Shadow's Dangers (33 page)

His confidence did anything but the desired effect. Instead of reassuring me, I felt frightened at the thought that in his world, everything seemed to be resolved by death. Just like that damn prophecy.

I didn't turn, not certain I’d be able to look him in the eye after having the answer to my next question.

“And about my parents? Did those who killed them find us by following you?”

There was a moment of silence during which every passing second, I became increasingly convinced that the answer would be the very one I was dreading.

“I don't know...”

I turned around slowly to face Garreth. He seemed troubled. Was it because of my questions, my doubts? I remembered suddenly his expression before I left the room to talk to my sister. No, it might be his conversation on the phone that affected him like that.

“What does that mean... ‘I don't know?’ Is it possible? Very unlikely? Or the contrary?”

“I would like to bring you the answers you seek, but I can't.”

I inhaled and exhaled deeply to calm down, but I felt that my strength was getting weaker and weaker. It was too much for one day. It wouldn't take long before I fell apart. I passed next to Garreth to return to my room.

“You coming?” I called to him when I realized he hadn't followed me, surely thinking it was better to leave.

He eventually entered and closed the door behind him.

“I should have told you,” he began, clearly nervous. “I should have...”

“Stop it,” I interrupted firmly. “Maybe they followed you, maybe not. We will never know the truth and it's the past. Nothing can change that. All that matters now is that you know that I don't consider any of you responsible. The only ones responsible for the death of my parents are the ones who killed them.”

Garreth crossed the distance between us rapidly and pressed me against him with force, putting his chin on the top of my head. It was clear he was relieved. Due to his reaction, the barrage built up to master my emotions was even closer to being destroyed.

“How does Annabelle know all this about you?” I questioned him when we moved away from each other. “Leighton hasn't posed psychological barriers on her mind?”

“Tess told us that your father had told you and your sister a few stories about
Vergashae,
but he never said they were true. We considered changing Annabelle's memory but as she was older than you and therefore had more memories, Leighton would have had to use a lot of energy to put up the barriers. Moreover, as she hadn't witnessed the death of your parents, we decided to drop it. And we thought that in the eyes of your sister, it was all fairy tales and that she would soon forget it. Given what she told you, she hasn't forgotten and it's possible that she heard your parents talk about it or by observing Tess, she discovered other things. Leighton will have to take care of that.”

“She... she will need to put up barriers in her mind?” I asked, swallowing with difficulty at the end of my question.

Though I didn't support Annabelle, she was my sister and knowing that someone would maybe take away some of her memories didn't delight me in the least. I knew the pain from the extraction of a mental barrier and Leighton told me it was just as painful when it was put up. It had been horrible for me, I didn't want her to live with such an experience.

“It depends on what Leighton found in her memory.”

“Is it risky? Can it change her? Make her a completely different person?”

He didn't reply but his jaw clenched and I realized that this might effectively affect her personality. Maybe she wouldn't act like a normal human being anymore.

“Please, whatever Leighton finds, don't do anything to her. She said nothing so far and I doubt she'll speak out about it one day. Anyway, who will believe her without evidence, huh? You told me that Leighton could send information to people, so, worst case scenario, maybe she could make sure she never discloses any of this. What do you think?”

He seemed pensive for a moment. Finally, he nodded and said, “Whatever Leighton discovers in her memory, we will find an alternative to make sure she never reveals anything to anyone.”

“Thank you,” I breathed with relief.

I stared at him and tried to pass on my gratitude through my gaze. A slight smile came to his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes. He still looked troubled. The phone call, I suddenly remembered. This was what made him that way.

“Deliah, about the...”

“No!” I cried, immediately panicked in spite of myself. “Don't say anything!”

“We need to...”

“No.
Please
,” I literally begged him. “I don't want to talk about it anymore today. I don't...I can't...”

He looked torn for a while but he eventually nodded. I removed my shoes, went to sit cross-legged on my bed, then made a gesture for him to join me. He hesitated but came by my side. I just wanted a little peace after all that had happened, all that I had learned. Was it too much to ask?

I lay on the bed and waited for Garreth to do the same so we just stayed that way for a while. But he didn't move. He was lost again somewhere far away from here. It was like he wasn't there with me, even though his body was here. I didn't want to hear about other tragedies and I instinctively knew that the call he received was about one. The problem was that seeing him like this bothered me. After a moment, I felt frankly sick, looking at him so still, deep in his torments. Knowing that if the roles were reversed, Garreth would have already asked me what was wrong and would have tried to help me, I decided to put aside my want and need for a truce.

“You want to talk about it?”

Garreth didn't answer, didn't even notice I had spoken to him.

“Garreth?”

“What?” he said, clueless, his face suddenly turned in my direction.

I sat up straight and grabbed his hand gently.

“The call you have received, it seems to have...troubled you. I see there is something wrong. You want to talk about it?”

He shook his head slightly.

“It’s not worth it. It’s a long story and you’ve had your share of...”

I put a finger to his lips to silence him. He darted a questioning look at me.

“You're always there for me, Garreth, as I’m here for you.”

In a typical relationship, there had to be a real reciprocity, each one being there for the other, even if I almost forgot it and let Garreth get lost in the maze of his mind. If something bothered him, I wanted to be there to listen and support him. And maybe I would be able to forget for a moment, the prophecy...

“You don't realize it, but you’ve already been a lot of help to me,” he assured me after stealing me a kiss. “You make my life less dark and give me a renewed strength and desire to fight for what's right.”

A slight smile played on my lips. I was glad to hear him say those words.

“You make my life better too.”

The smile he gave me at that moment was a little bit feigned, despite everything. What he had learned a few minutes ago was continuing to invade his thoughts, which made me guess that he really needed to let it all come out.

