Shadow of All Night Falling (12 page)

The maid arrived. “Milady?”

“Bring some wine please, then we’ll help Astrid with the things we set out this morning.”

“Yes, Milady.” The maid curtseyed, left. A deep and abiding silence, of brooding women, engulfed the room. Astrid (whose name was Elana), wanted to offer advice and comfort, but fought herself. This woman was the enemy. Yet she couldn’t hate Nepanthe. She felt too much compassion for the woman, who had done her no harm. Damn the machinations of men! She would rather be friends than foes.

The silence grew unbounded, frightening, cold. It had to be broken. “I can’t thank you enough for loaning the clothes. A soldier’s wife doesn’t get nice things very often.” Her words were just noise to kill the fearful silence.

“Then why stay with Rendel?” Nepanthe asked. Her face revealed a fleeting moment of hope. Astrid sensed that their conversation would slide around to Nepanthe’s problem. “You’re beautiful and well-bred.”

Elana smiled involuntarily. Her mother had been an Itaskian courtesan of considerable notoriety.

“You’re mannered and capable of moving in elegant society. You’d have no trouble attracting a Lord of estate.”

She had, occasionally, early on, when younger and taking a few tentative steps along the red trail her mother had broken. Another reminiscent smile. “I guess I could have, if I’d wanted one. But Rendel caught my eye.” Being able to lower her guard a little and tell a part of the truth was infinitely relaxing. This castle contained no one she could call friend, no one with whom she could just sit and make idle woman-talk. Few of Bragi’s staff were married. “I don’t miss the luxuries-much-because I don’t get time to worry about them.” Her smile grew wan. She did miss things, things she deeply wanted. A home, children, a few luxuries... But Bragi wasn’t ever able to grab enough money.... There was always that one more campaign before they could settle down. Maybe this one would really be the last, if that old man paid as well as he had promised, if Bragi decided to go ahead, if they weren’t found out... The ifs, all these terrible ifs...

Nepanthe wore a shadow-frown of incomprehension.

“You don’t understand,” said Elana, voicing the obvious. She gathered her wits. Discussing Nepanthe’s problems would help submerge her own. “When you meet the right man you’ll know what I mean. They don’t come in shining armor these days. And when you do find him, the silks and fancies won’t mean much anymore. Fisherman, beggar, king, thief, it’ll be all the same to you. A tent will be as good as a castle and straw as soft as down as long as you’re together. But you’ve got to accept what comes. Look past the wrappings for the package’s contents. Or you might spend the rest of your life wondering why you were such a fool.

“And I’m getting awfully preachy, aren’t I?”

“You really love him, don’t you?” Nepanthe asked. “Rendel, I mean.” She grew flustered, feeling silly for saying the obvious.

Elana had spoken primarily to help Mocker, but, in retrospect, realized she was talking with her heart. “More than I knew, now that you ask. I’m surprised. The gods know it’s been no honeymoon-we’re both too too bullheaded-but I don’t think there’s anything that could make me run him off. Yes, I love him. Even though I did the proposing myself.” She laughed.

“You asked him?”

“I certainly did. He was a real hard case. Took a lot of convincing.”

The maid brought wine, served them, told Elana, “If you come to the bedroom, I’ll help with the dresses.”

Nepanthe’s sitting room had been wonderful, but Elana found the woman’s bedroom a veritable fairyland. There, riches were thick as fallen leaves in autumn, and as comfortable. “Rendel promised me a room like this when we got married. Till now I never thought I’d even see one.”

“Just presents from my brothers,” Nepanthe replied, shrugging them off. “Jerrad killed the rugs. They’re bearskins, mostly. Ridyeh got the mirror in Escalon. It’s supposed to be magic, but none of us can work it. It’s awfully old. Luxos made the bed. Carved it by hand, after one he saw in Itaskia, he says.”

The maid moved behind Elana, began unlacing her clothing.

Nepanthe continued, “Valther gave me the paintings. Did you ever see anything like them?”

“Only once. In Hellin Daimiel, at a museum.”

“That’s where he got them-Hellin Daimiel. And I think they were stolen from a museum, but Valther wouldn’t do anything like that. I don’t think. He never did say how he got them. Brock gave me the little figurines.” Tiny little castles and warriors, perfectly shaped, stood on a board no bigger than Elana’s hand. “They’re hand-carved. The clear ones are diamonds. The red ones are rubies. They’re pieces for a game. I think they’re stolen too. Only a king could afford them.”

