Authors: Wendy Corsi Staub
“I wouldn't get too excited about that baseball game if I were you, Vic. It's like a monsoon here.”
A rained-out Yankees-Red Sox game on one of Vic's rare nights at home in front of the TV would be a damned shame. Especially since he made a friendly little wager with Rocky Manzillo, his lifelong friend, who had made the trip down from New York this weekend for Vic's birthday dinner.
Always a guy who liked to rock the boat, Rocky is also a lifelong Red Sox fan, despite having grown up in Yankees territory. He still lives there, tooâhe's a detective with the NYPD.
In the grand scheme of Vic Shattuck's life, old pals and baseball rivalries and homemade macaroni casseroles probably matter more than they should. He's rarely around to enjoy simple pleasures. When he is, they help him forget that somewhere out there, a looming stressor is going to catapult yet another predator from the shadows to wreak violent havoc on innocent lives.
September 10, 2001
New York City
6:40
P.M.
“H
ey, watch where you're going!”
Unfazed by the disgruntled young punk, Jamie continues shoving through the sea of pedestrians, baby carriages, and umbrellas, trying to make it to the corner before the light changes.
Around the slow-moving elderly couple, the dog on a leash, a couple of puddle-splashing kids in bright yellow slickers and rubber boots . . .
Failing to make the light, Jamie silently curses them all. Or maybe not silently, because a prim-looking woman flashes a disapproving look. Hand coiled into a fist, Jamie stands waiting in the rain, watching endless traffic zip past.
The subway would have been the best way to go, but there were track delays. And God knows you can't get a stinking cab in Manhattan in weather like this.
Why does everything have to be such a struggle here?
Everything, every day.
A few feet away, a passing SUV blasts its deafening horn.
Noise . . .
Traffic . . .
People . . .
How much more can I take?
Jamie rakes a hand through drenched hair and fights the reckless urge to cross against the light.
That's what it's been about lately. Reckless urges. Day in, day out.
For so long, I've been restrained by others; now that I'm free, I have to constantly restrain myself? It's so unfair.
Why can't I just cross the damned street and go where I need to go?
Why can't I just do whatever the hell I feel like doing? I've earned it, haven't I?
Jamie steps off the curb and hears someone call, “Hey, look out!” just before a monstrous double city bus blows past, within arm's reach.
“Geez, close call.”
Jamie doesn't acknowledge the bystander's voice; doesn't move, just stands staring into the streaming gutter.
It would be running red with blood if you got hit.
Or if someone else did.
It would be so easy to turn around, pick out some random stranger, and with a quick, hard shove, end that person's life. Jamie could do that. It would happen so unexpectedly no one would be able to stop it.
Jamie can feel all those strangers standing there, close enough to touch.
Which of them would you choose?
The prune-faced, disapproving biddy?
One of the splashing kids?
The elderly woman, or her husband?
Just imagine the victim, the chosen one, crying out in surprise, helplessly falling, getting slammed by several tons of speeding steel and dying right there in the gutter.
Yes, blood in the gutter.
Eyes closed, Jamie can see it clearlyâso much blood at first, thick and red right here where the accident will happen. But then the gutter water will sweep it along, thin it out as it merges with wide, deep puddles and with falling rain, spread it in rivulets that will reach like fingers down alleys and streets . . .
Imagine all the horror-struck onlookers, the traumatized driver of the death car, the useless medics who will rush to the scene and find that there's nothing they can do . . .
Nothing anyone can do.
And somewhere, later, phones will ring as family members and friends get the dreaded call.
Just think of all the people who will be touchedâtaintedâby the blood in the street, by that one simple act.
I can do that.
I can choose someone to die.
I've done it beforeâtwice
.
Ah, but not really. Technically, Jamie didn't do the choosing. Both victimsâthe first ten years ago, the second, maybe ten days agoâhad done the choosing; they'd chosen to commit the heinous acts that had sealed their own fates. Jamie merely saw that they got what they deserved.
This time, though, it would have to be different. It would have to be a stranger.
