shaede assassin 05 - shadows at midnight (5 page)

“Shhh.” Cool hands brushed my hair back from my brow. Tyler’s lips met the skin at my temple and he murmured words in a language that was rhythmic and soothing. A renewed sense of calm rushed over me and my mind cleared. Power pulsed from my ring, leaving me both chilled and flushed. “Darian, I want you to listen to me. Focus on my words and let your mind go where it needs to go. Do you understand me?”

He held me as though determined never to let me go. It felt so good, but I couldn’t trust anything or anyone. If I allowed myself to fall into this dream, it would be all the more crushing when I realized I was still in the nightmare.

“Darian, don’t think,” Tyler chided. “Just listen.”

I let out a measured breath. What would it hurt to give in this once? Didn’t I deserve a little reprieve? “Okay.” God, my voice was nothing more than a hoarse rasp. I sounded like shit.

“A little over a month ago, Lorik kidnapped you and took you to Padma, Queen of the Rakshasa. She was Azriel’s mother.” I already knew all of this. Obviously my subconscious was trying to help me keep a grip on reality. I continued to listen, to allow the cadence of Ty’s voice to lull me. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner.”

“It’s my fault.” It was first time I’d uttered the words out loud. “I shouldn’t have killed him. All of this is my fault.”

“Always the martyr,” Ty responded with a gentle laugh. He smoothed my hair back and placed another feather-light kiss to my temple. “You’re home now. Really, truly home. I know you can’t believe that. That you’re trying to protect your mind from breaking. But Darian, you’re
home
. And to prove it, I need you to make a wish.”

A wish? “I don’t make wishes anymore. They don’t come true.” Bleak? Probably, but it was a fact. Padma had blocked our bond. It didn’t work anymore.

“You can make this one. All you have to do is repeat the words. Can you do that for me?”

His voice, the tender way that he held me, made me want to trust him. “You’re an illusion,” I said. “The best one yet, but still, you’re not real.”

“Honey, I’m as real as you are. But I can’t prove it to you if you don’t trust me. Can you trust me, Darian?”

My breath hitched. “I don’t know how.”

“Just let go.”

Let go
. The real Tyler knew that was almost impossible for me. “Do you really think I could do that?”

“No,” he said with a sad laugh, “but I’m asking you to do it for me.”

“All right.” Illusion or not, I would deny him nothing. “What do you want me to say?”

“
Sia’i, rolqir al Nys’Asdar
.”

I didn’t understand the words, but I repeated them as best I could. A blast of cold flared out from my ring, encircling me in a whirlwind. It cleansed my mind of confusion, my body of pain and fatigue. It invigorated me and woke me from the stupor that threatened to unravel me.

“Jesus Christ!”

I lost my balance as I shot to my feet. Wind whipped my hair around my face and soaked through the tatters of my clothes. I drew in a gasp of air as though breeching the surface of a frozen lake. My vision blurred before snapping back into sharp focus. Tyler quietly watched from my bed, his expression wary. I took a stumbling step backward, and another. The sudden lucidity was almost as confusing as the darkness I’d been submerged in for the past several weeks. Nothing looked familiar. Felt safe. My heart raced and my breath sawed in and out of my chest.   

This was no illusion. Not even my own mind could conjure such a perfect likeness of Ty. The tiny imperfections of Padma’s illusions became apparent now. In reality, Ty’s eyes were brighter, the golden star that ringed his pupil more vibrant. The strands of his hair gleamed with streaks of shining copper. His strong jaw, sharp cheekbones, and the straight line of his nose were too perfect, belying his connection to something otherworldly. God, he was beautiful to look at. Blinding in his brilliance.

“How did you find me?” The rush of wind died down but left a chill on my skin. My legs gave out from beneath me and Ty launched himself from the bed. I didn’t fall. Tyler wouldn’t let me. His speed was a blur in my vision as he went to my side and scooped me up in his arms to catch me and steady my careening world. I buried my face into his t-shirt, breathed in the warm cinnamon, homey scent that was one-hundred percent Tyler. A scent that no illusion could ever replicate. I took the thin cotton fabric in my fists as I cleaved to him and sobbed my relief.

“I’ve got you,” Ty murmured against my hair. “You’re going to be okay.”

