Shadows of the Past (18 page)

I shake my head, trying desperately not to freak out. He’ll know if he goes down there. Carrying twins made my inner thighs and lower stomach look like a road map.
 

In a breathy voice, I beg him, "Please. I need you inside me."
 

Luckily, he can't say no to my pleading and he rips open the condom package to sheath himself, before I feel him against my sensitive parts. Oliver pushes slowly inside of me. I do my best not to tense. He feels nothing like my naughty toys.
 

I make a high-pitched sound. It’s cross between a moan and a whimper.
 

Oliver stills. “Am I hurting you?”

I shake my head and grab his waist, tugging him toward me. I raise my hips trying to get him to move. I finally pull him down, so we’re completely skin on skin, and whisper in his ear, “You feel so good.”

“So do you.”

After he speaks, I wiggle my hips making his breath catch in his throat. In response, he pulls almost completely out of me, before thrusting back in. I'm gripping his forearms, and he's looking down at me, his eyes staring into mine in a way that makes this so much more intimate. I can see everything he's feeling as we watch each other, and I know he's seeing straight into me, too.

Oliver rocks into me, slowly picking up speed, getting faster and harder as he does so. Low in my belly a familiar sensation swirls within, taking me higher and higher. I speak, not thinking about what I’m saying. I hold onto him, pulling him to me, rocking in sync until I’m about to shatter. When he moves his hand between us, he strokes me gently. I cry out, begging him for more—harder, faster. When he pinches that little sensitive spot between his fingers, I cry out, shattering at his touch. Oliver thrusts harder, coming along with me.

When it's over, he collapses on me for just a minute, holding me close to him before getting up to dispose of the condom. I'm almost asleep when he climbs into the bed beside me, pulling the covers up over both of us and draping an arm around my middle. I feel safe and wanted in his arms. My last thought before slipping into sleep is that I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him.

CHAPTER 30

We spend the entire weekend together, wrapped in each other's arms, and enjoying every minute of it. By the time I come home Sunday night, I don't even care that I'm walking funny. I'm fairly certain we shattered some records this weekend.
 

When I walk in the front door to my apartment, Emily, and her latest girlfriend, Lily, are cuddled up on the couch together watching a movie. Both heads turn to me when I shut the door and Emily grins at me. "Had a good weekend, did you?"

"You don't even know the half of it," I tell her, a goofy smile on my face, as I walk further into the room. She gestures toward the other couch in the room, clearly wanting me to take a seat, and shockingly, I do.

I have no idea what they're watching, and to be honest I really don't care. My mind is occupied with thoughts of Oliver, and all the things that happened this weekend. From our first date, to our first time having sex, to the many orgasms he gave me... It was a truly epic weekend, and one I'm eager to repeat.
 

"So?" Emily prompts, waiting to hear what happened. I didn't really talk to her after our date Friday night, so I start there, with how he found the Honky Tonky.
 

I gush about how sweet he was when he brought me home. That's not enough for Emily, though.
 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know," she says dismissively. "He's perfect. But, since you're walking like you've been ridden hard and put away wet," her imagery causes my cheeks to flush as red. She isn't wrong; there were definitely moments where it was hard. "I'm assuming you spent the rest of the weekend shagging."
 

Raising a single perfectly plucked eyebrow, she asks, "Am I right?"

The deepening flush on my cheeks is a dead giveaway. She claps her hands and squeals.
 

"I knew it! Please, please tell me he's hung like a horse." She holds her hands about a foot apart. "Is he this big? Oh! Or maybe this big?"
 

It's like the fishermen back home, instead of coming closer together to a more realistic length, she just gets bigger. If I don't stop her, her arms will be spread as wide as they go, like that's even possible. I just shake my head, ignoring her question until she starts to pout.
 

"Aw, come on Kayla! Let me live vicariously through you! There are entirely too many men with tiny, wonky packages, and he's perfect in every other way. He can't be one of them!"