Would it be as satisfying to snuff out a life that has no real meaning in your own?
Would it be even better?
Would itâ
Someone jostles Jamie from behind.
The throng is pressing forward. The traffic has stopped moving past; the light has changed.
Jamie crosses the street, hand still clenched into an angry fist.
An Excerpt from
Â
Glenhaven Park, Westchester County, New York
Sunday, September 11, 2011
H
er husband has suffered from insomnia all his life, but tonight, Allison MacKenna is the one who can't sleep.
Lying on her side of the king-sized bed in their master bedroom, she listens to the quiet rhythm of her own breathing, the summery chatter of crickets and night birds beyond the window screen, and the faint hum of the television in the living room downstairs.
Mack is down there, stretched out on the couch. When she stuck her head in about an hour ago to tell him she was going to bed, he was watching
Animal House
on cable.
“What happened to the Jets game?” she asked.
“They were down fourteen at the half so I turned the channel. Want to watch the movie? It's just starting.”
“Seen it,” she said dryly. As in,
Who hasn't?
“Yeah? Is it any good?” he returned, just as dryly.
“As a former fraternity boy, you'll love it, I'm sure.” She hesitated, wondering if she should tell him.
Might as well: “And you might want to revisit that Jets game.”
“Really? Why's that?”
“They're in the middle of a historic comeback. I just read about it online. You should watch.”
“I'm not in the mood. The Giants are my team, not the Jets.”
Determined to make light of it, she said, “Um, excuse me, aren't you the man who asked my OB-GYN to preschedule a C-section last winter because you were worried I might go into labor while the Jets were playing?”
“That was for the AFC Championship!”
She just shook her head and bent to kiss him in the spot where his dark hair, cut almost buzz-short, has begun the inevitable retreat from his forehead.
When she met Mack, he was in his mid-thirties and looked a decade younger, her own age. Now he owns his forty-four years, with a sprinkling of gray at his temples and wrinkles that frond the corners of his green eyes. His is the rare Irish complexion that tans, rather than burns, thanks to a rumored splash of Mediterranean blood somewhere in his genetic pool. But this summer, his skin has been white as January, and the pallor adds to the overall aura of world-weariness.
Tonight, neither of them was willing to discuss why Mack, a die-hard sports fan, preferred an old movie he'd seen a hundred times to an exciting football game on opening day of the NFL seasonâwhich also happens to coincide with the milestone tenth anniversary of the September 11 attacks.
The networks and most of the cable channels have provided a barrage of special programming all weekend. You couldn't escape it, not even with football.
Allison had seen her husband abruptly switch off the Giants game this afternoon right before the kickoff, as the National Anthem played and an enormous flag was unfurled on the field by people who had lost loved ones ten years ago today.
It's been a long day. It might be a long night, too.
She opens her eyes abruptly, hearing a car slowing on the street out front. Reflected headlights arc across the ceiling of the master bedroom, filtering in through the sheer curtains. Moments later, the engine turns off, car doors slam, faint voices and laughter float up to the screened windows: the neighbors returning from their weekend house in Vermont.
Every Friday, the Lewises drive away from the four-thousand-square-foot Colonial next door that has a home gym over the three-car garage, saltwater swimming pool, and sunken patio with a massive outdoor stone fireplace, hot tub, and wet bar. Allison, who takes in their mail and feeds Marnie, the world's most lovable black cat, while they're gone, is well aware that the inside of their house is as spectacular as the outside.
She always assumed that their country home must be pretty grand for them to leave all that behind every weekend, particularly since Bob Lewis spends a few nights every week away on business travel as it is.
But then a few months ago, when she and Phyllis were having a neighborly chat, Phyllis mentioned that it's an old lakeside home that's been in Bob's family for a hundred years.
Allison pictured a rambling waterfront mansion. “It sounds beautiful.”
“Well, I don't know about
beautiful
,” Phyllis told her with a laugh. “It's just a farmhouse, with claw-foot bathtubs instead of showers, holes in the screens, bats in the attic . . .”
