Shadows (12 page)

“
I only
wanted to help,
”
he said softly.

“
I
know.
”

Chapter 07: Trust

There wasn't anything to
talk about after the demonstration. Charlie and Susan sat there
quietly for a few minutes before agreeing to call it a night. The
walk down the stairs seemed longer than it ever had before. Charlie
escorted Susan to her floor, gave her a quiet kiss on the cheek
before leaving for his level.

Susan crept into her
apartment, not wanting to wake her parents. Her mother was up,
sitting at the kitchen table sipping a warm cup of chicory. She was
in her nightgown. A dim light from the kitchenette cast soft
shadows around the room. Susan's father was asleep. She could hear
him snoring behind the curtain.

“
I heard what
happened,
”
her mother said gently. There was no
condemnation in her voice. If anything, it sounded as though she
understood the anguish Susan felt inside.

Susan nodded her head,
sitting down at the table, being careful not to scrape the chair on
the floor.

“
Are you
OK?
”

“
Yeah,
”
Susan said with a sigh.
“
I'll be fine ... Charlie took it pretty
hard.
”

“
I bet ...
Men always do ... I remember when your dad found that digger. He
was so excited. He had so many ideas about what could be done with
it. He was going to build a new silo, well, probably not a complete
silo, but he thought we could double the size of our silo, get rid
of the lottery for a while, build new levels, expand out to the
side of the stairwell.
”

She sighed,
adding,
“
And I thought was a great idea. We were going to
change the world.
”

Susan hadn't noticed, but
her mother had taken her hand and was holding her fingers gently.
She had tears in her eyes.

“
He's going
to need you. It will take some time for him to see. You've got to
help him through.
”

Susan nodded, struggling to
hold back her own tears.

“
Give him
time,
”
her mother said, looking her in the eye.
“
Men want everything now. You've got to help him see past
this and to the future.
”

Susan's head dropped. She
felt a sense of conflict within. She loved Charlie. She loved his
vision, his excitement, his passion, but her mother was right. Her
mother had been there before. Susan knew she needed to listen to
her.

She got up
slowly, saying,
“
Thanks
Mom.
”

Morning came too soon.
Susan felt as though her head had barely hit the pillow before her
father was cooking up some grits for breakfast. He never was one
for a fancy cafeteria breakfast of biscuits and gravy or scrambled
eggs.

Susan woke with a start.
She had wanted to head up to the cafeteria before first light as
she knew Charlie would be there, sitting alone in the darkness, and
she felt guilty about not being there for him.

Getting up, she tossed her
hair, running her fingers through her long locks and looking for
her hair-band. She couldn't remember where she'd left it, but it
had her name etched on the inside. Someone would find it and return
it to her, so she didn't worry about misplacing it. The silly thing
was probably in the porter's office, she thought. For now, a
hair-tie and a pony tail would have to do.

“
Morning
sunshine,
”
her father said.

She smiled. She loved being
called sunshine. The world outside might have been poisonous, but
the sun always rose, there was always a new day, and with a new day
came new hope. She splashed water on her face, went to the
bathroom, changed from her pajamas into some coveralls and grabbed
an apple for breakfast.

“
What?
”
her father asked.
“
My cooking not good enough for you?
”

“
It's not
that, Dad,
”
she replied, kissing him on the
cheek.
“
My caster strained her back on our haul to the
Deep so we're on light duties today, staying in the
Mids.
”

“
And that
means you can't eat a decent breakfast?
”
he
asked.

“
No,
”
she replied.
“
That means I'm
late for an early start.
”

Susan stepped out of the
apartment feeling light and breezy. She was aware her feelings were
a contradiction of all that had happened the night before, and she
knew it was because of her mother's advice. Susan had struggled to
know quite what to say to Charlie, but her mother's words gave her
direction. She no longer worried about Charlie. She saw the bigger
picture, 'the long climb' as porters would say. She needed to
convince him to look beyond the moment. Susan felt confident she
could help him through this difficult time.

As she closed the door
behind her, she was shocked to see Charlie sitting in the hallway
with his back against the wall. The narrow hallway was crowded,
with people coming and going, all in a rush, all stepping over
Charlie as he sat there sullen and morose. Her mother was
right.

“
Charlie,
”
she said with genuine
surprise.

He got to his feet as
someone bumped into her from behind.

“
What are you
doing here?
”

They got caught up in the
current, swept along until they found themselves on the landing by
the great stairway. The smooth, flowing curve of the stairs
stretched up above them, corkscrewing down below them as they stood
by the railing looking over the edge into the vertigo-inducing
Great Fall. Porters and builders, farmers and weavers scurried
past, peeling off and either heading up to the factories or down to
the fields.

“
How are
you?
”
he asked, but Susan understood the reflective nature
of his question.

