Shards of Us (19 page)

"But remember, his son
deserved
to die," Mom adds. I turn to her. Her voice is sharp and condescending, and her eyes are filled with annoyance as she places her wine on the table beside her. "I'm telling you, Crystal, we did nothing wrong. Look at all those men he killed. Look at all the bad things he did. Look at what he could've done as Marco's successor to our rival cartel. We helped people, Crystal. Don't forget that. We helped people because we killed his son, and so he needed to die."

My whole body is shaking. I can't believe this. I can't believe any of this.

My parents are still alive.

My parents work for a cartel.

My parents are
murderers
and they don't even regret it. Not like Sebastian does.

"
Why do you get to decide if someone deserves to die?" I whisper. The rage keeps on boiling inside of me, white hot and passionate. "What makes you any better than Marco's son, if you killed him in cold blood?"

"Cryst
al--" Mom starts, the same infuriating disappointment in her voice. "You don't know what you're saying."

I throw my head back and laugh, annoyed. "Really? Because I think I know what I'm saying more than I ever have before."

"No." She steps forward. "You don't. We aren't bad people, Crystal. We're just trying to do what's right, so we can provide for you."

"You've never cared about me," I hiss. My head is
throbbing so hard I swear it's about to explode.

"Crystal--"

"Just tell me what happened next!" I scream. My throat is so strained that the raw skin is sore and biting, and all of the rage and the tears and the pain from the last years keeps bubbling up inside me, unleashed on the two people who caused all this.

"Okay," Mom says quietly, that innocent look in her eyes. My hands clench. I've always hated that look. I've always hated how she pretends to be innocent, to be the good guy, when we all know she is anything but it. "So
Marco hated us," she continues, "for what we did to his son. For a few weeks after, we left the country, telling you it was just another business trip and we'd be back soon. We were… desperate, I guess. And scared. We knew that he'd be after us, that he'd know who was behind it and want revenge, and so we fled. But he didn't actually find us until he sent his hitman after us once we returned home." I feel Sebastian stiffen beside me, and suddenly it all makes sense. My stomach constricts, because I know and dread what she's about to say. "Sebastian was the hitman," she says quietly. "He knew we'd have to come home to you sooner or later, so he waited outside our house, he told us, for several days. He followed you around to make sure you weren't secretly meeting with us, and when we finally came home from our trip, he was ready. You weren't there. And he… he was going to kill us. But he couldn't. Because of you, Crystal. He didn't want to kill your parents. So he took us with him, told us he would save us and fake our deaths but we had to run now, and when we asked where we'd go, he told us about this place… about his secret apartment. We've been living here in hiding ever since. We were too afraid to contact you, until last night when Sebastian told us you were here, and we made him let you go. We decided it was time that you know the truth." She drops her voice. "I'm sorry, Crystal. For everything."

My whole body keeps shaking.
This can't fucking be real. I keep thinking they're lying to me or something, because there is no way Sebastian would betray me like this, would hide my parents from me even though he knew how much not having them hurt me. "But why did he save you because of
me
? He didn't even know who I was until a few months ago."

Sebastian
steps forward, his eyes intense and fiery as ever. I turn to him. I feel the heat from his body pulsing throughout the room, making everything so much more intense, more real. He clears his throat before he speaks, looking oddly nervous. "I knew you, angel," he says in a rough voice. "I knew you long before you knew me. When I was following you to make sure you weren't secretly meeting with your parents, I… well… I became fascinated with you. I followed you to your dance recitals, and I watched from the bleachers. And I remember thinking how you were just so elegant. So beautiful and strong and innocent and graceful. I loved how you danced. I loved watching your body move. But more than that, I loved the peace it gave you, the confidence, because I knew how hard your life was without your parents around and yet… you still found peace. You amazed me, angel. You were so light and happy back then, and you made me want to be a better man. You made me regret who I was." Sebastian drops his voice, reaching out a hand to touch my hair again, but I back away, still shaking. No no no. No! No! No! "I fell for you when I was supposed to kill your parents. I'd always done my job without question before you, killing whoever Marco said to kill because he told me they were bad, that they needed to die, and I told myself it was right to kill them. But when the time came for me to pull the trigger on your parents, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt you like that. I couldn't kill your own parents. I already loved you too much, and so, I let them go and dressed up two… earlier victims… to take their place. I risked my life all because of you, angel. And when Marco found out, he tried to kill me, but I got away just in time. I got this when the bullet clipped me." He points to the scar on his cheek, the one he's been so protective of. "I didn't have the guts to approach you until I saw you at that club a year and a half later, and I couldn't contain myself." He steps forward, dropping his head down, looking sadder than I've ever seen him before. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."