“Really?”
“Really. And it's in the middle of nowhere. That's why we love it. It's completely relaxing. Living around hereâit's more and more like a pressure cooker. Sometimes you just need to get away from it all. You know?”
Yeah. Allison knows.
Every Fourth of July, the MacKennas spend a week at the Jersey Shore, staying with Mack's divorced sister, Lynn, and her three kids at their Salt Breeze Pointe beach house.
This year, Mack drove down with the family for the holiday weekend. Early Tuesday morning, he hastily packed his bag to goâno, to
flee
âback to the city, claiming something had come up at the office.
Not necessarily a far-fetched excuse.
Last January, the same week Allison had given birth to their third child (on a Wednesday, and not by scheduled C-section), Mack was promoted to vice president of television advertising sales. Now he works longer hours than ever before. Even when he's physically present with Allison and the kids, he's often attachedâreluctantly, even grudgingly, but nevertheless inseparablyâto his BlackBerry.
“I can't believe I've become one of those men,” he told her once in bed, belatedly contrite after he'd rolled overâand off herâto intercept a buzzing message.
She knew which men he was talking about. And she, in turn, seems to have become one of
those
women: the well-off suburban housewives whose husbands ride commuter trains in shirtsleeves and ties at dawn and dusk, caught up in city business, squeezing in fleeting family time on weekends and holidays and vacations . . .
If
then.
So, no, his having to rush back to the city at dawn on July 5 wasn't necessarily a far-fetched excuse. But it was, Allison was certainâgiven the circumstancesâan excuse.
After a whirlwind courtship, his sister, Lynn, had recently remarried Daryl, a widower with three daughters. Like dozens of other people in Middleton, the town where he and Lynn live, Daryl had lost his spouse on September 11.
“He and Mack have so much in common,” Lynn had told Allison the first morning they all arrived at the beach house. “I'm so glad they'll finally get to spend some time together. I was hoping they'd have gotten to know each other better by now, but Mack has been so busy lately . . .”
He
was
busy. Too busy, apparently, to stick around the beach house with a man who understood what it was like to have lost his wife in the twin towers.
There were other things, though, that Daryl couldn't possibly understand. Things Mack didn't want to talk about, everânot even with Allison.
At his insistence, she and the kids stayed at the beach with Lynn and Daryl and their newly blended family while Mack went home to work. She tried to make the best of it, but it wasn't the same.
She wondered thenâand continues to wonder nowâif anything ever will be the same again.
Earlier, before heading up the stairs, Allison had rested a hand on Mack's shoulder. “Don't stay up too late, okay?”
“I'm off tomorrow, remember?”
Yes. She remembered. He'd dropped the news of his impromptu mini stay-cation when he came home from work late Friday night.
“Guess what? I'm taking some vacation days.”
She lit up. “Really? When?”
“Now.”
“
Now?
”
“This coming week. Monday, Tuesday, maybe Wednesday, too.”
“Maybe you should wait,” she suggested, “so that we can actually plan something. Our anniversary's coming up next month. You can take time off then instead, and we can get away for a few days. Phyllis is always talking about how beautiful Vermont is at that time ofâ”
“Things will be too busy at the office by then,” he cut in. “It's quiet now, and I want to get the sunroom painted while the weather is still nice enough to keep the windows open. I checked and it's finally going to be dry and sunny for a few days.”
That was true, she knewâshe, too, had checked the forecast. Last week had been a washout, and she was hoping to get the kids outside a bit in the days ahead.
But Mack's true motive, she suspects, is a bit more complicated than perfect painting weather.
Just as grieving families and images of burning skyscrapers are the last thing Mack wanted to see on TV today, the streets of Manhattan are the last place he wants to be tomorrow, invaded as they are by a barrage of curiosity seekers, survivors, reporters and camera crews, makeshift memorials and the ubiquitous protestersânot to mention all that extra security due to the latest terror threat.
Allison doesn't blame her husband for avoiding reminders. For him, September 11 wasn't just a horrific day of historic infamy; it marked a devastating personal loss. Nearly three thousand New Yorkers died in the attack.