“I understand you don't want to tell me now. But if you change your mind, just know I’m here, ready to listen.”

He nodded. No words were added and silence fell between us. Unfortunately, instead of allowing my tormented mind to calm down, it only fueled the chaos that was in my head. I thought about everything Garreth had said and also what Garreth had learned and that, even if he assured me otherwise, I hadn't been able to help him just one time while he was always there to support me.

As if Garreth had felt my concerns, he grabbed me by the waist and swung us so that we found ourselves lying down on my bed. He put his head against one of my pillows and pulled me to him, in order for my head to rest on his chest. Laying this way, I could perceive the beating of his heart. After what I had experienced today, I was surprised to find the sound so soothing, same for his smell, a mixture of scents: woods, grass, musk and something I couldn't identify. More mentally than physically exhausted, I was gently falling asleep when he began to speak, which immediately had the effect of making me alert again.

“Do you remember what I told you about the death of my parents?” he asked me.

The sudden vulnerability in his voice gave me the impression of being with a much younger Garreth, different and less confident than the one I knew. I guessed he had never talked with someone that way, not even with Leighton. After all, he was the leader of their group, here in Mensen. He was the one who had to make the tough decisions, assume the consequences and deal with all events. He had to be strong for everyone. He couldn't show his weaknesses to his people. Never.

“I remember,” I whispered faintly without raising my head to look him in the eye.

I realized that if he put us in this position and had chosen that moment to tell me all this was because he preferred to do it without seeing my reactions.

“There's one thing I never told you. The murderer of my parents, it was my brother.”

I forgot to breathe for a moment. I didn't expect that. I tried to process what he had just said. Replaying his words in my head, I realized once again that he spoke of his parents as if Travis and Leighton were not concerned but I put that away for now. What really mattered was that he had spoken in the past tense. I better understood his behavior, all of a sudden.

“You just learned he died,” I asserted in a neutral tone.

It took him a moment to answer.

“Yes. He and other insurgents attacked some members of our community who were on a mission, a few miles from where we're all living. They managed to kill two of our members before being stopped and killed by those of our community who were still alive.”

I said nothing. It was obvious he didn't want to receive condolences and, anyway, it did nothing to soothe the pain. I knew from experience.

“You wanted to be present,” I deduced after a moment’s reflection. “See his body with your own eyes and assure yourself it was truly over.”

He gently grabbed my chin to raise my face and plunge his eyes into mine. He was surprised and disturbed by the fact that I had grasped the reason for his attitude but, as always, he still cared and worried about me, fearing that he might have scared me. It wasn't the case, for once.

“Garreth, I can't tell you that if our places were reversed, I would feel the same because it's fault. If they weren't already dead, I could imagine killing the people who killed my parents. However, I can understand you. It was your brother, what he did was horrible and even though I don't know how I'd deal with it in the same circumstances, I think your reaction is...understandable.”

Although his eyes were filled with gratitude, he said nothing and went back to staring at the ceiling. Other thoughts were tormenting him.

“What's the matter?”

At this point, after everything he had told me, I thought it was pretty clear he could tell me anything. Even if I couldn't understand some of his reaction or decisions, I would never have a bad opinion of him because of it.

“I thought it would change everything,” he said before exhaling a long sigh. “That his death would mean the death of my parents had been avenged. That the anger would go away and I would be granted a respite but it's still there. It's less intense, but now other feelings are meddling with it...”

I couldn't help but feel badly for him. I sat beside him to look him in the eye. I took some time to think about my words before speaking.

“It was your brother, Garreth. It's understandable that you feel...in conflict with yourself. You have the right to mourn the brother whom you cared for, the one he was before he became the murderer of your parents. It won't be something bad and it won't be a betrayal to the memory of your parents.”

Hearing a sigh, I began to think I had said something wrong. He sat on my bed and took me in his arms and then I realized that on the contrary, I for once said exactly what was necessary and right.

“Thank you,” he said, his nose buried in my hair.

“You don't have to thank me. We are here for each other, that’s all,” I replied and I felt his lips on the top of my head.

We didn't talk for several minutes. Garreth ended up parting from me and I finally became aware of the darkness that was reigning in the room. I leaned toward my nightstand to turn on my lamp and took my cell phone out of the drawer to see the time. I was surprised to see it was past midnight, but it was the numerous text messages from Hayden that got my attention. I immediately wrote to her to tell her there had been an unexpected event that prevented us from going to the party and promised to explain everything on Monday. I would have to find an excuse but it wasn't my concern right now. Instead of having fun with my friends and the Wates, I was with Garreth and we were trying to deal with painful and difficult things. He, the death of his brother and I, a prophecy about me, predicting that I would supposedly have to kill people to end a war that I didn't know existed until a few hours earlier. Leighton was right when she warned me. Everything could change in a blink of the eye.
To think that she also had a gift of clairvoyance...

“You alright?”

I came back to reality and nodded slowly but Garreth wasn't fooled. How could I be well after all those revelations and events? My entire existence escaped me and I couldn't do anything about it. Of course, I didn't blame Garreth or Leighton for that. They too had lost complete control over their lives: he has lost all his family and she couldn't even be with the man she loved. If it wasn't a matter of killing people, if it didn't seem so absurd that something about me was written in a prophecy, I would have agreed to help put an end to this war. I would have tried anything so that nobody had to suffer the loss of relatives anymore. But giving death was unthinkable for me. Besides, if my life...and that of Garreth and many others...was such a wasteland in that moment, it was because other people didn't have my doubts when it came to commit murders. I didn't want to be like them, prophecy or not.

“You’re worrying about the prophecy, aren't you?”