm certain they're dangerous. My eyes lock on an empty plate left outside of the bathroom. I pick it up slowly, careful not to make a sound, and I inch along the wall until I'm just beside the open door where the yellow light pours out of.

I take a deep breath, holding up the plate
in attack position. The shower is still running, but I can't hear anyone in there. I hesitate. What if they overpower me? What if this gets me killed? What if it doesn't well?

I push away the thought immediately, because for all I know,
this is my only chance at freedom. It's now or never.

My heart races as I lift up the plate, turn into the op
en door, and charge the shower. I burst through the curtains, prepared to hit whoever over the head with the plate, but no one is there. The shower is empty.

My stomach
drops. My chest heaves. I take in one last defeated breath, and I'm about to collapse into the corner and cry some more, cry for being so stupid and foolish, when I hear the click of a gun behind me.

I whirl around, and e
very muscle in my body freezes at once.

A gun.

Trained on me.

My body has already started shaking
as I turn to see what is going on, praying whoever it is doesn't kill me in the process. What I find instead hurts more than anything in the world.

"
Care for a drink, angel?" Sebastian says in his usual singsong voice. The rage courses through me as soon as I meet his gaze. He is still wearing his business suit, his jaw newly-shaven, his grin huge and toothy. One hand holds a gun pointed at my head, while the other holds out a champagne glass for me.

Sebastian.

Sebastian is here.

He locked me up, and now he looks like he wants to kill me.

I want to scream. To cry. How could I be so fucking moronic? How could I fall for someone who would do this to me? How come once I feel even the slightest bit of happiness, it all goes to hell?

"Take it
," Sebastian says, moving the wine glass closer, but I refuse to take it. My hand whips out and before I know what's happening, I knock the glass out of his hand and it goes flying, smashing against the bathroom wall, shattering into a million pieces.

"That works too," he says, looking at the glass with amusement, but I'm not even listening. My whole body shakes.

"You bastard!" I scream despite myself, tears burning into my eyes. "I trusted you! And look what you do! You betray me!" My throat is still sore, but it feels good to let it all out, even if the only result is my voice breaking out into a fit of coughs.

Sebastian's
blue eyes are fiery and passionate at my words. "Betray you?" he roars. "I fucking
saved
you, angel!" He reaches out his free hand to grab my arm. I try to struggle out of his grip, but he's too strong and he doesn't let go. His eyes burn into mine, anger and intensity rushing out of him. "What do you think those men would have done to you if they caught you? Because let me tell you, they sure as hell wouldn't have let you off scot free. They were after you, angel! They were after both of us! I brought you here to save you!"

I shake my head slowly back and forth, not believing it. The trembles keep on coming. "There's no reason for them
to come after me," I whisper. This can't be real. None of this can be real. Sebastian would never do this to me. Sebastian would
never
lock me up like this.

He throws back his head, laughing angrily. "Oh but there is, my angel. Looks like you aren't so pure and innocent after all, huh?"

I keep on shaking my head. I don't know what else to do anymore. "No," I say, my voice cracking. "No.
No!
You didn't save me. You locked me up here. You… you left me here, no food, no water, no nothing." My head keeps hurting. I just want to cry again, but the tears refuse to come. It's like everything has been sucked out of me, like there is nothing left but this deep, nagging emptiness in the pit of my stomach.

Sebastian
's eyes burn with anger at that. He looks like he's on the verge of exploding as he pulls me up with his iron grip, bringing me into his arms. His voice is hot and passionate as he growls, "Did you not notice? I fed you. I gave you water. I
showered
you. I've been the perfect gentleman for the last two days, all because of you!" He drops his voice. "I never even touched you," he says, like he's whispering the darkest secret in the world.

My body
just keeps shaking. I open my mouth to protest, but he doesn't stop there. "And I didn't just lock you in here!" he screams. "I slept on the ground outside of the safe house. I let you have the bed and the blankets… I let you have all of it. Your own room. Your own security. Because I don't deserve the security. I don't deserve anything. But you do, angel. You deserve it all." His face is red from shouting, but there is a certain brokenness to it, a hurt I didn't expect, and it feels like all of the air is sucked out of me.

"Where--where is Ash?" I whisper,
not knowing what else to say. I try to breathe deeply, to stay strong and focus on Sebastian, even though all I really want to do is crumple up and cry. None of this makes any sense. None of this can ever be real.

He looks away like he's been slapped. His eyes focus on the barred window in the corner of the bathroom, and his jaw works like he's torn between saying something and not.

"Where?" I repeat, louder this time, but my voice continues to shake.

He sighs. Locks eyes with mine. His whole face is filled with something dark and pained, and he looks at me in that same apologetic way as he did the night of the kidnapping, his eyes burning holes into mine.
"She's dead," he says in a low voice, not looking away. "Ash is dead."