Mack's first wife was among them.
When it happened, he and Carrie were Allison's across-the-hall neighbors. Their paths occasionally crossed hers in the elevator or laundry room or on the front stoop of the Hudson Street building, but she rarely gave them a second thought until tragedy struck.
In the immediate aftermath of the attacks, when she found out Carrie was missing at the World Trade Center, Allison reached out to Mack. Their friendship didn't blossom into romance for over a year, and yet . . .
The guilt is always there.
Especially on this milestone night.
Allison tosses and turns in bed, wrestling the reminder that her own happily-ever-after was born in tragedy; that she wouldn't be where she is now if Carrie hadn't talked Mack into moving from Washington Heights to Hudson Street, so much closer to her job as an executive assistant at Cantor Fitzgerald; if Carrie hadn't been killed ten years ago today.
In the most literal sense, she wouldn't be where she is nowâthe money Mack received from various relief funds and insurance policies after Carrie's death paid for this house, as well as college investment funds for their children.
Yes, there are daily stresses, but it's a good life Allison is living. Too good to be true, she sometimes thinks even now: three healthy children, a comfortable suburban home, a BMW and a Lexus SUV in the driveway, the luxury of being a stay-at-home-mom . . .
The knowledge that Carrie wasn't able to conceive the child Mack longed for is just one more reason for Allison to feel sorry for herâfor what she lost, and Allison gained.
But it's not as though I don't deserve happiness. I'm thirty-four years old. And my life was certainly no picnic before Mack came along.
Her father walked out on her childhood when she was nine and never looked back; her mother died of an overdose before she graduated high school. She put herself through the Art Institute of Pittsburgh, moved alone to New York with a degree in fashion, and worked her ass off to establish her career at
7th Avenue
magazine.
On September 11, the attack on the World Trade Center turned her life upside down, but what happened the next day almost destroyed it.
Kristina Haines, the young woman who lived upstairs from her, was brutally murdered by Jerry Thompson, the building's handyman.
Allison was the sole witness who could place him at the scene of the crime. By the time he was apprehended, he had killed three more peopleâand Allison had narrowly escaped becoming another of his victims.
Whenever she remembers that incident, how a figure lurched at her from the shadows of her own bedroom . . .
You don't just put something like that behind you.
And so, on this night of bitter memories, Jerry Thompson is part of the reason she's having trouble sleeping.
It was ten years ago tonight that he crept into Kristina's open bedroom window.
Ten years ago that he stabbed her to death in her own bed, callously robbing the burning, devastated city of one more innocent life.
He's been in prison ever since.
Allison's testimony at his trial was the final nail in the coffinâthat was how the prosecuting attorney put it, a phrase that was oft-quoted in the press.
“I just hope it wasn't my own,” she recalls telling Mack afterward.
“Your own what?” he asked, and she knew he was feigning confusion.
“Coffin.”
“Don't be ridiculous.”
But it
wasn't
ridiculous.
She remembers feeling Jerry's eyes on her as she told the court that he had been at the murder scene that night. Describing how she'd seen him coming out of a stairwell and slipping into the alleyway, she wondered what would happen if the defense won the case and Jerry somehow wound up back out on the street.
Would he come after her?
Would he do to her what he had done to the others?
Sometimesâlike tonightâAllison still thinks about that.
It isn't likely. He's serving a life sentence. But still . . .
Things happen. Parole hearings. Prison breaks.
What if . . . ?
No. Stop thinking that way. Close your eyes and go to sleep. The kids will be up early, as usual.
She closes her eyes, but she can't stop imagining what it would be like to open them and find Jerry Thompson standing over her with a knife, like her friend Kristina did.
Sullivan Correctional Facility
Fallsburg, New York
O
ne hour of television.
That's it. That's all Jerry is allowed per day, and he has to share it with a roomful of other inmates, so he never gets to choose what he wants to watch. Not that he even knows what that might be, because it's been ten years since he held a remote control.