Shadow of the Moon (12 page)

THIRTEEN

“Oh. My. God. Daniel.” I knelt beside him.

“It’s okay,” he said, packing snow on his thigh to slow the bleeding.

I barely heard his words as from the others worry, concern, even hints of fear—that it could have been one of them—infiltrated me and surpassed my own fears and worry for Daniel. We had no doctor here.

Reaching out, Daniel took my hand. Still so warm. “Hayden, it’s okay. I’ll just shift.”

“No,” Elder Wilde and I said at the same time.

“The risk is too great,” Elder Wilde continued.

“This isn’t going to heal on its own by tomorrow night,” Daniel said.

“Then you will go into battle wounded or not at all. We shall see how you fare tomorrow,” Elder Wilde said.

Daniel was shaking his head.

“We do what is best for the pack here, Daniel,” Elder Wilde said. “We discussed this when you first came to us. You either adopt our ways or leave.”

I watched as Daniel’s jaw tightened. I didn’t know what he was feeling, but I knew what he was thinking. “Please don’t go,” I whispered.

He hesitated, then nodded.

“Let’s tend to your wounds,” Elder Wilde said.

It hurt watching Daniel limp into the manor, leaving a trail spotted with blood in his wake.

“Sucks for Daniel,” Brittany said, coming up beside me, “but at least you know you can handle a sword.”

“Not that it’ll really do you any good tomorrow night,” Lindsey said. “You won’t have the strength to lift a weapon during your transformation.”

Every time I tried to be normal, something happened to remind me that I wasn’t.

Inside the kitchen Daniel took a chair.

“I could send for a doctor,” Elder Wilde said.

Daniel grimaced. “I’ll be fine.”

Using scissors, I cut the tear in his jeans so it was larger and we had easier access to his wound. All the emotions…I couldn’t concentrate.

“I’ll tend to Daniel,” I said, “but I need everyone to leave except Brittany.”

The emotions hammering at me eased slightly, so I could focus on the task. Using warm water, Brittany and I cleaned the wounds and wrapped them in strips of sheet that one of the elders brought us.

“Stop looking so guilty,” Daniel said. “It was stupid for us to be practicing against each other. The whole thing is stupid.”

I touched his cheek. “You’re worried about me.”

“Damned right I’m worried. No one has deliberately battled this creature in centuries. What if it’s evolved into something that can’t be killed with silver? What if…There just has to be another way.”

I touched his knee. “How bad do you hurt?”

“Bad enough that I’m going to go lie down. Maybe if I rest, the wounds will heal while I sleep.”

I watched him struggle to his feet and limp from the room, bandages around his thigh and his hand. I wanted to hit something.

“He’s right,” I said, but Brittany was there to hear it. “It was stupid.”

“It was an accident,” she said. “And I disagree. We needed some practice. If we have to take this thing down with a sword, then that’s what we have to do.”

I sighed. Maybe.

“You know what would make him feel better?” Brittany asked. “Some chocolate cookies.”

I stared at her. “How do you know that?”

“When we took that group of girls camping last summer, he ate s’mores like you wouldn’t believe. He confessed to me that he’s a chocolate addict.”

It bothered me that she knew how to comfort him and I didn’t.

“What else did he confess?” I asked.

She shook her head and grimaced. “Sorry. I can’t really remember. I wasn’t paying that much attention. I was determined not to like him. I don’t know why I suddenly remembered the chocolate thing. So the cook will be in here before too long to start preparing dinner. Want to get Kayla and Lindsey in here to help us make some cookies before then?”

I thought about passing on the offer, but I did want to do something for Daniel and having only the girls in here would give me more practice at blocking their emotions, or at least let me get used to having them around. My gift was going to be my worst liability tomorrow night.

“Yeah, sure.”

I took a quick shower to get Daniel’s blood off me and changed into clean jeans and a sweater. On my way back to the kitchen I stopped by the door into Daniel’s room. I thought about opening it and just peering in at him sleeping, but I was afraid if I did, I wouldn’t return to the kitchen. I’d just want to snuggle against him. I missed that we couldn’t seem to find any private moments here.

I put my hand on the doorknob, then shook my head and headed downstairs.