My heart shatters as soon as he says it. I feel frozen, feel my muscles tense up, feel every part of me hurting again. "What?" I whisper, a tear running down my cheek. Ash is dead. Ash is fucking dead. The one person left, the one person who supported me, is dead. And it's all because of him. "Why didn
’t you save her?" I say, louder this time. "Why didn't you fucking help her, Sebastian?"

He looks at me sadly, reaching out to hold me, but I step back, pressing myself against the wall. I think for a second that he's going to yank me back over to him, but he doesn't. He just stands there, watching me, his eyes looking more pained than ever.
"The men were already there," he says quietly. "It was too late. We had to leave, and I could only take one of you. It was you or her." His eyes are fixated on mine, but I just keep sobbing, shaking, praying this is all some elaborate nightmare. "I had to choose. And I chose you."

I start shaking my head back and forth. This can't be real. She can't be dead. He must be lying to me. I can't lose Ash too.

Slowly, he reaches out his thumb and touches it to my cheekbone, then drags it down beneath my mouth, then up and around it. "I never meant to hurt you," he growls, dropping his voice, his eyes still trained on mine. They're full of pain and apology, but I'm done seeing them. The anger surges back through me as I remember what he did to me, to Ash. My heart thuds in my chest, faster this time. "But you did hurt me. You locked me in here. You…. you got Ash killed! Get the fuck out of here. Get out of my life!" I scream through the tears.

He looks at me, deep and passionate, and nods
, but he doesn't yell back at me. He doesn't get into an argument. He just stands there, probing me, his body in front of mine. "If that's what you want, angel," he hisses at last, biting back the rage. Then he puts down the gun and walks away into the darkness.

I crumple up and cry for a second as he walks out of the bathroom, trying to make sense of everything going on.
It takes me a minute to regain my senses. But then I hear the click at the door, the door I couldn't open, and I realize he's the only way out.

Before I know what's happening,
I feel myself running to the door, to the little glimpse of light outside, of freedom. "Sebastian!" I scream, but the door is already creaking closed. "Sebastian!"

Once I reach the door,
it's fully shut. I start pounding on it, screaming and crying, desperately needing to get out of here. "Sebastian! Let me out, Sebastian! LET ME OUT!" Nothing. No sound but the reverberations of my scream through the room. "SEBASTIAN! PLEASE!"

I hold my breath as soon as I hear foo
tsteps coming back to the door. I wait for him to unlock it and let me go free. The footsteps stop directly in front of the door, and for a second, there's nothing but silence.

And then I hear his voice.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian says. "But I can't let you out. I have to save you."

My stomach twists
immediately. He starts walking away, and then I pound on the door harder, screaming through the rawness in my throat. "Let me out, Sebastian!" I say desperately. "LET ME OUT!"

I scream and scream until I can
’t scream anymore.

***

"Morning, angel." The next morning, I wake up to the sound of those two, quiet words, forgetting for a minute where I am and what happened, and just enjoying the sound of Sebastian's voice through my closed eyes. But then the night before floods back to me, and I shoot up, my eyes wild, knowing I have to get out of here before he kills or rapes me or whatever he plans to do to me.

Sebastian
sits down on the side of my bed as soon as I awake. I try to throw him off with a desperate flail of my arms, but he is too strong to be moved. I keep panicking though, desperately looking around for a weapon of some sort, for any way to protect myself. My heart is in my throat, but I find nothing of use.

Sebastian
has this bittersweet look on his eyes, almost like he's full of regret. "I made you breakfast, angel," he says softly, seeing my crazed expression. "You've been here a week now. You need to eat more." He holds up a plate of eggs and bacon for me. It smells delicious, and as much as I want to knock out of his hand, I know he's right and I
do
need to eat something. I take the plate gingerly, glaring at him the whole time. He gives me an apologetic smile as he hands me a glass of water next.

"How are you today?" he asks after a minute, once I've taken a slow sip of my water and started on the breakfast. From the dark circles under his eyes, he looks tired, like he hasn't slept in days. It occurs to me then that maybe he
, in fact, hasn't. Maybe he has spent the last week waiting for whoever is after us, according to him. Maybe he's spent it protecting me.

I push the thought away immediately. I'm not an idiot. I know that was just a lie to make me feel safe
r, until he can do… whatever it is he wants.

I don't answer
Sebastian right away. I just keep clenching and unclenching my fists, hoping for a way to get out of here safely. Eventually, I move to eat my breakfast, and I hate how much I enjoy it. Sebastian can cook, I'll give him that. I almost want to spit the egg on his face after all he's done to me and Ash, but I'm too hungry to give up any food, so I just keep eating.

Finally, I meet
Sebastian's gaze. His eyes look so innocent and well-meaning it makes me want to scream. I hate how safe he makes me feel, even after he locked me up like this.