I hold my breath.
I feel like I'm dreaming, like none of this can be true. My whole body is shaking so hard and as I look between my parents and Sebastian, the only people I've ever trusted, I feel so painfully betrayed. My heart hurts and hurts, and the rage boils inside of me.

My parents are alive.

I lost dance because I thought they were dead.

I almost
died
because I thought they were dead.

But they were just hiding the whole time.

And Sebastian saw it eating away at me, and still, he kept it from me.

They betrayed me. They all betrayed me.

My vision starts blurring, going in and out, and now I have nothing but anger left. I want to scream. I want to run away. I want to end this--somehow.

The man I love betrayed me.

Sebastian betrayed me.

The tears start pouring out now, racing like the beating of my heart, and I just keep shaking my head, backing away from
Sebastian and my parents and toward the stairs.

"So you were behind all this?" I whisper
to Sebastian, tears stinging at my eyes. "Their death almost cost me my life. It sure as hell cost me everything else. You saw how it hurt me and you did nothing. You--you--" My voice cracks then, more tears rushing out.

Sebastian
's eyes flare up now, such an intense blue, and I feel them on me, feel their intensity, as he steps toward me. "You're right." His voice is low and rough still, but I see the passion building up, the love he doesn't know how to control. "I did see how it hurt you. And you know what? It fucking hurt me too. No, it
killed
me to see you hurt like that! But I couldn't tell you what I'd done… and what your parents had done. I was too scared. I was too scared it would hurt you even more. I--I made a judgment call. I'm--"

"Sorry?" I scream. "You're sorry? After lying to me all this time, keeping things from me like this, and jeopardizing my life so many times, all you are is
sorry
? You don't know what sorry means, Sebastian! You don't know what you have cost me!"

"But I do!" he shouts right back, stepping toward me and reaching out his hands, trying to wrap me up in his arms and make the pain go away like he always used to, but I just keep
stepping back, not letting him, shoving him away with my hands. "I
do
understand your pain! I
do
know what this cost you! That's the point, isn't it? I do know. I'm the only who is fucking broken as you are! I know you. And you know me. We were meant for each other, angel, don't you see? I screwed up, and I'm sorry. But I did it all for you. I did it because I loved you!" His eyes feel like they're on fire now and his face is red from shouting, but I feel something break inside of me. I don't know what it is--hope breaking? Happiness? Love? But whatever it is, it kills. It feels like a bullet, right to the heart. And I just keep shaking, taking a step down the stairs, then another, and another, still facing Sebastian.

I can't do this. I can't go on like this. I have to leave. I have
to get away from here.

And then hits me.

What I need to do.

It hits me as I lock eyes with
Sebastian's intense blue. It hits me, the memory, and I know I have no choice.

"But that's not enough," I whisper, my voice trembling. The intensity in
Sebastian's face seems to shatter, and I see the ache of defeat, of hopeless, spread across his features. I see it because I know what it's like. The worst part is that I believe Sebastian despite myself. That something in his voice, something deep inside, makes me know with every part of me that he never meant to hurt me.

But I have to do this.

I can’t take being here anymore.

I have to end this, once and for all.

So I lock eyes with Sebastian, take a deep breath, and hiss, "I'm done, Sebastian. I'm done, for good. Them," I whisper, nodding to my parents. "Them, I can understand lying to me like that. Them, they never cared about me. Them, I wish were fucking dead after all the lies and pain they put me through. But you, Sebastian. I never expected you to betray me. I trusted you. I
loved
you! And this is what I get? The second I put my heart out there, entrust the shards of me with someone else, I just get it ripped away? My heart just gets shattered more than it already was? Was that your plan all along?" I scream, shaking all over. "Was your plan just to hurt me more than before?"