By now, Elana was naked and shivering in Ravenkrak’s unheated autumn air. As she joined the maid beside a pile of silken undergarments, she asked, “What did Turran give you?”

“Nothing!” Nepanthe snapped. “Not a thing.”

“Milady!” said the maid, as though distressed. “Of course he did. There’s the dress, that he said was the easy half of his gift.” She giggled. She wasn’t more than fourteen, an age when everything is laughter or despair.

Nepanthe bit her lip, frowned, turned away. “Anina, you talk too much.”

The maid giggled again, went to a closet.

“Anina!”

Anina brought out a magnificent gown. Elana gasped. There was enough fine silk there to rig sails for a ship. “A wedding dress!” she exclaimed. “Nepanthe, that’s the best gift of all.”

Nepanthe’s bitten lip turned white. Her small hands twisted within one another.

“It’s just half the present,” said Anina. “The rest’s the man to go with it. See, the Lord does the marrying here.”

“Enough!” Nepanthe spat. “Anina get out! I’ll help Astrid. Maybe a turn scrubbing floors would teach you to watch your tongue.”

The maid tried to look contrite. She failed abysmally, giving way to a fit of giggles.

“Servants!” Nepanthe muttered.

“She meant no harm, Milady.”

“I have a name. Call me Nepanthe. Sure, she meant no harm. But she presumes too much.”

“I think it’s a beautiful present.”

Nepanthe jerked the laces with which she was fumbling. Elana gasped. “Which?” Nepanthe demanded.

“The dress, of course. I wore rags when I got married. What a dress! What a wedding would go with it! Like a coronation in old Ilkazar.”

“I do not plan to get married, ever,” said Nepanthe, each word measured. “I want no man crawling over me and pawing me like... like an animal in a breeding stall!”

Her intensity was frightening. Elana grunted as Nepanthe jerked savagely on another set of laces. She wanted to say something, anything, in rebuttal, comforting, or apologetic, but intuited that silence was best. The subject was closed-unless Nepanthe reopened it.

Silence, interrupted only by the rustle of clothing, hung thick in the bedroom, remaining unbroken till Nepanthe began helping with the shoes.

Elana sat on the edge of the bed. Nepanthe knelt before her, hooking the shoes. Staring at Elana’s feet, she stammered, “What’s it like, having a man?”

“What?”

Nepanthe’s neck colored where her hair had parted and exposed the skin beneath. “You know, like that.”

Her answer, Elana knew, would be critical both to her own future and to that of this strange woman. She tried to come up with an instructive answer, couldn’t. “What can I say? I can’t tell you what it’d be like for you.”

“Well, what do you think? Mother never liked it. She said it was wicked... that... well, I don’t know.”

“But she had seven children.”

“I mean my stepmother. My real mother died when I was born.”

“That’s a face some women put on in company. I don’t think very many take it to bed. It’s not dirty or evil..”

“But what’s it like?” Nepanthe asked plaintively.

Elana shrugged. She began with the basics.

“I know the mechanics...”

“Then what can I tell you? There’s only one way to find out. The hard way.”

Still looking down, Nepanthe whispered, “Does it hurt, the first time? I’ve heard...” She let it trail off.

“Some, for some women. You’ll forget it quick enough. I hardly remember...”

Nepanthe rose suddenly, walked away. “You’re done,” she said. “Take a look in the mirror.” Then, as Elana admired herself, “Astrid, I’m scared. I can’t change! Sometimes, when he’s here, I want to, but when I think about it... I don’t. I don’t want to change! I’m all mixed up. I wish I weren’t a woman. Anyway, I wish I were a normal woman.”

“Oh, not that abnormal, I think,” said Elana, trying to calm her. “We’re all afraid-deathly so-before, if we’re expecting it to happen. It seems... well... Oh, hell! I can’t explain! It’s just different, afterward. The fears go. Slow, for some, but they go. I can’t tell you anything except that it’s not wrong. Come on, dinner’s waiting. Rendel be worrying, and Turran’ll be holding everything up.”

NINE: Behind Walls that Reach to the Sky

“I wish they’d stop beating those drums!” Turran growled. Leaning on the battlements, he studied the enemy encampment. A dull throbbing echoed upward, like the heartbeat of a world. “They’ll drive me mad!”

“That’s the idea,” said Ragnarson, leaning beside him. “War of nerves. An old bin Yousif trick. He heard they do it in Shinsan.”

“It’s working.” The Storm King turned, glanced along the wall toward where Nepanthe and Saltimbanco strolled together. “Somebody’s not bothered. Our windy friend’s making headway.”

