Shadow of Love (4 page)

‘
None of the above.’ There was a slight edge of disappointment in Sophie’s voice, her hurried explanation unable to erase it completely. ‘I told you before; he’s very old fashioned that way. We have just kissed, nothing more. He said he wants to do things the right way, Em.’

‘
So, you don’t know what he’s like in bed, either?’ That was the payback for the Peter comment, Emily thought guiltily, her usually soft-spoken nature cringing before a verbal war.

‘
I’ll change his mind. Don’t worry about it.’ Sophie laughed huskily, her self-confidence restored. ‘Just wait and see. But if you’re so interested to find out more about him, you’ll get your chance soon. I’ve invited him to the brunch, of course. Feel free to drill him as much as you like, sis.’

She could not talk her out of her madness, Emily realized. She put down the phone after exultant Sophie forced her to promise to be nice to her brand new fiancé. She had promised, if only to stop the waterfall of superlatives that were starting to make her sick.

She had to admit that she was curious about the man who had managed to achieve the unattainable, taming Sophie in a span of merely two days. She remembered the never-ending stream of boyfriends her sister had brought home over the years, none of them lasting longer than a few weeks. Maybe that was part of the reason Emily was so careful about her own love life, the fragility and fleetingness of it all playing out in front of her eyes a few times too many. Watching Sophie flirt and charm boys since the day they started their life together as a family, she was rather doubtful about the possibility of finding someone who was in it for the long haul, seeing more than just a nice pair of legs or curvy breasts.

She didn’t need to worry about that either, a spiteful little voice in her head whispered as she sipped her tea, curled up on her sofa. Emily took after her mom, her short, slim figure lacking the wow factor so visible in both Marlene and Sophie. She did have nice, thick hair and a heart-shaped face with large hazel eyes, her frame proportional and curved gently in all the right places. Still, living next to a teenage model while growing up had put certain expectations in her head, her own shortcomings highlighted by comparison to Sophie’s flawless beauty. She had become used to it, of course, and stopped paying attention by the time she started her university, realizing that there was so much more to life than being pretty in a strictly physical way.

She tried to go back to sleep, tossing and turning fretfully as dreamland seemed to elude her high-strung mind. She cursed Sophie for her impatience, the news about the engagement destroying any hope for a truly restful night. She could have waited till morning, Emily thought grumpily as she took her shower at six, finally giving up on her attempts to catch a few more winks. Since she was up so early, she took an extra half an hour blow-drying her long, dark hair and applied her make up with more attention than usual. She needed to feel confident, she thought as she put mascara on her long, curly lashes.

After all, it was Marlene’s birthday, and even though the doctor assured her repeatedly about the total lack of danger of relapse, she worried about the effect the unexpected party could have on her stepmother. She had discussed it with Sophie, sharing her concerns in the most delicate way possible. She could hardly mention that she worried about Marlene’s preoccupation with youth and age, her numerous attempts to stop time with the help of cosmetic procedures known to both of them for years. Fifty was a milestone, she reasoned with her sister, a kind of a number that could throw Marlene off if she worried about getting older.

Sophie, with her usual optimism and lack of criticism, dismissed her remarks as whining, painting instead a dreamy picture of their mother crying tears of pure joy when surprised with a wonderful party. In the end she had no choice but to relent, Emily thought nervously as she dressed in her simple cream-colored wool dress. It was Sophie’s mom, after all, and if she decided that things were fine, so be it.

She eyed herself critically in the large mirror that was hanging on the inside of her closet door. The dress was deceivingly simple with its capped sleeves and square neckline that revealed the pure lines of her creamy neck. It was cut to the figure, ending just above her knees. The only decorative part was the narrow, matching belt with a matte golden buckle, spanning her tiny waist. Her cream and brown pumps provided the much-needed three inches, and she smiled at herself, adding a delicate necklace with a tiger eye pendant to finish off the ensemble.