The genuine
pain in Sebastian's eyes is almost unbearable. "Angel, please," he pleads, reaching out a hand to me one last time as I keep backing down the stairs, but I push it away, shaking my head. "You know that's not true."

"We're done,
Sebastian," I whisper, tears streaming down my face as I take step after step down the stairs. "We're done."

Then I turn around altogether, squeezing my eyes shut to keep more tears from falling, and I sprint down the staircase
, to freedom. All three of them watch me go, sad and crushed, but they don't stop me. My whole body screams with pain and confusion and betrayal, but I try to push it away, focusing on just taking step after step, even through my blurry eyes.

And then, once I reach the bottom floor, I remember what
Marco said.
If you ever change your mind about Sebastian, I'm always waiting at the dance studio.

And so I spin around to face
Sebastian one last time, anger pulsing throughout my body. "So that's why Marco didn't kill me in that little supermarket. He wanted me to lead him right to my parents and you. And you know what?" I scream, my voice cracking through the tears as I start sprinting toward the door to get way away from here. "I will."

Chapter Eighteen

The dance studio in town is small, much small than the one I used to go to. This one doesn't appear to have been used in years, and it's overgrown with thick plants and trees, shoved off into the corner of a parking lot away from the rest of town. The bricks that compose the studio are crumbling, white paint peeling off the walls, and the place looks more like a century-old garage than it does a dance studio.

I keep my head down as I walk over to it. My heart is pounding.

I know what I have to do. I know I have to leave Sebastian.

I know this is my only choice.

Several cars race by me and people pass me on the beat-up sidewalk, oblivious to everything, to the way my eyes are filled with dried tears, to the absolute shattering in my heart that I'm sure is blatant in my features. I feel changed, changed from before I met Sebastian. I feel less hopeless, somehow. I feel strong, like if I can make it through this, I can do anything. But thinking about my parents and Sebastian… about what they did to me… it hurts. It hurts too much to handle.

One thing is clear, though:
I have to go with Marco. I have to escape. I can't even look at Sebastian anymore without my heart hurting, and as much I hate myself for leaving, I know I have to do this.

Music pulses from within the dance studio, and a man smoking a cigarette eyes me suspiciously as I walk over to it. I stare back at him, hard and unwavering like
Sebastian taught me to do, letting him know I mean business.

Sebastian
taught me a lot of things. Never back down is just one of them.

The man starts to step in my way when I head straight into the parking lot toward the studio, past a few broken-down houses
.

"Where are you going, missy? You sure you're in the right place," he says, blowing
a puff of smoke into my face.

I glare at him. "Your boss
would be pissed if he knew you interrupted me."

He raises an eyebrow, amused. I don't stop glaring at him. "Is that so?" he says as he takes another drag of his
cigarette.

"Yes," I say. "I'm precious cargo."

He starts to laugh, maybe to scream at me and shove me away, but then his eyes lock on mine for the first time, and I think he realizes who I am, because he looks suddenly startled and uncomfortable. "My apologies," he says quickly. He motions me to the door, then swings it open. "Right this way."

I smile at him, cold and annoyed, and step inside. He immediately closes the door behind me.

The room inside is dark, so dark I can't see anything even if I squint. It's small and cramped, with a giant mirror to the left side of the wall and some chairs pushed off in the corner. The smell of smoke and rotted wood fills the air, and the whole atmosphere is thick and hazy, but I know Marco is here.

After a minute, a figure steps out of the shadows. "You came." It's
Marco's voice, deep and dark and sexy.

Just his words make my skin feel on edge, and I get the feeling I'm making a big mistake, but then I remember what
Sebastian did to me, what my parents did to me.

He pretended they were dead.

He covered it up.

He and my parents let me lose my one passion left, almost let me lose my life, and all for one stupid fucking plan. There's no way I can be with someone like that. There's no way I can ever look at them again without having the bile and the rage rise up inside of me.