Before I even reached the kitchen, I was swamped with happiness, joy, calm—no doubt all of it coming from the girls in the kitchen. This little afternoon girl time might be just what I needed—whether I could hold back their emotions or not.

When I walked through the door, something soft landed on my face and I heard laughter around me. It was an apron. Did anyone wear aprons anymore? I couldn’t recall ever seeing my mom in one.

“We’re not exactly the neatest cooks,” Kayla said as though she read my mind.

They were already wearing aprons of their own, so I tied mine around my waist, feeling like little Miss Suzy Homemaker. I walked to the huge butcher block. In the center of it were a large blue bowl and a saucepan.

“Okay,” Kayla said. “Here is how it works. We’re each going to put an ingredient into the saucepan. The person who is putting in the ingredient gets to ask a question and the others have to answer.”

“She has to answer, too,” Brittany said.

Kayla rolled her eyes. “Maybe. But I’m going first.” And she grabbed the pan before anyone else could.

She dumped in two cups of sugar. “Okay, what are your mate’s kisses like?”

Lindsey and Brittany groaned good-naturedly. I was standing there thinking that there might be something worse than feeling someone’s emotions: actually describing something as intimate as a kiss.

“Okay,” Lindsey said, laughing. “I’ll go first, but I’m next with the saucepan.”

Her complexion was fair so her blush was visible as it raced into her cheeks. I didn’t understand why she would tell us something that embarrassed her, but then I felt trust curling through me, not only hers, I thought, but the others’ as well. They trusted one another enough to say anything. They were trying to extend this privilege to me.

“It should come as no surprise that Rafe is an awesome kisser,” she said, her blush deepening. “He is so into it that when he’s kissing me, I really can’t think of anything else.”

I thought of last night when Seth’s fears were overtaking me. Daniel’s kiss had been so powerful that every other emotion except my own receded.

Lindsey looked at Brittany.

Brittany smirked. “You might think you know how Connor kisses but you don’t. I guarantee he never kissed you the way he kisses me or you’d have never let him go.”

Lindsey smiled. “Aren’t you glad I did, though?”

Brittany nodded. “Yeah.”

“It wasn’t because I didn’t think he was terrific, Brit,” Lindsey said. “That’s the reason I struggled with it so much. Connor’s great. He just wasn’t right for me.”

“She really did struggle with her decision,” I said, then felt my own face heat up as three pairs of eyes came to bear on me. “I’m sorry. I don’t ever talk about the emotions that visit me—and I didn’t know it was you at the time, Lindsey. I just knew there were powerful doubt and guilt being felt by someone. I only figured out that it was you later when things ended up the way they did. And I just—I can feel now—an uncomfortableness. I think it’s between you and Brittany. I mean, who else is here, right? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t be trying to do this bonding cookie thing. I’m just going to go.”

I started to turn away, but three
no
s echoed through the kitchen. Brittany was the one who grabbed my arm first, but Kayla was right behind her, taking the other one, and her remorse flowed into me.

“Don’t leave,” Brittany said. “We can’t imagine what it is to be you. To know what everyone’s feeling. To hold our secrets.”

“Not your secrets. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I just know what people feel. And the emotions hit me. I don’t always know who they’re attached to. But sometimes I can figure it out.”

“So stay,” Kayla said. “We won’t do the stupid questions.”

“I liked the question,” Brittany said. “I wondered what Daniel kissed like. We never kissed. So?”

They released their grips on my arms. I almost ran. Instead I said, “Well, the question was what are your mate’s kisses like. And he’s not my mate.”

“You’re not going to accept him?” Brittany asked as they steered me toward the island.

“I don’t know.”

Lindsey dumped cocoa into the saucepan. “Why not?”

Brittany poured half a cup of milk into the pan before handing it to me along with a stick of margarine. I focused on unwrapping the stick of margarine. It was easier to talk when I wasn’t looking at them. “I’ve never…really spent any time with guys. I like him. I like him a lot. He’s bossy, but strong and sexy and nice.” I dropped the margarine into the pan before looking up. “How did you know your mate was your mate?”