"He's not wonky or tiny," I say quietly, a small smile forming on my face when her mouth drops open. Being able to shock her is a feeling I am unaccustomed to. Keeping my resulting smile from spreading all over my face is almost impossible.

"Oh, hell yeah!" she says loudly, punching a fist into the air, causing both me and Lily to collapse on the couches in laughter.
 

"What?" she asks, looking completely confused at our reactions.
 

When we're both laughing too hard to respond, she sits back down with a huff to watch the movie. Lily is quick to soothe her ruffled feathers, pulling her in for a kiss that makes me a little jealous. Jealous that she has the option of kissing someone tonight, not jealous of the fact that someone is kissing her. Watching her cuddle on the couch and watch a movie with her girlfriend makes me miss Oliver.
 

When the movie finally ends, I start getting ready for bed. I take my time in the shower, letting the hot water soothe my sore muscles before putting on a pair of sleep shorts and a t-shirt.
 

My phone rings as soon as I lay down, and when I see Oliver's name on the screen I smile the same goofy smile I had earlier before answering.

"Hey you," his voice says huskily in my ear. "You weren't asleep were you?" Even if I were, I wouldn't give up the opportunity to talk to him.

Rolling over onto my back, wishing I was still at his flat, I reply, "No, not yet. I had actually just laid down when the phone rang."

"Ahh," he breathes. "Well, I just wanted to call and tell you goodnight. My bed feels empty without you here. Actually, my arms feel empty without you here. I miss you."
 

Oliver knows exactly what to say to make me feel special. To show me that he wants me for more than just sex, although he's been doing that for a while considering we just slept together.
 

I sigh into the phone. "I miss you, too. I wish I were there with you instead of here alone."

The phone is silent for a second before Oliver groans. "You shouldn't say things like that, Kayla. It makes me want to come get you and bring you back." I laugh softly. If he only knew how much I'd love it if he did that.
 

"You can't do that, Ollie." He growls at the nickname he dislikes so much, but I continue as though I didn't hear him. "You have to work in the morning and if I spend the night over there neither of us will sleep. We'd both be useless tomorrow."

He laughs at the picture my words paint, but he knows I'm right. Finally, he tells me, "True. I'll see you tomorrow night, Kayla. Sweet dreams."

"You too. Good night."
 

As soon as the phone disconnects, I roll over to go to sleep with a silly smile on my face. He’s perfect.

CHAPTER 31

The next day at work drags by. Not because I'm not busy, but because I keep checking my phone in the hope Oliver has a free moment to text me. Reggie is running us all ragged because the hotel owner is coming in to do a yearly review.
 

Everyone has been called in to help get everything ready and make sure our boss doesn't get in trouble. Just when I'm getting ready to leave, Oliver walks in wearing one of his well-tailored suits—this one is gray. He’s paired it with a thin blue tie that matches his eyes.
 

Our gazes meet and I’m surprised to see him.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Did Emily tell you I was working today?"

Before he gets the chance to say anything, Reggie's boss, Mark, hurries over to us, holding out a hand for Oliver to shake. "Mr. Jackson! You're early."
 

Oliver shakes his hand, keeping his eyes on me the entire time. My confusion must show on my face, because Oliver rubs a hand across the back of his neck with a guilty look in his eyes. The guilt he's feeling clues me in to what's going on.

"You're the owner?" My tone is sharp. My stomach churns as I fit the pieces together, how he found me here, how he knew my daily habits.
 

My initial inkling floods back—he was stalking me. I can't believe this. All this time, he owns the freaking hotel. He’s probably seen my file and everything. Why would he do this?
 

Disgust floods through me. I slept with him. Multiple times. He played me and I let him. He starts to step forward, his mouth opening to give me an explanation, but I don't want to hear it.
 

I don't even want to look at him right now. I took the chance, let him in, and look what happened. This is exactly why I don't let people get close to me. They can't be trusted; they'll hurt you the first chance they get.