She had always liked that particular piece of jewelry that she had inherited from her mother, the semi-precious stone with brown and rusty lines her favorite one for years. She remembered herself at eight asking her father why it was called a tiger-eye, absurdly worried that it was a true eye instead of a precious stone. He had explained to her patiently and with a rare grin that the lines and different shades of brown, yellow, and orange made people think of the big feline’s eyes.

She was looking as good as she ever would, she thought, buttoning up her coat and grabbing her gift for Marlene from where it waited on the kitchen table. She had gotten her a cashmere pashmina shawl, something Marlene had talked about for quite a while. Soft, luxurious, and utterly decadent, it would hopefully make her happy on the special day that was meant as a celebration of her life and its new beginnings.

The drive to the hospital was short and uneventful. Almost too much so, Emily thought as she parked her car near the entrance. Her eyes went to the second floor, where she knew Marlene would be waiting. She hoped Sophie would arrive soon to perk up her mother. Marlene had suffered numerous depressive episodes over the last ten years, becoming good friends with the doctors and nurses in the psychiatry department, and Emily knew how their departure would go.

Emily left the car, remembering at the last moment to take the little bunch of pink roses, Marlene’s favorite flowers. It wouldn’t hurt to start the trip on a cheerful note, she thought as she entered the main foyer and instantly drowned in the usual hubbub of the busy hospital morning.

Her eyes surveyed the lobby, searching for the familiar silhouette of her sister. They had agreed to meet here, in front of the little gift shop that sold mostly baby clothes, fancy nighties, and soft cuddly toys meant to be taken to proud new parents on the delivery floor. She walked over to the shop’s window, annoyed to find Sophie wasn’t there at all.

One quick glance at her phone confirmed her suspicion that it was already a quarter to nine, and Sophie’s absence was delaying them unnecessarily. She would have to call and ask where she was, Emily decided, praying for her sister’s phone to be on. It wouldn’t be surprising to just reach her mailbox, too full to take another message. But she was lucky this time, because after the fourth ring, Sophie picked up, her cheerful voice at odds with Emily’s stressed mood.

‘
Where are you, Sophie?’ she asked impatiently, her eyes idly going over the colorful display in the shop window. The oversized teddy bear caught her attention, its soft huggable body and cute button eyes making her wish they had a child in a family for whom she could buy it. Well, maybe they would real soon, if Sophie’s romance continued to progress at breakneck speed. If it took only two days to be engaged, how many more could there be until she realized that motherhood was her ultimate goal?

‘
Gosh, Em, I’m so stuck in traffic, it isn’t even funny.’ Sophie didn’t seem too worried about being late to pick up her mother—quite the opposite. She sounded perfectly happy and smug, making Emily suspect that maybe her plans to divert her new fiancé from his chivalrous, decent attitude worked better than she expected after all. ‘I don’t think I can make it, really. Do you think it would be totally awful if I went to the restaurant instead and made sure all is ready when you guys arrive?’

Her innocent question made Emily bite her lip in frustration, the realization that she had been stood up and used to do the more difficult part of the job once again washing over her like a tidal wave.

Sophie hated hospitals. She said so herself on countless occasions, her nose wrinkled in disgust as she lamented the smells and sights of those types of places. She hated to see both the sick and their families, the sight of a hospital gown enough to make her skip her lunch. It looked depressing and scary, she argued, her blue eyes woeful.

It had taken a lot of persuading to drag her along to visit Marlene, Emily thought resentfully. She came rarely and stayed for only a short time, her legs folded in the chair with an unmistakable gesture of impatience, visibly eager to leave the room at the first possible moment. But the joy on Marlene’s face was reward enough for listening to her sister’s whining and complaints on their way back home.

Emily didn’t look forward to visiting the psychiatric ward either, she thought, as she started to walk to the stairs, skipping the elevator at the end of the corridor. It wasn’t the happiest of places. Many different faces of the human psyche’s misery clung to her like a sticky cobweb long after she left its beige painted walls and the sweetly sickish smell of medication and cleaning detergents. But it needed to be done, she reasoned with herself, walking briskly up the stairs to the third floor, her clicking heels echoing in the otherwise empty shaft. She took a second to catch her breath and collect her thoughts before she pushed the door open, bracing herself against the not-always-pleasant sights she might encounter on the other side of the metal door. There were good days and bad days, she had learnt over the years, her respect for the nurses handling the floor and the patients growing with each visit.

