Shameless (4 page)

“Why is she here?” he asked, his eyes never leaving the stage.

He kept waiting for their eyes to connect, for that moment when he would be able to read her thoughts. Would she be angry, anxious, or surprised to see him? Would looking at him evoke the same barrage of memories for her or would she treat him as nothing more than an old acquaintance? He could deal with her rage and hurt, but he couldn’t cope with indifference, not after everything they’d shared.

Marisa glanced up at the stage. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

People were starting to recognize him, pointing, whispering, and staring. He knew it was only a matter of time before they started approaching him, asking for autographs and pictures. He was normally happy to oblige his fans, but tonight he wished he could fade into anonymity, be a nameless face in the crowd. 

He glanced at his friend. Josh was carefully surveying the excited crowd. As a third degree black belt in karate, the man’s hands were lethal weapons. Trey had watched him take down four rowdy drunks outside of a honky-tonk in Jacksonville a few months ago. He knew he could let his guard down as long as he had Josh to watch his back.

Minutes ticked by as Sierra finished her first set to the rousing applause of drunken cowboys swarming the stage to get her attention.

Trey’s gut clenched with the wrenching jealousy only she could evoke. She was still oblivious to the effect she had on the opposite sex. It had driven him crazy when they were married. Back then, men had enjoyed looking at her, but they would never be crazy enough to lay a hand on his wife. But that was then; divorce had a way of changing the rules in the minds of drunken cowboys hoping to score. Divorce decree or not, Hell would freeze over before he watched another man put his hands on her.

“I wanna thank y’all for comin’ tonight. You may have noticed I’m not your regular Saturday night entertainment.” She flashed a bright white smile at the cowboys’ antics to get her attention.

“But my old buddy, Jimmy, was nice enough to let me take the stage to help raise some money for a cause that’s near and dear to my heart, The Rainbow Fund. I started this charity several years ago to support parents who have lost a child. We provide grief counseling, ongoing support, and help with funeral expenses.” She paused while the crowd cheered her cause.

Trey felt her words twist his heart in a vice-like grip. She had spent the years since they’d lost their baby making a difference in the lives of countless families who’d suffered the same kind of loss they had, and he had wasted those years on self-indulgence to ease the pain. 

“Trey, it’s good to see you.” Jimmy claimed the chair across from him and extended his hand.

He followed Trey’s eyes to the stage. “She looks great, doesn’t she?”

Trey took his hand. “Yeah, she sure does. It was nice of you to do this for her, Jimmy.”

The old man smiled, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners. “Hell, you know she was always like a daughter to Edna and me. I’m real proud of her.”

Trey stared at his old friend, realization dawning. “You’ve kept in touch with her?”

“Sure have. You know she lives in Oklahoma now?”

Trey shook his head. He knew so little about the woman who had once been his whole world. It would have been easy enough to find out where life had taken her, but it hurt too much to even think about the fact that she had been able to move on without him. He had been going through the motions the past five years, making music, touring, partying, but definitely not living. “No, I didn’t know that.” 

“Edna and I get up there to visit when we can. She calls and emails us a couple of times a month.  She’s worked real hard, got a nice life for herself.” He eyed the shot glass on the table. “I wouldn’t want to see anything mess that up, son.”

Marisa laid her hand over Jimmy’s, smiling affectionately at him. “No one wants to hurt her, Jimmy. We all love Sierra.”

He nodded, accepting Marisa’s assurance. “We haven’t seen you around in a while, boy. Have y’all been on the road?”

Trey’s eyes followed Sierra as she left the stage, the swing of her shapely hips, the click of her spiked heels on the scarred wood floor, the toss of her hair over her shoulder as she slid through the crowd, smiling at the dozens of men trying to capture her interest. “No, been in the studio working on the new album.”

“How’s it going?”

Trey thought about confiding in his old friend, the man who had given him a break when no one else would, but his gaze slid to his sister and he thought better of it. He didn’t need to give his family any more reasons to worry about him. “It’s comin’ along.”

“Glad to hear it. I’ll be lookin’ for it.”

“Trey.”

Just the sound of her voice stirred something in him, making him feel alive again. “Sierra.”

Chapter Two  
 

Sierra couldn’t believe she was standing face-to-face with her ex-husband after all these years. He looked the same, yet different somehow. His cocky, trademark smile gave way to uncertainty as he searched her face. The confidence he always wore like a second skin was replaced by a slight slump to his broad shoulders. He was still the most attractive man she’d ever laid eyes on, but he looked tired, defeated. 

Before she could find the words to bridge the gap, she was in his arms. She didn’t know if she’d moved toward him in an unconscious attempt to ease his pain or he’d given in to the urge to pull her into his arms. Either way, it was so sudden, so unexpected, that she didn’t have time to prepare herself for the riot of sensations. The familiar scent of his spicy aftershave, the strength of his muscled biceps, the way her traitorous body reacted, moulding her soft curves against his hard muscles as though her body had been made to respond to him and only him. Being in his arms again was like a bittersweet homecoming, familiar and comfortable, yet torturous.

Shaking her head, she pushed against his chest. No. She couldn’t allow herself to go there. He wasn’t her lover anymore; he wasn’t even her friend. She had moved on with a new life, a new love, and she’d be damned if she would let him draw her back in with memories of the past.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just so damn good to see you.”