And anyway, Marco is the only one who has been honest with me this whole time. I almost died because of Sebastian's pretending, and now it's time to revenge.

Now, it's time for
Marco.

So I say, "Of course I came" to the dark figure, making my body as straight and even as possibly, holding my chin up.
Marco steps into the light, and I can see a shadow of his face--the rough jaw, the dark eyes, the face full of danger and desire.

"I knew you would," he says, pressing my chin up with his hand, examining my eyes. His are dark and brooding, like a storm surrounding
a frozen lake. There is no happiness in Marco's eyes. There is only anger. "What changed your mind?" His gaze doesn't waver as he takes a drag of his cigarette, narrowing his eyes at me.

"You were right," I say simply. I stay strong, composed, even though my heart is pounding. "
Sebastian was lying to me."

He smiles, one of those awful, confident
, and pitying smiles. "And so you came to me."

"Yes," I say, pressing myself against him. "
You are what I need."

He continues to smile, chuckling
lightly, his whole face like a haze of darkness. He moves his hand from beneath my chin, dragging it down my neck, my collarbone, and slipping into my shirt. I let him reach into my bra, tracing my breasts with his finger. I force myself to breathe, to stay stock still, focused on him.

His touch evokes an ache inside of me, a fast and ripe shock that makes me want more and more. It's different from
Sebastian's, but just as exhilarating.

"You want revenge?
" he says after a minute. His voice is deep and raspy, and I stand up straighter, locking eyes with him.

"I want
Sebastian to pay for what he did," I say without hesitation, dragging through every word. They came out slow and clear and so, so true.

He smiles, a crooked, sadistic smile, not like
Sebastian's. "Good," he says. "I will teach you. But I should have you know"--he moves his face closer to mine, so his mouth is right on my cheek, and I feel his hot breath on my lips--"I am here to control you. Sebastian wants to save you, but I don't think you need to be saved, Crystal. I think you need to be broken, to feel everything, and I want to be the one to break you. Sebastian wants to love you. I want to own you. Do you want to be owned, Crystal?"

"Yes," I
say, hard and strong.

"When I'm done with you, I'll wipe clean all trace of
Sebastian. Do you want that?"

"Yes," I say.

He takes another step toward me in the darkness of the room, brushing his jaw to mine. "Do you want to feel everything?" he snarls. "Do you want to feel the things Sebastian never let you feel?"

I don't hesitate. "Yes," I say. "Always."

He smiles. "Then I think you're ready."

***

Marco drives me to his mansion a little while after that. We take a limo, and he joins me in the back seat, his arms snaking around mine, smoke from his cigarette curling in front of our faces. I keep my body straight the whole time, not being fazed, not being afraid. All I am is determined.

Sebastian
needs to pay for what he did.

He needs to pay for ruining my life, and then keeping it from me
while he took my heart in his hand.

He
stole everything from me.

He stole my heart, and then he shattered it and shoved it right back.

Marco is the only who has been honest with me. He's the only one who has really cared. And since we have a common hatred of Sebastian, we'll make a hell of a team, I think, turning to Marco now. His green eyes are as strong as ever, and he watches me from his seat beside me, like a serpent surveying its prey. He licks his lips, then reaches out and kisses me. It feels weird at first, too thick and vicious and just… wrong. Wrong. So wrong. My body stiffens up automatically, because kissing Marco isn't the same as kissing Sebastian. It isn't as tender and fiery at once like Sebastian's kiss is. Marco's is all about desire. Not about pleasing me, just pleasing him. But I relax soon after, letting him kiss me, because it feels good in its own way.

Because the lips that are on mine don't belong to a liar.

I let him kiss me, let him drag his lips around my neck as he turns around and starts straddling, his breath all cigarette-filled and smoky. His body is thick and hard and hot against mine, and the feel of him is different too, but a good kind of different.

"I'm going to make you feel everything," he hisses, slipping his fingers down into my shirt as he continues to kiss me. I don't kiss back. I just let him wipe everything away, wipe
Sebastian away. I let him make me forget. He slips off my bra, kissing at the space beneath it. "You want that," he continues, his voice rough and harsh and filled with desire. "Don't you?