It seemed to be one of the good mornings, she realized with relief, walking up to the desk and greeting the receptionist.

‘
Good morning, Brenda.’ She knew the woman from many visits she had paid over the years, Brenda’s fierce eyes and tight mouth not fooling her for a moment. Brenda was one of the softest and nicest nurses she had ever met, her rather brisk and forbidding outer shell a protective shield against exposing her true nature to her patients. One had to be strong to survive that ward, dealing with breakdowns and meltdowns on a daily basis. People who came here needed someone with a spine, she used to say, her dark eyes softening momentarily as she sipped her coffee. They needed someone strong to pick them up and put them back together, instead of allowing them to wallow in their own misery.

‘
Hello, Emily.’ The nurse smiled, visibly pleased to see her. She twisted around to peek behind her, her bushy eyebrows rising questioningly. ‘Where is Sophie, though? Marlene has been asking for her the whole morning. She’s so happy to be finally well enough to leave, the poor thing.’

‘
Well, she got stuck in traffic.’ Emily’s cheeks burned as she met the nurse’s incredulous gaze and realized how incredibly weak and pathetic the excuse sounded. She sighed and looked at the paperwork prepared by the doctor. ‘I guess it’s just me today. But we have something special planned, so I hope that Marlene will get over her disappointment soon.’

‘
It better be something good.’ Brenda grinned in response, her features softening. ‘Marlene was too excited to sleep ’til almost midnight, ever since Sophie called and told her she had some surprise planned for her.’

How typical of Sophie to do that, Emily thought as she fought to hide her disappointment. Regardless of the fact that they were working on the surprise party together, and that she had done the lion’s share of work, in the end it would all look like Sophie’s brainchild, pushing Emily aside once again. She didn’t want to compete with Marlene’s daughter, nor did she feel envious of their tight mother-daughter connection. It would just be nice to be acknowledged for a change, instead of listening to Marlene praise Sophie with eagerness that made Emily boil inside.

‘
It is.’ She smiled, deciding to stop her petty thoughts and concentrate on her reason for being here in the first place. It was Marlene’s birthday, and whatever made her happy mattered most, her own selfish grievances safely tucked away for later. ‘Where is she?’

‘
Just finishing her final check up with Dr. Bern, I think.’ Brenda nodded toward the long corridor, where Marlene’s room was. ‘She has already filled out all her paperwork for us, so once he gives her the green light, you’re set to go. If you wish, you can pop by there, too. He might want to talk to you, too.’

She walked to the room, passing numerous patients pacing up and down the hallway. The murmur of conversations coming from many rooms made her think of a hive. When she was a child, her parents had taken her to see their friend’s organic farm, where she found a few colonies of bees the most exciting part of the enterprise. She watched, fascinated, as the little brown creatures crawled all over the artificial combs, unperturbed and indifferent to human interference. The amber honey that they made was the best she had ever tried, and her plans for the future involved beekeeping for a long time afterward.

She arrived at Marlene’s room just as the door swung open and Dr. Bern appeared on the doorstep. His long face broke into a genuine smile when he saw her, a net of fine lines surrounding his dark, bespectacled eyes.

‘
Just the person I wanted to see,’ he said, his voice low and pleasant. ‘Your mother is ready to leave and asking for you girls.’ He gazed behind her, tactfully omitting the question about Sophie’s absence. It must have come with the territory, Emily thought—his ability to avoid all things that might undermine the sense of calm and peace he was striving to evoke in all his patients.

‘
I’ll take her home. Sophie is there waiting with the surprise party we told you about,’ she explained hurriedly, puzzled with her own eagerness to protect her sister from too harsh a judgment. It wasn’t her fault Sophie was horrid with keeping her promises, she thought as she saw him nod pleasantly before he ushered her into the room.