“
Listen,
”
she said.
“
I've got to get
to work ... Are you going to be OK?
”

“
Yeah, I'm
fine,
”
he said, his hand lingering on hers as she held
onto the rail, feeling the pulse of boots on the stairs
reverberating through the cold steel.

“
Charlie,
”
she said, her voice stiffening,
preempting the sober words to come.
“
You've got to let
this go.
”

“
I can't,
Sue.
”

“
You have to.
If you don't, it will eat you up.
”

“
I can't turn
my back on what I've seen,
”
he said, and she
understood what he meant. He wasn't implying she was turning her
back, but rather that his nature compelled him to do something
about all he'd learned.

“
No one's
asking you to,
”
she replied, suddenly realizing how
poor her choice of words were. Hammond was, so was Mayor Johns from
the look of things. She rephrased her comment.
“
I'm not
asking you to, but you need to be patient. Change takes time. You
can't change the silo overnight. I thought your pulley system was a
great idea, but I can see what Hammond's saying, he's worried about
the consequence of change.
”

“
That's
bullshit,
”
Charlie snapped.

“
Is
it?
”
Susan asked, fighting to get him to make eye contact
with her.
“
What would happen if someone died? With loads
coming up the fall, people leaning over the railing and swinging
weights back and forth, it's bound to happen. What then? Would you
face the widow? Because that's what Mayor Johns and Sheriff Cann
will have to do.
”

She sighed.

“
Charlie,
”
she pleaded, her voice rising in
frustration.
“
It's a good idea.
It's just too far, too soon. You've got to plant seeds. You've got
to water the ground, pull the weeds, keep the grow-lights on. You
can't have a harvest overnight.
”

He looked up from his
bootlaces, looking her in the eye.

“
Please,
”
she said, looking deep into his dark
brown eyes.

Charlie nodded.

“
You can't do
this overnight,
”
she added.
“
And you can't
do it alone, but together we can make a difference, OK? But we need
to take baby steps.
”

Charlie
raised her hand to his lips, kissing gently at her fingers as he
said,
“
I'm so thankful for you. If anything ever
happened to you, I don't know what I do.
”

“
Nothing's
happening to me,
”
she reassured him.
“
Now go. You're late for work. I'm late for
work.
”

Charlie
started to move away. Looking back, he pointed at her
saying,
“
Tonight? Up top?
”

Susan smiled,
waving as she replied,
“
Tonight. Up
top.
”

She waited until he
disappeared into the swarm of people on the staircase and then she
turned and headed down to the porter's station on thirty. Normally,
she would have met Lisa at the main station on ten, but Lisa had
sent word they were working the Mids.

Traffic was bad on the
stairs. It took her almost an hour to get to the station. Lisa was
not impressed, that much was clear when Susan walked through the
door.

“
Who is the
caster?
”
Lisa asked.

“
You
are,
”
Susan replied, catching her breath and avoiding eye
contact.

“
Shadows are
cast by an elder. If you're off on your own all the time, you're
not a shadow. If you don't want to shadow, just say
so.
”

Susan's head
dropped.

Lisa stepped
up to her and placed her hand on Susan's shoulder, saying,
“
Boys?
”

Susan nodded.

“
Ha,
”
Lisa cried.
“
we'll, at least
you've got a decent excuse and aren't whining about sleeping
in.
”

“
I slept in
as well.
”

“
Ha ha
ha,
”
Lisa replied, smiling.
“
Well, you're honest,
I'll give you chits for that. Don't make it a habit.
OK?
”

“
OK,
”
Susan replied. If only she could get
chits for being honest, she'd be rich.

“
We've got IT
today,
”
Lisa said, handing Susan an empty porting pack
as they walked out the door.
“
There's a bunch of
stuff they want brought to the porting station for distribution
tomorrow. If we drag our feet and take plenty of breaks, should
take us all day.
”

Susan smiled. She knew what
Lisa was saying. Her caster was goading her. Neither Lisa nor Susan
were slow about their tasks. They were well suited as caster and
shadow as they both shared a drive to get things done.

The stairs had cleared.
Typical, she thought, and not more than a minute after she no
longer needed them clear. Lisa skipped down the stairs. For someone
with a sore back, she didn't show it.

“
I thought
you were
—”

“
Nah,
”
Lisa said, accurately guessing what
Susan was referring to as she replied,
“
they're
shifting the entire refit section of mechanical from 140 to 138. I
didn't feel like spending the next four days Down Deep, especially
as we'd just been there, so I elaborated on a slight twinge in my
back, and slight might be overstating the injury a
tad.
”

With Charlie in such a
fragile state, Susan was glad to avoid a long run in the deep. She
felt responsible for him, as though she owed him care and
understanding.

As they signed in to IT one
of the guards recognized Susan. He was on the night Charlie brought
her down to the hidden level. She could feel herself sweating. She
felt like she was returning to the scene of a murder. He grinned,
but didn't say anything when she looked swiftly away, with a
mixture of embarrassment and guilt.