He shifts closer to me, so that my legs are around him and his torso is pressed to mine. "I just want to forget him," I whisper as
Marco kisses me lower and lower, his hands trailing down my body.

Marco
smiles, a snakelike little smile, and I feel his green eyes on mine. "When I'm done with you, you won't even remember he existed," Marco rasps, pressing me harder against the side of the limo.

I
lock eyes with him as he starts to slip inside of me, and I whisper, "Good."

Marco's mansion is even bigger than I expected it to be. After about an hour of driving, we reach a woody area of sorts, where a huge dark building stands, hidden beneath hundreds of trees. A ring of barbed wire wraps all the way around it, and several armed guards stand inside, waiting at the gate. Smoke billows from the chimney, and I look around, wide-eyed, as the guards motion us in. Marco holds me closer, his side pressed against mine. "Do you like the house?" he asks.

"Of course," I breathe
in awe, the afternoon sun pouring down on me.

Marco smiles.

Once we're inside, he leads me through a huge, cavernous main room, up several staircases, and toward a gigantic room with a king bed and several TV's in it, which he tells me is my bedroom. He leaves me there with some fresh clothes, supplies, and tells me to make myself at home. I spend a few hours sifting through everything--the giant closet, filled with intricate women's clothes. The huge bathroom, with a large bathtub positioned in the corner. The lingering scent of lemon mixed with cigarette smoke which follows me wherever I go.

The whole place is incredible, and it almost makes me forget about
Sebastian. Almost. But the pain is still too much. His betrayal is too much. And I know I have to make him pay.

I take a long shower after that, letting the scalding water run down my back and wipe away everything, hoping it heals the pain at least a little, but it doesn't. Not really.
Nothing seems to heal me anymore.

And so I end up just standing there, tears rushing down my face
as the hot water comes down, thinking about Sebastian and my parents more than I know I should.

I can't help myself, though.
Sebastian became my whole life, my savior, so quickly, it's almost hard to believe. He consumed my life with such speed I barely even realized what was happening. And now, just as quickly, he's gone. Betrayed me. Ruined me even more than before.

Just like that.

Once the sun sets and the night sky darkens, a maid knocks on the door and tells me Marco has called me for dinner. I nod and thank her, put on one of the flashier dresses from his closet, and head down the stairs, thinking about Sebastian and what he did with each step. It hurts--it hurts to know how much I love him. It hurts to know that he ruined my life, but I still need him. It hurts to know that I still love him, even though I'm going to kill him.

Once I reach the bottom floor, the sound of classical music fills the air, trickling in through a half-open door. I walk over to it, knowing it leads toward
Marco, and a huge room filled with candles and dim lighting greets me. A long brown table stretches across the expanse of the kitchen, with an assortment of salads and grilled kitchen and fish and steak and wine spread out across it. The whole place is rich with the smell of cooked meat and alcohol, and it looks breathtaking in the dim light. On the other side of the table, at the head, sits Marco, who watches me with those piercing green eyes of his, a smirk flickering across his lips. He pats his lap, and says, "Come, my love," and I do. I walk slowly toward him, letting the cool air slip by me, and when I reach him, I let him wrap his arms around me and gently bring me into his lap. His arms circle my breasts as he draws me into his chest, holding me close. I feel a certain hardness pressing against me from his lap, but I try to ignore it, try to focus on him touching me right now, and not what is to come.

I try to focus on the complete, blissful numbness the feel of his body gives me, making me forget about everything else.

"You look beautiful tonight," he says in that same serpent-like voice, which sends a shiver down my spine.

"Thank you," I say, because I don't know how else to respond. He draws me in closer,
gently turning my head so I'm looking out at the expanse of the kitchen table, lined with all of the foods imaginable. "Are you hungry?" he asks, but I can tell he cares more about having me than how I actually feel.

"No," I say honestly, not daring to meet his gaze. My head is still
throbbing from the insanity of today, and all I want to do is curl up and go to sleep, hoping to dream this all away.