I don’t know how long we stayed that way. Me crying into his shirt and him comforting me. I don’t even know how we ended up back on my bed, but when I finally looked up, Ty sat propped up against the headboard, holding me in his lap. “I’m sorry, Darian.” Tyler let out a long sigh that shuddered through him. “Gods, I’m so sorry.”

He had nothing to apologize for. I’d gotten myself into this mess all on my own. He had his own issues to deal with. “You got me out of there. You saved me.” My throat was raw but I wanted to talk. Wanted him to talk, if only to have the reassurance of his voice. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry for
everything
. Every shitty, horrible bad thing that’s ever happened. I’m sorry for the horrible things others did you, and I’m mostly sorry for the shitty things I’ve done to you. I don’t think I ever told you that and I wanted you to know.”

As far as I was concerned there was no past. Only this moment. With him. And the future ahead of me. I couldn’t look back. Wouldn’t. The past would eat me alive. “How did you find me? Did Adare let you go?” Ty had to have made his own escape in order to get to me and the PNT wasn’t exactly in the habit of granting furlough to their prisoners for rescue missions. “Does Xander know?”

“Xander knows,” Tyler said flatly. He was leaving something out. “Do you really think he’d let his pride get in the way of saving you?”

That he’d acknowledge it threw up another red flag. “No, I don’t.” A sense of unease boiled up inside of me, eating at my gut like acid. Padma had told me over and again that she was using me as leverage to get to Xander. I was the weapon that killed her son, but he had been the arm that wielded it. “Where is Xander, Ty?”

He didn’t answer me, simply stroked my hair. “I would do
anything
for you, Darian. I would move worlds to get to you.”

Memories of Padma’s last conversation with Tyler surfaced in my mind. At the time, I’d thought he was one of her illusions. “Even decimate an entire race?” I repeated his words back to him.

“Yes,” he replied without an ounce of guile. “I would kill for you.”

“Where is Xander, Tyler?” My panic mounted, rising in my throat until I didn’t think I’d be able to keep the bile down.

“We all make our choices, Darian. Xander made his.”

Oh, god
. Alexander Peck’s suffering will be endless and he will pay for what he did to my son
.

I pulled away and stared into Tyler’s face. His expression hardened, the hazel of his eyes as cool as snowy trees on a winter morning. A muscle at his jaw ticked as he threaded his fingers through my hair. The intensity of his gaze, his touch, told me everything I needed to know. “You gave him to her.” My voice hitched as I forced the words past my lips. “Didn’t you?”

The temperature dropped, coaxing goose bumps to my flesh. “I did,” Tyler said. “And I’d do it again if I had to.”

He gladly took full responsibility for what had happened, but I knew he hadn’t single-handedly kidnapped Xander and delivered him to Padma. My breath raced in my chest and I left my corporeal form behind. The relief of finally being able to accomplish the feat was short lived, though. A tremor shook my body as I emerged from the light to stand beside the bed on shaky legs. Ty’s magic cleared the fog from my mind and revitalized my body, but my spirit had gone through the wringer. I didn’t know if there was enough magic in the world to heal my soul.

“How could you do that?” My indignant and frantic shout echoed through my studio. Xander wasn’t here for me to lay into so Ty was going to have bear the brunt of my anger. “How could the two of you just come to that sort of decision?” Rage scalded my throat and tears stung at my eyes. “There’s no fucking way Raif would have agreed to this.”

“You’re right,” Ty said, his tone calm and even. “He didn’t.”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” I wasn’t even close to having my shit together, but I couldn’t just sit here, safe and secure in Tyler’s arms when I knew exactly what fate awaited Xander at Padma’s hands. The woman was pure concentrated evil. Sadistic. The simple recollection of what she’d done to me caused me to shudder. I marched toward the fireplace, to where my katana rested on the mantle, untouched. My entire studio looked like a goddamned shrine. A bitter laugh that didn’t feel altogether sane escaped from between my lips. “You two gave her
exactly
what she wanted!”

I slung the scabbard over my back without a single thought to how I must have looked. Exhausted, beaten down, my clothes in tatters and my hair so tangled I was thinking about taking my katana to the knotted mass. Cool vines of magic snaked from my ring around my wrist, urging me toward Tyler but I shook it off and focused instead on my anger. Rage kept my head clearer than worry or fear, and the thought of running back to that hell hole caused my gut to knot up tight.