Kayla took the pan to the stove, set the heat on medium, and began stirring the ingredients to melt them. “I didn’t even know about mates when I met Lucas,” she said, “but wow, something about him really got to me. It was like no matter where he was I could feel him watching me. The depth of attraction I felt for him so fast scared me. I tried to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, but it was always simmering beneath the surface. As much as he scared me, not being with him scared me more.”

“I always loved Connor,” Brittany said. “Since I don’t have the mate-for-life gene, I’m probably not the best one to explain how you
know
he’s your mate.”

“But you knew you loved him,” Lindsey said.

“Oh yeah. I lived for those moments when I saw him, when he spoke to me, when he just looked at me. I always felt warm and fuzzy if he gave me any attention. He could also piss me off quicker than anyone I knew. When he’d challenge my fighting ability—watch out.”

“See, I didn’t get that with Connor,” Lindsey said. “Being with Connor was…pleasant. Enjoyable. Being with Rafe…scared the living crap out of me. Still does. Everything is just so intense.”

I didn’t want to tell them that everything they’d experienced with their mates, I’d experienced with Daniel. It was so personal and private. But was it enough? Why couldn’t I just say he was the one?

The mixture began to boil. Kayla removed it from the stove and carried it back to the island, where Brittany dumped three cups of oats, a cup of coconut, and a teaspoon of vanilla into the bowl. “Now the magic ingredient,” she said, and added a half teaspoon of imitation butter flavoring.

Kayla poured the chocolate brew into the bowl and Lindsey stirred it. They worked as a team, each seeming to know what the other was going to do. And though they were trying to include me, I still felt slightly like an outsider.

Brittany set a large cookie sheet covered in wax paper on the island and handed me two spoons. Lindsey set the bowl in the center of the island. We began spooning out the concoction and dropping it in little balls on the cookie sheet.

“So what are you going to do about Daniel?” Brittany asked.

“I don’t know. It’s kind of a moot point, really. I mean, I have to go through my first transformation alone. He can’t shift with me.”

“That really sucks,” Brittany said. “What if you do die?”

“As long as you guys kill that monster…” I shrugged, trying to pretend that it didn’t matter, that I wasn’t scared. I was so glad they couldn’t sense my emotions.

I also realized that I’d managed to spend a little time with them without being overwhelmed by theirs.

“So do we bake these or what?” I asked, wanting to turn the attention away from tomorrow night.

“Nope,” Kayla said. “We just let them set.” She touched one with the tip of her finger. “Maybe five, ten minutes.”

“That’s the reason we like them,” Lindsey said. “They’re easy and quick.”

“We should have included you more often,” Brittany said quietly.

She’d faced her full moon alone. Although I hadn’t been able to feel her emotions, I was certain she’d experienced fear and apprehension. Then disappointment when the moon arrived and left and she remained unchanged. Probably more than anyone, she understood what was going through me.

“Here,” she said, taking a small plate and placing some of the cookies on it. “Why don’t you take some to Daniel?”

And
maybe have a few minutes alone with him in his room
went unsaid. I felt myself blush again. I didn’t think I’d ever blushed so much in my life.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the plate. “And thanks for letting me help with the cookies.”

“Everything’s going to work out tomorrow night,” Kayla said.

But I felt her doubts. Sometimes it sucked to be me.

I gave them a brave smile and left the kitchen. Most of my time with them had been enjoyable. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with them again.

I strode through the manor, passing tables of knickknacks that were hundreds of years old, artifacts of another time. Portraits of generations that had come before lined the wall. The manor was more like a museum than a home.

As I went up the stairs, my heart began pounding and my palms grew sweaty. As much as I was anticipating seeing Daniel, I hated to think of him in pain. But that was preferable to what might happen if he shifted to heal and the harvester became aware of it. We didn’t even have aspirin around. A couple of Shifters were pediatricians. They came here during the summer and winter solstice to be on hand if any children got hurt. But once we’d had our full moon, we had no need for their services.

I went down the hallway that led to Daniel’s room. I rapped lightly on the door. “Daniel?”

He didn’t answer. I wondered if he was in a deep sleep. I didn’t think he’d ignore me. He’d said he didn’t blame me for what had happened.

I knocked a little louder. “Daniel?”