Indeed. They walked hand in hand, and Nepanthe seemed unashamed of being seen.

“Ha!” said Redbeard. She’s making headway. He’s lost a good four stone. What do you think of the match?”

After considering, Turran replied, “Nepanthe needs a man more than anything else in the world. A one-eyed, one-legged beggar from the blackest slum in Itaskia would suit me if she’d have him. But Saltimbanco pleases me. His origins seem humble, yet his heart’s as noble as a king’s. I wouldn’t prevent a wedding, or even an affair. In fact, if I knew how I’d help him seduce her.”

Grimnason nodded, offered, “If there’s anything I can do...” Then, “Speaking of Itaskia, have you heard anything about Haroun?”

“No. Gold and knives have sealed a lot of mouths. Ridyeh’s having trouble. How long before they reach the wall?”

Ragnarson looked down at bin Yousif’s earthworks, long, lazy zigzags advancing up the Candareen. The heavy weapons had been unable to damage them. “Not soon.”

“Number three trebuchet!” Turran bellowed. “Fire one at the center approach.”

A missile arced through the air, trailing smoke, but fell short. Naptha spewed and burned amongst broken rocks.

“Not quite,” Ragnarson observed. “Another day or two.”

“Can we hold till winter?”

Ragnarson was surprised. Turran with doubts about the invincibility of his fortress? Impossible! “They won’t be ready to try the wall till autumn. And then they’ve got to get over it. I don’t think they can. Not when they have to bring their gear up that slope under fire.”

“Still, I’d like to delay them. Can’t we make a sortie? To wreck their siegeworks?”

“I’ll put Rolf on it. But it’d be risky. We can’t afford casualties. We don’t have enough men to defend the whole wall now. Maybe we could use Nepanthe’s Iwa Skolovdans. They wouldn’t be much loss. Blackfang and Kildragon have drilled them silly, and they’re still not much better than recruits.”,

“What do you think of our chances?”

“Excellent. Standard assault procedure calls for a five-to-one advantage. They’ve got us by about three. Haroun knows that. But he’s got something going, or he would’ve left. But I can’t figure what.” He glanced down. Saltimbanco and Nepanthe had left the wall. He saw them enter the Bell Tower. Mocker was certainly taking his time with her. But, from what Elana said, she was a stubborn case. Women. Remarkable creatures.

His thoughts turned to the old man who had hired them. Who was he? Why was the destruction of Ravenkrak so important to him?

Saltimbanco held the door for Nepanthe. She thanked him, walked to her embroidery frame, fidgeted with needles. There were always fires in Ravenkrak, even during the “summer.” The chair wasn’t as comfortable as when he had been heavier. He closed his eyes halfway and watched the flames through his lashes. They were curious iridescences.

Nepanthe toyed with her embroidery for fifteen minutes, then started pacing. Her gaze refused to leave Saltimbanco. They had been discussing the siege and Turran’s plans, but their thoughts tended elsewhere.

Saltimbanco was frightened of himself, of his lusts, and that strange other feeling he had for Nepanthe. The latter he thought he could conquer, but the former... More than once, he had come near rape. And that would destroy everything.

Nepanthe, for her part, had finally admitted to herself that she loved this strangely frightened man. She had admitted that she wanted to... well, that she wanted. But she was terrified. Her talks with Astrid calmed her intellectual fear, but dark emotional currents still surged under the surface of her mind, far too deep to be easily stilled. She was sure she would die a virgin.

She circled the chair where he sat sleepily studying the fire through his lashes, thinking of attacking his ear the way Astrid had described. But no, that was too much. And she was too frightened.

She went to the front, of the chair. He looked up with those strange brown eyes. She bit her lip. Her throat became tight and unresponsive. She couldn’t say what she wanted. A flicker of emotion crossed his dusky face. What?

Trembling slightly, she took his hand, settled onto the arm of the chair. He squeezed gently, went back to studying the fire. She shifted, leaned toward him. Tightly, hoarsely, she said, “There’s something you need...”

When he glanced up, she moved the last six inches and pressed her lips against his. It lasted just a second. Her jaw trembled. She shivered. She felt him quavering as he fought for control. She wanted him to drag her into his lap, but... The enchanted moment died. A door slammed somewhere in her mind. Fear struck. She backed away slowly, fighting herself, not wanting him hurt. She was running again, fleeing herself. She bit her lip painfully, returned to her embroidery.