  “That bitch still has the key to
O Anel
!” I railed. “She’s wearing it around her fucking neck like the goddamned spoils of war.” How could I sit here and do
nothing
? Tyler leaned forward on the bed, resting his elbows on his raised knees. His lips formed a hard line and his eyes narrowed. He stared a hole straight through me. “I have to go back.”

“No.” The word fogged the air with Tyler’s breath. “I did not get you out of there just so you could go back and let Padma get her claws into you again.”

“We can’t leave him there.” Desperation knocked my voice up an octave as panic raced through my blood like quicksilver.

“He knew the risks,” Tyler said. “Xander came to me.” His gaze pinned me in place and I swayed on my feet, too exhausted for what I tried to do. His voice grew louder and more forceful, “And after what we went through to get you out of there—”

“What about what
I
went through?” The words were sandpaper against my vocal cords. “What Xander will go through now that he’s there!” My breath stalled, and my brain spun out as though it had forgotten to tell my lungs how to work. Dark spots swam in my vision and all I could manage was a hoarse whisper as I forced the words out, “She cut me, Tyler. Drank my blood.” A sob lodged in my throat and I swallowed it down. “She…” I couldn’t say it. Couldn’t relive the horror of what Padma had done to the flesh she’d cut away. I went to my knees and a jarring pain shot up my thighs when I made contact with the bamboo flooring. “It’ll be worse for him.” There wasn’t enough air to fill my lungs and I couldn’t let go of the panic that gripped me. “She won’t kill him, Ty. Xander’s suffering will be endless.”

Tyler popped out of thin air at my side. I must have been in rough shape for him to forego walking the thirty feet to where I stood. He cradled me in his arms and cool magic wrapped me in its embrace. Ty murmured words in my ear, the foreign wish he’d instructed me to make. I didn’t know what it meant, but it instantly calmed my body and mind, allowing me to draw a full breath. “He made his choice, Darian,” Ty reminded me once again. “And had I been in his position, I would have done the exact same thing. You can’t blame yourself for what’s happened, and you can’t take responsibility for anyone, either.”

Couldn’t I?

I’d killed Azriel. A single slice of my dagger had set all of this in motion.

CHAPTER FIVE

Ty’s magic, coupled with his softly spoken words, calmed me against my will and I fell into a blissfully deep and dreamless sleep. The sky was painted in shades of midnight when I woke, dark endless black, deep blues and grays that reflected the light of a half-moon. I stared out of the large picture window and let the quiet and stillness soak into me. There had been times that I thought I’d never know peace again. That I’d die beneath the crushing weight and pain of Padma’s torture. Thanks to Tyler, I was home.

Thanks to Xander, I was safe.

A deep sigh escaped my lungs as I glanced back at my bed. Tyler slept soundly, one bare arm exposed to tuck the heavy duvet around his torso. He was almost too beautiful to look at. Too perfect. I used to compare Tyler and Xander and in my mind, the Shaede King had always been so heavy handed. But I’d turned a blind eye to Ty’s own sense of entitlement when it came to making decisions on my behalf. My fingers traced the cool silver of my ring. Padma hadn’t even been able to cut it off. If that wasn’t high handed, I didn’t know what was. Tyler had lulled me to sleep once again. Calmed the rage and fear that burned through me with his soft voice and cool magic. He tried to control me every bit as much as Xander did. And all in the name of affection. Each of us was selfish and short-sighted. Each of us serving our own wants. I’d never wanted to love anyone ever again after Azriel left. And what I’d wound up with was more love than I knew what to do with. What a clusterfuck of dysfunction. Jesus. And whatever Ty or Xander’s reasons for doing what they did, it didn’t change the choice I was about to make. It was time for me to take back my control. I couldn’t let anyone make my choices for me anymore.

 Trepidation rippled through me and I turned away. Didn’t most people get to take a break after going through something traumatic? What I wouldn’t give for six months on an island somewhere, surrounded by surf, sun, and sand. I wasn’t going to get the time I needed, though. It was time to pull up my bootstraps and prepare for battle.

Because there was no fucking way I’d leave Xander in that hell-hole to suffer.

I should have gone back to bed. I needed to rest and every muscle in my body ached. But my mind was too full for sleep. I couldn’t calm my racing thoughts or the worry that tugged at my chest. Instead, I headed for the bathroom and turned on the shower. In a few minutes steam billowed around me and I filled my lungs with the warm, humid air. There wasn’t a single day of my captivity that I hadn’t been cold.