He smiled that familiar, crooked smile, revealing straight white teeth.  That was the smile she’d fallen in love with the first time she saw him on the college football field seventeen years ago. The same smile she had learned to hate, mocking her on magazine covers after the divorce, claiming he was happy to be a free man and ready to move on with his life.

“Just don’t let it happen again, cowboy. You gave up that right a long time ago.” She refused to feel guilty when a flash of pain shot through his blue eyes. He made his choices years ago; now he had to live with the consequences.  

Marisa stood to give her a hug. “You sounded great, Sierra.” 

“Thanks.”

Sierra grinned at Trey’s bodyguard, who had once been her good friend in college. “I heard you were getting paid to protect his sorry ass now. Used to be you had to do it for free on the football field.”

Josh coughed, masking a chuckle. “It’s a job.”  He stood and drew her into a hug. “It’s good to see you, sweetheart. It’s been way too long.”

She fought back an unexpected wave of sadness as she returned Josh’s embrace. He had been like family to her when she and Trey were married. While Josh maintained a friendship with her younger sister, Lexi, his allegiance was to Trey, which naturally excluded her from his inner circle. “It’s good to see you too, Josh.”

She cleared her throat and forced a smile when she turned to Jimmy. “I’m glad you and Edna talked me into doing this, Jimmy. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to be on stage.”  

“How ‘bout singing with me, for old times’ sake?” Trey asked, folding his arms over his chest. His body language said he was either challenging her or trying to protect himself against the inevitable rejection. Knowing him, it was likely a challenge. He expected her to back down.

He was about to find out that she wasn’t the same naïve girl his divorce lawyers had driven out of town, homeless and penniless. She was older, wiser, and life had taught her how to stand up to a challenge.

“Sure, why not? I’d do just about anything to raise money for my cause. Even if it means sharing a stage with you.” She turned to Jimmy. “Can we use this, Jimmy?”

He tipped his cowboy hat back on his head to reveal a shock of silver hair. “What did you have in mind?”

She inclined her head toward Trey. “Maybe raise the price of drinks during our set and let people know they’re paying a premium to hear him sing, but additional proceeds will go to the charity?”

“Tell you what. How ‘bout all proceeds go to your charity during this set? Hell, it’ll be a pleasure just to see you two sing together again. Remember how you two used to pack this place?” Jimmy laughed, sobering quickly as he regarded the two of them. “You sure you want to do this, darlin’?”

Trey stepped forward before she could respond. “Let me address the crowd, see if I can’t get them to be a little more generous.”

“You would do that?” She hadn’t meant to sound awed, but she was. Her ex had been a self-centered egomaniac, fixated on his rise to the top. He spent years teasing her about her altruistic ideals. Now he wanted to help her raise money for charity? He used to give a small fortune away to various causes every year, but according to him, that was just good public relations. He always drew the line at lending his name to a cause if it meant taking away from time he could spend solidifying his standing as the reigning king of country music.

His fingers wrapped around her forearm. “I have a lot of respect for what you’re trying to do for those families, Sierra. I’ll do anything I can to help.”

She reared back when she felt his touch sear her skin through the thin barrier of cotton. He shouldn’t be able to make her feel this way, not after the pain he’d caused or the abuse she’d endured at the hands of his legal team. The only thing she should feel for this man was contempt, so why couldn’t she draw on the protective barrier of resentment she had cultivated since the divorce?

“Okay, well, would you like some more information about the organization before you go up there?”

“You know me, honey, I don’t give speeches. I speak from the heart.” He grabbed her left hand to kiss it and brought his lips to her diamond engagement ring instead.

She saw the question in his eyes when he dropped her hand to her side. She wanted to feel triumphant, wanted to brag about her new man and her new life, but she couldn’t bring herself to form the words. “Well, good luck then.”

“Thanks,” he whispered, brushing past her.

Maybe time had softened old wounds or maybe her newfound happiness allowed her to let go of some of the resentment toward her ex. Whatever it was, she couldn’t conjure up the anger she’d expected to feel when she saw him tonight. She just felt sad. Maybe she was finally ready to mourn the loss of their relationship in a healthy way and find closure with Trey so she could move on with her wedding plans. 

“How y’all doin’ tonight?” Trey laughed at the response of the raucous crowd.

Sierra knew these were his people, his place. He was in his element here and she felt something akin to pride. This was the man she once knew. So confident on stage he could bring the house down. Whether he was performing for 40 people in a honky-tonk or forty thousand in a sold-out stadium, he was a performer who poured his heart into his music, and she had no doubt that these patrons were in for an unforgettable night.

“I know you’re all here to have a good time tonight, but I’d like to ask for just a minute of your time. I’m up here tonight because of a cause and a lady who’s real important to me.” He raised his arm toward the back of the room. “Y’all got to hear what an amazing singer Sierra Tur- Brooks is, right?” Trey laughed when the crowd responded with a chorus of “Hell yeah.”

“Some of you may also remember Sierra as my wife.”

A murmur moved through the crowd.

“I don’t like to talk about my personal life, but I’m gonna make an exception tonight. Sierra founded The Rainbow Fund because of a personal tragedy she and I suffered a long time ago— the loss of our baby girl. She was born premature and she was with us for only eight days, but she was the light of my life.”

Sierra sank into the chair Trey had deserted. She hadn’t been ready for this tonight. She knew that coming back to Jimmy’s would be hard, but she wasn’t prepared to see her ex again, wasn’t prepared to hear him stand up in front a room full of people and talk about something he hadn’t even been able to share with her: his grief.