Oliver looks over at Mark and says something to him, but I don't catch it. I'm too busy breaking apart inside. Whatever he says has Mark glancing over at me in concern, before walking away to give us some privacy.
 

Oliver wraps his hand around my elbow and leads me into the manager's office. As soon as the door shuts I turn on him, my eyes flashing angrily. I’m in his face, shoving a finger into his chest.
 

"You lied to me! I asked you how you found me! I asked you if you were stalking me. You said no! You could have told me a million times that you freaking own the building I work in, that you didn’t meet me by chance. Why didn’t you tell me?"

"I never lied to you," he says flatly. "What was I supposed to say? You didn't trust me, and I was afraid if I told you the hotel was mine, you wouldn't give me a chance."
 

“I wouldn't have.” I glare at him and step back before folding my arms across my chest. I feel so betrayed and I can’t tell if I should. Why would he hide this from me? How could he mention he saw his dad shoot himself but leave this out? It reeks.
 

"Why did you orchestrate this? Was there some point?"

"No." He shakes his head frantically, horror filling his eyes. "Kayla, I'm interested in you, because of you, not because of where you work or because I'm trying to pull something over on you."
 

I don't believe him. Wanting to be far away from him, I try to leave the office, but he blocks the door. He starts to put his hands on me, to make me listen to him, but I don't want to stay. I just want to go home, to forget that any of this even happened.
 

"Bloody hell, Kayla. Will you please give me a chance to explain?"

My breath is coming fast and I know I'm going to have a panic attack. I had so many of them right after everything happened before, but it's been so long since the last one the warning signs didn't register.
 

"Don't touch me," I manage to snarl at him, jerking away from his touch. If he touches me, I'm not sure whether I'll collapse into him or slap his face. “Lies, you went on and on about not tolerating liars, which is ironic since the biggest liar you know looks back at you from the mirror each morning.”

"Kayla..." he starts, his voice breaking. When I don't acknowledge him, he tries again. "Look at me, American Girl."
 

Hearing the nickname he gave me is the last straw. Tears overflow from my eyes and I can’t stop them. I swat at my face, angry he's seeing me like this, that I let him do this to me.
 

I'm crying too hard to stop him from wrapping his arms around me. He holds me close to his chest and murmurs "I'm sorry," over and over against the top of my head. I can't bring myself to leave his embrace. I'm trembling, freezing, feeling like I'll never be warm again and I hate that the smell of his cologne is comforting me.

I can't. I can't let him do this to me.
 

Finally, I gather the strength to jerk out of his arms, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I glare up at him. This is the last time I'm going to look at him, the last time I'll allow myself to look at him. Running my eyes across his features, I commit them to memory even though I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't want to remember him, I should be blocking him out of my head and my heart, but I still care too much about him.
 

“Tell me why. Say it. If you weren't malicious, if you had good intentions, tell me what you were doing. Because it seems like you found my weakness and used it against me.”

“Kayla, it’s not like that—”

“But you have no answer. If you know so much about me, you should have known what lying to me would do. I’ve been here before, Oliver, and I’m not doing it again.”

He must see the goodbye in my eyes because he draws in a sharp breath. "Don't do this."

"I didn't do this, Oliver. You did.” My voice is thick with unshed tears and I need to get out of here.
 

He shakes his head, his own eyes glassy when he argues, "Please, you don’t understand.”

"Then make me understand. Give me the simple explanation that seems to allude you right now.” I wait a beat and when he opens his mouth and nothing comes out. I smash my lips together, trying not to scream. “I can't do this with you. I need to go."
 

This time he doesn't stop me when I step around him and open the door. Oliver's voice rings out from behind me.
 

"This is bullshit, Kayla. You never let me in and you're using this as an excuse to push me away. I told you so much. About my past, about my father, about my relationship with my sister, and how it was affected because of the choices our parents made. You've never told me a thing about what you're running from. I will fight for you, for us, but I can't fight against you."